Our baby girl gets put on my stomach, her cries getting louder after Elisha suctions her nose and mouth. When I look at Peeta, he looks like he's about to cry. I reach for his hand, but he pulls away.
"Peeta?"
"Sorry," he takes a step away, looks unsure about what he's going to do, and then practically runs from the room.
"Peeta!" I call after him, trying to get up. Haymitch takes Peeta's spot beside me, pushing me back gently.
"Stay here, stay with your baby," he strokes my hair and I do focus on the little girl on my stomach. Elisha cleans her off while my mother follows Peeta to make sure he's safe.
"Are you going to cut the cord, or would you like me to?" Elisha asks Haymitch.
"Oh, uh…" he looks at me and I nod. If Peeta can't do it, I want Haymitch to. "Sure, I'll do it." Elisha shows him where to cut and then she takes my baby to clean her up more and get her weighed.
"Is Peeta okay?" I ask desperately.
"Don't worry about him right now," Haymitch says. But how can I not worry? I've just had a baby – something I thought I'd never do – and Peeta can't even be in the same room as me. Is this how it's going to be now? He's going to have to leave like that? My heart pounds at the thought of my baby not being safe from her own father. I get so worked up that when my mother returns without Peeta, I burst into tears.
"Oh, dear, don't cry," she joins Haymitch at my side and holds my hand.
"But I want Peeta to be here with us. I need him," I cry.
"He's just getting a glass of water," she tries to calm me. I do stop my crying, but Peeta must be getting one giant glass of water because I have the afterbirth and get cleaned up before he's back. When he does enter the room, I'm holding our little angel. Her dark hair and blue eyes contrast beautifully.
"She looks like her mother," he says quietly. He carefully gets into the bed with me, reaching to stroke her chubby little cheek.
"But with her Daddy's eyes," I add. "Speaking of whom, are you okay?" He nods. "And do you want to tell me why you left?" He shakes his head.
"Not right now, but I promise I will later, and I promise you don't need to worry about it," Peeta leans over to kiss me. "I love you both."
"Do you want to hold her?" I offer and Peeta immediately reaches to take her. Carefully, I give her up. The smile on Peeta's face warms my heart.
"I love you, honey," he says, and I notice his voice gets caught in his throat. Our baby looks up at him, taking in her father's face. "She's so beautiful." I nod and rest my head against his shoulder. The others have all gone down to give us some time together as a family.
"She also needs a name," I point out, stroking the soft dark hair on her head.
"Primrose?" Peeta almost says it automatically. I wince and shake my head. "Well, how about just Rose? She kind of looks like a little Rosie." I look and he's right. The name still reminds me of Prim, but I kind of like it.
"Or Hanna after Johanna," I suggest. "Rose is cute, though."
"Hanna Rose Mellark," Peeta tries. "Rose Hanna Mellark," he shrugs and looks at me. "Which sounds better?" I take a minute to think, to envision myself calling after Rosie or Hanna.
"I think Rose Hanna is the best," I can't help but smile. She completes our family. Peeta, Katniss, and Rose Mellark. We love her already.
Everyone takes a turn holding our sweet Rose. Haymitch calls Winnow and Erin, but by the time they arrive, I've fallen asleep against Peeta. It's tiring work giving birth.
An hour later, I wake up to Peeta shaking me, Rose fussing in my mother's arms.
"She's hungry," she explains. Sure enough, when my mother gives her to me, Rose is trying to suckle on her own fist. Patiently, my mother helps me get Rose to latch on, and then she's happily drinking away. It hurts a little, but mostly just feels strange. I'm in awe that she's really here. Peeta and I made this together.
"Will you stay here tonight?" I ask pleadingly. My mother nods and smiles.
"I've already got my stuff in the guest room," she replies. When Rose is done eating, I rub her back to get out the gas. Peeta puts her in the tiny bassinet and then cuddles with me.
"Okay, Daddy," I start with a smile. "Tell me why you had to leave. Was it a hallucination?" Thank God he shakes his head.
"I felt bad."
"How so?"
"Because I was getting to see the birth of my baby. I got to see my family grow. Finnick and Haymitch never got to. I couldn't take that moment from them. They both deserved it more than I do," he explains.
"Oh, Peeta," I kiss him sweetly. "You deserve this so much. You've been patient and caring the whole time. You've been through so much in your life, how could you not deserve this just as much as Finnick and Haymitch?"
"I just felt guilty about it, especially with Haymitch there. Did he cut the cord?" Peeta starts brushing his fingers through my hair.
"He did," I reply.
"Good."
"But Peeta?" I sit up to look at him fully. "Even though you wanted Haymitch to have that moment doesn't mean you had to give it up completely. You should have been there for her." He looks over at the bassinet and sighs. I can see in his eyes that he's beginning to regret his decision. He'll never have that moment with his daughter ever again.
"I'm sorry," he says, and it breaks my heart how sincere he is.
"We forgive you. I'm so glad you came back," I lay my head back on his chest. Rose makes happy gurgling noises while she sleeps. I panic at first, thinking she's choking, but Peeta reassures me and says he'll only wake me in the night when she needs fed. My sleep is filled with the beautiful image of my family. I love that baby girl so much already. All my fears seem to evaporate now that she's here.
Our first week with Rose is harder than I thought. She eats a lot, has plenty of diaper changes and wardrobe switches, but never sleeps. Peeta tries to get up with her in the night to let me sleep, but he's not the one supplying her food. Besides, Peeta needs just as much sleep as I do. My mother is a huge help. Somehow she knows exactly what Rose needs just by the sound of her crying. It makes me feel somewhat inadequate despite Peeta telling me every chance he gets how great I'm doing, how I'm such a 'natural.' I nod my head when he says this, but I don't truly believe it. At least not until one afternoon when my mother and Peeta shoo me out of the house to get some fresh air. I'm gone for almost two hours. When I return, my beautiful girl is sobbing, great wails erupting from her little body, her bright blue eyes shut tight.
Peeta does what he can to calm her. At the moment I walk in, he's holding her tight to his chest, kissing the tears on her cheeks. But I can tell he's losing his patience; he's frustrated and upset that she's crying so much.
"What's wrong?" I ask, quickly taking off my shoes and going to them. Peeta looks up, looking lost and confused with this crying baby.
"I don't know! We fed her and changed her. She won't sleep, but she won't play either," he continues to rock her.
"Let me see her," I offer my arms to hold Rose, and Peeta gladly hands her over. He hovers over me as I shush the still-screaming girl. "It's okay, baby," I coo. "Don't be sad, Mommy's got you." While I sway side to side, I hum a little bit, keeping her close to my chest.
"Sing louder," Peeta says quietly to me, rubbing between my shoulder blades. I start really singing, stroking her tiny tuft of hair while I do. Rose starts to settle, too interested in hearing my voice to continue crying. When she's only whimpering, I stop singing and sit with her on the couch.
"See, honey? No need to cry. No need to get Daddy and Grandma all stressed out," I continue to speak to her as she watches me, her eyes big and round. "All better now, hm?" Her chest jumps with hiccups now as I tickle her feet. Peeta breathes a loud sigh of relief, looking haggard from his daughter's tiny ordeal. "Does Daddy need to be cuddled now, too?" I tease, holding Rose in one arm and offering the other to Peeta. He gladly sits with me, smiling down at Rose, tapping her nose with his finger.
"She just needed her Mommy," he says. My mother watches us cuddle as a family, making sure Rose has actually settled before heading back home. I stroke Rose's cheek until her eyelids droop. Crying is exhausting for my little girl. "I'm telling you, Katniss, no one can calm her down like you can. She knows your touch, your voice. She loves you as much as you love her." Peeta's lips press against my temple gently. I believe every word he says.
A month later, Gale and his new wife come to visit. Tink is tall and athletic. Her tan skin matches Gale's, and her dark hair has streaks of red in it. She is very pretty, her features very delicate. I can almost forgive him for getting married because she is well-suited for him.
When Gale sets eyes on our tiny Rosie, he can't hide his smile. I remember all those years ago when he said he wanted to have kids if the circumstances were better. Well, now the circumstances are much better. And now he has someone in his life to love. I sincerely hope that Tink wants kids as much as Gale.
"Want to hold her?" Peeta offers to him. Immediately, Gale's eyes widen a little. He nods anyway, holding out his arms to take her. Once she's safely against his chest and Peeta's stopped hovering, Gale can't take his eyes off her.
"She's beautiful," he says quietly. Tink leans over his shoulder to look at Rose, smiling and kissing Gale's cheek. "So beautiful." Rose stretches her arms out and Gale offers her his finger. With an iron grip, she holds on, trying to put his index finger into her mouth. Tink, Peeta, and I have an entire conversation while Gale and Rose having a staring contest, each just as captivated as the other. Eventually, Rose lets out a whimper and I have to intervene.
"She's about to get very fussy, Gale. It's time to be fed," I warn, going to take her. Reluctantly, he lets me take her upstairs to be fed in privacy. She easily latches on, despite some of the more difficult night feedings we've had. Peeta appears while I'm burping her. "What's wrong?" I ask from the rocking chair.
"Nothing. I'm just making sure you're okay. Gale wants to know if he can hold her again." A weak smile appears on Peeta's face. I frown in return.
"Is that not okay? You know, Gale hasn't held a baby since Posy. He probably misses it," I explain. Peeta takes a seat on the footstool.
"I feel weird about it. Sorry." Rose tries to turn her head now that she can hear her Daddy's voice. Instead of fighting her, I let Peeta take her now. "When I see him holding her, see their matching hair… I can't help but get flashbacks of you marrying him. I know that didn't happen, and the flashbacks are fast, but I really start to think that you had a baby with him and not me."
"Should you be holding her right now, then?" I ask, getting a little panicky. If there's an attack coming on, I can't let her get hurt. I won't allow it. Peeta shakes his head and rubs her back.
"I promise I'm okay. I just don't want Gale to keep holding her. Is that okay? I want her to be mine."
"She is yours, though," my fingers run through his hair. "And I know you love her with all your heart. And you love me, too. Don't forget." Peeta nods, but he seems so unsure, still. "Peeta, look at me," I say sternly. He looks up, his blue eyes meeting mine, reminding me so much already of Rose's. "You know that you love me. You always have."
And I know that I love him.
