Author's Note: This letter is for Leia 96 who requested a while ago a letter "from Amelia to Dean, even though she never met him, about how Sam's dealing with his 'death.'" This was a very interesting suggestion, and I knew I had to do it. :) So here it is, a letter from Amelia (season 8) to "dead" Dean. Before you read though, I must clarify a couple things. 1) Amelia knows nothing about hunting, monsters, or any of that. I try to keep these letters cannon, and Sam never told her about his real history in the show. So if it sounds like she knows anything about it, she doesn't. It's coincidental. And 2) I personally never cared for the character of Amelia on the show. However, I tried to write this from an unbiased perspective. And if you liked the character of Amelia that's great. To each their own, I really don't judge. :) I want to thank judyann, kingdommast, jojospn, ClassyMuse, GuestJ, shirleypositive72, reannablue, mb64, SPNxBookworm, and flygirl33 for their recent amazing reviews. And thanks to every one of you who reads these!

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

Dean,

My name is Amelia. You don't know me at all, but feel like I know you thanks to your brother. I'm Sam's girlfriend, and I don't really know why I'm writing this to you. I think because I felt the need to talk to someone who I know cares about Sam as much as I do. He…Well I don't want to say he's not doing well. He is doing fine most of the time. Or so it appears. But underneath the casual exterior I know he's practically broken. It's hard to explain. One minute we'll be taking a walk and just chatting, and the next he'll be staring off into space with this intense look on his face. Like he's in pain. And then I'll notice what he's actually looking at, and I'll know why he's hurting. But I won't always know how to help.

See, at first I didn't even know what was causing those moments. It took me a while to understand because I couldn't connect the dots. Like the first few times it happened, it was something that appeared entirely random to me that set him off. One time we were in a toy store buying a present for my friend's kid, and he saw these little plastic army men and went dead silent, just staring at them for the longest time. I figured they meant something to him, but I had no idea what.

And then another time we were at the hospital to visit my dad who had just got his appendix removed pretty late in the game. And then suddenly this teenage guy on a gurney got rushed past us in the hall. He was covered in blood and the nurses and everyone were calling things out. I heard someone say "animal attack" as they ran past. When they were gone I turned to look at Sam and I saw he was sheet white and his fists were clenched. He actually had to go off on his own to regain his composure. And I couldn't follow him to offer comfort because I had no clue where to even begin…No idea what was wrong.

But eventually came the time when I actually figured it out. We were sitting at our favorite spot in the park with our dog, just enjoying the mild weather… And we were watching some kids across the field play soccer. One of the kids shoved a smaller boy out of his way as he ran for the ball, and the smaller boy fell over. Immediately, a bigger boy came running to the little one's side, all concerned. The little kid must've been fine because the bigger boy quickly turned his attention to the kid that had shoved him. And even from where Sam and I were sitting we could hear the bigger boy clear as day tell the kid who'd shoved the small boy to "Never friggin' touch my little brother again you ass."

It was certainly colorful language to be coming from a kid who couldn't have been more than eleven. But I somehow didn't think that seeing a kid cursing was the reason Sam was tearing up and had to look away from me. It suddenly clicked, and I felt so stupid for having missed it all along. Especially because Sam had talked to me about the fact that he lost you. All these moments where he kept freezing up, looking like he'd seen a ghost…In a way he had.

He had seen something that reminded him of you. That had brought up memories that were like little pieces of you still floating around. Over time I got him to fill me in on reasons for things. Like the next time it happened, he had seen someone at a restaurant eating a piece of apple pie like it was the love of their life… And he looked really pained for a moment, so I asked him to talk about it. And thankfully he did. He told me all about your obsession with that particular baked good, and he even smiled a little about it once I got him talking. And ever since then I've managed to convince him to talk more about things. To tell me more about you. And he seemed genuinely pleased after a while to share stories of the two of you.

But I still worry, because there are so many moments still when he won't open up. So many times when he gets that distant look and I can't get him to talk about why. I can't pull him back from the pain. And I wish with all my heart that I could. It's like there are some memories he's just not ready to share with me. And sometimes I wonder if they're memories he wishes he could forget. The haunted look he gets, like that day in the hospital…It's unnerving.

But I know he doesn't really want to forget. If there's one thing I have learned after hearing all the things he's shared with me about you, it's that you meant the world to him. It couldn't be more obvious. I don't know if a little brother has ever looked up to a big brother more… I mean the way his eyes light up whenever he remembers a particularly happy event with you. He loved you immensely, and I know he still does.

I just wish I could help him more to deal with those moments when it hurts too much to talk about. I wish I could be the help to him that I know you always were. But hey, if everything I hear about you is true then maybe even in death you'll find a way to help Sam. I mean the way he talks about you? I believe that at the very least you'd try. That you would give it your all. And just hearing about all the times you took care of him inspires me to do my best to look after him now. I know I've got big shoes to fill, but I assure you I'm really trying. So here's to both our efforts. I know you'd agree it's definitely worth it.

Amelia

Secondary Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Reviews and requests make my day. :D