Chapter 51 TH

Stefan retraced his steps, mulling everything over. The priest had been surprisingly lenient considering he'd just confessed to having homosexual sex with a sibling. He hadn't been sure what to expect. In the time period he was used to, men were castrated or worse for sodomy. Sleeping with a sibling was shocking also – however he was aware that it did go on behind closed doors. Families of wealth were known to intentionally inbreed to keep wealth in immediacy. Still, full sibling incest generally didn't happen in polite society.

He wandered for a while, into the night, before he headed back in the direction of Nathan's car where he'd abandoned it halfway into the woods from the roadside, stopping when he saw a silhouette he knew all too well.

"Damon." He said and sniffed the air.

Roses.

Damon was sitting on engine of the car, his back to the windshield, staring up at the night sky silently.

"How did you find me?" He asked, approaching again and stopping by the driver's door.

Damon turned his head and looked to him, his eyes speculative. He looked hauntingly attractive in the moonlight and Stefan felt his stomach clench.

"I know you." Damon said, his voice barely audible.

Stefan licked his lips and gave a small nod.

"I needed some time." He said as way of an explanation and Damon continued to search his face.

"How much?" Damon asked and Stefan looked to him in surprise at his question.

"I don't know." Stefan fidgeted nervously and turned to lean his back against the door, looking up into the night too.

Damon turned his head and resumed his gaze at the stars. Neither knew what to say or do, so they simply remained like that for a while. Contemplating. Eventually the silence became too uncomfortable and Stefan had to speak.

"I went to confession."

"I know." Damon said quietly and Stefan turned and looked at him, his heart beating rapidly.

"You were there." He stated, not needing to ask. "I knew there had been someone else there!"

Damon looked to him unapologetically and Stefan shook his head and pushed himself off of the car in frustration and anger. He felt vulnerable and exposed.

"How much did you hear?" He asked tersely and Damon exhaled and looked up again. "Damon!"

"What difference does it make?" He asked, still seemingly calm and sullen.

"What difference?!" Stefan spat, anger growing. "It was supposed to be private. It was confession Damon, damn it! I needed it, I needed to be able to speak my mind, my thoughts in a place where I wouldn't be judged by you – where I was safe!"

Damon closed his eyes and exhaled.

"What is wrong with you?" Stefan began to pace. "Why is it so hard for you to let me go?"

"Is that what I'm supposed to do?" Damon sat up, looking at him dangerously. "Let you go?"

Stefan exhaled, frustrated and Damon looked to the ground.

"I can't." He said and Stefan looked back at him.

"I'm not asking you to, I just…I need some space ok? You're holding me too tight, you're suffocating me with your feelings." He sighed.

Damon chuckled.

"I'm suffocating you? Talk about role reversal Stefan."

Stefan looked up at the stars.

"Don't you remember how you felt when you first turned? When everything you thought you knew was gone? When everything you thought you were, was all fucked up and changed?" Stefan looked him in the eye and Damon looked away.

"My whole world is upside down." Stefan continued. "I can't go back to what it was before because I am different."

He paused for a minute.

"I'm not the person you love." He said and Damon looked at him, his eyes wide with pain and hurt. "I'm sorry, but I'm not. I was him, but now I'm something else and I can't hit rewind."

Damon climbed off of the car, his heart pounding so hard Stefan's ears hurt. Damon approached him and cupped his face, holding him there so he couldn't move.

"It doesn't matter what happened to you, how different you feel because I know you. I know you in here." He placed a hand over Stefan's heart. "I'd know this heart in any hell, in any disguise because it's mines."

Stefan avoided his eyes.

"This is what I mean." He whispered and Damon tilted his face to make him look at him. "You have to stop saying things like this to me. I know how you feel, I'd be able to feel it from China and it doesn't help me."

He gently pushed Damon's hands away and Damon swallowed and took a shallow breath. Stefan walked a few paces away from him and Damon held a hand to his stomach and looked back at him.

"What am I supposed to do?" He croaked, feeling like he would vomit. "Stop loving you? Stop fighting for you? The old you wouldn't have wanted me to stop trying."

"The old me has lived a whole lifetime without you, searching for you - searching for a brother. To think that I've found you now and you're my…we've…" Stefan couldn't verbalise his thoughts as he grimaced.

"You had me as a brother! I sucked at it Stefan. We hated each other. I tried to kill you!" Damon gritted his teeth.

"That was a long time ago." Stefan said and Damon clenched his fists.

"So, what? You want me to play the part of your brother again until you can tell whether or not you still love me?!" Damon bellowed.

"You know I do. You heard my confession." Stefan reminded him calmly and Damon fangs extended in his mouth as he fought to control his anger.

"I know you still want to fuck me." Damon blurred to him, grabbing his shoulders and forcing him against the car. "I know you can barely contain yourself."

Stefan tried to push him back but Damon snarled at him, holding him in place and cocking his head to seem more menacing.

"Get off." Stefan said calmly.

"I know you're body's begging for it right now. I can smell you!" Damon continued to growl and pressed their bodies against each other. "No one can sex you up like I can and I should know!"

"Damon!" Stefan growled back now angrily.

"No one will satisfy, not even if someone else was in my body!" Damon spat and Stefan frowned and gazed at him. "Oh yeah, did I forget to mention how many times I fucked you when grandma was in there? Hmmn. Can't rate her much considering she hadn't been on her back for a thousand years, but you take whatever you can get when you're in the mood."

Damon taunted and Stefan saw red and threw him backwards against a tree, watching as he crashed down onto the ground in a heap.

"You're lying!" He hissed and Damon picked himself up shakily, brushing his arms down. "You wouldn't have!"

"Oh I did." Damon grinned, his face taught with anger. "Ask Klaus if you don't believe me. He interrupted our tenth round. Always was a buzz kill."

"No!" Stefan growled. "You wouldn't do that to me!"

"Please, have you forgotten who I am so quickly? You've a short memory brother." Damon said the word 'brother' with a hint of disgust in his tone and Stefan backed into the car in disbelief.

He panted, shaking his head.

"Now who's being emotional?" Damon chuckled. "I didn't think you'd mind. Your body is mated to mine after all. Where was the harm?"

Stefan held his chest, trying not to imagine the scenario playing out. The old evil brother version of Damon sprang into his mind and he felt pain flare inside of him. The bad Damon Salvatore who'd come back into Mystic Falls and tried to ruin his life there, had been more than capable of something this heinous.

Damon watched him silently, blocking their connection to hide his feelings. Stefan looked at him wearily.

"You just want to make me remember how you were before we were in love – when you were my bastard brother. To stop me from wanting that again. That's why you're saying this."

"That's deep. I don't have that much depth little bro." Damon crossed his arms.

"That's not who you were as a brother. That happened when we were vampires, after I'd hurt you and you were lost."

Damon snorted and put his hands in his pockets.

"When we were human first time round…" Stefan continued.

"Only time round." Damon corrected.

"You were brave and kind. You looked after me, raised me, and protected me from father."

"So you do remember our human life together then." Damon said smugly. "Then what the hell is the problem? Why do you need to re-enact it now?!" He spat.

"When we were human did you want to have sex with me?!" Stefan spat back and Damon looked at him in shock, almost grossed out.

He opened his mouth to respond but couldn't think of what to say.

"No, of course you didn't – because that would have been disgusting and wrong!"

"This isn't wrong Stefan!" Damon tensed.

"I should show you a mirror right now because the look on your face tells me something different!" Stefan shouted and blurred to him, forcing him back into the tree and subsequently onto the ground as he landed on his rear, looking up at Stefan challengingly.

"So if I had crept into your chamber at night and tried to suck you with father down the hall playing cards with the neighbours, you would have been perfectly happy with it?" Stefan challenged and Damon frowned.

Stefan got down onto the ground on his hands and knees and crawled on top of him, forcing him onto the ground in surprise as he continued to taunt.

"If I had snuck up behind you in the stables…" Stefan grabbed Damon's hips roughly and slid his hand down the back of his jeans to stroke his entrance and Damon's eyes widened. "…and stuck my dick into you, you would have wanted it?"

He slid his finger inside and Damon gasped in surprise.

"You would have been so desperate for love that you would have fucked your own brother?!" Stefan snarled and forced his finger deeper inside and Damon tensed up – feeling violated by the intrusion rather than comfortable with it as usual.

"If you had been fine with all of that then I would have had you castrated!" Stefan growled. "I would have had your brain looked at, because there would have been something wrong with you!"

Damon pushed him off of him and punched him hard in the jaw. Stefan fell back and chuckled uncontrollably as a trail of blood slid down his jaw from his mouth. Damon stood up, righting his clothes and shivering in discomfort.

"You were right to question this when we were in Chicago." Stefan continued to cackle. "Funny how you're always allowed to fuck up and hurt me and question me, but when I need to do it you hate me!"

Damon shook his head, his cheeks glowing.

"Maybe it's my turn to be the bad brother for once – to be the one that's allowed to make mistakes and fuck everything up! Maybe I need to be you, Damon!" Stefan burst into hysterical laughing and Damon watched him as anxiety filled him.

"I want to think about myself before anyone else and do what the hell I feel like doing." He sat up, wiping his chin with his sleeve.

"Then go." Damon said.

Stefan stopped chuckling and looked at him intriguingly.

"Go and figure out what the hell you want. Be me if you like and see how far it gets you!"

"Maybe I will!"

"Go and screw a few hundred people – hell I'll even give you enough of my blood to fuck off on a world-wide bender for six months." Damon threatened.

"How thoughtful. Maybe if I screw enough people I won't need you anymore." Stefan stroked his chin and pondered.

Damon bit back a flash of pain at that statement and felt a beat of Stefan's regret through their connection. He took an unsteady breath and licked his lips as Stefan's expression flickered – breaking his aura of bravado as he saw how much Damon was affected.

"Good luck coming back from that, because I can tell you this for sure brother – I am not you. I don't have it in me to save you time and time again, to never lose hope that I can help you, to always be able to forgive." He whispered and Stefan sighed and looked to the ground. "I don't have your heart."

"Damon…" Stefan sighed, remorsefully.

"Of course if you're really being me then you won't care, because I only care about myself. Everyone else is just fodder."

Stefan looked at him apologetically, but he continued.

"When we were human it was my duty to look after you. You were just a kid. You weren't a man when we turned. I would never have felt anything but brotherly love and duty towards you because of that."

Stefan studied him, intrigued to hear Damon's end of this relationship finally.

"When we became vampires I hated you so much I wanted to kill you. I tried a few times and bailed because in the end you were the only other one who understood me. You forgave and forgave and that cycle fuelled me."

Stefan nodded at him in encouragement to continue and Damon began to shake with the effort of pouring out his heart.

"I needed that fuel to survive being this. If I hadn't then I would have burned up in my own anger and hate – I had to have you to direct it at."

"What changed?" Stefan asked gently.

"Almost dying. You had me, right there in your arms in our cellar – a helpless sack of nothing and I knew you were finally going to get rid of me. I knew your forgiveness was gone. You were done."

Damon paced slowly back and forwards and Stefan just sat quietly, waiting.

"The blood thirst made me want you and it freaked me out. I thought it would go away. It might have." He looked to him. "It might all have been temporary."

"So why wasn't it?"

"You wouldn't let it be." He said simply, stopping in front of him.

"My fault again." Stefan huffed.

"Not because you tried to talk me round or hold onto me." Damon said and Stefan frowned at him. "Not because you tried to force me to be your mate."

"I did try to force you. I remember."

Damon smirked.

"How long have you known me?" He raised an eyebrow. "And how many times have you seen me forced to do something I don't want to do?"

"I forced you into things before. You said I always do." Stefan challenged.

"Don't think for a second that I would play something like this out unless I actually wanted to Stefan. You might have forced some of the decisions in my life but if I had changed my mind about them later, then I would do what I wanted. Always, because that's who I am."

"What are you telling me?" Stefan huffed.

"That the reason I mated with you, the reason I stayed with you even when I had my doubts in Chicago, the reason I came back to find you when you left me…" he paused and licked his lips, "…wasn't because I needed you or felt lost without you or whatever other mated crap we've gone through. It's because…" he sighed and closed his eyes. "The moment you decided to store me away, you stopped being my kid brother."

"What do you mean?" Stefan sat up straighter.

"My human brother wouldn't have ever given up. He wouldn't have." Damon gave a sad smile. "I saw the change in your eyes during the blood. The old you, might have had sex with me purely because of the blood - yeah. There wouldn't be many of us who could resist that, but you wouldn't have ever told me you loved me unless you'd given up on your brother."

Stefan opened his mouth and blew out a breath of air in consternation.

"You'd given up on your brother, you didn't want him back. I'd opened myself up too much in front of you and you knew that the brother you'd been trying to save over and over again was gone. He died a few decades after I became a vampire. I just have his face now. I don't think you'd ever really believed that until you saw inside of me and it was the final curtain call."

"I did still see you as a brother." Stefan argued. "I just, I didn't want to lose you and the sex made me feel so close to you. Close enough that I could show you the love you'd been hurting for. Hoping that maybe I could make you better – make you who you were before all of the hurt and hate."

"You've convinced yourself of that for years now, but that's not the reason." Damon sat down on the ground across from him. "Since when would having sex with a sibling help anything? The concept of it wouldn't have entered your mind beyond the physical act. If you had still thought of me like a brother you'd have been as grossed out and angry as I was after that first time."

"So you admit that you felt repelled after we had sex?"

"Yes." Damon said confidently. "I wanted to get as far away from you as possible."

Stefan's chest ached at the admission.

"And so…you tried to fight me."

"I did, but I was fighting the blood too and I knew I couldn't win."

"So you didn't have any feelings of love for me at that point?"

"No." Damon said unapologetic. "I just wanted the sex and intimacy."

Stefan nodded and swallowed bile, looking to the ground.

"You must have thought I was crazy." He whispered, grieved that he had been alone in these feelings initially.

"Yeah." Damon breathed and licked his lips. "But, I take what I want without caring."

"But..." Stefan struggled, "…it became more for you. When did that happen?"

Damon fidgeted with the laces on his shoes as Stefan's anxiety levels rose. Had he been alone in his love for a long time? Had Damon just pretended and went along with it?

"I can't put my finger on it." He admitted. "When you were inside me, telling me you loved me…I could see that you meant it. I just let you for a while, enjoying the sex. It'd been so long since I'd been able to be that relaxed with someone, not having to put on a show during it. You made me feel safe." He looked to him.

Stefan gave a small smile.

"I never felt safe around my brother. I only felt hate. Now, here you were – not the person I thought you were. You were harder, stronger. You didn't need me like the human you. You weren't him anymore."

"I still feel like I am sometimes."

"I wanted to see you as the brother I hated and who'd wrecked my chances with Katherine. After a few days I realised that guy was gone." He paused. "I couldn't get my head around it. I started to let you in more and more until I started to want to feel what you were feeling."

Stefan brought his knees up and rested his face in them as he tried to gather his thoughts.

"Then you told me you loved me."

Stefan recalled that moment, after days of exhaustive love making and aching for Damon to say it back. Finally Damon had whispered the words. He felt his heart flutter at the memory.

"A brother act would be all I'd have now Stefan. Your brother died and I would just be trying to play his part for you now. I played the act for years after I stopped feeling like my human self because if you weren't still feeling like my brother, then you would have forgot me. By remaining the ghost of the human Damon, duty tied you to me and I needed someone, even if only to have someone to blame."

Stefan looked at him, trying to understand.

"Truth is, when I left that cellar to feed on Caroline, I couldn't play the act anymore. Every time I've tried, has been a show I've put on to hurt you."

Stefan put his face into his legs again and Damon's eyes filled with tears.

"So you see brother, I can't be anything less than your mate because that's all I am now. I put my ghosts to grave as soon as I knew you loved me for who I am now. If that's not going to work for you then…"

Damon's throat dried up and he hung his head, wiping his cheeks discretely of tears and Stefan lay down on his back and stared up at the sky.

"Your priest told you to see us through Vida's eyes." He mumbled and Stefan merely blinked in response to show that he was listening.

"What she sees are two people who love each other so much they will die without each other. One day she'll realise what we went through to get her here and no one can say that the love that took, is wrong. We might be deformed mutant monsters, but she was made from love – even as animals we felt love, even though we shouldn't have been capable of it."

Stefan exhaled slowly and deeply.

"When we were animals we didn't know who we were. All we had was instinct. I wanted you because you are so good and kind and brave." He said shakily.

"I wanted you because you were fierce but loyal and alive." Stefan whispered. "So alive."

"That was all we needed. If there was still something inherent in us that was meant to stop this from happening then it would have happened then." Damon reasoned. "You didn't have to mate with me after Nathan. You chose to. You were riding your heat out fine on your own."

Stefan nodded in agreement.

"I wanted cubs so badly. I wanted your cubs." He whispered.

"You had my cub." Damon smiled and Stefan slid his hand over his abdomen, remembering the feeling of Vida growing inside of him. "Vida was made in love by two innocents – not two evil, incestuous, homosexual vampire monsters and that's all that she sees."

They both paused for a few minutes and Damon bit his lip as he looked down at Stefan expression of longing.

"I'll give you as many more as you want." He said gently and Stefan sat up and looked at him. "We can have more kids. They won't make up for the ones we've lost, that you've lost, but it doesn't have to be the end Stefan. Everything is possible for us because we don't conform into any boxes."

"She will." Stefan croaked.

"She'll figure things out for herself, like we all do. It won't be as painful for her as it was for us though because she'll grow up knowing that things don't always play out like the world tells you they will. She'll know that from day one and she'll be better for it."

"I'm afraid." Stefan croaked. "I'm afraid that we're too different, that we'll confuse her."

"She's not the only kid to have two daddies. Right away she'll get that it's ok to be different. Isn't that better?" Damon asked genuinely and Stefan thought on it. "She's growing up knowing that creatures like us are real too. There's no coddling her."

Stefan remained silent, thinking and Damon gave a silent huff, feeling tired.

"I don't want a life where I can't touch you and kiss you." Damon admitted. "I'd rather we break the bond than live like that."

Stefan looked to him, narrowing his eyes.

"If you need to talk to someone – a shrink or support group or something, then I'm in. I'll be there, but…I need my mate." Damon admitted, averting his eyes.

Stefan bowed his head.

"Let's find the middle for real this time, little blood machine. No one controls the other, let's just…" Damon patted his hand on the dirt beneath him as he sighed, "…let's just be together on this, side by side for once."

Stefan sucked in a breath and stood up slowly. Damon stuck his fingers into the dirt, afraid to look up at Stefan's expression. Stefan walked slowly to the car and opened the door and Damon closed his eyes and braced himself, when he heard a thud behind him. He turned around to look and saw Stefan arranging a large travel rug onto the ground. He frowned.

"What are you doing?" He asked and Stefan smoothed the rug out, patting it down and looked to him.

Stefan offered a hand out to him wordlessly. Damon turned around fully and took it. Stefan pulled him to him onto the rug and brought their foreheads together. Damon closed his eyes and exhaled.

"I love you." He whispered and felt Stefan's hands stroke his back between the shoulder blades.

He brought their mouths together and Stefan didn't pull away, rather the opposite as he wound his arms around Damon tightly and opened his mouth. Damon relaxed into the kiss, desperate for it not to be the last one they'd share. He inhaled deeply and worked at Stefan's lips and tongue, giving the best performance of his life and he felt Stefan's heart race excitedly. He pushed Stefan onto his back and climbed on top of him, stroking his sides and around to his back.

Desire. Want. Want you want you want you…mate, my Stefan. Stefan…

Stefan moaned into his mouth and tilted his face back until Damon disengaged from his lips and trailed his mouth down to his neck and jaw. His breath caught in his throat at the tingling and desperation of his body to be comforted and to join. Damon was scenting him and grabbing at him wildly, rocking their bodies at the force and Stefan brought his legs up and to either side of Damon's body, holding him in between his thighs.

He'd had so many thoughts racing since he'd awoken back in this time and he hadn't been able to slow them down to understand and analyse them. He hadn't been able to sort through the jumble or scrapbook of memories and images in his mind. He'd felt adrift in a sea of information that he could grasp at but not hold on to.

He'd needed a lifeline, a metaphorical rope to bring him back on course and help him gather the information he needed along the way. The priest had helped him believe that there was a light at the end of the tunnel and there were paths that would lead him there. He just needed to allow himself to go find them.

Damon's revelations had cleared so much of the jumble tonight. Despite the fact that they'd shared their minds so many times through their connection, he'd never delved into the beginning of their relationship like this. Perhaps he'd been afraid to. What he'd swept under the carpet as being a wild experience in the cellar that had changed them both and enabled their relationship, hadn't been as smooth a transition as he remembered it. He remembered that he had went into the feelings of love and desire to have a relationship relatively early on into their trauma, but he'd always expected the same for Damon. All of Damon's pushing him away, questioning everything – he'd always assumed that he'd responded like that because he couldn't accept that he'd fallen for Stefan so quickly and easily too. Now Stefan knew that that wasn't true at all.

Damon hadn't loved him for a great part of their entrapment. Damon had been taking what he wanted like he always had. Unbelievably, despite that fact, he had consciously began to allow feelings – because he of all people had been able to evolve and let go of their human selves when Stefan had convinced himself that they were still the same. Now that he thought on that, he realised how silly he had been to be able to convince himself that they were both the same human men they had been and that this was happening because he wanted to hold onto that bond. No. Damon was right. If he had truly still seen Damon as his brother, there would have been no way that he would have allowed love or that he'd even have felt anything but lust.

Stefan's thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of Damon's fangs breaking the skin of his neck and he arched upwards and moaned appreciatively.

"Oh god!" He drooled.

The wave was intense, thick and intoxicating. He hadn't felt it boggle his mind like this for a long time. Damon drank a few drops and licked the wound, causing a little contraction of pleasure to fill Stefan's loins. He gasped again. Damon was doing the little bites that caused the most pleasurable build up. He bit Stefan again and took his time, making Stefan squirm against him.

His stomach pooled with heat and he opened his legs wider, lost in the sensation as he closed his eyes.

Love, love, love love…

Damon channelled and he rocked his hips upwards – the fear of being penetrated not even entering his mind as he felt the constriction of his clothing begin to irritate him. He turned his mouth towards Damon's ear and whispered his name huskily, flexing his hips again and Damon pulled his fangs out and licked his mouth dirtily.

"Remind me who we are." He hummed, licking the taste of his blood from his own lips and Damon's eyes seemed to flash with excitement.

Perhaps they were flashing – who knew with their wolf aspects. Stefan opened his mouth to whisper again when Damon pulled his jeans down and tossed them aside. Stefan grinned and undid his buckle, leaving Damon to fist his manhood for a few seconds. The smell around their bodies was glorious – it was as though they were having sex in the middle of a botanical garden.

He unzipped himself and pulled his jeans down, never breaking contact with Damon's eyes as he did so and Damon pulled them from his ankles and tossed them next to his. Stefan sat up and ripped Damon's shirt open, leaning into his neck as Damon's body pulsed. He licked his artery, delighting in the beat under his tongue and began to feed. Damon's leaned forward into him and had to place a hand on the ground to support himself.

The hot blood poured down Stefan's throat and he sucked harder, gripping Damon tight against him until Damon had to release his erection and support himself with both hands. Stefan's hunger was demanding. He drank for several minutes, gulping the nectar until Damon wilted and lay back on to the ground, pulling Stefan with him. He should probably stop now or Damon wouldn't be able to maintain his erection.

He pulled his mouth away breathing heavily and drunk and looked at how fucked Damon already appeared to be. His pupils were so dilated he looked a little terrifying and primal and his body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Stefan rocked their groins together, pleased to feel Damon was still hard and moved down to kiss his mouth. Damon opened his legs wide, letting Stefan drop in between his thighs and began to gyrate.

Stefan's entrance was pulsing in need, the smell of his fluid already heady in the air. He should roll them over. Damon slid his hand down his back as they kissed passionately and cupped Stefan's rear. He circled his finger against his entrance and collected some of Stefan's slick and Stefan jumped in surprise. He growled into Damon's mouth.

Damon put a hand on his chest and gently separated their mouths until Stefan stopped kissing him and looked down at his face. Damon said nothing, but slid his hand between their bodies and inserted his fingers to prepare himself. Stefan grinned in agreement and licked at his nipples – managing to remind himself that Damon didn't have the breasts of the female sexual partners that he was used to most recently.

Damon arched, squirming and Stefan took over, gripping Damon's hips and pushing until Damon's legs were bent up to his chest. He licked at his entrance, holding him in place until he couldn't wait anymore. He pulled Damon forward and entered him. Damon grinned and fluttered his eyes closed as Stefan began to move. He couldn't pretend that he didn't want to fuck the living daylights out of his mate. Their bodies had been calling out for each other all day. Even though they'd had sex last night, it hadn't been joining. Stefan had been compelled by the smell of their pheromones to do so but now he was committed. He let himself go, snapping his hips back and forth all the faster in response to Damon's cries and whispered pleas to go deeper.

He didn't last long and poured into Damon's body, crying out as Damon rested his hands besides his head and panted, sweat dripping down his face and around to his neck.

"Sorry, god…I just…" Stefan began to apologise out of embarrassment that he had expired so quickly but Damon just chuckled and smiled.

Stefan pulled out of him and leaned down, taking Damon's manhood into his mouth and giving it the attention it deserved. Damon's chuckling died out and his stomach tensed under the glorious torture. Damon struggled to remain still as Stefan sucked him deep and he bucked his hips helplessly and grabbed Stefan's hair.

"Stefan…" he cried out and then stilled as he filled Stefan's mouth.

Stefan wiped his mouth and looked down at his mate. He looked completely wrung out. Perhaps the stress they had both been through had taken more of a toll on their bodies than they'd realised. Damon's eyes were almost crossed as he tried to stay awake and Stefan lay on top of him again, folding his arms around his back.

"Hmmn." Damon mumbled and Stefan gave him a few pecks on the lips as his eyelashes fluttered. "Was that a goodbye fuck?" He whispered and Stefan raised himself on his elbows to study his face.

He stroked the side of Damon's cheek, tucking his black locks behind his ear and sighing. Damon opened his eyes and looked at him.

"No." He said and Damon's eyes widened. "That was…I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Damon repeated.

"I'm sorry that our lives are always so complicated and painful."

Damon reached up and cupped his face.

"It's not your fault little blood machine. It's just life."

"It's hard sometimes, to remember that I'm not the only one in pain. I feel like I'm in a bubble and I don't see anyone else. I guess I just needed some perspective. I needed to understand why we love each other when it goes against nature."

Damon blinked at him.

"I guess, I needed to know that it wasn't because we are monsters, that our bond isn't a product of us being inherently bad." Stefan explained.

"And?" Damon frowned.

"I still don't understand it." He admitted. "But I know it's not incest anymore. We aren't those two brothers anymore."

"No." Damon nodded in agreement.

"Maybe I'll never understand it." Stefan gave a sad smile. "But I want it."

Damon searched his face.

"I want you more than oxygen." He added and Damon pulled him down so they could rub their noses together. "I'm not going to torture myself or you over it."

Damon nuzzled into Stefan's ear and breathed him in.

"Let's go home." Damon whispered into his ear and they slowly rose and dressed once again, looking u to the stars as they did.

Damon felt a contentedness fill him and he breathed in relaxation. Stefan wasn't ok, he was far from it but at least now they could stand side by side and tackle what had happened to him. At least now they could begin.