Thane stayed in the Med Bay along with Kolyat, pre-surgical testing and prep for both of them. Kolyat was in fact cheerful with an overlay of smug. It would have made Thane smile if it hadn't been for the smoldering rage on the subject of that smugness and cheer possibly being excised from his chest and seen no more.

Cara visited and spoke with animated grace to Kolyat, sat at Thane's side quietly. They shared an intimate silence of things understood, spoken and unspoken. It was like the stillness in the shuttle to and from Beckenstein, a reflection of the shifting sand, both unable and unwilling to find solid footing enough to reflect it in words.

She did not insult him by trying to minimize or explain.

He did not kill her.

For now, that was what they shared, what they understood, and they were both unbroken in their resolve.

He was not resolved to kill her. He was resolved to undergo the surgery and bear whatever consequences, to not inflict them on her.

What had changed in Thane was his perception of youth and vulnerability in her, that illusion of her beside Kolyat making them seem more like siblings, a comforting sense of paternal detachment, the sense that he could wish only the best for her and remain bound to her will with only reward as the outcome.

The fact that she had cultivated that easy animated grace in order to convince Kolyat. That was something he could never tell Kolyat, and something he also did not doubt was well meant and genuine, that she had saved his life with genuine care and now would risk it in the same way.

He'd had the fleeting thought that she'd saved Thane's life and Kolyat's, now took them in her small palm and rolled them like dice, but that was not reflective of truth. It did not work out to a zero sum, never would, never could. The answer between them would never be zero. He would make certain of that, and so would she.

She was shorn of innocence or diminution, fully his Manipar, a dervish not only on the sand but of the sand. As she sat beside him in silence her hand would reach for his and hold on for hours. After the first time he always made certain his hand was within easy reach. In those moments she was a life-giving spring uncovered as they sat unmoving, both with eyes cast down to look at held hands, not looking in the storms of eyes, not to clash but to accompany, to bear witness. Communion that defied his homicidal intent and her capacity for manipulation, a vigil and shared knowledge that whatever else separated them, they would pray to any God or any sand or any silence that would ensure Kolyat survived.

Garrus arrived in the Med Bay often. Cara never withdrew her hand. Garrus never looked jealous or condemning of the shared oasis of the inexplicable and promised. Garrus pulled over two chairs and called over Kolyat to sit. Garrus explained "We're headed to Palaven, to have you transferred to Sirimar Hospital. There's a team briefed on the surgery there, Dr. Chakwas and Dr. Lawson supervising. The best surgical suite. Better than on the Normandy, better than Huerta could offer. Before we land I wanted to ask a few questions, give you some options. You will both always be welcome at the Vakarian Madlis in Cipritine. You will always have a home. Kolyat, over the past few weeks you've shown some interest in medicine – not just receiving – and if you want to study to become a doctor or anything similar, just ask. You can remain at the Madlis and attend school in Cipritine."

Cara added quietly "You don't have a home right now, Kolyat. The Citadel is too exposed, Kahje carries the risk of you developing Kepral's of your own, the Normandy is too… explodey. You could have a home, a community, be safe and be able to pursue what it is you want to do with your life in Cipritine. We would all worry less about Salarian plotting and Citadel politics if you were off the Citadel entirely. The Normandy will be visiting Palaven often, we'd be able to set in and see you without secrecy. Under the protection of the Vakarian Clan you'd be absolutely safe, security exceptional. There… we could all be family under a safe roof."

Kolyat said with slightly stunned dignity "I would like that. Thank you."

Cara smiled and said "Would you take Carousel as well? She likes you and… again with the explodey issue… I would rather she was safe and with you."

Kolyat smiled and said "Of course."

Garrus nodded and said "Before we set in, you've both undergone an identity change, but I want to offer doing it again, more deliberately. I have done some research into the Hanar Compact. Thane Krios is not your given birth name. I wasn't able to discover what it was, but if you wish to reclaim it, this would be an opportunity with the addition of the title Spectre. You've operated outside the law for a lifetime. Now you would be with it and above it. You've earned it."

Eyes turned to Thane, Cara and Garrus calm and accepting, Kolyat in some shock with the realization that… of course… that wasn't his real name. Kolyat did not look betrayed, but intense and trying to remain calm in present company. Thane experienced another twinge of fatherly pride in Kolyat's bearing, how he'd changed in Cara's company, and the answering twinge of the risk that entailed. Cara squeezed Thane's hand. Thane looked at Kolyat and told him "The Compact trains its assassins to take on new identities in sequence. Not only new names, but new DNA, new appearances. I now bear the DNA of a man named Thane Krios, not the DNA of a child named Senar Tuelon, which was my given name. At the beginning of my training I was told that name would no longer be mine, that I had no right to it, no right to my family. I could not give you my original DNA or my original name, nor could I give my original name to your mother. My DNA is gone. My colors are gone, black and silver at birth. After you returned to me I tried to find my parents, find my sister, those who had also been taken from me, hoping I could give them to you, but they are gone as well. The Tuelon name has no living bearers. Your mother's name would be one you could take to honor her, honor them, her family still strong on Kahje."

Kolyat's jaw set in some shock and determination "If I'd wanted to represent her family, I'd still be there. Whoever you are, whoever you were, whoever you will be, I'm your son. I want to be your son."

That tore something new in Thane's… Senar's… heart. He had so little to offer as a father, had not provided anything honest from himself except the will to be far away to protect him.

Kolyat said quietly "You used to tell me a story. You'd always tease me and tell me I should be able to remember, and I did, but it was like dancing with you and mom. I just wanted to do it again, hear it again, have all the different versions. You made it a little different every time and I kept asking you to tell it. You never said no." Kolyat looked at him expectantly, to create a memory of knowing that they both knew, reinforcement from a child with a perfect memory but not enough connection to make it real without Senar's permission.

Senar said "Kiranas and Yased." A story of a young woman with impaired memory and the young man who loved her and saved her from being abandoned by her Clan to die in the desert. A story Senar Tuelon had loved long before being taken from his own family, a story his father had told him over and over at Senar's request. Something true, something passed on.

Kolyat inclined his head with a smile, Senar remembering humming comfort to Kolyat when he was sick and telling the story, calming a rambunctious and not-at-all-tired-daddy young Kolyat and telling the story, so many times, something shared, something theirs.

Kolyat said "I think I'll go with Yased Tuelon as a new name. The Hanar took something from you, I can help take it back, make it true. Mom has enough people that have her name and will remember her. I won't forget her, but I want to remember you."

Cara's hand squeezed in his and tears filled her eyes, then filled Senar's, and as he inclined his head they fell.

Garrus said quietly "As a Spectre you will be able to access your own resources, run your own missions, do as you choose. The Council has faith in your abilities. Palaven will honor you as a crewmate of the Normandy, someone who had his own ship during the attack on the Collectors. You're a hero. You'll both be admitted to the hospital under those names. You will both get the best care, the best security available."

Senar looked at Garrus and said "I believe as you have discovered yourself, my home is on the Normandy. If all goes well I wish to return to her." He did not clarify who 'her' referred to but he had no doubt that at least Garrus and Cara knew his meaning. "Thank you, Garrus."

Cara squeezed his hand and said softly "Congratulations, Spectre Senar Tuelon."

Senar remained speechless as Cara and Garrus both withdrew and his son Yased moved to sit beside him, his hand replacing Cara's, his son's other hand behind his head in the gesture of reinforced and renamed, redefined family, Yased insistent on leaving his real family behind and adopting a new one as his father had.

Senar had his name, family, a home, a place, a son and even respectability now, about to receive a gift of an unwanted but undeniable lung that would otherwise become varren food, proud of his son's resolve. He did feel proud, but undeserving with Yased's eyes reflecting not the will of the sand, but the will of Yased. Senar said quietly "Thank you for everything you have done to try to reach me."

Yased smiled "Think it'll work?"

"Yes. I believe it has."

"Good. You're a tough guy to reach."

"I would like to thank you for your determined gift. With that in mind I beg you to reconsider, let me take both synthetic lungs."

"I'm afraid I'm going to continue on with my determined gift."

"Your mother would be proud of you."

"Mom would be horrified about the varren thing."

"But proud."

"Just like you."

"Just like me."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Cara deferred all social obligations on Palaven, even meeting Garrus's family, until Senar and Yased were in the hospital. She was preoccupied and claimed the right to be. Deeply relieved at the confidence in security and outcome with the addition of the assistance of the Councilor, the Vakarian clan and the hospital.

She'd done some difficult things in her life, and she knew she was right doing this difficult thing, but the risk…

Maybe she'd gotten too accustomed to risk taking, extended it to taking it for Senar.

But she had to, and it was for Senar and it was for Yased, and it was…

For her.

She couldn't stand the idea of Senar choking to death on his own breath, of the coughs that he minimized but were in the lungs and not the throat becoming a more overt thing. That sound was an omen of evil and she had to stop it.

She could stop it.

She would stop it.

She would stop it whether or not he wanted it to be so, leveraging his son in the forced bargain. She had clarified that Yased had wanted to do it but… everyone, including Senar and Yased, knew he would not have done it, could not have done it, without her impetus and advice.

Without her manipulation and particular skill set and ruthlessness.

She'd much rather be on that surgical table giving up both her lungs. At this point she thought maybe so would Garrus, who had watched her pace and listened to her fret, strategize and justify. Garrus had already done all that he could and Cara was in fact grateful with the power of an avalanche that they were going to Palaven, that they were together, that he listened and had solutions, that she wasn't alone anymore or on the defensive with a determined Drell…

But she also missed Thane… Senar… and wondered if they could ever be on good terms with each other… had they ever been on 'good' terms to begin with?

These had always been… exceptional and bizarre terms and now perhaps sundered until memory loss and a mythic connection in an afterlife she didn't believe in maybe brought them together again.

She had nothing to say now and too much to say, and those words would mean nothing later, she felt like a coward not speaking them. Thanks and sorry and…

She should be used to exceptional and bizarre, but in this case she was obsessed and barely managing. She'd pace until Garrus caught her and made her stop. She resented being stopped, being asked to eat or rest, when they were facing suffering and she wanted to face it with them. Then Reverie took care of that until it faded, then she'd pace again.

She was so nervous about meeting new Turian family that she ignored that entirely except for moments when her nervousness about the surgery faded enough to make that resurgent enough for panic.

Then she'd check the news obsessively for condemnation of a Turian Councilor bonded to a human.

Mostly what came up was Vilarene Vakarian making a beatific and welcoming statement of joy at the announcement of her son's bonding and her full support, Solona and Tensir at her side. Cara wasn't great at Turian expression so she imagined Solona and Tensir being less… joyous… but Garrus had assured her that all that mattered was his mother's support, nobody would speak against her and Vakarians would close ranks.

She had continued to pace and ask "But what price gets paid behind closed doors? Like the price of you always having to fund a Salarian research project for something?"

Garrus had smiled "You don't know my mother or my father. They make other people pay prices."

He sounded so proud she almost smiled but then asked quietly "What did you have to do to get… Senar… a Spectre slot?"

Garrus said "Cara… you saved so many people. Nobody… is asking for prices right now. Not even behind closed doors. There's a saying on Palaven that the walls of the Madlis listen to those who have authority on a subject. That the Madlis itself knows what is right or wrong and will judge those who live inside it if they do not listen. It's not just the Madlis that listens now, it's the Citadel. It's the Council. It's the Alliance. It's Thessia."

She automatically corrected "We… saved so many people."

"Yes. We. And everyone knows it. You think someone wants to pick right now to tell us we've done something wrong? This is a moment in history where we can redefine what is right. Just like we wanted."

She wanted to point out that it was less 'we' and more 'him' in both cases, the bonding and the announcement, but that was anxious and raw energy, wanting to validate that she'd screwed up while he was trying to reassure her. She couldn't say it, she just felt it, that she was so obstinate and manipulative that she had to bypass and be bypassed… the people she loved…

Because they were all so damned stubborn, including her, she had to, and they had to, because Senar wouldn't agree to taking Yased's lung and Cara wouldn't agree to taking Garrus's legacy and Garrus wouldn't admit to paying any cost that was too high if it was paid toward being her bond mate.

She didn't like that answer but that's what it worked out to over and over.

And she wouldn't give up command.

So she was busy telling people what to do and taking and…

And she didn't like that.

She remembered asking 'Mom, what do you do when you love someone so much and you want to give them everything but you need to take?'

'That's what love is, Cara.'

She finally thought her mother did know.

She still really, really didn't like that answer either. Love had to also be different things.

She couldn't ask Senar forgiveness for taking the risk of Yased's life. She couldn't ask Garrus for forgiveness for taking the risk of being obstinately and inconveniently bonded.

Because if they went wrong, she wouldn't deserve forgiveness. If they went right she didn't deserve credit.

Just like Batarians, just like Reapers, just like…

She swallowed and stopped making comparisons there, overwhelmed by personal incompetence and helplessness in this realm of those she loved. She stopped in her pacing, focusing on not crying. Garrus came over to pick her up and hold her. She didn't resent it, not liking that she found comfort in sharing helplessness as well as sharing strength, but not feeling sorry for herself. Personally was at no risk at all, she'd only vacated a helpless space she'd been taking up so Yased could hold Senar's hand.

She gripped Garrus's hand and shared her helplessness, lately the only prayer she knew to the only people she thought might care enough to hear.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Senar had been transported to the warm and dry Drell medicine section of the hospital on Palaven. He acquiesced to all treatment, pain relief and therapies, making his surrender as full as possible, looking to his newly-named son who shared his expansive room for the motivation to do so.

Cara was with them as they underwent therapies, as she learned everything she could about the procedures and the possibilities, soaking that all in although she had no doubt researched this obsessively for months when he was not physically with her.

When it was time for the surgery his silences evaporated, no longer a potential of convincing either of his stubborn benefactors with its application. He realized that beyond Yased's infirmity, if Senar died, Cara would not recover. He was always somewhat sedated now, having given true assessments of his pain levels and being informed they were unacceptable. He was free of physical pain and wished for her to be free of pain on the subject of his pain. He had not considered his own death or its affect upon her, only Yased's. If Senar survived and Yased did not, they had both considered that, now was for them, and Senar realized he'd already asked Cara to not mourn his death and this was her answer to that request.

Looking at her downturned head, ever looking at their clasped hands he said "Lasam, you must do something for me."

Startled green eyes in the silence met his and he wished perversely that he'd spent all those hours able to look into green eyes, a captive not of shared misery but a partner in forging a future. He had never been particularly optimistic about the future… or the past. He continued "Choose to forgive. In this moment. If I do not survive, remember that. If I survive and there is a burden to be borne, do not make it worse. Choose to forgive."

"And can you do the same?"

"I have not tried that path, this is a path for you. I will attempt it. Right now the burden is easy for me, I can say whatever I wish. I am drugged."

She smiled "Of course. I'll keep that in mind."

"As I am incapacitated, clearly, I am not responsible for what I say."

"Liar."

"That as well. As are you. You should see your new family, Lasam. Do not hover over us anxiously during the surgery."

"That I won't do. Garrus is seeing to his family. He made the announcement, he can pave the way so I won't trip. I'm prone to tripping."

"You would deny a dying, drugged man's final wish?"

"Stop. It's not a final wish and you're perfectly capable of exerting your uncomfortable will later. Success rate is very high."

"So we have perhaps been overdramatic."

"I don't mind. I like holding your hand."

"I ask you again, Lasam, do not hover."

"I'm going to hover."

"As you wish."

"What should I wear when I meet my new family?"

"The gold with green."

"I'll feel like a glittering fraud."

"As I am a glistening fraud, perhaps that does not work out all that badly." She laughed at his tone of ironic acceptance and said "Cara, fraud implies harm. I… have been a fraud enough to know. A fraud looks good in order to do harm. You will be a glittering gift."

"Why is it that you're the one about to go into surgery and you're comforting and advising me."

"Perhaps I will not get the chance again."

"Stop it."

"Perhaps I will. Survive, that is, not cease advising and comforting you and being the cause of you needing to be advised and comforted in turns. I have heard that forgiveness is not given to help yourself, but to help others. It is a good time to hold grace's hand and make choices… while drugged into submission. If I ask you to forgive in the worst of cases, I can certainly forgive in the best of cases, considering I may not need to sustain it for any amount of time."

"You're going to be back up to glistening fraud speed soon, Spectre Tuelon."

"That will be something to see."

"You still going to take my orders?"

"In my fashion, of course."

"Of course."

An attendant came into the room to inform them that Cara would need to leave, surgery and prep imminent in minutes.

She smiled at him and said "If I kiss your brow it's a bit condescending. If I kiss your cheek…"

"I will not turn my head to snare you, Cara. I have some dignity."

She laughed and said "Hands seem safe. I might turn my head, you don't know."

"Yes, I do, Lasam. Regardless of any outcome, Cara, I have faith I will speak to you again. Forgive and find me."

"I'll find you here, I'll find you anywhere. I promise, Senar."

She kissed the back of his hand, stood and said as an echo of his words when he left her at the salon on Illium "This is where I leave you and where you must be brave."

He smiled and said "You are a terrible person, Cara."

"This has been established, Senar. You are not permitted to kill or disagree with the staff."

"I understand. I cannot be a terrible person. Only you."

"I believe it applies to both of us. I love you."

"I love you, Lasam. I will behave."

"Well, you'll be unconscious."

"That is perhaps the only time good behavior will happen."

With a squeeze of her hand, a kiss there and green eyes brimming with tears and lips with laughter she delivered him to his ritual sacrifice.