"So, do you hate us? Is that why you're not talking? It's totally okay if you hate us…. I guess we deserve that much." Heather passes me a straw from the pile in the middle of the table. If I hated you, do you really think I'd be sitting here having dinner with you? Instead of voicing my distaste towards what she just said, I just tap my straw against the table to break through the paper covering and stick it into my glass of raspberry iced tea. I take a long, exaggerated sip and just half-pay attention to whatever else comes out of Heather's mouth. "…Please just talk to us, Jo. Just tell us if you hate us…tell us if you don't. Just talk to us…please."
"If you like… want to go home or something, I can call my mom. We don't have to stay here anymore." Leah pushes her glass of water away from herself and rests her chin in the palm of her hand in a distressed manner. "I knew it was too soon for us to invite her out, Steph." She mumbles. "Just gimme a minute to call my mom." She grabs her phone out her front pocket and unlocks it.
"…I'm just tired." I swish my straw back and forth in my glass and listen to the ice cubes tingle as they hit the sides of the cup. I didn't exactly lie to them. I am tired and all. I've been awake since 8:00 this morning. I did take a nap after the hearing, but I couldn't sleep for long. I'm just really tired and not in the mood to deal with them. "We don't have to leave though, Leah. It's your birthday celebration, and you should at least get to eat."
Leah puts her phone down and fiddles with the strings on her sweatshirt like she's shy or nervous about something. "…It's not really my birthday celebration." She clears her throat so she can talk louder. "My birthday was in July." I wrinkle my brow at her confession. Then why the hell am I here? "…This dinner is actually for you…" She puts the strings of her hoodie down and looks up at me. "This is our apology dinner to you. We…we're all chipping in to pay..."
Stephanie leans across the table to look me in my eye. "…We had to lie to you." She reaches up underneath her glasses and wipes a spot on her nose free of a tear. "We knew that if we just invited you to have dinner alone with us, you wouldn't come. So we just hoped that…if you heard it was Leah's birthday… that might've been more of an incentive."
"…But the presents? And the…cake?" I'm not sure if I'm irritated by the fact that they lied to get me here or if I'm a little bit forgiving for the fact that they're doing all this to apologize to me. "And your mom went to go get you something from the mall, didn't she?" I've decided that I'm a mixture of annoyed, forgiving and confused.
"Her mom went furniture shopping down at Levin's while we eat dinner. The presents are yours and we made the cake. It probably tastes like crap, but….yeah." Heather tucks her hair behind her ear. "It was all a big fat lie. This is actually from us…to you."
"…You guys really shouldn't have spent your money on me…" I slowly shake my head. "I don't… I don't need presents or fancy dinners or cakes. You guys can't… don't have to, I mean; you guys don't have to buy my…my friendship. I…" I can't even articulate what I want to say to them. They bought me gifts and took me to an expensive restaurant and baked me a cake. I'd be a mega bitch if I turned this down. How dare they put me on the spot like this? They had to have known that I can't just tell them to leave me alone when they're showering me with lavish things. This isn't fair.
"But that's not really…what we're trying to do." Leah shakes her head at me. "We're not trying to buy your friendship. You can still decide that you hate us after this. I mean sure, that would really suck…because we all really miss you and stuff. But we're not gonna tell you how to feel. If you still hate us after this dinner, oh well for us. Just know that we would do this for you anyway. It's not about buying our ways back to being friends with you. It about giving you the apology you deserve. We were… HORRIBLE, Jo. Horrible. And you deserve a good apology for the things we did to you."
"Right. It's not a matter of trying to bribe you into being our friend. It's a matter of… we were really terrible friends to you, you deserve an apology from the three of us, we need to make it up to you and we're GOING to make it up to you. We're not trying to make you feel like you have to be friends with us again. You don't have to accept our apology…but we owed it to you. You were a good friend to us…and we weren't even decent people to you." Steph picks up one of the present bags that the three of them stuffed under the table and hands it to me. "So just open it."
I reluctantly take the pretty red bag from her hand put it on my lap. I move the tissue paper to the side and grab ahold of whatever's in the bag. I end up pulling out a slender, smooth, black picture frame. I pull some soft paper covering off the picture frame and look at it. It's a black and white picture of the four of us that we took on my last day at Garfield before I had to go to Franklin. Heather is on Stephanie's back with her tongue sticking out. Steph is pretending to kiss Leah's cheek. Leah's cross-eyed with a big smile across her face, and she's giving me bunny ears. It's noticeable that I was crying that day, but I made the duck-face and I'm holding up the "peace" sign with my two fingers. It's a really cute picture and it kind of hits a nerve for me. I do miss them. I miss having that closeness that I can't have with Shane. I miss being able to talk like a girl with friends…but I have April now, too. I just don't know.
"Thank you…" I tuck my hair behind my ears and carefully put the picture back inside the gift bag. "…I didn't even know you were giving me bunny ears, Leah." I take another sip of my iced tea and cross my arms. "And for the record… I don't hate you guys. I'm…" I put my tongue in my cheek while I think of how to put this. "I'm upset with you guys. I just… wish you guys would've let me explain. And that just makes me really sad that you wouldn't let me explain. But I don't hate you guys. I could never hate you guys." I might as well explain everything while I'm at it. "I really didn't tell April, by the way. I went do—"
"That doesn't even matter anymore. What matters is-" Steph tries to interrupt me, but I put my hand up to stop her so I can continue.
"No, it does matter. It matters that you guys know my side of the story. And I'll hear yours." I roll my eyes but try to shrug off the fact that I'm just a little bit irritable. "First of all, I really didn't mean to call you trashy, Steph. I don't think you're trashy and I really didn't mean that. It just came out that way. I was looking to say that you had no remorse, but I couldn't think of the word, so classless just came out. I didn't mean that. I don't think you're trashy, and you're right. I'm in no position to judge anybody, which is why I would NEVER say that to you. I don't think I'm better than any one of you three. And I'm sorry that it came across that way, but it's seriously not me." I clear my throat as I continue. "Second of all, I'm sorry for making it seem like I'm a conceited little bitch, but again…that's not me. I was just angry and fuming and I didn't really mean it when I said I could have Aaron and Shane. I'm not that cocky. And I was wrong for even bringing up your boyfriends. I was really wrong for putting them out there like that, and I apologize for that also. And lastly, I really didn't tell April. You guys just really had it out for me in school that day, so I wanted to just… get away. You were throwing things at me, giving me dirty looks and passing me notes. So I just left and I went to go sit with April. And me and April started talking and she already knew. Jackson told her about it. She already knew."
"Alright, but honestly, we don't even care about that, Jo. We don't care about any of that. What we care about is the way we treated you…and now that you're explaining, it just makes us feel even more stupid. Because if we had let you even explain in the bathroom, none of this would have happened. I wish you would stop apologizing because you didn't do anything wrong. It was all our faults. We didn't let you explain. We just started going off on you, which was totally uncalled for and totally out of line." Heather starts after I finish. "It's our fault, not yours."
"And I mean, honestly, Jo…" Leah starts explaining herself too. "We did NOT know that Lucy and Elizabeth were even gonna do that. That's seriously not an excuse, but please believe me when I say that if we knew that they were going to take it that far, we would have NEVER told you to come to that bathroom. If I knew that they were gonna do that to you, I would've just taken my chances with getting my ass beat by you and met you one on one. The ONLY reason we invited them was to make sure that you didn't try anything, because we know how deadly you are when you get mad. That's the ONLY reason we even told them to come. And honestly, we only told Lexie, Taylor and Layla to come. But Taylor and Layla blabbed their mouths and said that we were gonna beat you up at lunchtime so a big ass crowd of people came in. Lucy and Elizabeth weren't even invited at first."
"You guys really thought that I would try to fight you, though?!" I don't know why, but the fact that they REALLY thought I would try something like that with them is really pissing me off. They already know how I feel about fighting! They should know that I would never try to beat up my friends. "That's bullshit! You should already know that I wouldn't do that! Again, this just goes back to show just how much you guys DON'T know me. I'm not like that! I don't enjoy fighting and I would never just pick a fuckin' fight for no reason. I'm not a fucking bully."
"No, we know that, Jo. We know that." Steph puts her hand up. "It's just that… I knew you were already pissed at me from the night before so I didn't want to take my chances. I didn't think you would, but it was for reassurance. You know… like what if you did? I wouldn't stand a chance. You'd kill me."
"No offense, but if I was gonna kick your ass, I would've kicked it the night before when you were all in my face, Stephanie." I'm starting to escalate… "I exercise RESTRAINT with the three of you, BECAUSE you're my friends. I'm not just going to haul off and beat the shit out of any of you, because LORD KNOWS I COULD if I wanted to. The only one I would even have a SMIGDE of trouble with would probably be Leah, and even SHE would be easy for me. If I was going to fuck you up, I would've BEEN done it… and that goes for all of you." I use the back of my hand and wipe some sweat off my nose. I started sweating, the angrier I got. "I'm sorry for snapping out like that, but it just pisses me off how you guys just assumed that I would fight you if I got a little bit mad. I wasn't even mad in that bathroom. I was terrified, not mad."
"You were scared? Of… of us?" Heather's eyebrow raises up.
"DUH!" I bawl my hand up in a fist and lightly knock on her forehead. "You guys were crowding me! What'd you think I was gonna do? Flip out and get my ass kicked by the whole cheer squad or back into a corner and hope to god that I didn't cry too hard?" I shake my head at the three of them. "I fucking wonder about you guys…" I'm honestly getting to be okay with it. I'm not too mad at them anymore. All I really wanted was for them was for them to show that they were truly, sincerely sorry… and I think they are. While I don't trust them anymore and I would still happily choose to hang out with April over them, I'm not angry or holding a grudge. They're just immature, and I'd like to think that if they were older and less narrow-minded, they wouldn't have treated me so poorly. "I'm not mad at you guys, and I don't hate you…" I crack a smile at them. "But you can keep showering me with gifts and stuff, if you want." I wink at them.
"…So you're seriously not mad at us?" Steph leans forward. I shake my head.
"…We got our Jojo back?" Leah asks.
I squint one eye and think about how to phrase this. "…Sorta. It's just gonna take her a while to feel comfortable around you guys again, but yeah… you got your Jojo back." I shrug my shoulders. "I just figure… it's not entirely you guys' fault that Lucy and her friend were bitches. Plus, it's not like a room full of girls have never seen a pair of boobs before, I guess."
"Let me just say…" Heather perks up a little bit at my last comment. "That I'm totally gay after that." The three of them laugh after she says that, but I don't. I'm not entirely sure what she's talking about yet. "Will you be my girlfriend, Jo?" I look at her like she's crazy. I'm dying right now, Heather's so weird. "I seriously want you to leave Alex and date me. Aaron will just have to deal with sharing me. Because I'm totally gay after that."
"After what? After seeing my boobs?" I start to laugh a little bit too. "You're such a little weirdo, Heather."
Leah and Steph are laughing so hysterically that it's making me laugh too. Leah holds her sides and starts talking through her laughter. "No Jo… you're calling her weird, but she's so serious. She's SO serious. This is all me and Steph have been hearing about. I swear she didn't have enough balls to ask you out, but she just did… and she's serious."
"…Is she bi?" I again, wrinkle my eyebrows and look at the two of them for answers. I giggle, for the fact that I can't hold back laughter. Leah and Steph can't stop laughing long enough to give me an answer, so instead, I turn to Heather. "Are you bi? I'm so serious, Heather… Are you freaking bi?" I cover my hand over my mouth and laugh so hard that I snort.
Heather playfully rolls her eyes. "No! You're just hot!"
"Oh yeah right, Heather. You're so bisexual it's not even funny." Leah taps Heather on her shoulder and puts her head down to laugh some more.
"….Bi-curious, maybe that's the word." Steph purses her lips together to hold back her laughter but she's unsuccessful at it.
"I am NOT bisexual, guys." Heather covers her face with her hands and laughs too. "I'm… josexual."
"…I have my own sexuality?"
Heather nods. "It's like bisexual, but for you only… get it? I like penis… I LOVE penis, actually. But I wouldn't mind dating a girl… if that girl was you. Get it? I'm not bisexual, I'm josexual."
I just shake my head. She's a mess. "Um… while I'm flattered by the offer, I'm not sure my boyfriend is up for sharing me… so with that being said, I have to decline being your girlfriend. Love you, though." I lower my voice. "Plus, I'm not gay."
"That's okay…. that's fine." She winks at me.
"…Thanks for being so understanding." I awkwardly laugh after the end of that sentence.
"Oh, no… I wasn't talking about the fact that you declined my offer. I was saying that it's okay that you're not gay. You don't have to be gay…"
"Oh my god, Heather! Shut up!" I playfully slap her on her arm. "This is so awkward… are you serious right now?"
She just laughs. "Of course I'm not serious, Jo." She takes a sip of her water and starts talking again. "No, you are totally hot. And if you were gay, I'd be gay too. I'd totally date the shit out of you, and your boobs are amazing. And if you were to leave Alex, Aaron would have to learn how to share me, because me and you would date. I'm just joking… unless you're into that sorta thing."
"I'm about to strangle you." I throw my head back and laugh so hard that my stomach hurts. "You're such a lesbian… and I'm flattered that you think of me like that. But…can you just settle for making me your Woman Crush Wednesday on Instagram? And I'll be nice enough to return the favor… okay?" Leah and Steph are all looking at Heather the way I'm looking at her… like she's hilarious. I love Heather's weirdness so much.
Heather throws her hands up. "Like you guys don't have those certain people that you'd go lesbian for." She points at Leah first. "You told me and Steph that you would be a lesbian for Megan Fox."
"But that's… Megan Fox. Not Jo…" Leah shakes her head.
Heather points at Steph next. "And you said you'd go gay for Beyonce."
"Like Leah said, that's BEYONCE. Not Jo."
"So my woman crush just so happens to be Jo… so what?"
I put my hand up. "…If it makes you feel better Heather… If me and Alex don't work out… I'll try really hard to turn gay for you. No promises, but I'll try." I tap her on her shoulder just so she knows that I know she's joking and I'm not taking any offense to that. I'm honestly flattered that she finds me attractive. It's a little weird, yes… but Heather's weird in general.
"You should kiss her, Jo. Make her life worth living and kiss her." Steph grabs her drink and winks at me.
"I'm not kissing Heather…. I don't wanna give her any…false hope." I pick up a slice of bread from the basket in the middle of the table and pull a piece off. "Plus, my kisses have been known to kill. Not sure if anybody could handle them. Not even Alex can handle them." I slip the piece of bread in my mouth and chew it. They look at me like I just gave them some juicy information. I swallow my bread so I can talk. "I do this little thing… with my tongue. Where I grab his tongue with mine, then I run my teeth along it when he takes it out. It drives him wild." Part of me feels so… guilty. I feel so weird forgiving them. I really, really did miss the girls. They were my best friends… but I feel so guilty sitting here, actually letting myself have fun with them when they treated me so badly. But I'm taking the high road, like April taught me. I think I'm maturing…
"Oooooh… Jo's a freak." Leah giggles and nudges me with her elbow.
"You know, you know." I wave my hand at her and laugh a little too. I slip another piece of bread in my mouth. "You think we're gonna be outta here by seven? I'm supposed to go over April's at eight and I have to get home and take a shower and stuff." Through all of this though, I feel like I still don't want to choose them. I missed them and I love them and all, but in all seriousness, I still can't wait to go to April's. I feel…different. Stronger, maybe. I've been feeling different ever since the court hearing. But it's a good different… like I can think clearly.
"We should be out of here by then." Steph starts to give me a hug but she stops herself after a minute. "Can we…hug?" I slowly nod my head. "…There's one more thing we should apologize for, Jo."
"What's that?" I ask, wrapping my arm around her to reciprocate her hug.
I watch as Steph gives Heather and Leah a certain look and they're clearly all on the same page. Steph lets me go and holds my hands. "…We… we underestimated you. And we want to apologize for that." I squint my eyes to show her that I'm clueless as to what she's talking about. "We… we just thought that… since you were…. Smart and pretty and quiet and…"
Leah takes over for her because she's stuttering too much. "We misjudged you. The three of us though that since you were shy and quiet and smart and really reserved and private that you wouldn't really fit in with us. So… we… we thought that we would have to get you to act like us. But we were wrong." She puts her arm around me too. "The real Jo… the one that we didn't create?" I reciprocate Leah's hug too. "…She's pretty awesome too."
"Even without the belly button piercing and the cocky attitude. We like shy, quiet, sweet Jo better." Heather joins in the group hug.
I crack a soft, toothless smile and lie my head against their heads. "…Thanks guys." Just as the quiet moment between us ends, my phone buzzes in my back pocket and scares the hell out of me. I jump and grab it. I sigh hard. "Who's texting me…." I mumble.
"Oh yeah, and Jo… can you give April my number when you go over her house? While I'm on a roll with making amends with everybody, I'd like to apologize to her too." Steph kinda sounds like she's sincere. "…You kinda made me realize what a shitty thing I did."
"Yeah, sure…" I unlock my phone and check my text messages. One from Shane, two from Alex, one from April and one from mom. I really tried to ignore them, but the text from mom just came in and just made me forget about ignoring them. I check through all five of them.
Sat, Nov 14, 2013
4:45 p.m.
Text Message
Shane: j, tell leah 2 text me back when u get this
5:55 p.m.
Me: i just told her.
Sat, Nov 14, 2013
5:15 p.m.
iMessage
Alex: hey baby. Just wanted 2 let u know that I miss n luv u.
5:20 p.m.
Alex: oh & if ur still staying over kepners later, let me know. me and jackson mite come over 2 visit u guys
5:56 p.m.
Me: hey. i miss you too baby boy. sorry i took so long to text you back, i'm busy with the girls and stuff. but yeah, i'm still staying over april's later. you should really come visit me, i'd like that.
Alex: ok ill be over. have fun with ur friends. Love u girl
Me: i love you too xoxo
Sat, Nov 14, 2013
4:46 p.m.
iMessage
April: Hey what time are you coming over tonight? & would you want food from Pizza Hut or Dominos?
6:00 p.m.
Me: hey! i'm at benihana right now, so i don't think i'll be much hungry later, but if i had to choose, definitely pizza hut. :D
April: okay! oh, & how did your court hearing go? are you alright?
Me: i'll tell you all about when i come over later.
April: okay. see you later!
Sat, Nov 14, 2013
5:53 p.m.
Text Message
Mommy: What are u doing babygirl?
6:01 p.m.
Me: i'm sitting here waiting for our chef to cook our food. why?
Mommy: I just got a call from the magistrate.
Me: ohh. well, what's that mean?
Mommy: the jury reached a verdict…
