Nope


The Third Doctor didn't really see the point in this silly little party. So the Master had once again been defeated, he had been stopped from conquering the world last week as well so the Doctor could not see the justification for drunken festivities. He briefly toyed with the idea that this was some sort of devious tax evasion scheme. But as the evening went on the Doctor was beginning to believe that the party was just what it appeared to be; a group of humans getting together to exchange stories and alcohol just because they wanted to. It was… quaint in an annoying human way. They were terribly sentimental the lot of them and as much as he tried pretend that his culture was much more respectable, they seemed to be having a great deal more fun than the Time Lords ever did.

The Doctor stood off to the side with a small smile on his face, meticulously adjusting his velvet jacket as he watched Mike Yates pour Jo another unidentifiable drink which was mostly some form of depressant. But they looked so happy the Doctor decided not to mention the havoc it was wreaking on their autonomic and somatic nervous systems. Maybe this was good for them; it had been a hectic couple of months. It seemed there was always a monster to stop, a disaster to thwart and just somewhere to run off to. The Doctor himself wasn't much for these human customs but he quite enjoyed the happiness it brought his fellows, some more than others...

"Doctor," the Doctor grimaced as the Brigadier leaned heavily onto his shoulder grinning lopsidedly. The Brigadier, normally a stiff and composed man whom the Doctor had always respected, was completely inebriated. He's said that the man needed to relax more often but that didn't mean he wanted his friend's saliva all over him.

"I do believe you've had enough Lethbridge-Stewart, what would Doris say if she could see you now?" The Brigadier laughed gamely and punched at the empty air.

"D-hic-Doric isn't here Doc-tah and I'd appreciate it if you treated me like a proper –hic- commanding officer." The Doctor rolled his eyes and slowly started to drag the man towards the door outside where he could get the man sobered up a bit and get him back home where he belongs.

"Right, terribly sorry old chap, come on then my dear Brigadier, it's time you returned to your post. I'll just put you in Bessie and we'll get you back to your duties in no time. Oh Jo dear, thank you for getting the door, yes, I'm going to take him home now. Thank for inviting me, it's been quite enjoyable." The Doctor paused to speak quietly to Jo while the Brigadier squirmed fitfully in his arms like a small child.

"You know I caught the Mas-tah," the Brigadier interrupted while Jo hid a smile behind her hand. She may have been too kind to use this unique situation to her advantage but the snickering from the officers told him that they would take this opportunity for all it was worth.

"Yes of course Brigadier, now you tell the Doctor all about it as he takes you back home." She said quietly excusing herself. The Brigadier continued on even though his intended audience had left.

"Yes, it was easy; I just 'ad to distract him was all. Distraction-yeah, that's the key, I know how you-you Time Kings work. You're all the same; one good distraction and you're easy picking, like a duck." The Doctor wasn't even really paying attention to his friend's babbling as he searched his pockets for the keys to his car.

"That's nice Alistair, oh blast it, Jo have you seen my k-" he was prevented from speaking further when suddenly, and quite unexpectedly, he had the Brigadier in his face. And not only was the human man in his face, he had his lips on his own and was actually kissing him. The Doctor felt himself tense up in surprise and horror as the noises around them fell to a crashing silence. It couldn't have lasted more than a few seconds but to the Doctor, it felt like several centuries had passed before the Brigadier pulled back with a cheeky grin.

"See there Doc-tah, that's all you need is a good –hic- distraction." The Doctor, still frozen at the unexpected advance stared at his friend. No, but the man was married for Rassilon's sake! And he was a Time Lord and oh dear what had happened? Someone in the crowd coughed which broke the hush over the crowd. Sergeant Benton, good soldier that he was, came forward and took hold of the Brigadier's arm and started to lead him away.

"Here, I'll take him home for you. I've haven't had that much to drink and he's not far from where I live." He smiled quietly and whispered. "Don't worry, his mind's in another place, just a funny turn is all. I bet he has no idea what he's just done. Best to forget it ever happened." The Doctor straightened his bowtie and nodded when Benton gingerly led the drunken man out of the room. He cleared his throat and turned to see the whole room staring at him with wide eyes. He picked up a glass sitting on the table and held it up.

"Well then, here's to the Brigadier, the only human who knows how to keep me around." The crowd chuckled and raised their glasses before continuing on with their celebrations. He slumped against the wall in exasperation as he took a sip from the glass. On the other side of the room, Jo's face had gone red trying to hold in her laughter and he heard a few suppressed chuckles going 'round. Well this was going to cause a stir now wasn't it?

The Doctor subtly dabbed at his mouth with a handkerchief. Honestly, his first kiss with a human and it had to be Lethbridge-Stewart of all people. He wanted to feel angry but could only muster mild annoyance. He supposed he was just too fond of the man to be truly upset and, Sergent Benton had been right, his friend had quite taken leave of his senses. Still, he smiled, his first kiss certainty could have been worse. He made a mental note to tease the man tomorrow as he suffers through the aftereffects of his evening. That's what friend's did after all and the Doctor thought that maybe this meant that he and the Brigadier were going to be stuck together for awhile yet and maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.


And the Doctor and the Brigadier went on to be the best friends to ever friend. To those who love Classic Who as much as I do and are sharpening their pitchforks about how I disrespected the Brig's character, please calm down, it was just a little harmless fun. I wanted to put the Brig in a situation where he wasn't the calm chuffed man we adore and it just got silly from there. Plus people make a big deal of Grace being the first person to kiss the Doctor on screen (the Eighth Doctor in the Doctor Who movie) but I'd like think the Doctor wet his feet in that field much earlier and with a dear friend. God can you imagine what those UNIT officers did to the Brig after this? The thought alone makes me laugh. No one loves Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart more than I do but sometimes you want to put characters you love in funny and uncomfortable positions. I am very glad I wrote this to honor the first and (arguably) the best BrOTP.