My One True Friend

Chapter Ten

Lucky

Looking back on July 4th

I really thought that she was going to date Leo for a long time. Hell, fall in love with Leo. Marry Leo. Have ten Leo babies. Make me be her best person at the wedding and the god father of all their kids.

I started to just resign myself to us being best friends and nothing more. There was no way I would mess with her happiness. No way ...not ever.

So when she said she was done with Leo and, bonus, she had never even slept with the dude well...it was like my heart started hoping again. I couldn't help it. I never planned for all this to happen.

I fell in love with her so slowly, just inch by inch over the years...a little bit by the campfire in Arizona, a little bit on the day she came home from Stanford and threw herself in my arms like she missed me so desperately...a little here and there...and now I am just in love with her to the bottom of my soul.

And its not the kind I can fall out of. Its not the kind I can walk away from. So when we went back to her apartment and she started talking about how I was the best part of her life...well I couldn't hold back a second longer.

Right after she said "Remember when you said maybe I am all you need. I know it was a while back now...that night you broke up with Sam. You said maybe I am all you need, as far as a woman in your life, and I know you didn't really expect me to take that serious but...I just want you to know I will work hard to be all you need because you are all I need already."

(I know you by heart.
You're so much a part of me.


I know you by heart.
Can't you see?

It's no wonder I can love you
the way that I do.


I can finish any sentence you start.
Woah, I know you,

I know you by heart. ) ( Bette Midler)

Her sweet and tender words, they meant so much to me, and maybe she didn't want more than friendship but I remembered how she kissed me on the yatch...so maybe she did...and all I knew was I had to kiss her in that moment. So I leaned forward and brought my lips to hers.

The kiss was really gentle and I pulled away first. Her eyes stayed closed a few more moments. She had this smile on her face. Adorable, really. It made me smile right back and then her eyes popped open and she asked, softly, "What was that for?"

"A little friendly kiss?"

"Well I guess there is nothing wrong with that," she said in this happy little tone that really made me think there were still lots of chances left for us.

I swear in that minute it seemed something clicked and we had just stumbled into our time to really...be something...it wasn't what anyone...last of all me...saw coming last year but this isn't last year, okay?

I should have told her right then Hey, you ever want a date? Call me.

(I know every time you wanna call,
I pick up the phone before it can ring.

And when you need some loving,

I'll be there beside you,

anticipating everything.

Oh, it's like I always said . . .
You're the one I want.
And all I want is you.

I'm inside your head.
I know you by heart.
You're so much a part of me.

I know you by heart.
Can't you see?

It's no wonder I can love you
the way that I do.
I can finish any sentence you start.
Hey, woah, I know you by heart.

I know you by heart.)

While smiling at Em, I told her "I don't know how I got so blessed to have you...this smart, funny, soon- to- be doctor want to be best friends with a former addict, nearly kicked off the force cop...I guess I was just lucky enough to snag you early...but I want you to know that there's no doubt about it in my mind...you are all I need."

Before she could even answer, my cell phone. "Hello? Liz...hey...what? Okay...okay...yeah...I'm on my way...We'll talk when I get there." I ran my hand through my hair, shocked.

"What's the matter? Is it the boys?"

I just stared at her for a moment. Not even believing that we had gotten to this moment where I was about to tell her she had my heart, if she wanted it, but now I couldn't.

"Lucky...talk to me. You're scaring me."

"Sorry. Sorry...uh...Cam has been having these nightmares ever since he came home from the hospital so I spend a lot more time over there these days. He always cries so hard if I have to leave while he is awake still...so he just woke up from a nightmare and Liz told him she would call his Daddy and have him come over...and Cam said Come home...make Daddy come home forever...and Liz said..."

Emily asked in this really soft voice, like she knew already what was coming, "What did Liz say?"

"She said I'll ask your Daddy to come home forever."

Just thinking about Cam crying across town made my heart ache so there wasn't a lot of time to talk to Emily about it. I grabbed my keys and said "I'm so sorry to cut out on you like this. I'll call you...will you wait up for my call?"

"Its okay. You don't have to. You have a family, Lucky. Go be with your family."

I just stared at her for a long moment but she wasn't teary or sad or broken over it. So who knows? Who knows? Maybe I was in it all alone...all I knew was I had to get to my son...but it was nearly killing me to walk out on my best friend.

I kissed her cheek and said "Talk to you tomorrow then."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Maybe I am making something out of nothing. A few kisses and a lot of dreams in my head. That's the romance of me and Emily Quartermaine ...but the story of us, that's something else entirely. Its long summer walks in rain, and snow ball fights, and the four musketeer's and hugs that are so tight that I could never break when she's holding me... cause she holds me together. Its letters from her when I was in the rehab center saying You are my hero no matter what and its me holding her hand when she was fighting cancer and drying her tears when other guy's broke her heart.

Its never been about sex...but it has been about this deep devotion I have for this woman, this best friend of mine...and I don't think...no, I know...I can not give her up...even if that means I have to tell my son...Daddy is not coming home forever.

So my heart broke on July 4th. It broke because of what I decided to tell my son as I drove across town to soothe away his fears from his nightmare.

Don't tell me I am choosing Emily over Cameron and Jake. Cause its not like that and you know it. Its not...its not... tell me you understand...tell me you love me enough to understand.