Chapter Fifty-Four: Revelations
While my fellow students frolicked in sun-soaked locations during spring break, I trained. When they bragged about what college they'd be attending in the fall, I trained. While they set up study groups to prepare for the coming final exams, I—you guessed it—trained.
And I wasn't the only one.
Training schedules became a daily requirement for everyone in our house. I worked with Jasper, Emmett, and Nahuel every morning before school while Jake practiced maneuvers with his pack and whoever else was available. Then, I went to school and the rest of the family had their own sessions on the field. After school, Nahuel and I drove home and prepared to train again. This was where Jake and I worked on fighting as a pair against numerous opponents (i.e. whoever was willing and able to spar with us). All training ceased at dark, when everyone crowded around the table for dinner and/or to relate the events of the day. We also used this time to go over the finalized plans for dealing with the Volturi. Following this, everyone dispersed, free to do as they wished until the next morning. This was the best part of the evening as we, as a family, usually watched television, played games, or just spent quality time together. (We even taught Huilen and Nahuel how to play Twister one night. You haven't seen awkward and funny until you've played that game with werewolves, vampires, and half-vampires.) Of course, the anxiety of the coming battle with Volturi was still the elephant in the room, but the nightly leisure time helped to balance the overriding fear with laughter. This, in turn, made it more bearable for everyone.
There were some good developments that came from training. The first had to do with Alice's abilities. While Carlisle's mind strengthening techniques with Alice might not have lifted the black shroud covering her vision of what would happen once the Volturi arrived, but it did allow her to pinpoint the exact date they would get here, which was at daylight on May 8th. We, of course, planned to be in position hours before they showed up and intercept them in the field where Constantine had attacked me almost a lifetime ago. It also allowed her to see that Aro had added a few new members to the Volturi guard, members he would be bringing with him. Two females: One blonde and the other brunette. Unfortunately, that was all Alice could discern. She knew nothing about their specific skills or Aro's plans in conjunction with them.
Carlisle and Jasper made contact with a few, discreet, well-placed friends to try to find out more. They managed to discover that the blonde was Adelaide, who was able to detect one's greatest fear and use it to her advantage. Exactly how she accomplished that was something nobody seemed to know. Carlisle, Dad, and Jasper speculated that, like Jane and Alec, her power was a mental one that preyed on the minds of others.
The second member was a complete enigma to everyone. That she was a fairly young vampire who Aro kept perpetually close to side was all anyone was able to tell us. Alice, however, kept trying, hoping Aro would make some kind of plan involving this one which might give us more to go on.
The second development gleaned from training was we found that the new level of intimacy between Jake and me made it almost child's play for me to dissect his emotions and intents from my own. It was like my experiencing him while he was out of control—as he had been many times while in the throes of passion—made it easier for me to distinguish him from me. (Of course I never spoke this theory aloud. My family and I had established a Don't Ask/Don't Tell policy where my sex life was concerned. They were aware I had one, but were more than willing to pretend I didn't. Since this meant I didn't have to have awkward conversations about it, I was in complete agreement.)
The greatest thing about me being able to keep things separate was that it allowed Jake and me to battle almost like one unit. We could pretty much communicate without words. I used his intentions to pinpoint his next move and would then adjust myself to come to his aid. (Like setting up someone for a spike during a volleyball match.) He did the same, and we learned we could finish an opponent together a lot quicker than it would have taken by ourselves.
And so, day in and day out, we gave our all to training. We trained so much that the battle strategies became second nature to us all. It got so bad that one night I dreamed that I was training and socked Jake in the nose. (Good thing he heals quickly.) Likewise, we intently studied the Volturi members and their abilities until I felt like a walking encyclopedia on the subject. For example, did you know that Renata's main ability is that she can project a shield over anything she touches? This is why she is usually attached to Aro wherever he goes. Also, did you know that Chelsea's power is that she can discern and manipulate the emotional bonds between people? She is usually the first one at work when the Volturi comes to deliver a death sentence. She tears apart the ties between family members so Aro can "save" any of those with special abilities he might have an interest in. Similarly, she is used to strengthen the attachments between her fellow guard members, making them unswervingly loyal to the Volturi as well as Aro. (If this were a category on Jeopardy, I'd clean up.) The point is that we were as secure in the knowledge that we had done all we could to prepare for this. Whether it would be enough to save lives was something only time would tell.
A week before the Volturi were set to come, I attended school for the last time. (I'd decided that I needed every minute of the last seven days to train. Plus, it was getting harder and harder to be around fresh-faced youths with bright futures ahead of them.) I spent this last day attending classes and trying to keep up the pretext that I was just like my teenage counterparts—usually to strange results. Never was this more obvious than during lunch with Emma and Derek.
"Just think, in mere months, we'll be college freshmen," Emma said.
"Don't remind me," Derek answered with a grimace. "I'm missing you already."
Emma rolled her eyes, but still gave him a wink. "That's why they made cars. You won't be that far away from me." She turned her attention to me. "Did you ever decide which school you're attending?"
It took me completely by surprise—something I should have hid better.
Emma apparently read my face like a book with big print. "Oh. My. God," she exclaimed. "You're pregnant."
"What? No!" I replied, hating the blush heating my cheeks.
As far as Emma was concerned, it was like I hadn't spoken at all. "You do not have to be another statistic, Nessie. You're intelligent, and Jake looks like the type to stand by his woman. Although, what was he thinking not using a condom?" She shook her head in irritation before slapping on an everything's-just-peachy smile. "It doesn't matter. We'll stick by you, too. Don't worry. Nowadays, pregnant women go to college all the time. Some colleges even have day cares available to—"
"Emma!" I grabbed her arms to stop her from talking. "I'm. Not. Pregnant."
This seemed to take a minute to sink in. She looked over at Derek before turning back to me. "Then why haven't you picked a college yet?"
"Actually, I haven't really had time to think about it." (Last I heard Dad had applied to a few schools in my stead, but, as I planned to be dead shortly, college applications weren't exactly on my list of priorities.)
"You better start thinking about it if you're planning to attend in the fall. Last time I checked, lawyers have to have college degrees," Derek said.
"How could you not be thinking about it, Nessie? Besides, you're going to be valedictorian. Don't you have the schools beating your door down?" Emma asked.
"It'll be fine, even if I have to wait and attend in the spring semester," I replied, waving their concerns off. "As far as valedictorian goes, I have some wonderful news to tell you both."
"What?" they chorused.
"It seems my inability to deliver a decent speech means Heidi Tindall has surged ahead of me in the race for valedictorian." I smiled wide.
Emma frowned. "She beat you? Why aren't you more upset?"
"I told you a long time ago that that didn't really matter to me. Salutatorian works just as well."
"Plus the salutatorian doesn't have to make a speech," Derek said.
I sent him a wink. "Exactly. Best news I've heard all week."
They both rolled their eyes at me. Then, Nahuel showed up at the table and the topic changed to more mundane areas. Similarly, Nahuel seemed on edge and added little to the conversation. I knew he was torn between the need to focus unencumbered by schoolwork and the melancholy of losing out on new learning experiences.
Our ride home from school was somber at best.
"When all this is over," I said when I couldn't take the quiet anymore, "will you go back to school? Maybe not here, but somewhere?"
Nahuel's unfathomable eyes leveled me. "What makes you so sure I'll survive this battle any better than you plan to?"
My heart squeezed painfully. "But, if you did," I pushed. "Would you return to school? You loved going. I know you did."
"Why do you ask? Why is it so important to you?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but found no words coming out. I didn't have a ready explanation. The silence rode between us like a third passenger until we less than a mile from the house. It gave me time to formulate a response.
"Nahuel, I've made my peace with the fact that I'm going to die, but I'm not all right with losing my family as well. That family includes you. I want you all to survive. Like those children at school, it's important to have plans for the future, even if you aren't sure you'll be able to achieve them all. It gives you a reason to want to get to tomorrow and the day after. I want you to have that."
He laughed, but it was humorless and biting. "I forget how young you truly are, Nessie. You say you've made your peace with death—and maybe you have—but I have not. I will not. I have survived over 150 years on this planet, and, in the few months I have lived with your family, I realized I have not experienced all that I wish to. But, I cannot focus on such thoughts now. I must only consider the Volturi. To dream of the future might bring you comfort, but such a thing would only do harm to me. It would emphasize all which will be lost to me because of Aro's greed. Then, to consider that your family is in danger because I am here—"
I pulled over on the side of the road and placed a comforting hand on Nahuel's shoulder. "We would be in danger anyway. Our coven is getting too big and too powerful for Aro's comfort. At least this way we can fight together. It gives us a better chance."
Nahuel's hand reached up to cup my jaw, running his thumb over my cheek. "You are a remarkable woman, Renesmee Cullen. And not for the first time do I wish that you had never imprinted on Jacob. I remember when I first saw you, both as a child seven years ago and as a woman in the field that day with Constantine. Both times I was struck with the same thought: That you were there just for me."
I grew ten shades of uncomfortable. "Nahuel," I began.
"Shh . . ." His finger rubbed against my lips for a moment before dropping away from me completely. "I meant no disrespect to you or to Jacob. You love him. You are his. I know this. I've accepted it. I only speak of things I wished to have." He laughed again, small and hollow. "Now do you see the danger in such thinking? Please forgive me. My loneliness has caused me to say things better left unsaid."
"You're not alone. You have the family and Huilen."
"But it is not the same as having a mate. This is something you know firsthand, is it not?"
I nodded, hating myself for even bringing it up, and moved away from him. My heart ached for him, for how alone he felt and how much he longed for companionship. If there was more time, I would— I would what? It wasn't like there was a line of hybrids waiting around the corner. Nahuel and I were unique, and as I was firmly with Jacob, who did that leave for Nahuel to be with? There was no ready answer.
Nothing else was said as I restarted the car and pulled back onto the road. We made it home a few minutes later, Nahuel got out of the car, and we never spoke of it again. But, thinking of the future was something that continued to plague me—not just Nahuel's future, but also my own, if I'd had one. What would that entail? What would it even look like? It wasn't something I'd ever let myself consider. But, once I did, it stayed on my mind for the rest of the day and even that night while I lay in bed with Jacob. (Yes, my parents knew I was there. Again, it was part of the Don't Ask/Don't Tell policy.)
"What's bothering you?" Jacob asked as I sighed against him. "It's like you haven't been here tonight."
"A lot on my mind."
"The Volturi?" It was a subject we hadn't touched on whenever we'd been alone.
"No," I replied. "Just thinking about the future. But, I suppose that's stupid considering the fact that my life expectancy is six days."
"It's not stupid."
I noticed he hadn't contradicted my life expectancy comment.
I looked up at him. "If we had a future together, what would you want it to be?"
"You."
I smirked at his stereotypical romance novel hero response. "Would you care to elaborate?"
He shrugged. "As long as you're with me, I don't care."
"C'mon. You can't mean that. You've had seven years to really think about this. What did you want?"
He grimaced, and I could feel his unease building. "Why talk about this now?"
I considered that for a moment before I told him of the conversation I'd had with Nahuel earlier.
"So, you want to play matchmaker?" he asked.
"There aren't any more half-vampires that I know about. Who would I match him with? Besides, talking about Nahuel's future plans got me thinking about ours. It's something we've never talked about beyond getting married."
"I see," he said. Feelings swelled between us. His aching despondency and yearn to push away these kinds of thoughts warred with my desperate need to reminisce over what would never be. He pushed an errant lock of hair away from my cheek. "We'd get married, of course. You, beautiful in a long, white dress, and, me, forced into a tuxedo by Alice. We'd get married on the reservation so everyone could be there and then leave for a honeymoon to somewhere exotic. But," he murmured, as he leaned over to give me a slow kiss, "we'd never make it out of the hotel room. Years would pass. You'd go to college, graduate and be a lawyer fighting for people—because you do that anyway. We'd settle down someplace in a small house too close to your family for my mental well-being and have a wonderful life. I'd run my own shop and you'd run your own practice. Later, we'd have a couple of kids of our own to drive us nuts when you're family wasn't doing so. Then, when people were staring to catch on that we weren't aging, we'd just find another place in another state or country and do it all over again, showing our children through example how family is what sees you through the bad times and love is the one thing nobody can ever take away."
He wiped at the tears collecting on my cheek. "Don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry."
I shook my head. "That was beautiful, so beautiful."
He shrugged. "Yours would have been better, more details."
"Nope," I said, unable to hold back the sob cracking my voice, "that was pretty close to perfect. I want that future with you, Jacob. More than anything. I want—I wish—I …" I rested my head against his chest, unable to stop weeping for all we were going to lose.
Jake, unable to say anything, just held me close. I felt his body shudder against me and knew at once I wasn't the only one mourning and wishing for what would never be. He was too.
Somehow, that only made it all the sadder.
