Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series.

Chapter Fifty-Four

James Potter IX

James scratched his head when a couple of Gryffindor students passed him by without even greeting him. Everyone in school was acting oddly and he didn't know what to do. It was supposed to be his day, his birthday. He was seventeen now and yet, everyone was acting like it wasn't a big deal. Everyone was either greeting him or ignoring him. The same went to Sirius, Remus, and Peter, who acted like his birthday was like any other ordinary day. That never happened before and he didn't understand why it was happening now of all days.

He pouted and sulked. Could they do that in other days, other birthdays, instead of his?

"Are you sure you're going to be alright here in the library?"

James turned to his girlfriend, Hermione, who was looking at him with a worried expression on her face. He could tell how concerned she was because of the sad demeanour he displayed all throughout the day. He tried not to sigh in appreciation for having such a wonderful girlfriend like his Hermione. She was the only good thing that happened this day.

"Did you know that it's my birthday today?" James asked with a pout on his lips.

Hermione slowly nodded. "Sirius told me and I greeted you this morning, remember? Why? What's wrong?"

James sighed. "Nothing."

Hermione worried her lip. "James, are you sure that—"

"I'm sure," James cut her off before she could finish her sentence. He didn't need to force his smile to her as he pulled her closer to him. He looked up since she was standing and he was sitting on a chair. "Hey, go to Mary and Alice. I'll be fine here. I'm sure that they'll be a much better company than I am."

"Don't be so silly, James." She played the tips of his hair with a small smile on her face. "No one is a better company than you."

"Can I put that in writing?" James grinned cheekily when she laughed.

"Only you, James," she uttered with such fondness before kissing his forehead and stepping out of his arms. "I'll see you, okay? Happy birthday again, James."

James slowly nodded and pulled her down to kiss her lips; the act warming his chest no matter how many weeks had passed. He leaned back and his heart thundered at seeing her smile. She always smiled after they kissed and he was happy, as well as smug, everytime he saw it. He watched her as she walked away, her wild curls bouncing behind her. He sighed when she was out of his sight before slumping on the seat. He rested his head on the table and proceeded to sulk for a long time.

He decided to stay there until Madame Pince closed the library. Until then, he would sulk. Madame Pince could throw a fit for all he cared. He was really upset that his own friends acted like his 17th birthday wasn't a big deal. He expected better from them and he was extremely disappointed. He would've been content even if they only drank Firewhiskey in the dorm; they didn't even need to throw a party. But there's nothing; nada; zilch; evanesco.

He would not cry. He would not cry. There's just saliva in his eyes.

Someone sniffled and it wasn't him.

Seriously, it wasn't him.

James straightened when he heard another sniffle. He knew that it wasn't him. His eyebrows met to form a small v across his forehead before standing up to follow the sound. It was just behind the bookshelf in front of him, he was certain of it. He peered out of the bookshelf and saw someone whose back was turned to him. However, he could recognise that silky red hair anywhere.

"Lily?" He blurted out in surprise.

She jumped and turned, revealing her bloodshed eyes, runny nose, and the tear tracks on her cheeks. It was obvious even to the untrained eye that she was just crying. Something in him absolutely felt immense sympathy for her. He knew that Lily had not been kind to him lately but no one deserved to cry, not even Lily.

"James!" She exclaimed, trying to erase the evidence of her tears. "What are you doing here?"

James shrugged as he went to her. "What happened to you?" He asked instead of answering her.

"Why do you care?" She muttered as she turned her face away from him.

James sat beside her. "Hey, we're still housemates despite everything," he told her. "I think I, at least, should what's going on. I mean, come on. It clearly isn't nothing if you've been crying."

"Way to state the obvious, James," she said sourly. She then sighed then finally looked at him with her despondent emerald eyes. "Have you ever felt like the whole world is shifting around you whilst you remain the same?"

James tried not to squirm in his seat. He hoped that she wasn't going to talk about Hermione again and say some things that left him confused and angry. The first time she talked about Hermione, he hadn't liked the tone of her voice. Lily disliked Hermione, he was certain of it. Lily had never talked to Hermione but she had said unkindly things to her because his girlfriend, somehow, stole the things that were rightfully hers.

Including him. He did his best to forget about that. For him, Lily was nothing more than a housemate and even if she changed her mind about him after five years and after he had a girlfriend, that didn't mean that he should change his views as well. He had been lucky enough to get a chance with Hermione and he wasn't about to ruin that luck.

"Uhm, yes..?" He answered hesitantly. His whole world definitely shifted when he met Hermione but he was sure that he hadn't remained the same. "I mean, I don't think so. Why?"

Lily sighed and stared straight ahead at the books in front of them. "I feel like the world is moving on without me. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I can change it." She chuckled, but there was no joy in it. "Do you know that Snape tried to talk to me again?"

James barely stopped himself from gnashing his teeth when she mentioned Snape's name. He still hadn't forgiven him for almost killing Hermione. He didn't think he could ever forgive him. Fortunately, it seemed that Snape was staying away from him as well. James hadn't seen him for a long time unless he looked for him in the Great Hall. He hadn't even spotted him in their shared classes together.

That was probably because he was distracted each and everytime with Hermione.

"No, I didn't," he forced himself to respond without gritting his teeth. "Is that the reason why you were crying? Because Snape talked to you?"

She slowly nodded. "Yes. He told me how sorry he was for calling me that awful word. But it still hurts, you know?" Lily looked back at him, tears gathering in her eyes. "I know it's silly to cry over him but he was my best friend, the first friend that I had before I came to Hogwarts. Everytime I look at him, I can hear the same word over and over again, and I feel betrayed each and everytime I hear it. He knew how much hurt I felt the first time someone called me a, a mudblood. But he still did it, anyway. Why did he?"

"Because he's a shit head, that's why," James uttered without much thought. It was still true, anyway. "You deserve better than him, Lily. You know that."

Lily smiled thinly. "Yes, I know. That doesn't make it hurt any less." She sniffled. "I wish he could be more like you. I mean, you changed for Hermione, right? You aren't as annoying as before. You actually study now because of her. I wish Snape can do the same for me. I wish he didn't become friends with those Slytherins. It would've changed a lot of things. He... He would've still be here beside me."

"Lily, if he really cared for you, he would've done so." James smiled as he remembered Hermione's infectious smile and her cheerful laugh and her wild hair and her breathtaking eyes and her delicious scent and the way she looked absolutely devine in the morning, and in the sun, and in the evening. James tried not to sigh dreamily as he thought of her.

"You called me Lily."

He snapped out of his daze. "H-huh?"

Lily giggled and he felt uncomfortable. Lily had never giggled at him before. To others, yes, but to him? Hell no. He knew that it was his birthday but she didn't need to giggle.

"You called me Lily," she repeated, "and didn't add anything ridiculous such as 'flower' on it. I didn't think you realise it."

James thought about it and nodded slowly. "It's about time, right?" He shrugged. "I only called you Evans and those other nicknames because it got your attention. I don't need it now so I'm going to call you Lily."

She hummed. "I guess it's a valid point. Anyway, what are you doing here in the library? Where's Hermione?"

"She went to her friends," James answered, chuckling under his breath. "She said that they had something to say to her, likely gossip or something. Who am I to stop her from seeing them, am I right? Plus, Alice will kill me with her bare hands if I didn't hand over Hermione to her."

"So, why are you here, then?" Lily questioned. "You only come here because of Hermione, right?"

James didn't question how she knew since all of Hogwarts was probably aware that he spent as much as time that he could in the library was because Hermione's always there. Even Madame Pince knew despite him being banned.

"I'm hiding here," James remarked, looking down at the floor.

"Why?"

James debated if he should tell her but then decided to be honest because she had also been honest to him. "It's my birthday today, you know? And everyone is acting like it's just nothing." He shrugged. "Hurts me a little bit."

"Oh, I'm sorry, James," Lily said, resting her hand on his arm. "I thought that Sirius and Remus had planned a party at the Gryffindor dorm tonight."

"I thought so, too but there's nothing." He sighed, not noticing the hand on his arm. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's only just my seventeenth birthday, after all."

Lily gasped. "Seventeen! That's the most important birthday in the Wizarding World, James! Sirius should've done something! How about Hermione? I'm sure she must've thought of something!"

James frowned. "Hermione didn't know about my birthday until today. I understand her not doing anything. She doesn't know."

"That shouldn't be an excuse," Lily harrumphed then smiled at him. "Why don't we celebrate your birthday together?"

James was stunned. "What?"

His expression only brought a larger smile to Lily's face. "Let's celebrate your birthday together! You're seventeen, James! You should be partying, not wallowing in your self-pity."

James chuckled wryly. "It's okay, Lily. We don't have to."

"We have to," Lily insisted, squeezing his arm.

James looked down, realising that her hand was on his arm. He slowly slipped his arm away. "It's really okay, Lily. I can guarantee you. Talking to you without making you scream in anger is celebration enough."

Lily blushed. "Are you sure?"

James smiled, remembering Hermione's question earlier. "I am. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it."

She blinked. "You think I'm pretty?" She asked, looking intently at him.

James shifted in his seat because of her stare. He averted his gaze and shrugged. "Everyone knows you're pretty. It's not exactly a secret here. You're one of the most sought after girls in the school. Don't tell me that it had escaped your notice."

"No, it hadn't. But I didn't think you'd notice since your life seems to revolve around Hermione nowadays," she remarked.

"You're pretty," he said and grinned cheekily at her. "Of course, my Hermione is prettier."

He laughed when he saw Lily's indignant expression. She probably hadn't expected that. Everyone with half a brain would see that Lily was the one who was prettier than Hermione. To James, however, the roles were reversed. No one was prettier than Hermione because she was the prettiest and she was his.

"That ruined the mood," Lily huffed.

"The truth hurts." James smirked at her.

She cluck her tongue at him and sighed. "Hermione is lucky to have you."

James shook his head in disagreement. "Nah, I say we're lucky to have each other. I can't imagine my life without her now that I have experienced what it felt like to have her. She's like a rare gem among the fake, you know? Being with her makes me feel so happy."

"Wow. Sounds like you two have a perfect relationship," she said in a tone that he couldn't comprehend but he quickly dismissed.

"No relationship is perfect," he stated firmly. "We have our worse moments as well as the best. We fight and argue but we try to make sure to make up before the day ends. As long as the good moments outweigh the bad ones, we have nothing to worry about. We're just a normal couple, that's all."

"Does she love you?"

James paused. Truthfully, he didn't know if Hermione loved him as much as he loved her. He knew that she was falling in love with him, but if she reached the stage where she loved him romantically, he didn't know.

So, he shrugged. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Lily repeated incredulously.

"Maybe," he said firmly.

"How can it be a maybe? You're in a relationship with her, aren't you? Not knowing her feelings... Why are you still in a relationship with her then?"

He frowned at her. "I don't see how that's any of your business."

He didn't want to discuss it any furthur. Hermione already knew of his feelings for her and she would tell him when she had already fallen in love with him. He knew most couples found it odd but he didn't care. It doesn't mean that she didn't know that she loved him, their relationship was automatically pointless and inadequate. He would rather wait than force Hermione to love him and let their relationship rot.

Lily flushed red and James thought that she was going to explode again. To his surprise, she didn't.

"You're right, I'm sorry." She fiddled with her hands. "How about you? Do you love her?"

James turned to her. "You already know the answer to that, Lily."

She drew in a sharp breath. "I figured as much," she muttered, sighing resignedly and looking away.

James tilted his head to the side. "Are you okay? What's the matter?"

Lily closed her eyes. She didn't speak for a while and when she finally did, it had rendered James speechless.

"I regret it," she said, "not saying yes to you. I regret not giving you the chance and not believing you when you said that you love me. I thought that you were just making fun of me, the muggleborn and bookworm, so I didn't make myself believe you." She looked at him with her intense emerald eyes. "I wished I took a risk and said yes to you. If I have known that this is what you'd be like when you love someone, I would've said yes to your date proposals. If only I have known, then maybe I wouldn't regret it so much."

James blinked. "L-Lily..."

"I never would've thought that I'd miss it." She chuckled although there was nothing happy in it. "I didn't know that I would miss you. Even though I never showed it, I admired your dedication towards me but I wanted it all to stop. You're like a pest that I couldn't kill but you were always there despite how many times I complained about it. I never expected that there would come a time where it would all stop, you know? I don't think that everyone in this school could believe that it would all disappear. I never expected that it would all be gone. It was just within reach, I could have just opened my hand and accepted it, but you were gone before I realised that I should've did it."

"And now, I don't have any more chances," she continued regardless of James' lack of response. "You already found another and you found love with her. Here I am, full of bitterness and regrets. Sometimes, I wished I had never underestimated your worth. I didn't realise that you had made an impact in me until you left the craters where you once stayed by my side."

He honestly didn't know what to say. Hearing Lily's confession didn't change the fact that he was still very much in love with Hermione. Any romantic feelings that he used to have for Lily was gone although he still cared about her well-being. Her confession only made him uncomfortable, knowing that she only missed the attention he once bestowed upon her. She didn't love him and he certainly didn't love her.

"Lily, I'm so sorry—"

James' eyes widened.

His mind had gone blank.

Something crashed.

And Lily...

Lily had kissed him.

A/N: ... Reviews are welcomed...?

~ NR xx