The room is quiet apart from the beep of a machine. I want to open my eyes but they stay shut. I try to move my arm but something is holding it down. I try to speak but no sound comes out.
'Carrick I was so angry with him and he was so scared and he was still thinking of me, he told me he loved me'
'You know what he's like he hates the fuss. That's why he wouldn't tell you how ill he was before the party and then he didn't tell you about the pain because he didn't want to spoil dinner. He always leaves it to the last minute like he's always late for everything and then he still puts other's first. Even on the way here he had to text Christian'
'And he forgot his phone. We'll never change him'
'I wouldn't want to'
'The last thing he said was 'mommy' he's never called me that'
'Oh Grace'
I go back to sleep and leave them to their conversation. I'm dreaming. I must be about four and I'm running round the garden. Daddy is trying to catch me as mommy lies on the grass laughing at us. He catches me and throws me over his shoulder and then takes me to mommy and we're all lying on the grass and they're tickling me. Then as we walk across the garden I am between them holding their hands and they swing me high in the air. We walk through the patio doors into the house. I'm awake again but still I can't move.
'Mom, I did this to him. He looks so fragile.'
'No darling, it was only a tiny tear. The spleen was so swollen it could have gone anytime. By the time we got here he'd been bleeding for an hour, his blood pressure just dropped so low and he fainted, as I caught him I probably put more pressure on it than you ever did.'
'He's lucky to be alive.'
'Yes but he was in the right place and in good hands.'
'I feel so guilty though'
'I read his text that he sent you; he knew you would blame yourself. It's not your fault, it could be mine and it could be his for not saying anything sooner. At least he's going to be OK, we just have to be patient and be here for him when he wakes up. Did you and Ana start planning the wedding?'
'Mom, how can we when he's lying here?'
'But he would want you to; you know what he's like. He'd hate to think that he was the reason that it wasn't going ahead or was delayed. He'll be fine by then.'
'OK mom, we'll start tomorrow'
I drift back into my peaceful sleep. We are in a helicopter over Seattle, daddy is flying and a young Christian is sat next to him. Dad is next to me pointing things of interest out trying to keep me amused but I keep wriggling around and saying that I'm getting out. Dad is smiling at me telling me that I can get out soon but I've got to be patient and wait until the helicopter is on the ground. When we land Christian is talking animatedly to daddy whilst I run to mommy who is waiting with open arms. I try and wake up again. Someone is crying.
'Don't be upset, he's going to be OK. These machines are just monitoring everything.' Mom says.
'He looks so small' a whispered voice says. I think its Hannah, my beautiful Hannah. 'I don't like to see him like this' she sobs.
'Shhh, he'll wake when he's ready and it will be easier then.' Mom says.
I go back to sleep. I don't want to hear Hannah cry. I am walking somewhere with mommy, she is holding my hand and I am trying to wriggle free but she grips tighter. 'No Matty boy, I'm not letting go, we are walking on the road and it is too dangerous for you on your own' I stop and refuse to move stamping my foot. 'Shall we turn back home and you can go to bed or would you like to continue and see the Greys' I look at her and smile cheekily and holding her hand nicely we continue down the road. 'Would you like Grace to look after you on Saturday when I go out with daddy, Christian might play with you.' I nod, smiling happily. I like Grace looking after me, she spoils me and Christian plays patiently with me for hours. I want to see them again now.
'He reminds me of you, he's so innocent and naive. He had sex for the first time ten days ago and we were teasing him about vanilla. We shouldn't have done it. When I was his age I'd done so much. I was jealous when I saw you at the end of the jetty giving him a hug and you were just trying to help him because of me.'
'Hey, don't beat yourself up about it. What did he say in that text he sent to you, it wasn't your fault. He should have told your mom sooner.'
'That's what he's like though, he won't let anyone blame themselves and would always cover up for us. He always puts others first. He's pretty damn special.'
'He certainly is. Do you know what he calls Mrs Robinson? A black widow spider full of poisonous venom.' And Christian laughs loudly.
'Hey bro, it's our turn. Can you go and have a word with Hannah. She's still with mom. I think she was shocked and is now too scared to come back in.'
Hannah is upset, oh no. I want to hug her and make sure she is OK. I can't have her upset for me.
'Hey' I say
'Matt, thank god you're awake' Christian says and presses something above my head.
'Hannah'
'Don't worry, she's here with mom. She'll be here in a minute.'
'I'll go and get her' Ana says then adds 'Its good see you again Matt' and she kisses me on the forehead.
I look at Christian warily to see his reaction but he's smiling at me. 'You're not jealous?'
'That Ana kissed you, no little bro I'm just happy that you're awake' Christian says.
'I'm glad you waited for me to be here before you woke' Elliot says in his usual loud way.
A doctor and two nurses arrive in the room.
'There should be only two visitors' a nurse says.
'Sorry, we were just swapping over when he woke' Elliot says smiling at the nurse.
'OK, but can you all wait outside while we check him over.'
'How long will it take?' Christian demands.
'About twenty minutes.'
'Please can you just wait a few minutes until mom has seen him?' he asks. The nurse looks at the doctor and he nods. Mom comes rushing in.
'Oh darling boy, you're awake.' She says kissing my cheek.
'Hi mom, are you still angry with me?'
'No, I'm pleased to see you.' She whispers. I can see Hannah in the doorway, she's talking to Ana who puts her arms around her and envelopes her in a hug. Mom must see me looking at her.
'Matt, you gave us all a bit of a fright. Hannah has been so worried about you, she's a bit upset.' Mom says looking at Christian with concern as she strokes my hair. He goes outside to see Ana, Elliot and Kate must have left the room as well at some point.
'Mom, I don't want her to worry. I'm tired again so will sleep till she gets here.' I say just about to close my eyes as mom moves quickly to the door.
'Hannah please can you come in otherwise he's going back to sleep until you see him.' Mom pleads.
She comes in and smiles shyly at me, Ana is with her, an arm around her shoulder. 'I will stay as long as you need me and then I'll be outside with Christian, OK?' Hannah nods at her.
'Hi baby, you look beautiful. I'm sorry I left you without saying goodbye I didn't want you to worry.'
'Oh Matt, I've missed you. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up.' She says. Ana makes a move towards the door and mom goes with her. Hannah comes to me and kisses me on the lips.
'I love you Hannah'
'I love you too' she whispers. The doctor and nurses come back in. Mom is with them.
'Darling boy, the doctor is going to check you over. I'll be waiting outside the room with Hannah.'
'OK, I love you mom' I say smiling at her as she kisses me once more.
'I love you darling. Please let us say goodnight to you before you go back to sleep' she says smiling at me and I nod and smile back at her.
The doctor checks me out; apparently I'll be on a drip for another day at least.
'What day is it today?' I ask him
'It's 10pm on Monday evening, you've been asleep for just over twenty four hours.'
'Oh, I'm tired again now'
'Good, the more you sleep the quicker your body will recover. You were very lucky; the spleen didn't rupture fully so we have managed to repair it, though you did lose a lot of blood. I'll leave your family to say goodnight now and I'll check on you again tomorrow.'
'Thank you' I say as he leaves the room. My family are soon back in crowding around me and fussing. I lie quietly and let the noisy banter wash over my head. Hannah holds my hand and I gently squeeze hers.
'Christian and Ana have been so good to me, they let me stay at Escala last night and I am going back again tonight so that I am only a few minutes away.' She says. I smile at her and she kisses my cheek. 'Goodnight Matt, I'll be back first thing in the morning.'
'Goodnight little bro, we're going to take Hannah home with us now so that she can finally sleep.' Christian says.
'Thank you for looking after her' I whisper
'No problem, you need to sleep now so that you're back home with us soon' he says as I nod at him. He gives mom a hug and then leaves. Again Ana has an arm round Hannah as they walk away.
Elliot is sat quietly for once in the chair in the corner as mom and dad come and say goodnight.
'Mom, where is Mia?'
'She was here earlier darling but went home. We are going home as well now darling.' She says smiling at me. I look at her with wide eyes. 'Don't panic, Elliot is going to stay with you tonight darling.'
'OK.' I say rather uncertainly. Mom looks at dad worriedly.
'Matt' dad says 'Your mom is exhausted and needs to sleep. She was here with you all last night and today. I am going to take her home so that she can be back here with you tomorrow. Elliot will call us if there is a problem or you need us but you will probably be asleep all night.'
'Hey little bro, I'm not that bad. We can have a few beers and I'll give you some tips on being in a relationship with Hannah' Elliot says loudly grinning at me. I grin back at him.
'Elliot Grey, will you be responsible for once in your life. I'm trusting you to look after your brother tonight' mom says.
'Mom chill, we'll be fine. Go and get some rest and we'll see you in the morning.' Elliot says going to hug her. I smile and close my eyes.
'Come on Grace you need some sleep. I'll take you home now.' Dad says.
'Oh Carrick, he's gone back to sleep and I didn't say goodnight'
I open an eye 'Goodnight mom, goodnight dad, goodnight Elliot. I'm tired so I'm going to sleep now'
'Goodnight' they all say and kiss me in turn before leaving, though Elliot pulls up the chair to be near me.
