One week later…

Waking up was the weirdest sensation. Spasms of pain hit me from everywhere, but I slit open one eye and saw the outline of Mum's body. Hunched over and distressed. She'd rescued me after Kira had been shot. I blinked again, realising that she was holding my hand. I squeezed it, wanting her to know I was okay. In my head as I drifted off again, I breathed a silent sigh of relief.

The next time I woke up, my wrists were expertly bandaged and there was a half full Pepsi Max bottle on my bedside table. I wasn't in hospital, but instead my bedroom at home was lamp lit and Mum was nowhere to be seen. In need of a drink, I opened the bottle of Pepsi Max and glugged it down, feeling a weight in the pit of my stomach. A sinking sensation – had Kira died? Had Deena and Graham got away? Had John arrested them and found out what Kira had been up to with them?

My head spun as a gentle knock on the door sounded.

'Jodie? Can I come in, sweetheart?' I didn't answer so Mum pushed open the door and let herself in. She closed the door and walked over to where I lay, all tucked up. She sat on the side of the bed and stroked my hair away from my face. That single gesture was enough to make my eyes burn; I was drowning in a wave of misery so thick I couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything.

I started to sob uncontrollably.

I wanted Mum. I wanted Kira. I wanted Mum. I wanted Kira. I wanted Mum. I wanted Kira.

Mum – because she loves me so much she'd do anything for me.

Kira – because I miss her cuddles and her loving, warm personality.

I didn't know what to do. Do I hate Kira for what she did – I don't know. Do I hate Mum for not keeping a close enough eye on me and then lashing out at me – I don't know.

Mum's arms were pulling me against her, restraining me from moving. I thrashed for several minutes but she held me, never letting me go. I knew she was protecting me. I knew that she loved me. I knew that. I've always known that. But it just doesn't feel right. Like there's something missing. Like we both had something we were holding back on.

x x

'English Language project for next Thursday.' Mrs Mulgrew's voice rang through the room as she paced it up and down; wanting to make sure we were listening.

'Research Goodnight Mister Tom. Buy the DVD. We'll provide you with copies of the book. Don't watch the film yet. You'll give yourselves quite a scare. We'll be watching it on Monday afternoon. I'd like the essay on chapters 15-17 on my desk Thursday morning. Thank you, everyone – enjoy your weekend.'

I rushed straight out of school and straight home. I didn't stop until I slammed the door to my bedroom and dived straight in the shower for a hair wash; leaving my uniform scattered about my room.

With Boyce Avenue playing blasted out through my docking station I didn't hear Mum pacing the kitchen and the smell of a Thai Curry wafting through the carpet to my room. I blow dried my hair when my phone started ringing; Mum's shout of 'Jodie, are you home yet?' interrupted me.

I turned my hair dryer off and shouted down to her, that I'd be down once I'd answered my phone and got changed. I did so; into my favourite dark purple tracksuit bottoms and dark purple vest top – ones that Kira had got me before we'd split up in April. I tugged on the hoodie that went with them as my phone vibrated again. I held it to my ear as I locked myself in my room to answer it.

'Hello – who's this?' My tone of voice was friendly, standard phone voice.

The last person I expected came onto the line.

'Jodie, it's me. It's Kira – I know you don't want to see me at all right now but I really need to explain – please let me explain.' I was so shocked that I burst into tears – how can she explain away what she'd done? How? Once I recomposed myself Mum had come in with a tray, clamped with a bowl of curry and a bowl of rice and a bowl – with glass of Pepsi Max and a shot of Morgan's Spiced.

She placed them on my desk then headed out again, closing the door behind her – mouthing if I was alright. I nodded, wiping my face as Kira begged me to listen to her, to let her explain why she'd done what she'd done.

I'd had enough of the heartbreak – I set her straight.

'Kira, I'm sorry. You can't expect to treat me like you did and for me to take you back. I'm not risking my own happiness anymore.' It hurt to say the rest of the sentence but I had to.

'I don't love you anymore. I don't want you ringing me again or trying to contact me. Ever. You're harassing me. Now leave me alone.'

And after that I switched off my phone and helped myself to a large curry – which was one of the best that Mum had ever homemade.

Who needed partners when your parents were there for you no matter what?