Chapter 52
Peter cleared his throat, breaking the uncomfortable silence in the room as everyone observed Neal and Sara's warm embrace. As angry as Sara was at her husband for his momentary lapse in judgement - and make no mistake about it, she was still royally pissed - it was obvious to everyone in attendance that these two would ultimately find a way to work things out, however long that might take.
For Liam, in particular, seeing his parents locked in a loving embrace was reassuring and he let out a sigh of relief as he exchanged knowing glances with his uncle Mozzie.
'Why don't we all take a seat?' Marion Birch suggested as Neal and Sara pulled apart, his hand reaching out resolutely to latch on to hers.
Her intention had been to sit across from him, partly to create some needed distance between them but also so she could better gauge his reaction to everyone's comments. But she didn't have the heart to pull away and as he tugged at her insistently, she realized he needed her to be his anchor as he prepared to listen to the hard truths his loved ones were about to share with him.
She gave in, somewhat reluctantly, and they settled in side by side on one of the couches, with Liam on the other side of his dad as everyone took their place around the circle. Neal's eyes went from one face to the next, acknowledging everyone's presence and, as his gaze came to rest momentarily on his mom's face, he gave her a warm, yet sad smile.
'Hi Mom' he said quietly, surprised yet pleased to see her there, considering her frail condition.
Although he'd resisted coming to the intervention, he began to relax, relieved to see the familiar faces of those he loved willing to close ranks around him when he was at his most vulnerable.
'Neal, we're really happy you decided to join us' Marion said as everyone remained quiet. 'We know how difficult it must have been for you to come.'
Neal swallowed hard and listened to her words; he knew her well from their months of therapy and he trusted her. He pulled Sara's hand up against his body as if to anchor himself; no matter what had transpired two nights before, he had no doubts as to the depth of her love and commitment and knowing she was there by his side made everything a little bit easier to bear.
'We know you've been struggling lately and everyone here wants to share their feelings with you. You don't have to say anything; we'd just like you to listen and then when everybody's had their turn, we have a proposal for you. Is that alright with you?' she asked, addressing Neal directly.
Unable to speak, he nodded as his eyes swept the room, apprehensive as to what he was about to hear. He knew better than anyone that his actions had been less than stellar and he cringed as he thought of the pain and worry he was causing those he loved the most.
'Who would like to start?' Marion asked. Although they'd agreed that Liam would be the first to speak - mostly because he couldn't wait to get it over with - she wanted to give him the chance to bail if he wasn't quite ready. Her question became unnecessary when Liam turned towards his dad, immediately to his right, as he spoke.
'I can start' he said, his voice uncertain.
The proverbial pin could be heard dropping as Neal took a deep breath and looked at his son, his hand still firmly clutching Sara's arm for support.
'Dad…' Liam began as he looked down at his notes, unable to look his father straight in the eye. 'I love you… You've always been there for me when I needed you and you've supported me through… so many things… I know I can be a little… laid back sometimes and I don't always tell you, but I love it when we spend time together. I love that you're the only dad on the team who comes to all my basketball practices, even if I'm always telling you that you really don't need to.'
A couple of chuckles were heard and Neal's hand came to rest on his son's knee as he made eye contact with him.
'And I love that you sit and watch hockey games with me at home even though you don't really like hockey all that much… and that you take me to Rangers' games and that you're always ready to hang out, even when I know you've got a lot of other stuff you could be doing.'
Neal smiled at his son through the familiar sting of tears in his eyes as he waited for the inevitable 'but' he could feel building. It didn't take long in coming.
'But lately… I've been really worried. I always thought I could tell you anything but when you came to get me at school and you'd been drinking… well, I panicked and I didn't know what to do and I couldn't ask you and that was scary, because usually I can talk to you about anything. And when you came to the hospital on my birthday, I was really mad at you. I know I told you it wasn't a big deal but it was. I was angry that you would do that… especially in front of Cody because you know how much he means to me. It was embarrassing and… for the first time in my life, I…'
Liam stopped, wondering if he was going too far but his eyes met Marion Birch's and she nodded for him to continue.
'…I wished you weren't my dad… because the dad I've always known would never do something like that to me. And then, the other night… when you and Mom were fighting… I got scared and I didn't know what to do… I just don't know anymore what you'll say or what you'll do when you've been drinking.'
Neal let out a soft gasp and swallowed as he listened.
'Dad, we need you back. Me and Mom and Hope' he said as he looked down at his letter. This was the hardest part, telling his dad where he stood if he didn't get help to deal with his problem. 'I know that this is a disease and that you're not doing any of this to hurt me but the truth is, it does hurt me and I… I think too much of myself to let you keep hurting me this way.'
Neal frowned as he listened, his grasp on Sara's arm gently easing as he took in the weight of Liam's words. His whole life had been about doing what was right for his kids and the realization that he'd let his son down was more than he could take.
Liam continued, undeterred, despite the fact he was sobbing as he spoke. 'Dad, if you don't agree to get help, I… I don't want you in my life. I need to stay positive with school and my sports and everything else and I don't want to spend all my time worrying about whether you're going to do something stupid or something that's going to hurt me or Mom or Hope…'
Neal opened his mouth to speak and Marion put her hand up before he could get a sound out.
'Neal, why don't you let Liam finish what he wants to say?'
Liam wiped his eyes and nodded. 'That's pretty much it. Dad… please get some help because the truth is, I really do want you in my life' he concluded.
Mozzie, who was sitting on the other side of Liam, reached out to grab his shoulder and squeezed as the teen wept softly to Neal's total despair. He'd hurt his beloved son in ways he could never imagine and he felt the tears running down his face as he sat, transfixed, incapable of speaking coherently.
Peter and Elizabeth sat across from Neal and Peter's deep voice was heard as everyone stopped to listen and give Liam a chance to recover.
'Neal, El and I love you. You know that' he said with a smile. 'You've been my best friend for going on twenty years… hell, who am I kidding? I've thought of you as my best friend even before… when we worked together at the Bureau.'
With Caitlin and Cameron in the room, he remained discreet, not wanting to allude to Neal's status as a criminal informant in front of them; although everyone else in attendance knew of Neal's past, to Peter's knowledge Cam didn't know and he knew for a fact that Caitlin didn't. Despite what was happening, Neal had earned the right to keep his past private if that's what he wanted and Peter respected that.
'You and I have been through so much' Peter continued, leaning towards Neal. 'And working together at the gallery… well, it's like a dream come true, it's been… amazing, being able to spend time with you every day and sharing our lives with each other… all four of us. But, buddy, you've been on a dangerous path ever since the accident and I… well, El and I, we can't sit by and watch you self destruct. We just won't do it. If you don't get the help you need, I'm going to sell my part of the business and… well, I don't think we can be a part of your life if you decide to go on like this.'
Neal stared ahead, shocked. How could he not have seen the extent to which his drinking had affected his friendship with Peter, the one person he'd always been able to count on and who had forgiven him so much over the years.
Peter checked his notes as El brought her arm around his shoulder in a show of solidarity. 'And I've been protecting you - when you were stopped by the police, I agreed to help you keep it from Sara and that was wrong. And, I haven't wanted to upset you but… well, they've made an arrest; the person who hit Hope was a drunk driver…'
'What?' Neal said, under his breath.
'That could have been you, Neal. And to be honest… I don't know who you've become lately. What if you'd hit someone's daughter when you were out driving under the influence?'
Neal's face dropped in his hands as he began to weep; the thought of inflicting the pain he'd had to endure on someone else seemed unfathomable.
The room grew quiet once again yet the emotion was palpable, an uneasy weight settling on all of them as feelings were shared and pain was laid bare in the bright, unforgiving light of day. It was obvious Neal was reacting to what he was hearing; he sat quietly, introspectively as he absorbed what he was hearing, the anguish obvious on his face.
Sara remained stoic; it would have been all too easy to put her arms around him, to comfort him but this was not the time to cave in to her feelings for Neal. As difficult as it was to watch him suffer, she needed to hold back and let it all unfold. He, alone, had made the decisions that had led them to this point and he, alone, needed to bear responsibility for those poor decisions. To shield him from this realization would only serve to give him a free pass at a time when he needed to face up to the pain he'd unwittingly caused with his reckless actions.
Marion waited to proceed while Neal tried to collect himself.
He felt his stomach lurch; he longed for a drink to help stifle the intense emotions which had been unleashed and for a moment, Neal considered getting up and walking out. But an unexplainable force kept him riveted to his seat, compelled to listen to the truth, the ugly, painful truth.
When Neal's face came up, he seemed to have gotten himself under control; his face was red and blotchy and his shoulders slumped but he forced himself to sit up straight, nodding to Marion that he was ready to go on.
'Who would like to speak next?' the therapist asked as Linda Bennett nodded.
Her voice, when she began to speak, was so soft that everyone leaned in to hear her. The oxygen tank attached to her chair kept churning away quietly, providing her with the strength needed to do what she was about to do: tell her son some hard truths about the pain he was inflicting on those he loved. Caitlin sat by her side, her arm wrapped around her beloved grandmother and providing the support the woman needed.
'Neal' she began breathlessly. 'I know I'm in a very dubious position to be giving you advice or putting any conditions on our relationship. Thanks to your forgiveness, I've just barely come back into your life after 37 years apart - years where I struggled with alcohol and drug abuse so… the irony of this is not lost on me. But one thing I do know is exactly how you're feeling right now because I've been there myself. The only thing I want to say is that I love you and so does everyone else in this room. By the time I was finally able to face my demons, I had already lost everything that was good in my life, including you… but you're lucky, you still have everyone's love and support and that means you have so much more to lose if you don't get yourself out of this mess.'
Neal stared at his mom in wonder; at first glance, she might look like the weakest, most fragile person in the room yet he knew she was by far the strongest, having overcome incredible odds to get herself sober in the hopes of getting back all she'd lost.
She continued, her voice barely audible. 'I know how hard it is, how tempting it is to self medicate so you don't have to face those emotions that are just too painful to face but in doing that, you're also stifling all those wonderful feelings and you're putting every single relationship you have at risk. I'll be there for you when things get tough, Neal, but I won't watch you drift away, not a second time…'
Neal looked at her sadly; he'd been so unfair to her. All she wanted was for him to be happy and yet, he'd callously thrown her own addiction in her face in an effort to deflect away from his own mess.
There was more to come and Neal braced himself as Mozzie piped up.
'Neal, I'm worried about you, man. I know I was the one who said happy endings weren't for guys like us but… well, you proved me wrong and I hate to see you throw it all away' Mozzie said. 'You showed me that you can have anything you want if you're ready to let go of something else. It's time to put your money where your mouth is, Neal. You're going to have to let go of this if you want to hang on to your family and your friends.'
For all his eccentricities, Mozzie had always been able to cut to the chase, causing Neal to truly face the truth on more occasions that he cared to remember; this was no exception.
'You're the only one who's put up with my unique… perspective of the world and I can't bear not having you there to keep me… sane but… I'm with the Suit on this one, I don't want to stand by and watch you fall apart. You've been kidding yourself, Neal; every decent con man knows that the simplest truth is more powerful than even the most elaborate lie.'
Neal looked up at his oldest friend. Leave it to Mozzie to philosophize in any given situation. His eyes swept the room and he could see Caitlin fidgeting in her chair. He'd made a commitment to be a good, strong role model for her and he'd let her down in spades over the past few months as he descended into alcohol fuelled oblivion; she deserved so much more, especially after all she'd gone through in her young life.
Marion turned her attention to the young girl. 'Caitlin, what would you like to say?'
TBC
