100 Missions.
Hi everyone! Here's Saltant's birthday fic (at long last) and I think it's about a month late, which I'm REALLY sorry for, although uni kept me away from writing in general. Please don't be mad, Sal, and everyone should go and wish them belated returns.
50th Objective: Happy Birthday!
It was Scout's birthday, but he wasn't very excited about it.
Oh, normally he would! He'd be leaping out of bed and knocking on the doors of all his brothers and on his ma's door, yelling about how they should be up at the crack of dawn because today was special, dammit! It was the only time he could do this, because he'd learnt in early childhood that they wouldn't tolerate him doing that every day for a week, let alone every year. And then everyone would get up, grumbling good-naturedly, and shower him with presents (which he enjoyed) and love (which he enjoyed even more).
Unfortunately, he knew that this year would be different because he was with a bunch of old, grumpy men, who had no time for caring about birthdays and had no idea his birthday even existed anyway. Sighing grumpily, he got washed and dressed and went clumping down the hall for breakfast. It was times like these that made him feel homesick.
"Hey." He grunted, slumping down into a chair and reaching for whatever was in front of him.
"Get out o' the wrong side o' the bed?" Demo asked cheerfully, necking down Scrumpy (Jesus, how did he stand it?) and Scout shrugged, shoving in a forkful of bacon.
At least he had a decent birthday breakfast.
"Nah, just missin' home, what with it bein' my birthday and all…"
Hint hint.
Then again, it wasn't like the Cyclops could just produce a present out of nowhere.
But when no birthday wishes were given, Scout looked over and saw that Demoman had fallen asleep face-first in his own cornflakes, to his disgust.
"Gee, thanks." He muttered to an otherwise empty room.
"What for? Breakfast?" Engie asked from behind.
"Uh, yeah!" blurted out Scout, startled.
"Aw shucks, son. It's only mah usual."
"Yeah, well, better than da crap we sometimes get."
Even good-hearted Dell couldn't argue with that one.
"Anyway, happy birthday, son."
Least SOMEONE was listening.
"Thanks."
Once everyone had their fill, it was time for the usual battles for the intelligence. Scout tried to get himself pumped up for it, but his heart wasn't in it like it normally was. The glory of a winning battle and his kick-ass moves just couldn't shift aside the misery that was a forgotten/unknown birthday. They could have asked when it was, even if they were being polite or not interested. Aside from Engineer, nobody mentioned anything close to his birthday, not even when he hinted loudly about it during countdown in Respawn.
Assholes, the lot of them.
To make things worse, none of them were listening to his information and warnings concerning their BLU opposition – they were doing their own thing and Sniper even told him to "shut his gob".
Well then!
Fine.
As they say, two could play at that game. He was going to do whatever the hell he wanted and not cooperate with his team-mates at all! Scout would win them this battle and laugh his ass off when he basked in the praise later.
Best birthday ever.
He was a genius.
Except maybe he wasn't, because he'd been mown down by the BLU Heavy and RED Soldier's "friendly fire". What chump came up with THAT? There was nothing friendly about being blown up by an errant rocket. Scout left the Respawn for the third time in an hour, an ugly glare on his face. Nobody said anything as he passed, having probably worked out that they would be heading for a high-speed trip to Respawn if they did.
What if Respawn failed and he died?
They'd be sorry then. Scout could see it now, all of them crying and wailing round his grave, Spy lamenting about how he should have arrived sooner so Scout would still be alive to see the fifty foot cake he'd ordered straight from Paris.
With thick frosting and everything!
What was a birthday without cake?
Hoisting his scattergun, the RED Scout bolted out of his base, straight past the oncoming BLUs (lucky they had a gap in their defences really) and tore into the BLU base with a murderously straight face.
Oh boy, was he in a bad mood.
The BU Pyro didn't even know what had hit him.
Hint: it was a very heavy, wooden Sandman baseball bat.
He stalked into the intel room, shot the BLU Spy without even looking and shouldered the intel, stopping for a second to reload his pistol.
"Got da frickin' intel and all that shit."
Nobody replied over the comm, still in shock at his angry, dramatic performance.
Good.
With that, he ran back, avoiding the BLU Engineer's sentry and sticking his middle finger up at the enemy base as he came over the bridge. The sniper shot just missed his head, shooting his hat off into the water instead.
"Yeah, screw you too, pal!" he yelled back with real venom instead of cocky teasing and he made it safely inside, throwing himself into a forward roll to spring up under the stairs leading to the second floor.
Because he felt like it.
So there.
A wicked thought entered his head, but Scout brushed it off quickly because he really didn't want his birthday to be any more boring or worse. Technically, he could deliberately lose RED the game, but again, it would be his last birthday if he performed badly on purpose. So, heavily, he stomped over to their intel and slammed the briefcase on the desk with all the force he could muster (which was a lot, seeing as Scout possessed beautiful muscles), hearing the bell and Announcer signal the end of the battle. Scout didn't bother joining the rest of his team for the victory massacre.
"That was a fine performance, private!" came the loud voice of the Soldier and Scout shrugged one shoulder, having decided he was going to limit interaction (and be rude about it) with his tea as much as possible.
"Seriously, yer a bleedin' firecracker!" Sniper added, sounding bewildered. "You looked loike you were going to re-enact Texas Chainsaw Massacre out there!"
"I'd love a chainsaw right now." Scout muttered sourly.
A beefy hand clapped his shoulder and Scout shrugged it off, earning a startled pause from RED Solly.
"Is, er, is everything alright?"
"No, naw, everything's GREAT! Just so awesome!" the younger man replied with sarcastic heat, throwing his equipment into his locker.
"Not happy with your performance?" Soldier asked quietly after a moment of uncertainty.
"Nope! That was my best, like always!"
"So why are you acting like someone stole your toys?" RED's Spy drawled lazily from the corner.
"None of your business."
"But it is my business to know." Said Spy with a smirk and Scout nearly dented the door of his locker with how hard he shut it as he spun round.
"Yeah? Well maybe if you were da "clever Spy" you think you are, you would all know that today is my birthday!"
It was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop.
"And Engie is the ONLY guy dat even said "Happy Birthday", let alone anythin' else!"
"We're not psychic." Spy murmured calmly.
"You coulda asked when it was beforehand! I made sure I knew all of yers!" Scout yelled.
"No, you didn't!" came Medic's confused voice and Scout just pointed at him.
"July 1st."
"Oh…vell, maybe you did then."
"Just shows how much you care."
And with that, Scout kicked over a chair and stormed out. All eyes turned to Engineer, who shuffled.
"What?"
He might as well grab some food now that everyone turned in for the night.
Weirdly enough, they had all gone to bed pretty quietly tonight. Must be getting old.
…Aw, now he felt bad for shouting.
Tiptoeing his way out of his room, Scout snuck down the darkened hall, pausing when he noticed a light coming from under the door of the Recreation Room. Scout was pretty certain that everyone had gone to bed, but if they'd left the light on, that was a fine clapped on all of their heads for wasting fuel.
Great. So typical.
Conveniently not thinking about how he did that sort of thing here all the time, the young runner sighed and opened the door.
"SURPRISE!"
All of their voices at once made him hit the roof with shock.
"Sweet mother of Mary!"
"Happy Birthday, son." Engie remarked with a grin and Scout spotted a cake in the middle of the table.
"Well crap, ya went ahead and did somethin' nice for me after all!" the fastest member of the team cheered and Heavy smirked.
"Don't get used to it."
Bouncing on the balls of his feet, Scout hurriedly cut the cake for everyone and the small party got under way.
"So, where're my presents?"
Everyone froze like a deer in the woods being targeted by a hunter and the RED Scout laughed.
"Just messin' with ya. Thanks…I mean it."
Mission Complete.
No presents didn't necessarily mean a bad birthday after all.
Hope this story was to your liking, Sal!
Love Lily. X
