Warning: EXPLICIT and potentially disturbing content
Baek Ah is stunned. He can't even face her. In his wildest dreams, he never imagined he would be hearing such a story tonight.
"Not many people went to their funeral… just some friends, and my uncle. He was my only living relative left so I went to live with him. I wanted to be a better person this time. I told myself that as long as I lived my life right, my mother and sisters would forgive me and be proud." Woohee stops talking for a moment to breathe deeply. "But my uncle made it difficult. I found out when I turned 17 that he had spent all the insurance money from my mother and sisters. It was the only reason why he had agreed to take me in."
"Seventeen…" Baek Ah murmurs. They were already together that time.
"I asked for it, you see, so that I could go to Seoul with you and study music, like my mother wanted," she explained in a whisper. "He was furious when I asked for the money. He told me he wouldn't give me anything, and I told him it was fine because I could take care of myself. I'd been taking care of myself since my mother's death anyway. I thought it didn't matter that I had nothing because I could always work, and I had you. I promised myself I would leave as soon as I graduated and come clean with you about my whole past. I was hopeful you would forgive me for not telling you the truth about my family sooner… but then something… else… happened." Her cheeks flush from embarrassment and suppressed rage and she's so restless, she can't stop fidgeting with her hands.
.
"Woohee-yah."
"Yes, uncle?" she called back with difficulty, wondering why he was suddenly talking to her when they'd barely spoken to each other in a week.
He came into her room and sat on her bed. She was so surprised, she looked up from her homework and frowned at him. He looked pale and nervous, wiping beads of sweat from his forehead.
"Uncle has been thinking long and hard… and I'm very sorry about everything I said to you. I'm sorry for spending your money without telling you either."
She was so taken aback by his apology that she didn't know what to say.
"I realize I haven't been taking care of you the way my dear sister would have wanted. I'm not married and I don't have children so I didn't know what to do when you first came here. But sister did tell me once that you were very good with music." At this, he got up and gestured for her to follow him into the living room. There, sitting on the couch, was a brand new acoustic guitar, something she had been saving up for since she first saw it at the shop months before. "Will you play a song for me?"
Touched, Woohee looked at him for confirmation, then pinched herself to make sure she wasn't dreaming, and took it. She ran her fingers over the body and neck before plucking at each string. It was as perfect as she had imagined, and already tuned to perfection. Finally, a guitar of her own. She would paint butterflies on it, and flowers, and write down her family's names, so that when things got tough, she could look at it and remember her promise to live her life well, the way they would have wanted her to.
"This used to be mother's favorite song," she said, wondering if her fingers would remember. They did. She played three songs in a row, and every time she finished, her uncle would clap and tell her how talented she was, and how natural she looked holding that guitar.
While thinking of a song to play to Baek Ah the next time they saw each other, her uncle returned with a glass of water and said brightly, "You can start your own band. Become a pop star!"
She blushed at the idea, but was secretly happy that someone thought she was good enough to actually make a career out of music. "I've never performed in front of a large audience before."
"Tell you what, I have some friends who own a nightclub," he said in sudden inspiration. "I'll call them for a favor and let you play a few songs, just to get you used to the idea. For the experience, you know?"
"A nightclub? I can't go to nightclubs yet, I'm underaged."
"Sure you can, with an accompanying adult. You didn't think I would let you go there by yourself?"
"Oh right." She felt stupid. "Of course." Then, feeling optimistic, she agreed to it.
.
She stops talking. Baek Ah doesn't rush her. He wonders silently what could have happened that night to make her up and leave without telling anyone…
Closing her eyes, she continues her story. "Living with him for two years, I thought I understood why he was called the black sheep of the family; why mother never let us see him. But I was wrong. I was so wrong… so naive."
.
"You didn't think we let you play tonight for free?"
Alarmed, Woohee backed up, only to find the door blocked by large men in black shirts.
"My uncle is outside," she tried to sound brave, threatening. "He'll call the police!"
The bossman looked grimly at one of the men standing guard. "Fetch her uncle."
Relieved, Woohee hugged her guitar to herself and waited. Her uncle would explain the situation. He said he and this man were friends. He would save her.
"Woohee, just do it," he snapped the moment he entered the room.
"What-?" she spluttered, dumbstruck.
"I thought you said she was your niece," the bossman drawled, pouring himself another shot of whiskey.
"She is," her uncle assured him. He looked like a puppy about to be punished. "Let me talk to her for a few minutes."
"You have one."
"Uncle," she said, confused, "what are you doing? What is this about?"
"If you don't do this, we're both dead!" he hissed, trying to pry her guitar away from her. But she held fast. She would use it as a weapon and run away if need be.
"I am not a whore!" she screamed. "I'm your niece! I'm the daughter of your sister!"
"That's why I'm telling you that you need to do this," he said placatingly, trying to grab her guitar again, but she pushed his hands away. "Everything has a price! Be grateful he's not asking for your whole life," he snarled, grabbing her by the collar of her dress and pulling her roughly towards him. She was surprised by his sudden strength and by the anger in his eyes. And was that panic?
"It's true. You sold me?" she whispered, tears in her eyes. "Uncle, please… I'll do anything else. Anything!"
"There's nothing we can do! It's just for one night for fuck's sake!" he said. "Don't think I'm blind. I know you have a boyfriend. I am not so old-fashioned to think that you've never slept with him."
"I haven't!" she cried. "He respects me! He respects me…" she began to sob, wondering what Baek Ah might think if he found out- no… she had to get out of this no matter what. She had to fight. No sooner had the thought reached her when her guitar was wrenched out of her grasp. Turning, she found herself face to face with the boss.
She had no time to think. She grabbed whatever was nearest her - a heavy paperweight made of lead and in the form of a hand - and banged it against his cheek. Two sets of arms grabbed her immediately from behind to prevent her from inflicting more damage and running away.
"Let me go!" she screamed, kicking at them. Her arms were useless, being held up. She felt thoroughly exposed, and to make things worse, her attack didn't seem to deter the man whose cheek she had grazed and bruised. Instead, to her horror, he smiled unpleasantly and walked ever so slowly towards her.
Then he moved fast, giving her no time to react. One large hand grabbed at her breast, and another cupped her between the legs. She shrieked and tried to kick him away, but he was so close and so strong, she couldn't hit him hard enough, and his hand between her thighs made it impossible for her to knee his groin.
"If you struggle, it'll hurt more," he said huskily, twisting her breast and making her cry out in pain. "I could make it pleasant for you… but you're not giving me that option. No matter. You needn't enjoy it." To his bodyguards, he barked, "Hold her still. Make sure she doesn't escape."
She fought and fought, but it seemed clear that the harder she struggled, the more he liked it. She cried and called out to her uncle for help. "Uncle, help me, please… help me! I'll do anything! Uncle, please!"
But if he was still in the room, he ignored her.
She cried harder when the man slid down her underwear. She begged for him to let her go, but he was as deaf as her uncle. And then the man felt her. She winced in discomfort and tried to pull her hips away.
"A true virgin," he breathed, delighted. "Tight… but dry as hell." He tutted and moved towards his desk. When he returned, his hands were glistening with oil.
Woohee looked around but her uncle was nowhere to be found. He had left her to her fate. "Please," she sobbed, so tired now that it was all she could do. "Please, let me go…"
But it was pointless and everyone there knew it.
When he forced himself in, she couldn't help but cry out, and he didn't… wouldn't stop, entirely oblivious to her pain as he worked to pleasure himself.
She had never felt so humiliated in her life… never so worthless or weak as when they finally released her and all she could do was fall to the floor, weak and dazed. She hurt all over, but her physical pain was nothing compared to the loss of her self-worth, her dignity, her power, her trust, her love… gone in just a few minutes.
A pill was placed in front of her along with a glass of water to ensure she wouldn't get pregnant, and after forcing her to swallow, they threw her out of the room with her guitar and left her in the dark.
When her uncle found her, she wouldn't let him apologize or speak. She slapped him hard across his face, and when he tried to speak a second time, she slapped him again. She took her guitar as a reminder never to be so gullible again and returned to her school dorm that same night with all her things. She spent the rest of the winter holidays in her dorm, locked up, trying to regain control of herself before school started again. But nothing was ever the same for her.
.
"I couldn't face you. I felt so stupid." Her voice is small and she's shrunk into herself, hunched over her legs that she had pressed tight together. She had never spoken to anyone of that night. She imagined she could still feel him between her legs and she shuddered with revulsion, feeling like she might throw up.
Baek Ah is stunned. He can't even face her. In his wildest dreams, he never imagined he would be hearing such a story tonight.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered, allowing her hair to hide her face as she bowed her head further and cried. "I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry for leaving without a word. I'm sorry for everything."
She shouldn't be sorry. After all she's been through…
Baek Ah wants to comfort her, to say something useful, but he feels paralyzed. But as the shock subsides, he begins to feel hurt and rage all at once. It's all-consuming, and were it not for her evident distress, he would have gone home, found out where her uncle lived, and beaten him to a pulp. It's an option he plays around with even as he continues to listen.
"I didn't tell you about my family when we first met… because the pain of losing them was too raw and I was too afraid of opening up to anyone. My uncle was terrible as a parental figure. I just wanted to keep imagining I was living with my parents… that everyday, I would come home and sing songs with my sisters. I wanted to imagine what my father would say if he found out I had a boyfriend. I wanted my mother to tell me how to deal with my first feelings of infatuation and love." She sobbed wholeheartedly into her knees. "I wanted their forgiveness. I wanted to keep imagining my life was not completely ruined. I wanted them back… so badly."
She's exhausted from crying, but she can't stop. Since leaving her uncle, she's pushed all her negative memories back, away from her mind. Up until graduation, she had tried to focus only on Baek Ah, the one ray of light left in her sea of dark, crashing waves. But she couldn't really forget… not when every time he touched her, she felt someone else's hands; not when every time he kissed her, she felt someone else's lips. And when she thought about living with him in Seoul… and all that entailed… she didn't think she would survive thinking of another man while she was with him.
For that man's face, his breath, his mouth, his hands… they all haunted her constantly.
"So I did what I do best…" she whispered. "I ran away."
.
.
.
It's late morning and Hajin finds herself sitting numbly in a university dormitory for girls, sharing a cup of warm tea with a tired Woohee. "So that's why Baek Ah asked me to come," she whispers. She sees Woohee's swollen eyes and reaches over to squeeze her hand. She doesn't know what to say. She'd had a suspicion about Woohee's past and hates that she had been right.
"What did Baek Ah say after you told him all this?" she asks quietly.
"I don't know. I don't remember. I think… I fell asleep. I only remember waking up on the couch, wrapped in blankets." And then suddenly, alcohol flushed from her system, she's overwhelmed by an outpouring of years of suppressed emotions. She feels fear, hate, self-loathing, cowardice all at once and they're so powerful, she begins to weep again, in earnest. "And now I've even ruined your Christmas… I'm sorry, unnie, for being such a bother."
"No," Hajin says at once. "Woohee, you're not a bother, alright? I'm glad you told me. I'm glad you told Baek Ah. You've been bottling up so much for so long!" She gets off her seat and walks over to give Woohee a hug.
Woohee clings to her, feeling like her world had just toppled over again.
She's 12 again and her grandfather was just stabbed to death.
She's 13 again and her father just hung himself.
She's 14 again and she's blinded by headlights and pain as she collides strongly against the car window.
She's 15 again and closing her eyes and ears, pretending she can't hear her drunk uncle and his women in the next room by focusing on the cute boy who keeps trying to be her friend.
She's 16 again and spending more time in school than at her uncle's place, in love for the first time and hopeful.
She's 17 again… and she should have been excited for the future, but instead, she finds herself hiding from the world.
And she's 18 again, living alone in a tiny, rundown apartment, trying to list down reasons why she should keep on living.
Her mother's dream… her sister's wishes… they kept her going. They wanted her to become a musician and that's what she would be. Though the memory pained her, she used that guitar and studied. She began with small audiences, gradually working her way towards larger ones. She sang at weddings, parties, all kinds of events. Finally, three years ago, she was able to save enough to go to Seoul to pursue her dreams.
The pain had dulled over the years as she occupied herself with work and school, but it never went away.
And now she hurts… too much. The wall she had built to protect herself has crumbled at last. And she's vulnerable… and so weak. And she doesn't know if she can survive this pain again.
She's dimly aware of Hajin rubbing her back, whispering, "I'm here…" over and over again, and she closes her eyes and hugs her, grateful to finally have someone to share this pain with, even if that someone can never understand.
"You've been strong for so long. You just cry." Hajin's voice is strange and Woohee realizes it's because she's crying, too, but trying not to let her know.
She looks up and she's right. Hajin's eyes and nose are blotched with red. "Don't cry, unnie…" she whispers.
"Yah, how can I not?" Hajin whines back, crying harder now that she's been discovered.
"I don't want you to cry-y-y," she sobs, letting go of all her reservations. They're so loud in the big, empty kitchen that it's a surprise So hasn't barged in yet to ask why his pregnant wife was wailing like a wounded animal.
But it feels good to cry. It feels good to talk. It had been hard at first, but Woohee finds that the retelling is easier the second time around. She doesn't think her old wounds will ever heal… but the weight they've imposed on her does feel lighter.
"None of it was your fault. You know that, right?" Hajin says in a wobbly voice, using her hands to wipe the tears from Woohee's face. "You were young and your uncle used you. If anyone is to be punished, it's him."
Woohee takes a shaky breath, "But I believed him so easily. I knew he was a bad man and still I trusted him."
"You were young," Hajin repeats firmly, almost savagely. She would find out where that uncle lives and rip him to shreds. "And he brought your guard down by pretending to be nice. Don't blame yourself. I won't let you." She draws Woohee to her chest and rubs her shoulders in a tight hug. And she lets her cry it out some more.
If only you had been this open in Goryeo… if only you had allowed us to help you instead of trying to solve all your problems by yourself…
They stay that way for a few more minutes, until finally, both completely dry and spent, Hajin slumps heavily back into her seat and passes Woohee a napkin so she can wipe her eyes. She takes a sip of tea and grimaces in distaste when she finds it cold. And then, another need surfaces that drives everything else from her mind.
"Woohee… I really hate to do this right now," she says with a sigh, "but I really need to use the bathroom."
Woohee wipes her nose and eyes on her napkin and gets up with a nod. "Do you think you can make it up a flight of stairs?"
Hajin says weakly, "I really want to say yes, but I don't think so."
"It's okay, there's a bathroom down here. It's not very nice but it's cleaner since no one has been using it…" Helping her unnie with something as normal as finding the nearest toilet has brought a bit of normalcy back into her life. It's something she can build on. "Do you want me to make you a fresh cup of tea?"
"Yes, please, if it's not too much trouble," replies Hajin, opening the door.
Woohee smiles tentatively. "It's never trouble."
Hajn returns her smile, then inhales sharply, mumbles, "I really need to go." and disappears.
When she comes out sometime later, she sees Woohee busying herself at the kitchen, and finds So in the main hall, still trying to contact Baek Ah. When he sees her, he puts his phone away for a minute, gets up and gives her a hug. "Are you okay? You look terrible."
"I feel terrible," she grumbles into his shoulder. "I was right, sort of. She's been through a lot. More than anyone should."
"I gathered as much from your howling."
She glares at him. "We did not howl."
Undeterred, he rubs her back. "Sure you did." Seeing her continued glare, he adds matter-of-factly, "Soo-yah, I wasn't called a wolfdog in Goryeo for nothing. I know what a howl sounds like and yours is a very cute howl."
"Cute?"
"Very cute."
Her indignation disappears somewhat. She supposes they did sound like animals earlier. "Were you able to locate Baek Ah?"
With a sigh, he shakes his head. "I've been calling him all morning but he hasn't picked up, so I've asked the others to keep a lookout." He kisses her forehead and nudges her back towards the kitchen. "Go sit, I'll try calling again."
"Hey," she says to Woohee as she retakes her seat. "I know you're not feeling right, but I want you to do something nice today. It's Christmas! What do you usually do?"
Woohee shrugs. "I don't really do anything. I like to hibernate around this time."
"You sound like So on his birthday," she grumbles. "Then your Christmas tradition starts today. Think of what you want. Anything at all. I'll do it with you!"
"Anything?" Woohee eyes her doubtfully.
"Anything."
"Even… skydiving? Swimming?"
"Er…" Hajin grimaces. "Maybe no skydiving. And swimming only if it's night and there's absolutely no light."
Woohee smiles wryly. "I'm teasing." She takes a seat and plays with her teacup, and eventually decides she needs a distraction, so she takes up unnie's offer to keep her company today. "I suppose I wouldn't mind going shopping. And watching a movie."
"There we go! Now we're getting somewhere."
"And…" she has no idea when the thought occurred to her… she only knows she has to do it, "I want to destroy my guitar."
Hajin coughs out her tea. "Excuse me?"
"I've carried around all this negative energy for so long and that guitar is a constant reminder. I want to be rid of it."
Hajin sees Woohee is serious. She supposes banging a guitar on the ground until it shatters can be fulfilling in its own way. "Alright, then let's do that first! Get rid of your negative energy before we do something fun."
The more Woohee thinks about getting rid of that guitar, the better she feels until finally, she smiles, an unadulterated and hopeful smile. "I'll go get it."
She's gone only a few seconds when So raises his voice, speaking agitatedly to someone. Hajin turns curiously towards him, wondering if it's Baek Ah, but her spirits drop when she hears what he's saying.
"He asked you to research on who and now he's going where with a guitar?"
He meets Hajin's panicked eyes from across the room and tries to tone down his voice, but it's useless. She's heard enough. She suspects she knows what's happening.
"That's odd, I know I kept it in my room upstairs…" Woohee mumbles, coming down the steps with a frown.
"Is your guitar gone?" Hajin asks briskly, feeling sick.
Surprised, Woohee nods. "But I'm sure it was in my room. I always put it beside my-"
"We have a problem."
Hajin grabs Woohee's hand and walks as fast as she can to So. "He's going to her uncle, isn't he?" she says the moment she reaches him.
He sighs. "There's no hiding anything from you, is there?"
"Wait… who…?" Woohee looks from one to the other, a dreadful thought already creeping into her brain.
"We need to stop him. He doesn't know how to fight!" Hajin says anxiously.
"We will, we will," he assures her at once. To his phone, he says, "Eun-ah, you did good in telling Jung to follow him. No, don't call the police, you'll only get Baek Ah in trouble. But if you hear anything, please tell- what? No, you're not coming!" The disbelief on his face increases the more he listens. Hajin can hear Eun arguing on the other end. "Eun- Soondeok-ah! You are not going- yah! Yah!"
He stares at his phone in disbelief. "They hung up on me."
"There's a first time for everything. Come on," Hajin says, tugging him along to the door, but he pulls her back easily.
"Whoa, whoa, you're staying here."
It's her turn to stare. "I am not!"
Sensing an argument coming up, Woohee quickly leaves to pack some things.
"Soo-yah," he assumes his most reasonable tone. "It's dangerous. Where we're going- it's gangster territory. For my peace of mind, I need you to stay here."
"I can't stay!" she cries. "Not when you could all be in danger! What about my peace of mind?"
He realizes his best business voice is no match for his wife's tears. "Soo-yah," he pleads desperately, "think of the baby. You'll be safer here, or at home."
She shakes her head stubbornly. "So take me with you but leave me at a cafe or a restaurant or somewhere!"
Knowing Hajin eats more when she's agitated, Woohee grabs all her cookies and stuffs them into her backpack, then she takes her cellphone, wallet, powerbank, and a few other essentials before rushing up to her room and grabbing her guitar case. By the time she returns, So and Hajin's argument has regressed into who loves the other more, with Hajin looking more determined and So more desperate.
"She won't be coming with us to battle," Woohee assures him, returning with her things.
"Us?" So repeats, eyeing her get-up with even more dread. The last time he had allowed Woohee to fight her own battles, she ended up jumping off Cheondeokjeon's battlements. "Battle? Woohee, you're staying here, too."
"The hell I am!" she says, affronted. "Look, even if you leave us here, we'll just get into a taxi and follow you. Would you really trust anyone else to drive them?"
Hajin nods emphatically.
So has to give in. "Fine. But you're staying in the car. Locked up. The both of you."
Taking it as his best offer, Woohee agrees. She doesn't put it past him to lock them up against their will if it meant keeping Hajin safe.
As Woohee exits, So draws Hajin into a tight hug. "I mean it. You stay in the car only." When she nods, he breathes a sigh of relief. "Then we better get going."
.
.
.
"Do you still love him?" Hajin asks quietly as they sit in the car two hours later. She stares out the window at the white snow, watching families walk past them.
It's a small town with quaint little tea shops and corner cafes and restaurants decked with holly and mistletoe and running Christmas lights. An unwitting visitor might call it provincial.
Woohee knows who Hajin means. "Yes." She shrugs. "But I really don't expect anything from him. I just wanted him to know… it was never about him - me leaving… it was always about me. He needed the closure."
Hajin nods, understanding. She remembers how, in the past, Baek Ah had blamed himself for Woohee's death. She's sure that if Woohee could have spoken to him then… that she would have told him the same thing she had just told Hajin.
Forcing a smile, she looks at Woohee. "I think he still loves you, you know."
Woohee blushes. "I don't think so."
"Think about it… he came here all by himself to avenge your honor as a woman. If that's not love, I don't know what is."
At this, Woohee's panic returns. "Unnie… he won't die, will he? I didn't just kill him, did I?"
Hajin tries not to look too patronizing. "He will not die. You know how I know? Because So, Eun, Soondeok and Jung are on their way to help him." Unlike in Goryeo. "Also, he's going up against one middle-aged man, not an entire army."
"But my uncle's part of a gang…"
"W-well," she stammers with a half-shrug, "at least he's got back-up."
Woohee moans her despair, wishing she could take back her promise and rush out to help.
.
.
.
"Hyung!" Eun calls with a relieved sigh, rushing over with Soondeok.
So stops walking and says when they're close enough, "Where are they?"
"We got lost," Soondeok explains flatly, jerking her head towards Eun. They've been walking in circles only he won't admit it.
"But," Eun says loudly, glaring at Soondeok, "I'm pretty sure they're with her uncle and I'm pretty sure you know where he lives, hyung, so… lead the way!"
So sighs and resumes walking. "Keep up."
They pass a couple more streets and round some more corners before they arrive at their destination. Eun knows they're at the right place because not only does So stop walking, but there are Baek Ah and Jung right there in the middle of an empty street. Jung has Baek Ah's arms in a firm grip, trying to make sure he doesn't reach the small, balding man cowering away from him on the ground.
"Please, please, mercy!" the man can be heard begging.
Eun watches in awe as Baek Ah tries to kick him, yelling at Jung to let him go. He looks at So. "Hyung… what's this about? What did that man do?" He's never seen Baek Ah lose control like this before.
"It's complicated," So replies grimly. "Stay here. Be on the lookout."
Eun and Soondeok nod, watching as he makes his way towards the other three.
So steps into Baek Ah's line of vision, and the moment Baek Ah sees him, he cries in frustration, "Hyung! Let me do this! Even if you drag me away or beat me up, I'll come back and won't stop trying until he's-"
"I know," So says simply.
Baek Ah frowns, taken aback. For a moment, he's shocked into silence. Finally, he splutters, "Aren't you here to drag me away?"
"No."
Jung gapes at his brother. "Hyung!"
But So ignores him. "Woohee's here." He also ignores Baek Ah's look of shock. "I think she deserves to do this more than you, don't you?"
"Hyung," Jung whimpers in panic. Has he lost his mind?
Baek Ah glares at his cousin, then he glares at the man lying on the pavement.
So steps closer, "If you beat him up, his gang will hunt you down. This is a family matter," he says matter-of-factly, "let family deal with it."
.
.
.
"I go where?" Hajin demands crossly, shooting a glare at the shaking little man Jung and Baek Ah are ushering away. She whispers to So, "Is that him?"
"Yes," So replies, grabbing hold of her hips to keep her firmly in place, "and you are to stay away. I'm leaving Eun and Deok in charge of you."
He's treating her like a criminal and she tells him so.
"No, but we all agree you have VIP status at the moment so your safety comes first before all of ours," he explains firmly, nodding at Eun and Deok. They step up to their jobs by flanking Hajin's sides.
Next, So opens the car door to let out a pale Woohee, who stammers, "What's this? What is… he… doing here?"
"Waiting for your decision," So explains simply. He steals a small kiss from Hajin before gesturing for Woohee to follow him.
"Decision...?"
Hajin watches them go, feeling both glum and apprehensive. "So I'm not allowed to watch?"
"You are. We just don't recommend it," Soondeok replies with a shrug. "Grandma says you should only look at beautiful things right now. Hear beautiful things. Smell beautiful things. Think beautiful things! Everything beautiful!"
Absentmindedly, Hajin mumbles, "Beautiful."
"So baby girl will come out beautiful," she explains, turning them all around and gesturing to the pretty little shops.
"Hajin-ah," Eun gasps, running to a store, "chocolate!"
"Oh look, a toy shop!" Deok adds excitedly.
"Cakes!"
"Dinosaurs!"
"Baby things!" Eun exclaims out loud. "We have to go in. There's a cute little hat that I just know Chunnie will like."
"Your nephew is four months old," Deok reminds with a little roll of the eyes.
Eun looks offended. "You can never be too young for fashion."
.
.
.
Woohee remembers this place. It's clear Baek Ah remembers it too. They're standing in the middle of what used to be a field of peonies; the snow is inches deep and the surrounding trees are bare. In spring, this place will be full of life, with young butterflies enjoying the fresh blossoms amidst the greens.
They used to come here often… to talk, to relax after a day of exams, to paint, to sing… she can't count how many pictures Baek Ah's taken of this place.
Seeing her uncle again after all these years isn't what she imagined it would be. He's thinner, for one, with a receding hairline and round glasses that only make him look like a praying mantis. He looks petrified, for another, staring at Jung and Baek Ah with an expression Woohee had never seen before. And when he sees her, cautiously making her way through the snow, his eyes widen and the first thing he does is clasp his hands together and beg for her to help him.
"Woohee-yah, it's you, isn't it? Help me. Help me, please."
She doesn't know what to do at first. She can't take her eyes off of him. For years, she had contemplated what she would do if she ever saw him again… and now she can't think of a single thing.
"Help me, help me, please," he cries, rubbing his hands together as fast as he can. "I'll do anything you ask. Give you anything. Anything!"
"Anything?" Suddenly, her anger flares, and it's so strong, she half expects the snow around her to start melting. "Help?" she spits, rushing towards him. "The way you helped me?"
He looks stricken, as frozen as the ground under him.
"When I screamed at you, when I begged you…!" she yells, trying to find the right words, but her anger is making her incoherent. Tears sting her eyes and she decides just yelling isn't enough. She reaches him at last and slaps him hard across the face. "I begged you! You used me!"
She's 17 again. She's angry, she's hurt, she's been betrayed. She lashes out at him, doing what she had been unable to do before, and begins to pummel him with her fists, wishing it were spring so she could find a rock to bash him with. "You left me! You left me!" she shrieks.
"I'm sorry-y-y," he sobs, trying to block her blows with his arms. "I'm sorry, Woohee-yah…"
"I trusted you! I thought you were my family!" She learned the hard way that day… that family is more than blood. Family is a relationship. And he was never, would never be… her family. "I needed you… to be my family. You used me."
"I tried… I tried," he gasps, relieved that she had stopped hitting him. "I tried, Woohee-yah…"
"No, you didn't," she snarls. She sees her guitar in Baek Ah's hands and grabs it.
He sees the anger in her eyes, and how tightly her hand is gripping the guitar, and he knows what she wants to do. Eyes widening, he gets on his knees and wails, "Woohee-yah! Have mercy, Woohee-yah! I'm your uncle… your mother's brother!"
"And I'm your sister's daughter but that didn't stop you from selling me." She doesn't care that Jung and So are around to listen. "I can't even begin to explain… the kind of damage you did to me that night," she growls through clenched teeth. "I could have killed myself and you would've cared less!"
"No, no…" he mumbles, sobbing as he falls to the ground. "No… I had no choice… he asked me to… they would have beaten me-"
"Then you should have been beaten!" she screams, raising her guitar high up above her head, ready to smash him with it, but before she can, he says something that knocks the fight out of her.
"I have a son! Please… I have a son… he's sickly and he needs me… I can't miss work… please, Woohee-yah… he's your cousin… spare him… I can't miss work…"
"You lie," she says, but he just keeps mumbling the words over and over again like a broken record, too caught up in misery that he's become oblivious to everything else.
"If you have a son, prove it," Baek Ah spits from behind her. When her uncle doesn't move, Baek Ah bends over him and grabs him by the shirt. "Prove… it."
"Pocket," her uncle gasps, face and nose swollen from crying. He looks disgusting and it's a wonder Baek Ah can stand to be near him. "Wallet… picture…"
Woohee hastily feels his coat until she finds it. Opening it, she's greeted by a tattered image of a baby boy.
"You're married?" she asks to stall for time. She's still angry, but this new development has given her pause.
He shakes his head. "Left… I can only… see him… once a month."
"Good, because then he won't grow up to be like you!" she says savagely. She knows her words had stung him because instead of crying for his life, he begins to sob quietly, grieving the loss of his small family.
"What's wrong with him?" Jung asks.
"Cancer…" her uncle replies tiredly. "Blood."
Woohee wants to snap that he's a cancer of her blood, but she holds it in. Her uncle may deserve it… but this little boy doesn't.
Getting up, she shoves the wallet roughly into his hands and walks around, restless. Her murderous energy has left her, leaving her confused, tired and unsure of what to do next.
That is, until So hands her back her guitar, saying, "You have a choice. Revenge or mercy."
Shaking, she takes it. "What do you think I should do? Unnie… what do you think she would do? How do I forget if I can't avenge myself?"
He eyes her thoughtfully for a moment, and then he shrugs. "I can't say. I would have beaten him up already, to be honest. As for Hajin… she would have forgiven him."
She looks at her uncle, wondering if she feels even a bit of pity for him. She doesn't. "I don't know if I can… or want to forgive him."
He nods, looking like he understands completely what she's going through… like he's faced similar situations before and knows what it feels like to be in her shoes. "It's entirely up to you, of course. But just so you know… revenge may not work out the way you think. You'll feel good, but it won't last. Take it from someone who knows: revenge…" he shakes his head, "it won't solve your problems."
Woohee wonders curiously who he's hurt in the past for him to be so sure.
"If you're confused about him, then think of his family. It sounds like his son needs his money for treatment. If you're willing to take responsibility for him missing work for a few days, then go for it. If not…" he sighs and gestures behind him, to where civilization is, "They've probably already bought you a cup of hot chocolate."
The thought of Hajin and Soondeok waiting for her helps to finally seal her decision. She turns back to her uncle… stares at him for a full minute… and throws the guitar at his feet.
He looks up, his expression hopeful.
"Keep it," she says gruffly, "as a reminder… of the kind of scum you were... and the kind of scum you shouldn't be. Goodbye, uncle. Our paths end here."
She turns on her heels and begins making her way towards her hot chocolate.
"That's it? You're going to let him go?" Baek Ah asks, disbelief plain on his face as he catches up to her.
She looks at her uncle, who's still on the ground, clutching his wallet to his chest as he sobs. "The sins of the father are to be laid upon the children."
"William Shakespeare," he intones automatically.
She nods. "I may be scarred and damaged… but at least I won't have that kind of blood on my hands." She looks at him. "I won't be like him."
The farther away from her uncle she is, the better Woohee feels, so when she finally steps into town again, the first thing she does is to breathe... freely. She looks around for her friends and spots them at a nearby shop.
"Where's my hot chocolate?" she demands, walking up to them.
Hajin whirls around and stammers guiltily, "I was just about to get it. Really! Eunnie distracted me!"
"I did," Eun says gallantly.
"He really did," Soondeok affirms.
"But how did it go?" Hajin asks, miming a punch. "Did you give him a smack or two?"
Woohee stretches luxuriously. Her fists ache from whacking her uncle, but she feels lighter than she's ever felt in years. "Here and there. Come on, I'll buy you a muffin."
.
After eating a little bit, Eun suggests visiting Baek Ah's parents as they've never met before. As everyone except Baek Ah is keen on going, he eventually agrees to take them there, but not before Woohee makes a little side trip to the cemetery.
After offering her family drink and food, she closes her eyes and begins to pray…
She wishes them a Merry Christmas, hopes they're in a good place and tells them not to worry about her anymore because she's finally found hers. "They're good people, but of course, you'll always be my favorite baby sisters. Jaehee… Minhee… unnie will visit again. Next time, I'll play your favorite songs."
.
Baek Ah's parents are surprised by the sudden visit, but pleasantly so. His mother is so flustered to hear they haven't had a proper lunch yet that she offers to cook for them. They tell her it's okay, that they'll survive, but she insists, so Hajin offers to help.
"No," Woohee says firmly, keeping her seated. "Soondeokie and I will help. You keep off your feet for now."
"Yes, do make yourself comfortable, you must be incredibly tired-" Baek Ah's mother fusses over her, grabbing all the pillows and fluffing them up.
"I'm not really-"
"Do you want more pillows?" she asks. "Hot water? A bottle of hot water used to always help with my back pains."
"No, it's fine, I'm fine, really," Hajin says at once, laying down obediently so as not to trouble the woman any further. "I feel much, much better. Thank you."
"Albums!" Baek Ah's father booms, striding happily into the room with three massive photobooks.
"Abeoji…" Baek Ah groans. He buries his face in his hands as his cousins begin to crowd around the albums like a pack of hungry hyenas. They're on the floor in front of Hajin, browsing, and it's only when Baek Ah hears Eun ask his father for a buttnaked picture of him for his mother's collection that he puts his foot down.
"Of course, there's one in this album right-"
"Noooo!" Baek Ah screams, diving towards the album in question, but So is too quick for him.
"Hold him," So orders Jung, who sits obediently on Baek Ah's back. He turns the pages until he finds what they're looking for: one-year-old Baek Ah standing on the couch, buttnaked as promised, with a carrot stick in his hand.
"Aww, how healthy, he has a carrot," Hajin laughs, deciding she wants a picture like that of their baby.
"Thank you, samchon!" Eun sings, tucking the picture gleefully into his wallet before looking for more.
They spend the rest of the afternoon there, eating, sharing stories and generally having a good time. They're in very high spirits when they leave, in fact, that Eun actually invites his uncle and aunt to his birthday party.
"It's not for another month," he assures them. "I'll have someone send an invitation."
"Er… I'm not sure if we…" his aunt mumbles awkwardly. "It's been very lovely to meet all of you, but I'm not allowed at family gatherings."
"But it's not an official family gathering, it's my 28th birthday!" Eun insists.
When she continues to look unsure, So says, "My eldest brother has replaced my father as head of the company. He is not so bound by rules, my brother. Whatever ban grandfather placed on you… I doubt my brother will honor it."
She looks down, apologetic. "I cannot defy my late father. I've disappointed him enough."
"Do you regret marrying father and having me?" Baek Ah asks.
She looks at him in surprise. "No, of course not."
"Then… do you think he would have been disappointed to have me for a grandson?"
"No," she says firmly, taking his hand. "If there's one thing I am sure of, it's that he would have been proud to have you. You have an artist's hands… the same hands that my mother prided herself in. He would have been… very happy to have you."
Eun sees his opening. "So I'll expect to see you and uncle at my party! Thank you for the meal! Merry Christmas!" He waltzes out the door before she can say anything.
"Merry Christmas and thank you for the meal," Soondeok repeats following him with more dignity.
Baek Ah's mother looks at a loss for words.
Jung laughs, "We're businessmen, aunty… what can we say? We go for what we want."
She nods, accepting this. "That trait you got from your grandfather. Well… have a safe trip home, all of you. Thank you for dropping by. We were feeling lonely today, thinking Baek Ah wouldn't show up. And instead we got to meet you all!" To Hajin, she says warmly, "Good luck on your baby, my dear. It should be any day now, so take plenty of rest and don't stress."
Hajin looks horrified as So quickly bids them farewell and ushers her out the door with a sheepish Jung.
"Am I very big?" Woohee can hear Hajin whimper to So, who assures her that she is not - she is beautiful and perfect and that the doctor said the baby was just the right size at 30 weeks.
"Actually… she's only seven months pregnant," Baek Ah corrects, exchanging amused glances with Woohee.
His mother gapes at him, feeling just as horrified as Hajin. "Oh... but I thought..."
His father, though, ever the optimist, merely chuckles, "Healthy mother, healthy baby. That's what matters." He clasps Woohee's hands and smiles in a familiar, friendly way. "You too. Visit more often."
Woohee can only smile back and nod awkwardly.
Out in the cold, they're reminded of the same memory… of a decade ago, when they had stood in the same spot, on the same day, after a disastrous evening with his parents.
But instead of being alone, Woohee now has a family. And instead of all the questions, Baek Ah now has his answers.
They wave at their family, who are telling them to hurry up, and as Woohee takes a step towards them, Baek Ah says from behind her, "Thank you… for finally telling me."
She stops, heart pounding in her chest.
"Of course, I wish you could have been honest from the start but… I don't blame you. After all, I spent ten years pretending you didn't exist." Slowly, he takes her hand. She flinches in reflex, but he holds on tightly and forces her to face him. "You said you were damaged… scarred."
She can feel herself shaking as she looks into his eyes. Is she imagining it or has his anger gone? Has he forgiven her at long last?
"I…" he whispers, determined, "will make you whole again."
Sooo there you have it... very dark past. You might think her talk with Hajin was a little too light, but remember that the incidents all happened years ago and she spoke about them first to Baek Ah. I don't know about you guys but I find voicing out my grievances helps to lessen the pain greatly. And also, I thought a bit of comic relief after so much tragedy was warranted.
In the drama, it wasn't an uncle who kept threatening Woohee (the one she eventually killed), it was a former minister of Baekje. But for the purposes of this fic, I made them related :D
As for Baek Ah "going into battle", he had been more scared in the drama but still willing to fight if it meant clearing Woohee's name and helping So, and Jung had been the only one to see him off then.
Anyways, looong long chapter again xD
Next up, finally, we have WonxChaeryung! Please look forward to it :)
