A/N: I obviously spoke too soon...I've been endlessly blocked and I've deleted A LOT of versions of this chapter...so I'm posting this before I'm tempted to delete it. Enjoy?!


All These Things I've Done (The Killers)


SANTANA'S POV


"I have been sober for 45 days."

Of all the words in the TWO languages that I speak, why the fuck were those the first ones that I said to her?

God only knows.

She blushed and then placed her cool palm against my bare arm, sending fire burning throughout my body.

"That's amazing. Congratulations."

"Thank you...I...that wasn't supposed to be the first thing I said to you, I had this whole plan...but seeing you today..." She shot her friend a glare and then smiled softly at me.

"How about a do over?"

"Do over?" My mind immediately went to fixing our relationship and starting again but I, at least knew better than to speak those words out loud.

"Come over for lunch...maybe then we can have a better chance to catch up?"

"That's...I'd love that, Q."

"Great! Do you want to walk back with us or you know..." Her eyes trailed down my body and back up again, "Or we could take a cab?"

"Actually...I have my car, if you want a ride?"

Her silent friend suddenly remembered that we could see her because she groaned loudly and rubbed her stomach.

"A free ride? My God, YES."

And that's when I noticed that the friend was pregnant...or at least fat in that way that makes you look pregnant which immediately had me wondering if Quinn had moved on with this "friend".

Because if that is the case, I'm going to have to remember that we are only friends.

Distant friends who had fucked...A LOT.


It wasn't until we were in the car with the "friend" in the back seat and Quinn sitting right next to me that I was reminded of just who this "friend" was.

"So what have you been up to since I last saw you, Santana? Hopefully not punching out any more of Quinn's exes. Right?"

And that's when I remembered.

"You're Quinn's old roommate...Veronica...right?"

"Vanessa and yes! I am."

I glanced at Quinn who was looking down at her phone with a grin because of course she knew what was coming next.

"So you're not my replacement?" I asked, looking at her through the rear view.

"Oh God no...she's pretty and all but I am definitely straight."

"Sure you are." I teased and then felt an irritation that had been building dissipate.

"Trust me, if I chose to sleep with a girl, it wouldn't be with Quinn. You are way more my type than she is...trust me. I love my women of color. I messed with one white guy and ended up pregnant!"

"Hey!" Quinn said, turning back and glaring at Vanessa. "What's wrong with white girls?"

"There you go, must you always make shit about yourself?"

"Fuck you!" Quinn said before turning back around and crossing her arms over her chest just like her Beth.

"Ewww, no thanks and don't go getting offended, Q...you like them with color too. Even your baby daddy has a tan to him." Vanessa teased.

It was rare to see someone come so directly for Quinn's pride...it was...refreshing.

Quinn gave her the finger this time and then turned up the radio, hoping to drown her out.


Having Vanessa in the car made the ride seem anything but tense, thankfully.

Quinn had a lot on her mind and was quiet for most of it.

But then I parked and she suddenly had a voice again.

"Is this your sobriety chip?" She asked as she picked up a coin off of my console.

"Yea...it's no big deal. Thirty days is nothing."

"It's something to me and it will be something to Beth."

And just like that...all the ease was sucked out of the car.

"On that note...I'm going to head inside, play nice."

Quinn didn't even wait for Vanessa to close the door before unbuckling herself and making her way into the backseat.

I watched her make short work of hopping over my center console and smoothly sliding into the backseat.

For someone with a bad back, it was impressive to see her maneuver the tight space so easily.

I was not so confident that I could do the same.

So I turned off the car and climbed out of the car and took the more practical way of getting into the back of the car.

Her face said it all when I slid into the backseat next to her.

"What?"

"Wuss." She teased and it felt so good...so genuine and I had missed it sorely.


QUINN'S POV


I was trying so hard to keep things between us light, especially after seeing her reaction to my being so proud of her sobriety.

To her that thirty days might not feel like much but to me and by extension, Beth, it is absolutely the best thing that she could have done for herself.

"Can I play you something?" She muttered and I just barely heard her because she had her head down and was scrolling through her phone.

"Play me something? You can..." I was feeling a little thrown that she was racing towards something other than the coin I was holding but I could roll with it. Hopefully. "Of course."

She let out a sigh and then handed me her coveted phone with her music app up on the screen.

"Hit play when you're ready."

I looked down at the phone and saw a song from one of my favorite bands...if this was what she wanted to play me...well, she could save the effort because I already knew every word.

"What's this?" I asked and she just gestured to the phone.

"Hit play, Q. Please?"

And so I did.


The song wasn't the same.

It wasn't The Killers...it was her singing a cover of the song.

She'd taken the sound of the song and turned it completely around.

And my heart was practically trying to beat out of my chest.

I looked over at her and she had her head down, her hair blocking most of her face as she sat there mouthing the words while picking at her cuticles.

Every emotion that she was feeling while she sang this was sending tingles up and down my spine.

So much love...so much pain.

I recognized Sam's voice singing the repeating chorus and smiled to myself...and when she sang the last stanza;

"With all these things that I've done
All these things that I've done
If you can hold on
If you can hold on"

I felt the weight of her words and everything she meant as she sang it.

Talk about not letting things between get heavy, there was no chance of that.

At this point, there was no skirting around our issues with humor...and I was finally okay with that.


When the song ended, I made to hand the phone back but then didn't quite let go.

I turned towards her...my one leg folded on the seat and the other hanging off the seat...my knee touched her thigh and she looked pretty nervous about it.

"That was beautiful...was it for..." I began to ask but then chickened out just in case it wasn't for me. "Was that Sam that I heard?"

"Yeah."

My hand still clutched her phone but she didn't seem too concerned with getting it back as she looked at my knee that was touching her and then over my thighs and up my body until she was looking into my face.

She smiled at me and then lifted her hand to my face, using her thumb to rub away the tears that I didn't even realize were sitting there.

"You can keep the coin."

"Huh?" I said...completely disoriented by her hand that was still cupping my face.

"My sobriety coin, thingy. It's from my second NA meeting out of rehab. Mami got it for me."

"Are you sure you want me to have it?"

"Definitely. I went to rehab because you helped me see what I was becoming. So I owe you at least that."


My stomach was in knots as I clutched the coin in my hand, knowing that for her it wasn't about the days meaning nothing but that this chip was something she felt she owed me.

I opened my hand and the gold coin shined up at me.

The name of her rehab center engraved on the back of it.

"Would you believe that I didn't know that you were even in rehab?" I said, as I turned the coin over between my fingers.

"Good...I didn't want you to know. I begged my parents and everyone else that I thought might tell you where I was, not to tell you...even..." She looked away from me and dropped her hand from my face...leaving a warmth behind.

"Even?"

"Your mother."

"What?" I said, feeling thrown off. It had been ages since I had talked to my mother and from what I knew, she knew nothing about my life or Santana's and so this was news to me.

"Well...she was there. She saw me and I was afraid she'd run right back to you. It's not like I sought her out." Santana shrugged.

"She's back in rehab?" I shrieked and Santana scrunched up her face in confusion before shaking her head.

"No, not technically. She went there at some point in the past but now she comes back to help do the church service with her boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?"

She brushed her fingers through her hair and blew out a breath.

"Okay, you obviously need to call Judy. I can't give you whatever answer you need in regards to her. What I need to talk about is us."

"Us?"

"Are you suddenly a parrot? I feel like I'm talking to Rachel!" She snapped and there she was...my friend...my fellow bitch.

Maybe that was what I needed.

She was being all demure and unknowingly, she was annoying me and well...I was apparently returning the favor.


SANTANA'S POV


I had been trying to keep my cool because this wasn't a part of the plan that I had created in rehab.

The song and the coin were a part of it but seeing her today and talking to her in this hot car was not.

Dinner and dancing...a movie...even a walk in the park would have been easier than this.

I felt like I was in my fucking tomb and the Yale graduate next to me was playing dumb.

Needless to say I was frustrated but she didn't seem to be thrown off by my outburst...in fact, she seemed to be happy about it.

"How about we get out of this car and go inside...we could catch up?" She said...a certain look in her eye that I did NOT want to address because sex was definitely off of the table for a very long time.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I will want to have sex with you."

"So?" She said, suddenly okay with me fucking her even though she barely spoke to me for almost four months.

Truth was, I was nervous to be completely honest with her about everything I had been through since that night but if anyone would understand the commitment that I had made during my recovery, it would be Quinn.

I had to believe that.


"Two years, Q. I'm abstaining from sex and dating for two years, until I am sure that I can be clean and take care of me. I moved way too fast in the last few years and ended up hurting a lot of people but mainly...Britt...myself...and you."

Her eyes nearly bulged out of her head as my words hit her. You'd think she was a horny teenager with the way she reacted.

"That's...wow. When did you decide this?"

"In rehab mostly but also after talking to my mom. You know she loves you but I'm her daughter and...things got bad, Q. Bad enough for me to steal my father's prescription pad...I was taking everything and anything, I've traded sex and favors for coke. Not only is that bad for Beth but it's bad for you. I want you. SO BAD and while I can understand your needs not just sexually but emotionally, I was hoping that you could wait for me?"

"That's...wow...a lot to ask."

I knew it was and I wanted to just say that she could go off and start her life with someone else but I couldn't let her go that easily.

She had to know that I wanted to be with her and her only.

And so I went for it...even if...it was contradictory to what I just said.


My hands found themselves in her hair, twining through the silky strands by memory as I fused my lips with hers.

I was afraid that if I made the move, that she wouldn't reciprocate but thankfully, I had nothing to worry about.

My nails scratched lightly at her scalp as I deepened the kiss, missing this feeling...missing everything about her and just from the way that her hands were now clinging to my shirt, I could tell that she felt the same way...

Also, the moaning tipped me off.

I felt wetness on my face and for a split second, I thought I had fucked it up and I was bleeding but the days of cocaine nosebleeds were mostly behind me.

She pulled back first and looked at me, shell-shocked and flushed.

The tears were my own and I couldn't bring myself to wipe them away...in fact, the tears that followed them came as I looked into her eyes.

My hands rested on her shoulders now and her hands...well...they were sitting on my bare thighs...my short skirt having risen to my waist in all of our shuffling.

She looked down and smirked before looking back at my face.

"I'm not going anywhere, Santana but just know that if you plan to keep kissing me like that...two years is going to seem like an eternity for the both of us."

I chuckled...letting all of the heaviness and worry roll off of me.

"Noted."


A/N: Time jump next chapter. I'm done in this time period. I won't let you suffer during this two year celibacy and I'm not skipping a whole two years. TTFN!