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"The Hog" – Alvin Schwartz
THE PIG
When Dionysus and Ariadne were young, they fell in love. They would sit in Dionysus' palace all the time, sit on the couch in front of the TV, and make out. Yes, it was a very good time for both of them.
Unfortunately, as it happens in Greek mythology, things didn't work out. Dionysus married a nymph whom he'd been stalking for a month, and Ariadne stayed single. Not too many years later, she got sick and passed away. Historians believed it was from a broken heart.
One day, Dionysus was driving through Olympus (because he was too lazy to walk). Soon he realized that a fat pig was following him. No matter how fast he drove, it kept following him. It began to annoy him.
Finally, he couldn't stand it any longer. So, he stopped the car, and slapped the pig across the head. "I am a god!" he announced—in case he didn't have the godly presence. "Bow to me and stop annoying me!"
But to his astonishment, the pig SPOKE to him.
It's Ariadne, he thought. He'd heard her voice when it talked. She'd come back as a pig.
"I wasn't doing anything to you, you jackass!" she snapped. "I was just freaking walking, enjoying the nice weather! Why did you hit me after I made out with you on the couch?"
With that, she turned and walked away.
