Chapter 50 (Dream and Reality)
Alexandra opened her eyes.
She had heard a loud noise. Puzzled, she looked around and for a short moment, she didn't know where she was. Then she realized that she still was in the hotel room in Cuesta Verde. She still was sitting on her chair and suddenly she noticed her entire body shaking and cold sweat on her forehead.
Pictures and thoughts flashed through her head – the flickering light, the darkness, the girl, the ninja, Henri … and then the monster.
Alexandra gasped for air and again she looked around, puzzled. She noticed the burning nightstand lamp, noticed the empty bed and the back folded blanket.
Jonathan was nowhere to be seen.
"Jonathan.. Jonathan, where are you?" Alexandra shouted and jumped out of the chair.
Her gaze moved through the room frantically.
"Alex, I'm here outside!"
She could hear Jonathan's dark voice responding and Alexandra was rooted to the spot.
She looked to the balcony door. It was left ajar and Alexandra could see through the window that Jonathan had taken a seat outside on the big wooden bench. Against Alexandra´s first assumption it still was bright outside. The big setting sun was colored a deep orange and the water of the sea was sparkling in the colors of the afterglow.
Hastily, Alexandra's gaze moved over to the room door. It was locked.
Now Alexandra realized that she just had dreamt everything. Jonathan didn't disappear. It still was bright and probably everything would be okay outside in the corridor as well. Mrs. Smith would do fine ... Adelle, the little girl ... and Henri wouldn't be here.
Alexandra wiped the sweat away of her forehead and for a moment she was thinking of throwing open the room door, convincing herself that everything was okay, but then she changed her mind.
"Everything is okay, Alex. It was just a nightmare." she whispered softly to herself, her heart throbbing wildly in her chest.
But was it true? Was it indeed just a nightmare?
Alexandra sighed lightly, then she walked over slowly to the balcony door, opened it and stepped out. Jonathan had been sitting outside on the wooden bench without saying a word, staring at the beach and the setting sun.
"Hey…" he whispered softly.
Jonathan looked up to Alexandra, smiling lightly while she stepped out to him on the balcony.
"Hey…" she responded and took a seat on the bench next to him.
Jonathan placed her arm around Alexandra and pulled her lightly toward him while she nestled to his chest. She could hear his breath and his heart beating calmly.
Everything seemed so peaceful and for a moment Alexandra wasn't sure if all this really had happened this afternoon. Maybe she was sleeping the entire time, just dreaming everything. Maybe Jonathan didn't have a seizure at all; maybe this all had been just a nightmare.
"How long have you been awake, Jon? Why didn't you wake me up?" Alexandra asked without gazing up.
"You were sleeping so deeply and I wanted you to rest." he responded softly and Alexandra felt Jonathan's hand on her head.
He stroked her hair tenderly and kissed it softly.
Now Alexandra knew through Jonathan's response that his seizure hasn't been a dream.
"How did you sleep, love?" Jonathan murmured softly.
Alexandra closed her eyes shortly and took a deep breath.
"I've dreamt, Jon. I had a bad dream and I've heard a loud noise."
"Oh, this noise came from the beach." Jonathan responded and laughed softly. "A couple of teenagers have lit a firecracker. Probably you awoke from this …"
"Maybe …" Alexandra murmured while Jonathan pressed her a bit more against him, kissing her hair again.
For a short moment it was quiet again and both kept on staring at the sea and the sunset.
"Jonathan, are you okay again?" Alexandra finally asked without rising or looking at Jonathan.
Her ear still rested on this chest, listening to his calm heartbeat.
"I'm doing better." he said softly, but Alexandra wasn't really convinced of his answer.
Then it became silent again.
Alexandra was thinking about what to do now. Should she mention again what has happened this afternoon? Shouldn't she talk about it at all? Maybe Jonathan couldn't remember what had happened. But it couldn't go on like this! Jonathan wanted to tell her something this afternoon and they couldn't just hush up everything again, pretending as if nothing had happened!
"Jonathan, don't you want to tell me what's going on?" Alexandra finally asked and pressed his hand.
She didn't look up yet; she still remained at this chest, hoping that Jonathan finally would explain to her what has happened.
She could feel that something was bothering him and wasn't sure if it indeed was just his dark scheming with Henri Ducard he wanted to hide. She already knew everything about Jonathan's dealings with the criminal underworld of course, but she couldn't tell him. She couldn't tell him about what she has planned to do, to compromise his criminal activities. She couldn't tell him that she was playing a double game. The time wasn´t ripe yet. Though, Alexandra started to doubt if Jonathan's scheming with Falcone and Ducard was the real reason for his behavior this afternoon. The syringes, Jonathan's seizure, his physical breakdown gave her a completely different impression and Alexandra wasn't sure if the one thing really had to do anything with the other. Jonathan was carrying the blood of their families on his hands and he had made a pact with the devil by messing around with the sovereigns of Gotham's underworld. Alexandra wondered what else could be worse than that. Softly, she pressed her ear against Jonathan's chest, hoping secretly that his heartbeat would reveal his dark secret.
Jonathan's hand stroked Alexandra's hair again and again; she could feel his lips on her forehead.
"Alex, I …" Jonathan started, but then she interrupted him.
"Jon, please tell me what's going on." she said softly, rose and gazed into his eyes. "I mean your seizure and then this syringe … What's wrong with you, Jon? What did you need that syringe for? What is it you don't want to tell me? Are you cardiac maybe?"
"No …" Jonathan responded, shaking his head lightly.
"What is it then? Is it cancer?"
"No …"
"Are you diabetic?"
"No …" Jonathan responded and placed his hand on Alexandra's cheek.
"Jon, what is it then?" Alexandra said in a louder voice. "What's wrong with you? Are you addicted to drugs and you just don't dare to tell me?"
"Love, no. I'm not." Jonathan said in a firm voice. "I swear it to you, I'm not taking drugs."
Alexandra took a deep breath.
"If it's nothing of that, what is it then?" Alexandra said in a low voice and sighed lightly. "Why don't you tell me? What's wrong, Jonathan? Why can't we be honest to each other? I mean, I've told you the truth as well this afternoon …"
You liar! Have you really been honest to him this afternoon?!´ everything yelled in Alexandra's mind. Did you tell him that you know about his connections to Henri Ducard? Did you tell him that Ducard has send you to spy on him?´
"Jonathan, just remember what happened! I won't hesitate doing this a second time if you just tell her even one word about me!"
It was the hissing voice of Scarecrow.
"Alex, please understand me. I just want to protect you." Jonathan said in a soft voice and sighed lightly.
Yes, this was exactly what Jonathan wanted!
He still could hear Scarecrow in his mind when he woke up. Again, he was holding a syringe in his shaking hands, but something held him back to take a new injection. He feared that Scarecrow would do the same to him if he should try again and tell Alexandra about him.
And Jonathan had realized that he didn't have another choice! He mustn't tell her anything about Scarecrow! Scarecrow had punished him for what he had done. He no longer was satisfied with attempting to kill Alexandra. No, now he was willing even sacrifice Jonathan's life – and Jonathan was sure about it, he would try it again. Scarecrow would punish him again … and what was even worse he would try again to hurt Alexandra. This was a risk Jonathan didn't want to take. He didn't want anything happening to her!! He had to find another way. He didn't come further with conventional medication. He had to find something else and until then, he had to do what Scarecrow demanded from him ... and he was willing to do it … as long as Scarecrow didn't hurt Alexandra.
Alexandra frowned.
"Jon, what are you talking about? Protect me?" she said, puffing lightly. "If you're sick, you need help. Do you think, I don't know you well enough not to sense when you're in trouble?"
Jonathan took Alexandra's face into his hands.
"Alex, listen to me ...," he said softly. "I can't talk about this with you. Please just believe me that I want the best for us. I love you, Alex and I want you to be okay."
"Jon, but I want you to be okay as well …" Alexandra responded and touched his face.
"I know love, I know …" Jonathan whispered and gazed deeply into her eyes. "But please believe me … I just want to protect you …"
Alexandra wanted to say something, but she couldn't. She could feel that this discussion wouldn't help at all. She didn't know why Jonathan had changed his mind so fast. A couple of days ago he couldn't wait to talk to her about everything and now he didn't want to talk anymore because he wanted to protect her.
But against what? Against himself? Against Falcone? Against Henri Ducard? Maybe against everybody and everything? Alexandra didn't understand anything anymore.
Though, she realized one thing: Their wonderful hours in Cuesta Verde, their touches, their kisses, their intensive and passionate sex, their confessions of love and last but not least, Jonathan's proposal of marriage – all these seemed to be a distant prospect now.
Alexandra snuggled against him again and stared at the sunset while Jonathan pressed her softly against himself, stroking her tenderly. She realized that she wouldn't get to know directly what Jonathan was hiding from her. She had to find another way. If they were back in Gotham, she would try to find someone who could tell her what was in that syringe. She would try to get more information out of Henri Ducard, what sort of connection Jonathan had to him, what exactly was it about with this job, Henri has mentioned - what exactly Jonathan was supposed to make for him. Maybe Rachel Dawes could give her some information as well. But if Alexandra was honest, everything inside her was reluctant to go back to Gotham. It was so wonderful here, so peaceful. And above all, there was no Carmine Falcone, no Henri Ducard, and no Arkham Asylum. Maybe they shouldn't go back at all, maybe Gotham and everything in the city was evil for Jonathan.
I don't want to go back!' Alexandra thought and inhaled deeply the salty air of the sea.
She was sure that Jonathan was feeling the same and maybe now was the best time to tell him what she secretly wished since the first moment they had arrived in Cuesta Verde.
"Jon? ... Jon!" she finally said and gazed up at him.
"What is it?" he responded softly and took her face into his hands again.
Deeply, they gazed into each others eyes.
"Don't … don't let us go back to Gotham, Jonathan. Let us stay here …" Alexandra whispered.
She could feel tears filling her eyes, but she tried to suppress them as much as she could.
Jonathan gazed at Alexandra without saying a word, stroking her cheek softly.
Jon, please tell me that we won't go back...´
Jonathan took a deep breath.
"You will return to Gotham, Jonathan!! Now it's over with this nonsense here! From now on, you'll do again what I say! And don't forget what will happen if you don't!"
Oh Alex, I wish I could stay here with you! I wish I could tell you everything, explain everything to you! But I have no choice!'
Alexandra could see Jonathan shaking his head lightly.
"I ... I can't, Alex." he said, barely to be heard and now.
Alexandra could see that Jonathan had tears in his eyes as well. She swallowed heavily and pressed his hand.
"I know …" she responded in a low voice and nestled at Jonathan's chest again.
She could hear the soft rush of the sea in her ears again. Alexandra wiped a tear off her cheek and she could feel Jonathan swallowing heavily. It was obvious that he wanted to swallow down his tears. For a moment, both were holding each other, staring at the sea without saying a word.
Suddenly, Alexandra heard a ringing tone coming out of the hotel room. It was her cell phone! Alexandra knew what this meant! It could be just two people calling her now, either Carmine Falcone or Henri Ducard. It could just be one of them!
No, no, I don't want to answer this phone! Dammit, leave me alone, all of you!'
It rang once, it rang twice, but Alexandra didn't move at all.
"Alex …" Jonathan whispered and touched her cheek again when she rose and looked at him. "Don't you want to answer the phone?"
It rang three times. It rang four times.
Jonathan and Alexandra gazed deeply into each other's eyes. She could feel her hands touching his arms, hoping that his hands would grab her, stopping her from answering the phone.
Jonathan, please forbid me from picking up the phone! Tell me not to go and I won't move! I beg you, Jonathan!'
It rang five times. It rang six times – but Jonathan didn't say anything and he didn't do anything either to hold Alexandra back. In this moment, she knew that their days in Cuesta Verde were over.
Alexandra stood up and left the balcony hastily to pick up the phone call.
Jonathan closed his eyes shortly as he could feel his rising tears and stared at the sea again. He could hear Alexandra's voice coming out of the hotel room, mixing up with the rush of the sea.
He had imagined everything so different! Jonathan had hoped so much to tell Alexandra everything. He had wished that both could finally reveal all dark secrets to each other and take the first step for their future together. He knew that Scarecrow would protest, but Jonathan didn't expect that his reaction would be that drastic. He had hoped that Cuesta Verde would deprive Scarecrow of his medium, but it was frivolous to believe that he could be kept under control with a couple of conventional injections, that a simple change of air would knock him off. Jonathan didn't come here to drink the waters. He had to tell the woman he loved that he had killed her family. He had to get to know that she knew about this already for such a long time, wanting to take revenge on him. How could he seriously expect that everything would be okay within a couple of days?
And above all, it was a false conclusion to believe that a couple of syringes would be enough to convince make Alexandra that everything was okay with him. Maybe she had believed this before, now she knew that something was wrong with him! And even if she was so appreciative now and being there for him, maybe this would change as soon as they were in Gotham and she would leave him again. Was this the reason why Alexandra said, she didn't want to go back to Gotham? Did she want to give him a hint, that she would leave him as soon as they would be back in the city again?
But what could Jonathan do? His hands were tied!
Jonathan was torn out of his thoughts when the balcony door opened and Alexandra was standing in the doorway. He turned his head to the side and gazed at her.
Her face was dark and Alexandra took a deep breath.
"Jon, something has happened …" she said softly and sighed. "I need to return to Gotham …"
In this moment, Jonathan knew that their fate had been sealed.
