The AU Within An AU: College AU


"Ace, Luffy! Get up, I'm not going to tell you again!" May yells upstairs as she pushes eggs around in a frying pan and adds cheese.

"May, don't be so loud in the morning," Nami groans, bleary eyed and clutching at her coffee mug as she sits down at Quintin.

"Sorry, those two need to get up. They're both going to miss their classes! Zoro, stop sleeping at the table and go wake them up."

"Why me? I'm sleeping," the green-haired college student mumbles with his head buried in his arms.

"Obviously you're not, go wake them up."

"Ugh, fine."

Zoro slouches up the stairs as Law comes down them. He's the oldest one in this shared house, finishing his last year of medical school. Sanji is right behind him, already looked primped and groomed for the day, like always.

"Nami-san, can I get you anything? Some more coffee perhaps, or maybe a mimosa of love?"

"Some more coffee would be great, thanks."

"Ah, I was thanked by Nami-san~! What about you, May-chan? I wouldn't mind making breakfast. I hate to see you toil in the kitchen when you're so busy already."

"I'm fine Sanji," she smacks his hand with the spatula as he tries to take it, "You know we have an agreement: I do breakfast, you make dinner, we're not changing that."

Law goes straight to the coffee pot, pours a cup, and then starts drinking from the pot itself.

"Law! How many times do I have to tell you? Use a bowl or something, but don't drink directly from the carafe!" she snatches the coffee away from him and he looks longingly after it, reaching for it slightly.

"But I need it."

"So do we all. Geez! I'll just pour this into a thermos since you already put your lips on it," she pours the rest of the coffee into a tall thermos for him and hands it over, and then washes the pot and start making another.

There's a series of muffled crashes and heavy-sounding thuds from upstairs, and Zoro arrives at the table, one sleepy Luffy draped over his shoulder, and one sleeping Ace being dragged by the waist of his pajama pants, with Usopp trailing after them, yawning widely.

"Ace, Luffy, food is ready."

"I'm up!"
"Food!"

They all eat breakfast in a hurry and rush out the door, Nami and Law to their cars, Ace and Luffy to the older brother's motorcycle, Zoro on his bicycle, and Sanji, Usopp, and May on foot.

"Remember, dinner's at six, don't be late!" Sanji calls to everyone.
"Yeah, yeah, bye!"
"Stupid curlybrow."
"Dumbass marimo."
"See you all tonight!"
"Try not to fall asleep in class!"
"Have a good day!"

Everyone takes off, and Sanji offers May his arm.

"Well, May-chan, shall we head over?"

"Yes, we shall," she smiles and loops her arm in his, heading to All Blue, the culinary school they both attend. Usopp walks with them until he has to go his separate way.

A normal start to the morning for the college students.


May wakes up at three o'clock sharp and trudges into the bathroom. She flips on the light, grabs her toothbrush and runs it under the water and is already halfway through brushing before she looks up and sees Sanji and someone else in the bathroom with her, staring at her in frozen horror. She looks more closely at the other person, having to squint without her glasses to figure out who it is, and sees that it's Gin, an older friend of Sanji's from the East Blue Trade and Tech School that Usopp also goes to that comes around sometimes.

"Mornin'," she says tiredly, not awake enough yet to process that Sanji is sitting on the bathroom counter and Gin is between his legs in a rather…intimate position.

The door opens again and Zoro stumbles in, grabbing up his toothbrush as well in a tired haze.

"Jus' about to go to sleep," he slurs sleepily, also not realizing the situation they're in, "You?"

"Just woke up," she spits the toothpaste into the sink and rinses out her mouth, "Gonna get some baking in before I have to go to class."

The door opens yet again, and Luffy walks in, eyes half-closed and obviously half-asleep. He goes straight to the toilet past Sanji and Gin as they awkwardly stand there and relieves himself without caring that there are others in the room. Not that half of them are awake enough to notice him.

May washes her face as the door opens for the fourth time and a tired Law with bags under his eyes steps into the quickly-becoming-far-too-crowded bathroom. He takes in everything: Luffy, zipping up his pants, the two men still locked in an embrace and blushing in mortification, May only wearing a large T-shirt and no pants, Zoro only wearing pajama pants and no shirt. He just shrugs and elbows Zoro over lightly so he can start brushing his teeth as well. They grunt at each other in lieu of saying good morning, Luffy leaves, probably to go back to sleep, and May pats her face dry.

"Is there no sense of privacy or even decency in this house?" Gin asks Sanji.

He startles when May slaps his back reassuringly.

"Nothing we haven't seen already," she tells him in the spirit of true camaraderie, "There's no boundaries here, we stopped caring about those things long ago."

She tosses her towel over Zoro's head and he gives her the finger silently over his shoulder with his head bent over the sink and she pats Law's tattooed shoulder as she passes, which he gives another grunt in acknowledgement to since his mouth is full of toothpaste.

"But, you probably shouldn't get it on in the only toilet shared by seven people," she says over her shoulder on her way out and heads downstairs.


"Ugh.

"Uggghhhh."

The drawn-out expression of pain is echoed by six other voices as they all sit on or around the couch, huddled up and surrounded by textbooks, scraps of paper, and furiously scribbled notes. It's the thick of finals season, and they are in the middle of a study session. A very long, painful, several-cups-of-coffee, a-few-emotional-meltdowns-and-counting, how-long-has-it-been-since-we've-seen-the-light-of-day study session.

Five people are squeezed onto the couch: Zoro on one end with Ace's legs thrown over him, Ace and May back-to-back, Law using May's lap as a backrest with his legs kicked over the armrest, and Luffy is perched sprawled out on the back of the couch. Sanji leans on Zoro's legs while he sits on the ground in front of the sofa, Nami right next to him dominating the coffee table with her expanse of notes scattered across the tabletop, and Usopp besides her.

They hardly speak except to ask questions the others might help them with or to mumble under their breath and work a problem out.

"Uh, is Alabasta a democratic or republic country now?" Usopp asks out loud, "Robin-sensei's going to kill me in history if I don't know the difference."

"Republic," Nami says absentmindedly, reviewing both accounting journals and weather charts at once, "Vivi's dad is the current prime minister, remember?"

"Robin's seeing your mechanic teacher, right?" May asks Usopp, "Franky? The blue-haired pervert one?"

"They say they aren't, but they totally are."

Law lifts up the papers in his hands so that May can see them.

"Read that line for me and tell me if I'm so tired my eyes are seeing bullshit or if it actually is bullshit."

"What is this?" she asks in a drained voice, looking up from chemistry notes that she's convinced are written in a Lost Language.

"Have to peer review someone's thesis," he grunts and she grabs his hand and leans over his head to get a better look at the line he points to, pushing her glasses up to her forehead; Ace finds himself leaning back with the loss of May's support, but he goes with it, too mentally tired to do anything else.

"Yeah, I'm no doctor, but that looks like bullshit. As well as a grammatical nightmare."

"Fuck. Law, what do the external oblique muscles do again?" Ace asks, rubbing his forehead furiously.

"Is that for kinesiology?"

"Yup."

"Math is so hard," Luffy groans, balancing a pencil between his lips and nose like a moustache.

"Cheers," they all answer glumly.

"No, don't leave me hanging," the teen whines, "Help meee."

He flops down onto Law from the back of the couch, scattering a whole bunch of papers and causing many outcries.

May buries her face in her hands as her chemistry notes slip and get mixed up with the others.

"No, it's cool. Chemistry is stupid anyway. Who even makes you learn chemistry when you're studying baking?"

"Get off me, Luffy!" Law growls.

"No! My history notes!"

"God damnit, my reports!" Nami yells, elbowing Sanji, who shoves his back into Zoro's legs in surprise, and Ace simultaneously, who ends up kicking Zoro's arm on accident and he in turn drops his papers.

They all collectively slump in defeat at the mess surrounding them.

"…So, who's down for dropping out of school and becoming strippers," May asks.

"I'm down," Ace says immediately, throwing his head back against her shoulder in resignation.

"I've never heard a better idea in my life," Zoro seconds.

"But, wouldn't we need a pimp or something? Isn't that how that works?" Usopp asks, "Who's going to be our pimp?"

"Nami, obviously," states Luffy, obviously.

"Damn straight I am," Nami mutters, futilely trying to sort out the papers.

"Cool, all that's left is to decide on our stripper names," says Sanji.

"I'm thinking Valentino," Law takes off his hat and rubs his fingers through his hair tiredly; May pats his head sympathetically.

"Haha, 'cause of your tattoos?" Luffy asks; he hasn't moved from where he landed on the med student, probably because studying has melted the part of his brain that controls his motor skills.

May sighs again.

"Who needs more coffee?"

A collection of dejected moans of affirmation and sadly raised hands greets her and she shimmies out between Ace and Law to get more coffee set up.

It's going to be a long night.


May stumbles her way downstairs in a hungover haze. Zoro is the only one up and in the kitchen—oh wait, Sanji's in the living room doing some early morning yoga.

"Fun party last night," she yawns, going straight to the coffee pot, "I didn't know this little house could hold that many people."

Zoro just nods.

"What time is it?"

"Nine," he grunts.

"Aw, I slept in so late."

May is waiting for the coffee when he suddenly jumps up, knocking over his tea.

"Fuck! My dad's visiting today, I completely forgot!"

May cringes and covers her ears.

"Ehh, not so loud Zoro, my head hurts."

"There's no time, shit, we have to clean up, he's not going to be happy if he thinks I'm living in a mess! I barely managed to convince him I'm responsible enough to live away from home, if he sees this wreck, I won't leave home until I'm forty! And then I'd have to deal with Perona, gah!"

May just continues to plug her ears as he goes crashing around the house, trying to clean it in a whirlwind.

"You can throw all the junk in my room," she offers as she pours herself a cup of coffee.

"What the hell-Get out of my house, you bastard!"

"Hmph, what a rude awakening. Don't you love me, Zoro-niisan? I thought I deserved better than this."

She peers curiously over as Zoro kicks out a party guest that apparently spent the night passed out on the couch—it looks like Johnny, one of Zoro's friends.

There's some screaming from upstairs.

"Ahh! Bartolomeo, why are you in the bathtub again?!"

Zoro runs up the stairs with an armful of shoes, jackets, empty vodka bottles, and other odds-and-ends probably about to end up in May's room.

There's a knock on the door and she gets up to answer it.

She just pulls it open to greet the tall man on the other side when the door slams shut and she gets tackled.

"Don't answer the door like that, you dumbass!" Zoro whisper-yells at her.

"What?" she huffs, "What's the problem?"

"You're only wearing a bra and shorts, that's my dad, what do you think he's going to think? Go put on a shirt at least!"

He pushes her into the hallway and opens the door.

"Hello, father, welcome to my home. Sorry about that."

"Who was the half-naked girl just at the door?"

"One of my housemates. She's, uh, she's doing some yoga, and that's her exercise outfit."

"Really."

May grumbles and picks up an extra shirt that Zoro missed that's tossed over the couch—she thinks it's one of Nami's—and pulls the bright neon pink shirt over her head.

"Nice shirt, May," Ace yawns as he tumbles into the room.

She looks down to read the shirt upside down: 'Fuck Bitches, Get Money."

"Definitely Nami's shirt," she confirms, following Ace to the kitchen where he's decided to use Quintin as a bed and is sprawled out on the surface; she takes a seat and picks up her coffee again as Zoro and his dad walk in.

The green-haired student grinds his palm into his forehead at the sight of his friends and his father raises an angular eyebrow.

"Ace, off the table," May tells him quietly into her coffee mug.

The twenty-two year old rolls off Quintin and onto her lap with a tired groan; she catches him absentmindedly and looks up at Zoro's father.

"Morning, sir," she says with a sleepy but pleasant smile, "Zoro didn't tell us you were coming. There's some coffee in the pot if you'd like, and I'll be making breakfast once everyone gets up."

"Hello," he nods formally; he does seem like a strict, no-nonsense kind of man in a crisp white collared shirt and black suit, "I am Dracule Mihawk, Zoro's father."

"May, Lily E. May," she nods.

"Ace," said man raises a lazy hand, stealing May's coffee with his other.

He chokes on it when he sees a shirtless Eustass Kidd jog downstairs, looking like he was attacked by an animal.

"The hell you doing here, Red?"

The tall, muscular red head just grunts and helps himself to coffee.

Law slips into the room in a similar state as Kidd—shirtless with many angry red scratch marks and marks from…other things littering his tattooed body— with the air of a man trying as hard as he can to avoid attention.

"Yeah, Torao, get some," whistles May; he shoots her a glare.

"I was drunk last night," he says flatly.

"And yet you just told me five minutes ago that you don't get drunk," Kidd smirks over the top of his mug.

"Fuck you."

"You already did."

Zoro seems to be testing if humans can materialize through walls and disappear from existence. So far, he has proven that they cannot.

Nami and her girlfriend Vivi come down the stairs, holding hands and yawning.

"Why are there so many half-naked men in the kitchen this morning?" the blue-haired girl asks, glancing at Ace, Law, and Kidd as the last one casually throws an arm over the second's shoulder and the second jabs him in the side. Forcefully.

"Isn't it a great way to start the day?" Ace responds, also taking in the glorious display of muscles appreciatively.

"Nice shirt, May," Nami comments as she takes a seat, pulling Vivi lazily into her lap, and Sanji immediately brings coffee over to them.

"You too," she grins at the DOSKO1 PANDA shirt Nami wears that's definitely May's; it happens all the time in this house, clothes getting mixed up. It was quite something to see Zoro pull on one of Nami's crop tops last week when he was still half-asleep and go to the gym in it.

Someone crashes to the ground outside of the kitchen window from upstairs; the people around the table only spare them a glance and quickly forget about whoever it is when Luffy and Usopp come downstairs, bringing all the house's residents together.

"Bartolomeo was being a creeper again. Luffy took care of it, so don't worry," Usopp offers as explanation, taking a seat at Quintin while Luffy flops down on top of Ace who is still on top of May.

"So, breakfast?" she asks, standing up and displacing the two on her lap who tumble to the floor, "Oh, and everyone this is Zoro's papa."

"Oh, didn't see you there."

"Hi, Mr. Zoro's Dad!"

"Whoa, now we know why Zoro looks so grumpy all the time."

"Yeah, their scowls are nearly identical! Amazing!"

"And no wonder Zoro's had a receding hairline since he was eighteen, look at his dad!"

Kidd leans his arm on May's shoulder, occasionally stealing pieces of bacon as she puts together a simple breakfast for everyone as they talk and tell Mr. Dracule embarrassing stories about his son.

He leaves after breakfast when everyone wanders off to do their own things and the people who don't live in the shared house go on their ways. May, who's in the kitchen washing dishes, overhears him and Zoro before he departs.

"You have some good friends, Zoro."

"You don't think they're…rude? Or wild, irresponsible college kids that I shouldn't be hanging out with?" he asks hesitantly.

"Son, I went to college with your uncle Shanks. These kids are tame compared to him when he was younger. I trust you to choose the people you associate with, and it seems like you've chosen a worthy group."

May grins to herself as she hears the door close and Zoro comes back into the kitchen.

"So, did you manage to convince him that you're a functioning adult that can take care of himself?" she asks him.

"Somehow. Thanks for…well, not making him think my friends are complete disasters."

She gives him a quick hug.

"Hey, who says we're not? Either way, we've got your back."


"Yo!"

Everyone in the Ohara public library—the majority of everyone in the library being college students in the middle of studying, including all of share housemates—look up at the girl with pink hair leaning over the balcony, slightly out of breath from running.

"Oikawa Cafeteria is having a 50% off special!"

Now, there is not much in life that will get a college student to move. The apocalypse could very well be happening outside and they would probably stay where they are and think 'Oh thank god, now I don't have to take the test tomorrow' while they're at it.

However.

When it comes to food and you hear the words "50% off", "discount", or "free", you can bet your ass that the students will be the first ones to the scene.

The entire library is cleared out within seconds, the hoard of students racing each other to get there first, and it's not long before the restaurant is overwhelmed with college kids, Luffy right at the front of the line.

Students from all of the surrounding schools crowd around, sitting in every available seat. Luffy and the pink-haired girl that tipped them off about the special sit side-by-side, locked in a contest to see who can eat the most. Another pink-haired girl with a beauty mark under her eye sits down next to Nami without invitation and starts up a conversation.

"Oh, you study philosophy?" Nami rests her chin on her fist and tilts her head to the side, smiling softly, but it screams 'Fight me', "Come talk to me when you get into the physical sciences. The real sciences."

"Excuse me?!"

"Oh, don't be such a liberal arts major about it."

"Fuck you, bitch!"

"Muret, you should fight with that redhead chick, it'd be hot," some douche-bag looking guy walks up and wraps his arm around the pink-girl's shoulder.

"Bellamy, tell this bitch what's what," 'Muret' sniffs, "She doesn't think social sciences are serious business."

"Because they're not," Nami says haughtily, "You should do something more useful, like accounting or meteorology."

"Shut up, you're probably a business major!"

"Will you all shut the fuck up, I'm trying to eat here," Law sends an irritated glare at the two intruders when they jostle his arm as he brings his chopsticks to his mouth, Rose Squid Ink Pasta slipping down back to his plate, "Also, you're gross if you think cat-fights are attractive."

"And who are you, huh?" scoffs Bellamy, "A woman's studies major?"

"Medical student, I have PhD, bitch," Law says hostilely, "What do you do?"

"But Law," May whispers to him on his other side, leaning on his shoulder, "You don't have a PhD yet, you haven't finished school."

"They don't need to know that," he quickly replies in a low voice.

"Psh, big whoop. A fancy degree don't mean shit when you're a little wuss. I have an athletic scholarship."

From the way he said it, he obviously meant it to be impressive, but Luffy overhears and immediately bursts out laughing.

Loudly.

"Hahahaha, an athletic scholarship?! Even Zoro's not that stupid!"

"You wanna go?!"

"Shishishi, bring it!"

May lifts up her bowl of Dress Shrimp Paella out of the way as Bellamy lunges over the table at Luffy, who meets him readily and with a smile even, the cheeky little monkey. Soon, the entire restaurant is full of brawling people.

She smacks away a stray student with her heavy textbook and continues to eat her meal.

"Is this what you call school rivalry?" Nami asks saving her drink from a person that lands on the table.

"Nah, this is full out battle of the majors," replies Law, nonchalantly shoving his chopsticks up someone's nose to push them away aggressively.

"Kick his ass Luffy!" May cheers, before leaning onto Law to avoid Bellamy, who's sent flying, and she laughs, "How lively! Who would think college would be this fun!"


Author's Corner: Hey-a! Happy Easter, this is all I have time for, but I hope you enjoy it! (Fuckboi Bellamy returns with a vengeance)

Thanks for reading! (I'll answer reviews next time)

-jj