During 1.17 Life Among The Gorillas

Steaksauce

The apartment's front door bangs open.

"Marshall, we're going to The Stumble with Bilson and Blauman. Suit Up!"

"But he only just got home from work," Lily protests, "He just suited down,"

"Go Suit back Up again, maybe put on a different tie. We're gonna watch the Giants game and do Eff Marry Kill with the chicks from Next Top Model. I dibs Leslie. It's gonna be steak-wait for it- sauce. Steaksauce!"

Marshall laughs, gives Lily a half-apologetic shrug and goes into the bedroom to get changed. Barney flops happily onto the couch with a sigh, and Lily punches him in the ribs.

"You-have-turned-my-fiance-into-one-of-your-overgrown-fratboy-idiots,"

"Ow, get off,"

"You and your stupid $4000 suits! Cheating him out of money so he'd go work for you was bad enough, But now you're brainwashing him into some stupid misogynist monkey! Some friend you are,"

"I think you mean stupid misogynist gorilla,"

"Shut up. Sometimes I really wonder why I'm friends with you. Bilson and Blauman sound like jackasses from what Marshall tells me, and if anything you're worse,"

"If by worse you mean more handsome, better dressed, on a higher paycheque and having had a significantly higher number of sexual partners- then yeah, I am worse," he beams.

Lily glares at him. It's all his fault- he tricked Marshall into working at Altrucell, and how he's pressuring him into becoming a corporate chauvinist. It's bullying, is what it is.

"I'm not kidding. You treat us like your puppets and-"

"Lily, remember how when we first met you thought it was a total jagoff? And now look- we're in the bar together every night, we hang out at each other's apartments-"

"-none of us have been to your apartment-"

"-we talk about Marshall's mom hearing you have sex on her rug, we blatantly lust after each other night after night. We're friends. If you learnt to be friends with me, you'll learn to be friends with the fellas at Altrucell,"

"Those guys are jerks,"

"Conformity, Lily. Marshall's learning to be like them- so you will too. You must know that all that be-yourself nonsense you tell your kindergarteners is BS,"

"I'm being told to conform by a man who likes magic tricks, Laser Tag, giving his suits names and inventing a 'Thanksgiving in your mouth' cocktail? Yeah Barney, you're the image of conformity. Nothing unusual about you,"

Lily's pleased to see that this point stumps him. She eyeballs Barney wickedly while he gapes until a Suited-Up Marshall re-appears.

"So, The Stumble- is that on the East Side?"

"76th and 2nd," Barney confirms, then adds proudly, "That suit does you so many favours"

"It better do, the amount it cost," Lily mutters darkly. Marshall casts for something to say but just sputters (Lily notes smugly that she's floored them both in the same minute).

"Come on," says Barney cheerfully "Cab's outside,"

"I'll see you later, Lily," Marshall says, giving her an awkward kiss.

"Sure," she replies flatly, then adds in a sardonic tone, "Try not to spill too much steaksauce on your tie,"