Fifty Five
It was dinner that night in the Great Hall when Harry first laid eyes on Severus.
His lover did not so much as glance his way, as the small group of teachers and students gathered at the one table for the evening meal. The fear that ran through Harry was a palpable thing. Had his insistent desire for more caused him to lose any relationship he might have had with Severus? Multiple times throughout the meal Harry attempted to catch his lover's eye and was rebuffed every time. Still, Harry couldn't be sure that Severus was purposefully ignoring him, for such a small group their table was rather rowdy and it was entirely possible that they had simply continued to miss each other's gaze. At least, that was what Harry was trying to convince himself of.
Harry retired to his own chambers immediately following dinner and there, paced the length of his rooms debating his next move. His pride would not allow him to go crawling back to Severus, when he had left him so dramatically and abruptly only three days previously. His heart ached to go back, even if the result would be the further bruising of that precious organ. His brain told him that if he didn't try, he would surely come to regret it. Taking a leaf from Hermione's book, he allowed his brain to rule his pride and heart.
Not wanting to be presumptuous and Floo in, Harry did what Severus had long since bid him not to do and walked towards the dungeons. At the visitors' entrance to Severus's private quarters, Harry steeled himself for whatever may come and knocked.
Several long moments passed. Harry knocked again. Still, no answer was forthcoming.
Laughing hollowly, Harry turned to go, disgusted with himself. He had long since known that Severus's only feelings for him were that of a willing bed partner, he had been foolish to think that, after the way they had parted, Severus would still be waiting for him. Right at this moment Severus was probably visiting with his new lover, whoever that lucky sod was...
"Harry?"
Harry stifled a gasp, walking towards him, robes billowing, as impressive and imposing as he ever was, was Severus.
"I've just come from your rooms," Severus spoke, and Harry was shocked to hear a note of uncertainty in his voice. "It seems we had the same idea. Come inside."
Without a word, Harry followed Severus into his chambers. Severus set about fixing drinks, and Harry, after a moment's uncertainty, sank into his usual chair beside the fireplace.
Harry quietly accepted his drink from Severus with a word of thanks. The pair sat in an uncomfortable silence, neither knowing what to say, neither willing to rehash their argument of three days previously.
After several minutes silence, Harry knew he ought to be the one to speak first.
"This," he indicated the pair of them. "Is enough. I shouldn't have pushed for more. You've been upfront with me from the beginning and I should have respected your wishes. If what we've had is what you can offer," he steeled himself, swallowing hard against the coming lie. "Then it's enough for me."
"Harry..." Severus, while relieved to hear Harry wasn't ending their association, was not oblivious to the barely concealed pain lurking in his younger lover's eyes.
"No," Harry spoke harshly, tearing his pain-filled gaze from Severus's. "It's enough. It has to be. Let's go back to the way things are."
Knowing he was hurting Harry and regretting that he had to do so, Severus nodded. The smile Harry forced was painful to look at, so instead, Severus rose from his chair, tugged Harry from his and took him to bed, knowing that the ecstasy he loved seeing painted across Harry's face was the only thing between them that was sincere.
So because I've been so busy lately, I'm not currently subscribed to any WIP stories. However, with my break coming up I'd love to get back into it, so if there is a story you're reading and loving (aside from this one of course!) please recommend it to me! Any pairing, any timeline, I'd love to hear what you're loving.
Thanks for reading. SR.
