Violetta
My walk with Carlisle and Esme was okay, I mean, there were no tears. They tried to make me feel better and continuously told me that it wasn't my fault that no one else could have children. I still felt like shit, but I told them I was fine.
We were back at home now. It was Friday evening, and we were all going to go to Bella's place, but I didn't want to go, so Mason didn't want to, and some of the others decided they didn't feel like it, so we were all in the living room. Bella and her crew her gotten back earlier.
The TV was on but no one was really watching it. They were all talking or watching me as I played with my daughters on the ground. Charlotte took my phone from the table and crawled over to me, handing it to me.
"Thanks." I smiled at her as she returned to her toys.
"She recognised it as yours and thought it was strange that you weren't using it…" Edward said.
I put it back on the table, "Mason, we're using our phones less around them."
"Okay." He locked his and slid it into his pocket. He stood it up and sat down across from me, our daughters in the middle, surrounded by toys.
Lyla crawled over and onto my lap, carrying a toy with her. She held it up to me and waited for me to take it. I tied my hair up in a loose ponytail to keep it out of my face and played with her for a few minutes.
My phone rang and I picked it up, "Hello?"
"Violetta? This is Doctor Shelly." She introduced herself, "How are you?"
"'I'm great, you?"
"That's good, and I'm good too, thanks for asking."
"So, what inspired your call?" I was aware that my whole family was listening, but there wasn't much she could say over the phone that they didn't already know.
"I talked to a local doctor, Doctor Farro, and he would like to meet you and possibly prescribe medication…"
"Don't need it." I said casually.
"I would like to be sure." She said carefully as to not to upset me. "Of course, I can't force you to see him, but I would very much like you too, and I'm sure your parents and boyfriend would appreciate it.
I rolled my eyes, "I'll think about it."
"Please let me know when you've made a decision. I may need to talk to your parents again at a later date."
"Oh, you really don't."
"I'm not sure yet. I'll let you get back to your family. Have a nice night."
"You too." I hung up and put my phone back down, shaking my head.
"Isn't Doctor Farro your boss?" Esme asked Carlisle. He nodded.
"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to at least try the medication." Mason said to me quietly.
"I don't need it." I denied.
He looked at me with disagreeing eyes, "Okay."
"Oh, he let you win easily. You need it, Vi." Jasper said.
"I'm sorry; I don't remember you being a part of this conversation."
"Right now, I could tell Carlisle and Esme a million things that they don't know about you, and they would almost force you to get the meds, so you can do it under your own terms or under mine."
"Was that supposed to be a threat?" I asked.
"More of a blackmail tactic." He said.
Edward snickered, "I could tell them even more."
I rolled my eyes, "You wouldn't."
"You want to bet?" Edward asked.
I didn't reply to him, just glared and returned my attention back to Charlotte, who was hitting my leg.
"She burns herself now because it goes away within hours and you never know." Jasper said.
I dropped the toys I was holding and sat up straighter, trying to contain the anger and hurt rising inside of me. "Take it out on yourself, not them." I said quietly to myself.
"Oh, that's a great way to handle your anger. Take it out on yourself instead the person that caused it." Edward said sarcastically.
"Say what you want, I don't need the medication." I said quietly.
"Oh, your mind will change very quickly after a few minutes of our talking." Edward said.
I ignored him and kissed Charlotte's forehead before standing up. I walked to my room and grabbed my pack of cigarettes and a lighter before sliding them into my pocket and walked back out, "I'll be right back." I said casually, walking to the staircase.
"Where are you going?" Mason asked.
"Just outside to get some air." I said to him.
"Do not say a single word." I warned Edward through my thoughts. I knew he hated not telling anyone, but he didn't want to start anything here.
It was a stress reliever, and I found that I was smoking more and more often. I always made sure it was at least 3 hours before I expressed more milk, and never directly before or during. No one knew except for Edward. I was hoping it would stay that way.
Leah came outside and I quickly tried to hide it, but I breathed out and the smoke filled the air around me.
"Don't worry, I'm not judging." She said, walking to the steps and sitting beside me on them.
I got the pack out and offered her one. She took it willingly and lit it with the lighter between us.
"I didn't know you smoked." I said quietly.
"I was about to say the same thing. How long?"
"A month, I started just after Char and Lyla were born. Stress reliever. You?"
"About 5 months ago, I think. I walked passed a few people at school who were skipping class, too. They offered me one; I'm sort of a part of their group now."
"Anyone know?"
"Jake, Mas and Seth." She nodded, "Phasing doesn't always go in our favour."
"Imagine the reactions if anyone found out…" I said.
Leah snickered, "All hell would break loose. I'm hoping no one is looking through the windows."
"They can't see us from upstairs." I turned around and looked at the door and the window from the games room to the right, and Carlisle's study to the left. "No one I can see."
"Does Mason know about you?"
I shook my head, "It would break his heart. Only Edward and my therapist know, and you now. Well, and Lyla and Char."
"You smoke around them?"
"Not around them, but distantly from them. They've seen me with a cigarette, but I don't think they understand anyway."
We talked a bit longer, she asked about the breastfeeding while smoking arrangement and I explained it to her. I called a hospital and asked about it, and I had done a lot of research. Now it was just my money going down the drain that was a worry. It was okay, Bella paid us more than she needed to, so I always had more than enough.
We went back inside and were asked a million questions as to where we went.
Mason, Seth and Jacob stared at Leah, "Don't tell me you got her into it." Jacob said quietly.
Leah hesitated.
"I already was…" I said quietly, defending her.
"What!?" Mason asked in a stressed tone.
"Don't worry. It doesn't affect the breast milk." I brushed his worry off.
"It's not the milk I'm worried about."
"Someone fill us in here?" Renesmee asked.
"They've adopted the habit of smoking." Mason said.
They all stared at us with shocked faces. It was kind of awkward. Leah cleared her throat and walked to her room to get away from the disapproving looks. I rolled my eyes and sat back down near my daughters.
"Violetta—"
"No." I cut Carlisle off, "I really don't need your medical advice."
He looked at Esme. She looked like she was about to cry.
"You don't, right?" Bella asked Renesmee.
"Um…no."
"She has before." Edward said quietly, "I resolved that when it happened, don't worry."
"Leah!" Esme called.
I heard her groan before her door opened and she walked in, "Yes?"
"Sit." Esme motioned to the couch. She sighed and obeyed.
"Leah, how did you pick up the habit?" Carmen asked after a few seconds of silence. None of them knew what to say.
"Peer pressure." Seth answered for her when she didn't reply. "She's joined the group of smokers, alcoholics and druggos." He added.
"They don't do drugs." She defended them.
"Bullshit they don't." Jacob said.
She rolled her eyes and slumped back into the couch.
"Vi?" Carmen asked me.
I groaned and dropped sideways, lying down on the ground. A few seconds later, Lyla was climbing on top of me.
"Stress reliever." Edward answered for me. "Although I think it's just making things worse."
"It helped when you all kept in your own business." I said passive-aggressively, not wanting to argue in front of Lyla and Charlotte.
Carmen looked to Carlisle, who appeared to be stumped as to what to say here.
"And here, folks, is the first time Carlisle hasn't had something to say."
"I don't even know where to begin on the negative effects this will have on you." He said.
"Start with that." Edward said to him.
"Do you have any idea how much worse smoking can make your depression and anxiety?" Carlisle asked me, "And worsen your mental health?" He asked Leah.
"You know the positive affects?" I asked.
"Are there any?" Bella asked.
"Relaxation, increased alertness and concentration, a plus for me because I have terrible concentration, decreased appetite, decreases some symptoms of schizophrenia—"
"And worsens a whole lot more." Carlisle cut me off. "Neither of you even have schizophrenia. How is a decreased appetite a positive affect?"
"I don't gain so much weight, and it's easier to take off now."
"You're already underweight…" Mason said.
"I am not." I disagreed.
Carlisle listed about 15 negative effects, just off the top of his head. I didn't know how to respond to it, and I heard Edward laugh at me. I glared at him and looked at Leah as she spoke.
"Why do any of you think this is your decision as to whether we stop or not? If I want to quit, I will. If Vi wants to quit, she will. For now, I'm content with my life and I don't need any of you fucking it up again."
Mason covered Lyla's ears, "Language, Leah." He warned.
I nodded in agreement with Leah. None of them really knew how to handle the situation, and they knew Leah was right. Esme was sitting forward with her head in her hands. Carlisle was in deep thought while he was rubbing her back mindlessly.
"We should get them to bed…" Mason said to me. "At the cottage."
"I swear to god if you try and argue with me about this—"
"That's exactly what I'm going to do." He said.
"It isn't up to you, Mason!"
He stood up and picked Lyla up. "Come on."
"I'm not arguing with you." I shook my head as I lifted Charlotte.
He said goodbye to the family and took Lyla to Carlisle and Esme. They both kissed her forehead before he walked down the staircase. I did the same with Charlotte and followed him. I contemplated getting another cigarette out on our walk back, just to piss him off, but I was carrying Charlotte too close.
