Firsts

Author's Note: Wow! Thank you all for the alerts, very much appreciated! And, of course, to my wonderful reviewers who keep me going, especially after these bad past couple of days, as some of you know. Smiles2Go, one of my favorite correspondents, gave me this prompt, which many of us can relate to. But…how would Hatter do? Read, and laugh…I hope.

Fifty Dollars?

If there was one thing that Hatter never had to think about in Wonderland, it was menstruation. It wasn't just because he was a man, but he had never been involved with a woman as long as Alice. He certainly never lived with one, much less engaged to one. It still took a while before he had any direct exposure to…products. At least directly, until the first time Alice asked him to pick some things up.

It started off innocently enough. Hatter peered into the refrigerator, looking for orange juice, milk for tea; anything.

He tipped his hat back on his head, and shut the fridge door. "Alice! I'm going to run to the store!" There was no answer. "ALICE!"

"Whoa! I was in the bathroom." Alice lifted her arms up in surrender as she entered the kitchen. "For food? Because I'm doing the big shopping thing this weekend."

"There's no milk or orange juice. That is considered an emergency to me." Hatter slipped on his leather jacket. "Anything else?"

"Um, some creamer for the coffee."

"Creamer, eh?" Hatter winked at her, and dry humped her from behind. "I have some cream for you."

"Hmmm, I don't think that cream makes the coffee taste any better," she quipped. "Oh, and there is one more thing you could get for me. I just used up the last one today, so I would have to go out anyways, but, um, can you please get me some pads?"

"Pads…of paper?"

Alice shook her head. "No. I need pads, like pads. I have my period, and I'm using the last one."

Hatter's face drained of color. "Alice," he moaned. "I don't know anything about that stuff."

Alice chuckled. It was rare that she caught him off guard. "You'd better learn. And besides, what if we have daughters? It'll only get worse buddy."

He closed his eyes. "Can I at least see what they look like?"

"No! I'm wearing the last one, and unless you want to see a blood soaked one…"

"Well, I've already seen your blood on my cock, so what difference does-"

"Out! Get one box of maxis, and one regular."

Hatter zipped up his coat as Alice shut the door behind him. Moxi? Macki? What did Alice say? Ah, no matter, he thought, he'd figure it out at the store.

/

Hatter's eyes scanned the shelves. Sweat broke out on his palms as he gripped the shopping cart. The milk, juice, and creamer were ready to go, and he had been standing in the same aisle for ten minutes.

He thought of his cell phone in his pants pocket. It would be so easy to just call Alice, to ask her specifically what she needed. Hatter wiped the perspiration off his hands, and made a motion to grab it, but shook his head.

There were too many. Too many brand names. He didn't know what kind she used. There were too many levels. Maxi, which he thought she said, regular, light. Did she ask for regular…or light? And what the fuck was the difference anyways?

A blue box caught his eye. Splashed of yellow, green, and pink lined the side. Tampax Pearl? What is this? A pearl is related to Oysters, so maybe… He picked it up, and winced as he read the instructions. Who were these bloody insane women who would walk around all day with something stuck up their pussy?

Hatter chuckled. Oh, but there was that one girl…he shook his head, and growled. Not the time. He threw the box into the cart. Hatter paced between the shelves, his hand reaching for one box, before looking at another. He forcibly groaned, and shook his hat off in frustration.

"Damnit," he muttered.

Hatter just started throwing boxes in. He didn't bother to read the name, or the kind of protection it offered. Always. Kotex. Playtex. Seventh Generation. The store brand. He piled them all in the cart till they reached the top.

"At least she won't ask me to get any of this for a while."

/

"Alice! Get the door!" Hatter shouted.

Alice scrambled off the couch, and opened the apartment door to find Hatter standing there with eight plastic bags. Four looped on each arm.

"Hatter! What else did you get?"

"Nothing! I got the milk, the juice, the creamer," he handed her some of the bags. "Anddddddd…all of the pads you ever need for the next month." He dumped out the boxes of pads and tampons onto the kitchen table. "Is that enough till the next time you need them?"

Alice's eyes widened. "Hatter! How much did you spend today?"

"Fifty five dollars, around there."

"You spent fifty five dollars on pads?" Alice squeaked.

"Technically, I spent five dollars on the milk, juice, and creamer, so only fifty dollars." Hatter grinned at Alice. "I did good, yeah?"