Chapter 51 – The Change

We arrived in seventeen minutes and twenty-two seconds at the address that the cabbie had given us. Even before Edward had pulled to a stop, I was opening the door and hurtling myself out.

It was an old shabby brick office building. That looked to have been closed for a decade, but still in use for those who had dealings of a less than legal nature. Graffiti was spray painted all along the front and down the side facing away from the street.

Without looking at them, I asked, "Can you sense her or hear her? Either of you?"

"No, but then again, she may be unconscious," Edward replied.

I gave a quick cursory glance to make sure no one was watching, and then I kicked in the door. I sniffed the air trying to detect a trace of Cadie's unique cinnamon spice and woodsy scent in the building. My nostrils flared as I caught it. It was faint, but it was there, coming from the door to the left.

I raced over to it and jerked it open, only to find that it was a closet containing old paint cans, rusty hangers, and Cadie's duffel bag.

Edward and Jasper came up behind me, shaking their heads. "The dust on the floor isn't disturbed beyond this front room," Jasper informed me regretfully. "She's not here."

"The cab driver gave off the impression that he didn't expect her to still be here," Edward added in the same tone. "I had hoped he was wrong."

Just then Rosalie pulled up in her convertible, and Emmett hopped out, leaping over the door, booming, "Carlisle and Alice are two minutes out with the medical equipment, and apparently, Nessie is not happy that she's left behind. Black practically had to sit on her to keep her home."

"Good," Edward grunted. "She doesn't need to see what we're going to find."

I shot a frustrated look at him, "You really think we're going to find her? We don't know where her abductor took her."

He nodded, pointing out, "How else was Alice able to see her in a vision?"

"Besides, this place isn't entirely deserted. Someone must have seen something," Emmett encouraged. "Oh, and the security people said the bags belonged to a woman with three kids, who reported them stolen."

I sighed, not really expecting to hear anything different.

We were in the middle of divvying up the sections of our search grid, when a piercing scream rent the air.

We all looked at each other in shock, and then as one took off towards it. The scream sounded as if it was coming from a building about a mile northwest of us. We wouldn't have heard it, except there was gap between trains that were hurtling by. We also wouldn't have been certain as to which building she was in, except for the fact that she screamed again …and again….and again.

Edward reached it first but I was not far behind. Our destination was a multiple story factory that had once made ATVs and jet skis according to an old dilapidated sign. Not that I cared about anything other than the steel rod that was welded around the door handles.

Not wanting to search for the opening that the local vagabonds and Cadie's abductor had exploited, Edward and I began straightening it out. I was in such a near frenzy that Emmett shoved me aside and took over.

"Rosalie, make sure Carlisle – "

"Alice will know, Evan," she cut in.

"You're right," I acknowledged. "Then you, Jasper, and Emmett should circle the building and make sure whoever it is that is in there does not get away."

She and Jasper didn't wait, but split up, each taking a different side of the building. Rosalie seemed relieved to be excused, and Jasper unoffended, despite his earlier assurances that he could handle it.

Emmett rammed open the door, and then took off after Rosalie, leaving Edward and me to face the coming trial. Before I took my last breath of clean air, I said coldly, "Just think of her as Bella."

He gave a curt nod, and then followed the sounds of Cadie's screams.

They led to the back half of the factory, the main manufacturing floor. The sight that was before our eyes stopped Edward in his tracks.

But not me.

No, the sight of seeing the thin crazed bitch flogging Cadie with uninhibited enthusiasm for her macabre task was not something to be tolerated for a second longer. I roared my protest and charged at her, wrenching the whip out of her hands before she even knew who or what was upon her. I grabbed her by the neck and then violently cast her aside. I heard her crash into the wall with an audible crack, but did not care one bit for her fate.

Edward had already grabbed the control box and began to lower her down to take some relief off her shoulders.

Cupping Cadie's dazed and battered face, I released some of my untainted air to comfort her, "It's alright, Cadie. I'm here now."

She whimpered in response. I would have wrapped my arms around her and held her to take on her weight, but I was unsure where to touch her without causing her pain. She was covered in bruises, welts, and open wounds.

Carlisle and Alice came rushing in then with a gurney, and we carefully placed Cadie on it so that she was lying on her stomach. I avidly searched Carlisle's carefully guarded expression for a reaction that would dispel my fears as to the extent of her injuries. As much as I wanted to weep for the state of her hands alone, I needed reassurance that she would survive even the next hour.

Inserting a line of morphine, he suggested, "Evan, why don't you look for the key to these manacles? She does not need to be chained up like an animal any longer…" and then to Alice, "You can go now."

Alice nodded apologetically, and then whispered before rushing out, "Use the bolt cutters. It'll be faster."

We did as she recommended, and Cadie sighed in relief before drifting back into semi-conscious state.

For the next few eternal minutes, I saw nothing but Carlisle's hands as he worked tirelessly to staunch the flow of blood. I heard nothing else but his voice as he tersely ordered Edward to hang another bag of blood or for me to hand him more gauze. I blocked out all other sensations. The burning of the back of my throat, the uncomfortable urge to exhale and breathe, the rise of my venom ceased to exist. No other pain existed except the one of possibly losing the light and love of my life as I helplessly stood by.

After what seemed like a century, Carlisle stopped and looked at me, defeated, "I'm sorry, Evan…but you or I are going to have to bite her."

"No! No! No! Not like this!" I bellowed and pleaded.

He shook his head, sadly, "It's the only way she'll live."

At that moment, I heard Cadie faintly call my name, "Evan…"

I got down so that she could see my face and gently stroked her hair, "Yes, a chuisle?"

She worked her throat as she desperately tried to talk. Finally, she breathed haltingly, "It's okay…mon ami…but promise…"

She coughed up blood then. It was horrible listening to the harsh sound and to see her life force stain those once adorable features of hers. When she was done, I prompted, "Promise what?"

"Promise …Lottie and Simon…never know…"

Although she could no longer talk, she looked at me with such intense desperation that I could not help but marvel at her. As soon as I nodded my assent, she closed her eyes and squeezed my hand before returning to oblivion. A fact for which I was grateful for, because I did not want her to see what I was about to do. But yet…I regretted that I would never again see her eyes flash with that unusual shade of jade green.

Looking up at both Edward and Carlisle, I pleaded, "Stop me, if I …"

They nodded in understanding, and then I gently lifted her right wrist to my lips and kissed it before sinking my teeth into her precious flesh.


The pain that I had experienced at the hands of Vanessa had been horrible, unbearable, and ghastly.

It was nothing compared to the pain that was induced by my love.

The morphine that Carlisle had injected was doing nothing to blunt the agony that coursed through my body. It just imprisoned me. I could not move to fight off the invader, the venomous life-sucking invader that was coursing through my veins. I just had to endure or die.

I wanted to die.

I had wanted to die before, when my hands had been pulverized, but that was a wish of someone who knew that they were going to die and was trying to accept the inevitable, to convince herself that life wasn't worth living, that death was the better alternative.

I had accepted it. I had lived a good life. I had loved and been loved by an extraordinary man. I had to fight him and myself every step of the way, but it had been worth it. Now, however, I didn't want to fight anymore. I was so tired of fighting, fighting for Evan, fighting for life. I wanted it all to end.

I had at one point thought that of course life with Evan forever was the better alternative compared to death. But it wasn't – not at this price. This agony was unbearable. I choose death.

I willed myself to die with all my might, like I willed Alice to see me, like I willed Edward to hear my mental shrieking. But it was to no avail. Pain still marched on in my veins as if a horde of ravenous fire-ants were seeking every glucose molecule to be had in my bloodstream. They worked their torturous way, undaunted, to my heart, which refused to stop beating.

Why, oh why, wouldn't it stop beating?

It would slow down, causing Carlisle's monitors to go on the fritz, and then it would suddenly pick up again, resuming its steady plod. Thump-thump. Thump-thump…

As I analyzed this phenomenon, I realized that it did so, every time Evan anxiously called for or questioned Carlisle. My heart would not give up, even though I had, because of Evan and his damn melodious Irish voice, which used to practically stop my heart with every syllable uttered.

"She's fine, Evan. Her body is responding to the venom quite well. See? Most of her contusions are gone, and her back and hands are nearly healed," Carlisle reassured.

"I know, I know, Carlisle. I can see that, but she's taken such a beating that I don't know if her heart can handle it. And I'm just afraid – I'm just afraid that she won't make it…I don't know what I'd do. I mean, look at how I reacted when I was rejected by Eliza! That's nothing compared with watching the other half of you die while you sit helplessly by…"

Carlisle took a moment to respond, but he eventually replied, "Well, I don't know if this will make any difference to you, but for me, if I were in your shoes, it would help that this time, I had this family. We won't let you slip back into your old ways. You won't be alone, Evan."

Evan sighed, "I know. It does help, but at the same time, I can't help but wonder if it would be better if that wasn't so."

"What do you mean?"

"Just that I can be cruel and I don't want to hurt Esme or Nessie or any of the rest of you. It might be better if I did leave." He paused and laughed harshly, "Then again, if I left, I would still hurt them. There's no winning."

Carlisle made a sympathetic sound and then mused, "You've changed since you've met her, haven't you?"

Evan snorted, "You have no idea. When I haven't been willing her to breathe, I've been attempting to figure out how I could have handled that woman differently."

"You mean by not killing her?"

"That, and if I hadn't killed her – what would have been the best way to neutralize her as a threat? Could I have 'persuaded' her to turn herself in? If so, should she have turned herself into the police and confessed her crimes? And how would that affect her children? Or would the better option have been to have her commit herself to a psychiatric facility under an assumed name?"

"That wouldn't have done any good. Her fingerprints would be in the system from her previous arrest," Carlisle informed him. "Besides, it's a moot point now."

"I wish that I hadn't killed her," he whispered. It was so soft I had to strain to hear it.

Silence reigned for sometime between them until Evan continued, "Did anyone tell you about the cabbie?"

"The one who gave you the address?"

"Only after we threatened him with deportation."

"What of him?"

"If Cadie doesn't make it, my old self would put him at the top of 'The List,'" he confessed quietly. "The man knew there was something suspicious, and yet he still didn't report it, not even anonymously. My 'new' self is currently still thinking of reporting him to immigration."

"No, you won't," Carlisle stated, more as a matter of fact than as an order.

"No, I won't," Evan admitted, "Because she wouldn't want me to do even that much."

Their conversation ended then, and I wanted to scream. I couldn't die now. I couldn't leave him. Evan had changed so much from when I had first met him. He had learned how to be influenced, rather than just be an influencer. He had learned to love selflessly again. Before he would have stayed or left the Cullens depending solely upon whichever helped ease his pain. This was no longer the case, and his example shamed me. I wanted release from the pain that wracked my body at the expense of his, and to abandon him would do irreparable harm.

How could I possibly say that I loved him?

The answer was horribly clear. I could not evade it. The truth was that I have never loved anyone selflessly, certainly not Eddie and not Ashley. It has always been about what they could do for me, how Evan's love made me feel. And now that the chips are down, I can't make the sacrifice.

Thump…Thump…

Well, that changes now.

I nearly lost my resolve, however, when the excruciating pain felt as if a thousand tongues of flame were devouring each cell in my body, and as if, simultaneously, a thousand knives made of glacial ice were stabbing into my flesh – per square centimeter. The venom was gaining in both speed and intensity.

I would have screamed, but early on someone, I could not tell who, had uttered the wish in a hushed voice that I would prove to be like Bella and not scream, fearing that I might bring unwelcome attention as they moved me to a more secure and remote location.

So I did not scream. I did not want to endanger Evan or his family. My pride had not been sufficient in preventing me from bellowing, but my love for Evan and need for him to be kept safe would be.

Thump…Thump…

So I coached myself in between heartbeats, making myself focus on him.

I can do this for Evan. For him, I can live. Because I love him, I will endure.

Evan…Evan…

Good. Just focus on him. Listen to his voice.

Evan-Evan. Evan-Evan.

I listened to Evan curse himself for sending me away, for leaving me unprotected, for letting his pride put me endanger. His self-castigation gave me another reason not to express the torment that I was in. He would never forgive himself.

I listened to Jasper tell Evan that he and Emmett had burned the factory and all the evidence of their being there, including Vanessa. The crack that Evan had heard apparently had been the sound of her neck being broken. I did not mourn her and was grateful that Lottie and Simon would never know that she had become a sadistic homicidal maniac. They may have issues of wondering where their mother was for the rest of their life, but at least they would not know that.

I listened with silent relief to Alice as she reported that Gabby had bought her imitation of me. I assumed that Nessie had told her about my arrangement with my mother. I listened to Esme as she consoled Evan and told him how silly he was for blaming himself for all of this. I listened to Emmett comment on the irony of the fact that after all the fuss over the vampire bastard it was a skinny crazy woman who managed to do me in. I listened to Jake grumble about their being another bloodsucker and Bella wonder how quickly I could learn control of my thirst.

I listened and I endured.

I listened and I endured until both the pain and my heart stopped and the morphine wore off and I was able to open my eyes.

And what a glorious vision of light and color did I behold.


AN: Wow, almost done. Thanks for sticking with Cadie and Evan for this terribly long but hopefully entertaining journey.

I'm editting the final chapter, so it will be posted soon, but in the mean time, I hope you enjoy my little foray into the world of poetry... Just click next. Or review this chapter and then click next. Or review this chapter, click next, read, and review that too. Or... ; )