It had been two weeks since Celia's funeral; Maric leant against the wall outside of Loghain's study rubbing his forehead trying to ease the pounding headache caused by frustration, grief and lack of sleep, if it got much worse he knew he would need to see Tyris. He couldn't help but be transported back to those awful months after Rowan's death. He had retreated from the world; from his son and only Loghain's persistence and at times harsh manner had brought him back. Now it seemed it was his turn and yet nothing seemed to work. He had spoken to Loghain gently; urging him to be there for his children, but the blank look Loghain had given him was enough to know he was too removed. He had tried a harsher approach; but had faltered as Loghain had broken down and his hesitation had lost him any ground he had gained. Today was no different; unable to persuade Loghain to leave the study and being ignored, Maric had finally left. Pushing away from the wall he moved along the corridor berating himself. Loghain had never hesitated, when it was needed he had dragged him kicking and screaming through his grief and it pained him that he seemed unable to do the same. He sought out Bryce and Eleanor; speaking to them in hushed tones. All conversations seemed to be whispered; it was as though to do any less would somehow be disrespectful. He nodded wearily as Eleanor gently patted his shoulder before she left the room to look for Anora. He sank down opposite Bryce; but the headache was relentless. "I fear for Loghain; I have never seen him like this. He is steadfast; fierce, does what must be done. The man in that study is a shadow."

"Give him time; I doubt I would react differently if Eleanor was lost to me and when Rowan was taken from us …" He hesitated at Maric's pained expression. "Maric forgive me; but making yourself ill will help no-one. Perhaps you should see Enchanter Tyris."

Maric rose as the pounding became as though a nail was being driven into his forehead. "Perhaps that would be wise."

xXx

Nathaniel's fingers drifted over the books in a corner of the Great Hall; he wasn't really looking at them, he just needed a moment to be alone. He had watched over Anora to the best of his ability; desperate to offer comfort, but both were too afraid to approach the other for fear their night together would be discovered. Nathaniel's gut squirmed with guilt not only towards Cailan, but to Anora too. She had been vulnerable; grief stricken and he should have been strong, should have accepted any anger there might have been in a refusal and left her room before anything had happened, but he had loved her for too long, ached for her in every moment and his sense of reason had left him the moment she said she had needed him. Every waking moment was filled with thoughts of that night and echoes of her touch teased him as he slept. It hurt almost more than he could bear that she was keeping her distance and while a part of him could not regret their night together, he wished fervently that he had not been the one to give her more pain. He glanced across the room to Cailan who was pacing restlessly, their eyes darting to the door as Anora entered. His heart sank as she abruptly turned and left. He glanced to Cailan and saw the hurt and confusion in his expression and sighed, his family and the Couslands would be leaving in two days and perhaps that would be for the best.

xXx

Anora moved swiftly to the garden barely registering the bitter cold of the evening; needing a moment for her breathing to calm and her heartbeat to return to normal. A fresh layer of snow had fallen and she gently shook the few roses that had not surrounded her mother, to relieve them of their heavy burden. She glanced up as Eleanor joined her; knowing what she had come to ask of her. "Father can barely look at me." She whispered; blinking rapidly frustrated by the tears.

Eleanor gently rested her hand at the small of Anora's back; not entirely surprised when Anora turned and pressed against her. "I know this is hard; that it is cruel that you must be the strong one, but they need you and my dear you need them too."

Wiping her eyes and with feet feeling as heavy as lead; Anora made her way to her father's study and knocked once. Knowing there would be no answer she entered and closed the door behind her.

Loghain raised weary bloodshot eyes and turned away his hands shaking. He was unshaven; his hair drifting passed his shoulders in a tangled mess. Grief in the past had been something to fight; to defeat or at the very least something to be kept sealed within the deepest part of him, yet Celia's passing had been beyond his ability to suppress. He was left raw; mangled and unable to keep going and he had allowed numbness to become his defence. He was barely aware of himself let alone anyone else and while a part of him screamed at him to be there for his children they terrified him, their grief was as raw as his own and he believed in comforting them he would shatter.

Anora felt the tears slip down her cheeks; she knew why her father turned from her, she had stopped looking in mirrors for the same reason, all she saw in herself was her mother. Grief and anger suddenly rose within her; she and her grandfather at least were adults, but Jayden was a child lost in his grief. Slamming her hands onto the desk she willed her father to look at her, only speaking when his gaze met hers. "I don't care how much it hurts; how much easier it is to stay hidden, but you will get up and find a way to support your son! He needs you!"

Loghain remained silent until Anora left the room slamming the door behind her, sagging in the chair he shuddered. "Maker help me." After what seemed an age he rose and left the study; heading up the stairs to his bedroom, hovering at the door reluctant to enter. Taking a shuddering breath Loghain forced himself to step within; to remind himself this was his life now, a life without the woman he loved. He had spent the days and nights since Celia's death in the study; sleeping awkwardly on the chair when exhaustion finally demanded his submission. He dreaded those moments when he would fall to dreams; where Celia still danced and laughed, making his waking all the more painful and everything seem so much emptier. If he was honest with himself he had come here to avoid everyone; particularly Maric and Bryce who were attempting to counsel him in his grief and now Anora who was demanding something he found himself unable to face, he would not have come here otherwise. He sank onto the edge of the bed, his fingertips caressing the soft material. "I would trade my life for yours if such a thing was possible my love." He bowed his head struggling against the burn of tears threatening to flow. "Where is my strength and resolve now?" He muttered impatiently with himself. Wanting to block out the pain Loghain lay carefully on the bed and pulled Celia's pillow into his arms, imagining her scent still remained. He curled in on himself as though he had received a blow to his gut, shuddering painfully. "You are dead because of me; because of my actions. Maker forgive me if I had stayed away from you, you might yet live." His chest tightened painfully; gasping each breath as he attempted to regain control of himself. He finally closed his eyes; too tired to remain awake, finding a moment of solace in the darkness of a dreamless sleep.

xXx

Cailan glanced down at the courtyard from his room wishing his father would finish speaking to Enchanter Tyris and join them. He resumed pacing feeling useless; finally sitting down when Alistair grasped his arm and gave him a stern look. For some reason Anora could barely look at him; his very presence seeming to make her anxious, it left him baffled and distraught. "I just want to be there for her." He moaned softly.

Alistair bit his lip anxiously. "I think maybe Anora believes she has to be brave, to not let people know how alone and scared she feels." He worried at his lip. "Maybe just remind her she isn't alone and don't get cross if she doesn't want to be around you."

"How did you get to be so smart?"

"I've never been accused of that before." They both sprang to their feet as the door opened relieved that it was their father.

Maric gave an apologetic smile; the tension gone from his face along with the headache. "Sorry I meant to knock." He smile widened as Alistair clasped his hand and led him to a comfortable seat, while Cailan shut the door and pulled over a truck to give them warning if anyone else was to attempt to enter. He softly ran his fingers over Kolby's ears as the mabari pressed against his legs sensing he needed the comfort.

"How is Teyrn Loghain?" Alistair asked gently.

"No change I'm afraid; what about Jayden?"

Alistair shook his head. "Ell and Aedan tried to get him to speak tonight." He winced. "They just got frustrated and Ell had to leave because she didn't want to cry in front of him and Aedan didn't know what to do so he went after Ell since Jay isn't talking anyway."

"Maker it's a mess and with Aelfraud barely leaving his room ..." He glanced to Cailan. "And Anora?"

"Still avoiding me; but I'll try again tomorrow."

"Bryce and Rendon and their families will be leaving the day after tomorrow; I suspect Anora may not be as quick to turn you away as she has been. She is trying so hard to be strong; have patience with her Cailan. I have spoken to Teagan and we will stay another week. I'm not sure what we can do but I don't want the family feeling as though we have all abandoned them. Besides …" He smiled as he clasped Alistair's arm and pulled him close. "Gives me more time with you."

Alistair's lips twitched into a guilty smile. "I'm glad I get more time with you; but I feel wicked for feeling so happy when Jay and his family are so sad."

Maric tightened his grip. "You are anything but wicked Alistair; but I know how you feel."

xXx

Jayden sat on the window seat in his room gazing out at the stars; exhaustion making his eyelids heavy. Words seemed somehow futile; the days had lost their colour, every sound seemed dull and lifeless, a pale representation of life now his mother was gone. He barely ate; food having lost its taste. His books were left unread; his bed undisturbed. Touch was as insubstantial as every other sense; he felt removed from his own body, watching as Ellowyn would sit next to him and clasp his hand, or Aedan would squeeze his shoulder trying to elicit some response. Neither Alistair; or Cailan's coaxing, or Anora's soft words of comfort could rouse him from his self-imposed isolation. Not even Lyra, Zef or Rathnal could penetrate his withdrawn state. Life went on and it felt too brutal to his aching heart. He thought of the ghosts in the Brecilian forest, echoes only of who they had been and he wondered if the same was true of himself.

xXx

Anora had retreated to her room after seeing her father and sat in bed with her knees pulled to her chest, her arms wrapped lightly around her legs. She trembled painfully; her family was falling apart and she felt helpless to stop it, it was all simply too much for her to bear. While she struggled with her own grief guilt also gnawed at her and it was torture to act as though nothing had happened with Nathaniel and she knew she was being distant with both her love and her betrothed because of it. She stared at the cup by her bedside; within it were the herbs Erlina had promised to procure for her. Anora closed her eyes reliving those moments with Nathaniel; her cheeks flushing at the memory of his touch, at how her body had felt more alive in that one night with him, than it ever had. She sighed and reached for the cup, each action had its consequence and she had to pay the price for her moment of desperation and need for the man she loved. Gulping down the bitter liquid Anora lay back down hoping she could sleep through whatever discomfort the herbs provoked. She awoke what felt only moments later to Erlina bringing her breakfast; startled to realise she had slept the entire night. She felt groggy and disorientated; ignoring the food she curled back against the pillow, realising her cheeks were wet with tears. She felt Erlina's hand on her back and squeezing her eyes tight she clutched the pillow pressing her face against it as she sobbed. She wept until she was exhausted and fell once more into slumber.

Erlina gently brushed the hair from Anora's face, pulled the blanket over her shoulders and removed the cup she had used for the herbs. Moving to the window she glanced out; the morning was bright, but bitterly cold and even the fire in Anora's room could not seem to banish the early morning chill. She added another log; glancing to Anora, her breathing had evened out and she was sleeping peacefully. Erlina picked up her embroidery and used the task to allow her mind to focus on other matters. The last time she had seen the Teyrna had involved her swearing she would protect Anora. While Celia had known that this was already the case, Erlina suspected it gave her peace simply to hear it again. She had written to Mother Dorothea to let her know the Teyrna had fallen foul of the poison. She had given the letter to Mother Sarah. There were few who would interfere with a messenger of the Chantry and so she was as assured as she could be that it would be delivered safely. While she was in no doubt that her duty lay in protecting Anora, she worried for Dorothea's safety. The woman was shrewd and by no means defenceless and she was more than adept at the Game; but she knew the Mother would likely take risks that would once have fallen to her. The Game was brutal; threats masked in sweet compliments and disgrace a sport. She could not bear to think of Dorothea losing her good standing; or worse be imprisoned, or executed. Erlina glanced to Anora who whimpered and tightened her grip on the pillow. She moved over and gently stroked her hair. "Sleep peacefully my Lady." She smiled as the tension left Anora's face and she returned to the window, ever watchful over her charge.

xXx

Dawn light flooded his room and Jayden stirred from his sleep; wincing in pain at his aching neck and back from having slept on the window seat, his body cold despite the blanket he had wrapped around himself. He had fallen asleep gazing at the stars and he had slept fitfully dreaming of his mother. He forced himself to rise; wash and change going through the mechanics of daily life. He left the estate feeling a deep need to visit the Chantry. With Rumold and Tolband accompanying him there was no need to have guards escort him; which he was grateful for. He prefered the company of the golems; they did not have the urge to fill the silence, they did not feel uncomfortable around him, uncertain what to say and they did not make him feel. He was freezing by the time they reached the Chantry despite walking briskly, his cheeks pink with the touch of the cold wind. He gestured for the golems to wait for him and moved into the candlelit building. The stained glass depictions of Andraste seemed to gaze at him compassionately. His dulled senses finally picked up the soft murmur of chatter and he moved soundlessly towards it suddenly craving the living.

"The boy is giving the elves unrealistic expectations, it is unfair and someone should speak to him."

Mother Sarah sighed deeply. "Sister Gwen now is hardly the time to …"

"Then when would you suggest? I held my tongue because the Teryna was dying; but this cannot continue, for the boy's sake as well as the elven children."

"Would it be so bad for the elves to be on more equal terms?"

"And how is that to happen? Elves are safe because they know their place."

"Safe? And what about the incident in the Alienage …"

"Change handled without the proper care can be difficult and the Teyrn's son blatantly flaunting his friendships with elves … well it makes things difficult."

Mother Sarah sank onto a pew. "He is a good boy."

"Of that I have no doubt; but as a Teyrn's son he must understand that his actions affect more than himself. He has been indulged and it will only bode ill for the elves. You have a good relationship with him; you could make him understand that he will only bring the elves more harm."

"Perhaps; but not yet, he must be allowed to grieve."

"Mother Sarah at least speak to the Teyrn; there are mutterings from some of the noble families that the Maker saw fit not to save the Teyrna because she turned from Him and went to the Dalish. I fear this will only cause more trouble for the elves who reside in the Alienage."

"So already the vultures circle. Sister Gwen we both know the Teyrna was devout to the Maker."

"Yes; but words can corrupt memories. I only seek to preserve her good name and prevent any harm to the elven citizens."

"I suppose there are some who would use any excuse to stir up trouble."

Sister Gwen shuddered slightly. "Mother Sarah in her last months the Teyrna barely came to the Chantry. What if they are right; what if … what if this was her punishment for going to the Dalish."

Mother Sarah turned sharply at a choked sound; her hand fluttering to her mouth as she saw Jayden staring at them in shock.

Jayden felt himself shatter; his rage so deeply buried beneath his grief rushing to the surface, his silence finally broken. "How dare you!" His eyes fixed on Sister Gwen who was watching him; a horrified expression on her face, it hurt to speak, his throat feeling raw but it was as though the dam within him had finally burst. "You think you have the right to judge my mom?" Jayden snarled; his voice sounding so unlike himself he was momentarily unsure he was the one actually speaking. "If you want to judge anyone judge me; I begged my mom to go to the Dalish because I wanted to save her!" His eyes seemed almost black as rage consumed him, his voice harsh and shaking. "My mom told me that the Chantry would always be a shelter; I would always find someone to listen to me, someone who would be compassionate, but all I see are people who think themselves better than anyone else!"

"Jayden please …" Mother Sarah hesitated as his dark gaze fixed on her. "The Chantry has its flaws; it is true we are human after all, but ..."

"I will never have anything to do with the Chantry again!"

Mother Sarah watched the boy turn and run out; her heart heavy with sorrow.

"Maker I never meant ..." Sister Gwen wrapped her arms around her waist as though she had taken a blow to the stomach.

"He spoke from grief; when he calms he will return and I will speak to him. Perhaps it would be wise to spend some time in prayer."

Sister Gwen nodded and moved to her chamber feeling sick to her stomach.

Mother Sarah moved to the main doors seeing Jayden in the distance with the golems. With a deep sigh she moved back inside and knelt beside the central statue of Andraste, her head bowed in prayer.

xXx

Jayden returned to the estate and slipped upstairs not wanting to see or speak to anyone, feeling so angry he thought he would explode. He stormed into the music room; moving swiftly to the table on which his fiddle had been placed. He grabbed the instrument willing himself to throw it against the wall; but he couldn't, he could almost feel his mother staying his hand. He glared at the fiddle and instead gripped it so tightly his hand ached and made his way down to the cellars. He discarded it on the step and began to pull out boxes and chests ignoring the angry tears that slipped down his cheeks. "Mom never stopped believing." He hissed angrily as he dragged a large box out of the way that revealed a large chest tucked into the corner. He carefully opened it staring at the contents. His fingers drifted over his mother's wedding dress feeling his breath catch. He retrieved the fiddle and hid it beneath the folds of material, his hands shaking until he smoothed out the dress and finally closed the lid. "I'm sorry mom but I can't play again, not ever." His hands rested lightly on the chest before he sank to his knees and sobbed feeling wretched and lost. Jayden had no idea how long he sat in the shadows; the torchlight beginning to splutter, its light beginning to dim. Sighing he rose and began returning the chests and boxes to where he thought they had been, the chest buried once more. Jayden stood in the darkness as the torch light finally died, wishing he could bury his feelings so easily. He found his way to the stairs; each step taking monumental effort to climb. He hesitated as he reached the top of the stairs seeing Nathaniel sitting on a chair as though he had been waiting for him. Their eyes met and Jayden knew he wanted to reach out to him.

Nathaniel slowly rose his whole body seeming to ache; he couldn't imagine what Jayden had been doing down in the cellars, but it was obvious to see that by his bloodshot eyes he had been crying. "You've been down there hours." He stated softly; moving over to him.

Jayden felt the wave of grief hit him with such force he lost his breath. He stumbled forward into Nathaniel's arms and clutched him tightly burying his face against him.

Wrapping his arms around the distraught boy Nathaniel held him tightly. "I'm so sorry Jay."

"I miss mom so much." Jayden managed to choke out.

Nathaniel's eyes widened startled to hear him speak. "I know you do." He whispered softly resting his cheek on the top of Jayden's head.

"Does it ever stop hurting?" He mumbled into the material of Nathaniel's tunic, shuddering painfully.

Nathaniel closed his eyes and hugged him tighter. "There will always be days when it hurts; when you remember something and it stops you in your tracks, but the intensity of what you are feeling right now will ease in time."

"How much time?"

Nathaniel felt as though he was choking. "I don't know Jay, I … I think it's different for everyone."

Jayden carefully pulled away. "I'm going to see mom." He whispered.

"Would you like me to come with you?" Nathaniel swallowed painfully as he saw Jayden hesitate and then shake his head.

"I need to … there are just some things I need to say …"

Nathaniel nodded in understanding. "You'll take the golems with you?"

"I will."

Nathaniel glanced out of the door. "I think it will snow soon."

"I won't be long." Jayden left the estate following the winding trail to the tree they had planted, beneath which lay his mother's ashes. It was in a sheltered grove not far from the estate; they had picnicked there and her laughter still sometimes seemed to drift in the air. He carefully reached out feeling the rough texture of the silver grey bark beneath his fingertips and gazed at the crimson leaves standing out like flames against the freshly fallen snow. "Mom I really need you." He sank onto the snow; his arms wrapped around his waist and wept. "I don't know what to do." He choked out. When his tears finally stopped he realised he was shivering with cold and he pulled himself onto the bench that had been placed by Maker knew who. He glanced up at the sound of footsteps crunching through the snow surprised to see Aedan. He was wrapped up in a thick cloak, hat and gloves and was carrying another cloak in his arms. He noticed two of the Cousland guards with him and they stationed themselves at a respectful distance.

Aedan trudged over to him noting the golems gaze rest on him before accepting his presence. "You'll catch a chill with that thin cloak." He muttered draping the thicker one over Jayden's shoulders.

Jayden felt the cold recede a little and watched as Aedan settled next to him. His throat ached and it seemed an eternity before he managed to say anything. "Thanks."

Aedan glanced to him startled; feeling a stirring of relief that his gesture had been acknowledged verbally, taking it as a positive sign. "No problem." Shifting slightly to get more comfortable Aedan worried at his lower lip. "Jay I know I'm probably not the one you want to talk to. I mean you would probably choose Ell or Ali over me and I know you are closer to Simon and your elven friends, but I'm here … you know if you do want to talk."

Jayden swallowed painfully. "Why would you think I would want to talk to you less than anyone else?"

"Well I just thought … I wasn't sure is all."

Jayden sighed and glanced at his mother's tree. "Do you think people always feel guilty when people they love … when they die?"

"Maybe." Aedan frowned slightly. "But there isn't any need for you to feel guilty, it wasn't your fault."

Jayden remained silent; huddling deeper into the cloak.

"You do know that don't you?" Aedan became increasingly frustrated by Jayden's continuing silence. "Jay don't go all silent on me again!"

Jayden's voice broke as he struggled against the tears threatening to fall. "I thought I was prepared; I thought if there was another threat I would see it. It never even occurred to me not to trust Elouise; I believed she was Ferelden and why would a Ferelden hurt us. I thought she was a good person; she was so nice to me and all the time she was plotting to poison my mom." His fists clenched tightly. "I should have known! I should have been on my guard." He took a choked breath; hugging himself as he shuddered. "I should have seen, how could I have been so blind?"

Aedan's heart pounded frantically; slamming against the walls of his chest as though in a bid for freedom. "How could you?"

"You would think after being on that ship I would understand how brutal people are; that I would have learnt to be more cautious."

Aedan frowned. "Jay what ship? What are you talking about?"

Jayden closed his eyes; it seemed so silly that he had wanted to keep it secret from Aedan. He had been so afraid to be mocked by him; or worse pitied, but things had been different then.

Aedan listened quietly as Jayden told him what had happened trying desperately not to show his horror. "So all the training; the learning about potions and poisons, learning Orlesian was all because of that?" He shivered at Jayden's nod.

Hugging himself against the cold Jayden glanced back to the tree. "I wanted so much to save my mom. The worst part is I actually thought I could." He angrily wiped the tears from his cheeks. "If we had reached Orlais; if I had just been given to the Emperor, mom would still be here, they would have had no reason to want to hurt her."

"You can't really think that." Aedan choked out; feeling a flare of panic not quite sure what to do. He paled at the odd look on Jayden's face. "Jay they would have killed you!"

"I know." Jayden closed his eyes once more and bowed his head feeling a rush of gratitude as Aedan's arm wrapped around him.

"I don't know how long it will take; but one day this won't hurt as much as it does now." Aedan stated softly; relieved as Jayden relaxed against him.

"Aedan; can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

"I went to the Chantry this morning. One of the Sisters said that some of the nobles are saying my mom turned from the Maker because she went to the Dalish. She said they are saying that's why mom died. She went because I begged her too Aedan, not because she didn't believe in the Maker anymore!" He noted the slight flush on Aedan's cheeks wondering if it was cold; or a reaction to his words and glanced down at his hands.

Aedan's fists clenched painfully at the wretched tone to Jayden's voice. "You should tell your dad."

Jayden shook his head. "No; he's hurting enough. I … I heard her say other things too; that … that I'm making things worse for the elves."

"That's ridiculous!" Aedan muttered.

"Is it? I'm not sure anymore. If more people get hurt because of me …" A soft whimper left his lips. "Aedan I couldn't bear it!"

Aedan frowned. "Jayden I don't understand."

Jayden forced himself to calm; to try to explain the fear taking hold of his heart. "Anora has always been caught in the middle; she was born a commoner and raised to nobility like my parents. I suppose her being betrothed to Cailan so young didn't help her either. She didn't really have anyone here growing up. I mean she had Nate and Fergus and Cailan, but no-one here. I have human and elven friends; some people didn't like it and yes I got into a fight or two about it, but no-one actually stopped me. I suppose it's amazing that Anora doesn't hate me; I've had it so much easier than she has. Grandpa and mom taught me respect for other races and dad … well I'm not sure he has ever got used to being a noble and he respected elves too, so I guess things were different for me than in some other noble houses. I just … I thought it was stupid that race and status can deny friendships. I never thought … Aedan what if I have made things worse!"

Aedan frowned slightly. "Father has always treated our elven servants well and he does his best to ensure living conditions are good in the Alienage, but until you were friends with elves I never even considered it. I suppose the divide is still too big; I just don't know how you did it. Maybe if I was the son of a Bann it might be easier, but being the son of a Teyrn makes it difficult enough to make human friends never mind friends of another race. I never know if they are friends with me because they really want to be friends, or if they have been told to get close to me so someday I will recommend them as potential husbands to Ellowyn, or because they think one day I will have power and they can share in that. People say being the son of a Teyrn must be such a gift; there are days I disagree. Never really knowing who to trust ..." He fell silent; his cheeks burning. "I'm sorry I never meant to ramble on about me."

"Is that why you were so angry with me when Thomas said those things?"

Aedan's flushed seemed to impossibly deepen. "I thought I finally had a friend who I didn't have to second guess because you have the same social standing as me. When Thomas said those things I felt like my feet had been taken from under me. I was so angry and I couldn't let it go, because I didn't want to risk trusting you."

"But you do now?"

Aedan nodded. "I finally realised I was hurting us both; which is what Thomas wanted."

Jayden glanced at him in concern. "You know Ali is a true friend to you don't you?"

Aedan nodded. "I trust him, yes." He smiled at the relieved look on Jayden's face. "I wish … I wish I could go back and change how I reacted to you. It was so foolish."

Shaking his head Jayden worried at his lip. "Aedan please don't … we are friends now and that is all that matters."

Aedan grinned and then worried at his lip thinking his happy mood wasn't really appropriate.

Jayden saw the worry on his face and managed a weak smile. "I'm really glad you came out here."

Aedan smiled warmly. "Me too." He glanced up as the snow that had begun to fall only moments ago began growing steadily heavier. "Maybe we should think about heading back."

Jayden rose and moved to the tree; his fingers drifting over the leaves. I miss you mom.

xXx

Jayden sought out his sister as soon as they returned, hugging her gently. "I'm so sorry Anora."

Anora clung to him and blinked back the tears.

Aedan flushed as Ellowyn hugged him.

"I'm glad you went after him."

"Don't make a fuss." He muttered.

Ellowyn chuckled softly and nudged him. "You make out you are so tough; but you are soft at heart."

"Am not!" Aedan growled.

Ellowyn smirked. "Gooey as Nan's treacle tarts."

A soft huff left Aedan's lips. "I am not gooey!"

"The harder you protest the more true it is!" She grinned as he shook his head and decided to stop teasing.

Anora smiled and guided her brother into another room where they could speak privately.

"I'm sorry I've been so selfish Anora; it just hurts so much."

"I know; it hurts me too. It feels as though there is a missing piece of my heart. Perhaps you would like to come to the Chantry with me and light a candle for mom." She frowned as Jayden paled, his gaze fixing on the floor. "Jayden?"

"Maybe we could light a candle at mom's tree for her instead."

Anora smiled. "I think mom would like that."

xXx

Aelfraud lay in bed aware of the sun dipping beneath the horizon; watching as the sky darkened followed by stars shimmering into view. Pale glimmers of moonlight stretched across the room; rippling over the floor and onto the bed, reaching for Aelfraud like fingers of ice. He lay still; listening to his own harsh breathing and wondered at the cruelty that he had outlived his child. The cold invaded deep into his bones and he finally forced himself from the bed. Each step to the fire caused his lungs to burn and by the time he had added another log he sank onto the chair by the fire unable to even think of making the journey back to the bed. As warmth finally began to move like a soft caress over his hands; he leaned back into the chair and closed his eyes. His thoughts drifted; hearing Celia's excited voice as he returned from a trip into town, her small hand clasping his as she led him to the table and proudly showed him the crude carving she had made, she had been eight. Aelfraud opened his eyes and glanced to the fireplace; in the centre was the oddly carved piece of wood that was meant to be of a nug. He smiled and reached out, the tiny carving sitting in the palm of his hand. He pulled it to his heart, his thumb tracing over the smooth wood. Celia had often asked him why he had kept it; not quite believing him when he said it was precious to him because she had made it, she stopped asking when Anora was born, finally understanding. He rose as warmth spread throughout the room and made his way back to bed slipping beneath the covers, the nug still clutched in his hand. He glanced up at the quiet knock on the door feeling his breath catch as his grandchildren entered the room.

Anora sank onto the chair next to the bed and gently clasped his hand as Jayden sat on the edge of the bed. She gazed at the carving in his hand. "Is that the one mom made?"

Aelfraud nodded feeling the tears slip down his cheeks.

Anora gently squeezed his hand. "I know it hurts grandpa, but please don't shut us out."

A choked noise leaving his lips Aelfraud pulled Anora to him, his free hand gently patting her shoulder. "Forgive me child; I never meant …" He kissed her forehead gently, wrapping his other arm around Jayden who immediately wrapped his arms around his waist.

"I love you grandpa." Jayden stated softly.

Aelfraud closed his eyes and gently hugged his grandchildren; part of Celia lived on and for that he was grateful. "I love you both so very much."

xXx

Loghain had come down to the study during the night and fallen into an awkward slumber on the chair. He stirred as he heard the study door open and he opened his mouth to ask to be left alone when he realised Eleanor was watching him. He ran his fingers through his hair in an effort to look more presentable.

Eleanor almost smiled at the gesture. "We will be leaving within the hour Loghain."

Swallowing the lump in his throat he nodded; his voice choked and raw. "Thank you for everything you have done, especially with Anora." He almost shrank from her as her hand rested on his.

Eleanor rather than moving from him squeezed his hand. "Loghain she needs you; they all do. Celia would not want her family to fall away from each other."

Loghain felt the grief well in his throat; shaking almost violently to suppress the tears. He failed and shuddered against Eleanor as she wrapped her arms around him.

"You do not have to be the immovable mountain at all times my dearest Loghain. Indeed you cannot be. We are all here for you." She sighed at the look of shame on his face. "There is no shame in grief Loghain and although we cannot take your pain, sharing its burden can make it easier."

"I cannot be weak." He ground out.

Eleanor hunkered down and looked up into Loghain's eyes; now deep grey in his misery. "Did you tell Maric he was weak when he was grieving for Rowan?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why are you so convinced you are weak?"

His hands shook almost painfully. "I cannot even go to my own children Eleanor. Anora she … Maker she looks so like Celia and … and her nature seems to shine from Jayden. She is in his smile and the tilt of his head when he reads. I cannot … I cannot face them because I will break and what use would I be to them then?" He trembled as her hand gently cupped his cheek catching a stray tear.

"Loghain perhaps you need to break to begin to heal and perhaps they need to help you, to help heal themselves."

Loghain shook his head and turned away.

"At least see us away." She saw the look in his eyes; his mouth forming words that remained unsaid, knowing he wanted them to stay.

"Loghain should you need us just let us know. I should find Anora." She sighed and stood.

"Eleanor I … I was always grateful that you did not dismiss Celia."

"She has always been a dear friend."

"You made it easier for her." He sighed deeply. "Because of me her life was fraught with responsibilities that should never have been hers and pain she should never have experienced."

"Because of you she knew love and had two wonderful children. Do not dismiss the joy of her life Loghain, she told me herself she would never have traded it."

Loghain rose as she left; leaving the study and quickly washing, the shocking cold of the water left him feeling refreshed and at least physically cleansed. He dressed quickly and made his way downstairs taking a moment to speak to Bryce and Rendon, a little surprised by how much both men appreciated it. He steeled himself; in just a short while he could retreat once more to the study and block out a world without Celia in it.

xXx

Anora walked the corridors of her home feeling the weight of her mother's loss, desperate for one more moment of her presence. She turned at the hand on her shoulder accepting Eleanor's embrace. The Couslands and Howe's were taking their leave; the carriages ready to take them home, neither family wishing to travel by sea given how stormy it still was. She realised she was sobbing and didn't bother to try and stop herself; clinging to Eleanor with the selfish desire to never have her leave.

Jayden hugged the Cousland twins as they stood in the courtyard; his voice choked but managing to thank them for being there for him. He clasped Aedan's arm and a look passed between them that needed no words to confirm it.

Aedan pulled Jayden into a tight hug before finally releasing him to his parents, watching as they hugged him gently saying the same soothing words they had said to Anora.

Fergus pulled Anora into his arms. "I will always be here for you, please remember that."

Anora nodded wiping the tears from her eyes as he released her. "I'm sorry I've been so distant I just … I couldn't … I …"

"You don't need to explain." Fergus stated softly.

Anora stared at him helplessly. "I feel so lost Fergus." She whispered.

Gently cupping her jaw; Fergus pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "If I can do anything you have but to ask."

Anora accepted a hug from Oriana; her breath catching as Nathaniel was suddenly in front of her. His kiss to her cheek was swift, but his hand clasping hers lingered.

"I can't take the pain; but if there is ever anything I can do ..." Nathaniel glanced to Anora and hoped his eyes conveyed all the love he felt for her.

"Thank you." She whispered; the pair daring to hug, their embrace ending too swiftly for them both. She watched as he moved over to her brother. They had always had a bond and it wasn't difficult to see Jayden still idolised him, it made her heart ache to see.

Nathaniel hugged Jayden; smiling as he felt the boy's arms tighten around him.

"I miss you already." Jayden whispered.

"I'm not so very far away." Nathaniel stated gently. "Look after your sister." He smiled at Jayden's nod. He moved away glancing to his father who approached Jayden, startled by his almost tender expression.

Rendon gently brushed a tear from Jayden's cheek. "Your mother was so proud of you."

Delilah felt rage swell in her chest wanting to scream at her father to leave him alone. She felt relieved when he moved back. She forced herself to move over to Jayden; not because she didn't want to, but because her father was watching her. She told him something Nathaniel had told her when their mother had died. "Your mother loved you so much Jayden and she will always love you." She gently pressed her hand to his chest. "She will always be a part of your heart; so she's never really gone." She feared for a moment she had said the wrong thing, but when he hugged her she relaxed. "Goodbye Jayden, walk in the Maker's light."

Jayden stepped back and moved over to stand next to his grandfather and Alistair, his father stood by himself somehow unapproachable. He had wanted to go to his sister but Cailan had moved to her side and the look he was giving her made him think he would be intruding somehow. He sighed as the carriages left and followed his grandfather and Alistair back indoors, his father moving ahead of them flanked by Maric and Teagan.

Loneliness gripped her so tightly Anora felt that she was choking and suddenly Cailan's hand in hers was the only real thing she had left. She turned to him pressing against him as she wept; grateful for his arms embracing her and his gentle compassionate voice that she found went some way to soothing her broken heart. She buried her face against his shoulder and sobbed; not just for herself and her family, but for her betrayal. Her fingers dug into his tunic as she shuddered; knowing her guilt would always haunt her.

Cailan held Anora close; his eyes closed, his lips pressed against the top of her head wishing with all of his heart that he could take her pain.

xXx

Nathaniel sat next to Delilah in the carriage desperately wanting to return to Gwaren and Anora's side. After the night they had shared seeing Cailan at her side had been a dagger to his heart. The thought of her being with Cailan; of him being the one to hold her, love her crippled him. He slowly ran his fingers through his hair. Every moment of that night seemed to be fused to his soul. Just the thought of her brought all they had shared into sharp focus; each touch, each breathless kiss and the ache it now left was tearing into him. He glanced up realising his father was staring at him. He was startled to see anger behind the piercing gaze and shuddered involuntarily; feeling only relief as his father turned away. He returned his gaze to his clasped hands; his throat constricting as the pain of his heart persisted.

Rendon struggled to remain calm. He had witnessed his son leaving Anora's room before dawn the day after Celia's death and it had been more than obvious what had occurred between them. He had kept a close watch on his son and thankfully there was no repeat. He shuddered to think of the consequences for their family should their indiscretion be discovered. The disgrace that would be heaped upon his family would be intolerable. At every turn his own children seemed to sabotage his efforts to secure their future. He drummed his fingers on his knee; he would have to ensure Nathaniel and Anora would have no opportunity to meet again, at least until she was married, he hoped they would both have enough wits about them to restrain themselves then at least. He choked back his bitterness; if only Cailan had not been betrothed as a child, Nathaniel could have married Anora and he was sure he could have persuaded Maric to look favourably on Delilah as a match for Cailan. However such thoughts were futile and he would have to make the best of the situation as it was. Rubbing his forehead he began to see a way forward. His late wife had family in the Free Marches; if he was to send Nathaniel there he would have no opportunity to reunite with Anora. He had not imagined sending Nathaniel away; but perhaps it was for the best, he would receive training that would better prepare him for the Arling and with a little luck, distance would remove Anora from his son's thoughts.

xXx

Aedan gazed out of the carriage window feeling a knot rest in his gut. He remained uneasy thinking about his conversation with Jayden about the Orlesian ship and when they finally gave the horses a break he pulled Ellowyn to one side and told her what had happened.

"At least he told you about it."

Aedan shuddered. "I understand now why you've trained so hard with weapons and hand to hand combat; I think I'll be training a little harder myself."

"Rory is getting really good you should spar more often with him."

"What and get in between you two, no thanks." He grinned as Ellowyn flushed.

"There is nothing going on between us!"

"Maybe not; but you would both like there to be."

Ellowyn glanced around her anxiously to make sure they were out of earshot. "Please tell me it's not that obvious."

"I think you are safe for now. Ell you know father would never let you marry him don't you?"

"We haven't even kissed yet; but if … when we do, why not? He will be a knight and father said I can marry who I choose."

"I'm not sure if you are being influenced by Jayden; or he is being influenced by you! You know marriages are made for political gain." He glared at the sky. "Maker forbid it should actually be about love."

Ellowyn glanced at her brother feeling her stomach churn. "Fergus will be Teyrn after papa; I'm sure no-one will think it too inappropriate."

Aedan realised he had upset his sister and gently draped an arm around his shoulder. "Tell you what; if one day you really do want to marry Rory and he wants to marry you and people disagree I will help to persuade them."

"You will, will you?"

Aedan grinned at her smile. "Where your words fail sister; my scowl and menace may just turn the tide."

Ellowyn laughed and shook her head. "Oh Aedan I do love you; but you aren't half as menacing as you think you are."

"Then I'll have to work on it."

"I prefer smiling Aedan to scowling Aedan."

Rolling his eyes Aedan hugged her a little tighter and then released her. "Anything for you sister."

xXx

Eleanor smiled as Oriana joined her by the small stream, guards moving through the trees keeping a respectful distance. "You look a little pale my dear."

"These last weeks have taken their toll on all of us, no."

"Indeed. Maker I dislike leaving Anora; but there is little more we can do."

"She is stronger than she thinks and at least her brother is not quite so withdrawn."

Eleanor sighed. "Perhaps Maric will have more success with Loghain now there are less of us there." She glanced over to Bryce who was deep in conversation with Rendon. "Come you look chilled; let us return to the carriage, we still have a distance to travel today and I hope we reach the Inn before dark, I have no intention of sleeping in the carriage, or a tent this evening."

Oriana shuddered at the thought and called out for the twins eager to move on, smiling as they darted to her side. Despite the sadness that had surrounded them it had brought their own family closer together and as she clasped Fergus's hand and allowed him to help her into the carriage, she felt gratitude to have married into such a family.

xXx

Loghain knelt beside Celia's tree his fingers reaching out to trace over the leaves; snatching his hand back as one fluttered onto the snow. "I don't know how to do this without you." He stated softly. "I never imagined a day that I would not have you in my life. I wasted so much time and …" He gave a choked moan closing his eyes as though it could shut out the pain. He turned startled realising someone was behind him; swallowing uneasily as he saw Anora watching him tears in her eyes. She looked so much like Celia it tore his heart apart, but he forced himself to his feet. "Anora."

Anora gave a wretched sob and closed the distance between them almost in a run, burying her face against her father's tunic. "I know it hurts you to look at me."

Loghain closed his eyes and hated himself for his neglect. "I'm sorry Anora please forgive me."

"I need you; please don't make me face this alone. I don't know what I'm doing … I don't … I don't know how …" She fell silent as her father's fingers ran soothingly through her hair as they had when she was a child. She relaxed into his arms, her breathing falling into rhythm with his own. "I couldn't bear it if I lost you too." She whispered.

Loghain tightened his embrace. "You will never lose me Anora; no matter what comes I will be at your side should you need me."

They held each other as the snow fell; building up what little strength they had to face the next few hours, the days ahead and the weeks to come.

xXx

Lyra shivered pulling her cloak tightly around her to ward off the icy wind. Alistair had come to the Alienage hoping they could persuade Jayden to do something other than sit at his mother's tree. The Cousland twins had been gone a day and secretly she was relieved. While she knew Ellowyn was only trying to be there for her friend, she couldn't help the stirring of jealousy every time she had seen her with him. It squirmed in the pit of her stomach and left her agitated. Ellowyn was a noble; pretty and she was human, everything Jayden's future wife should be and so she was everything Lyra had come to fear. She pushed her insecurity aside in frustration; that future was years away and for now at least she knew Jayden's feelings were for her and not Ellowyn, or any other. The boys trailed behind her as she hurried to Celia's tree, relieved as she saw him sitting on the bench. She sank down next to him and remained silent. She had no expectations; but she needed him to know she was there for him. She almost held her breath when she felt him squeeze her hand, his gaze turning to her.

"I'm glad you're here. I … I'm sorry I've been so … distant."

"It's alright Jay; I understand." Lyra hesitated before inching closer. "I really did want to stand next to you at the funeral."

Jayden sighed deeply. "Maybe one day it won't matter what race people are."

Lyra rested her cheek gently on his shoulder; trying not to be alarmed by the defeat in his tone. "One day." She glanced down the path seeing her brother, Rathnal and Alistair waiting patiently. Lyra stood and pulled Jayden to his feet. "We could go to the cave if you'd like; your mom really loved it there."

Jayden looked to her startled for a moment; suddenly realising what his mother had done. Everywhere in Gwaren echoed with her laughter. In her final months they had explored it all; raced each other across the beaches, explored woods and clambered over rocks, picnicked in caves and wooded groves. Everywhere was a memory of laughter and fun and his lips twitched in a slight smile.

Lyra saw the guilt cross his face. "Your mom wanted you to remember her and be happy." She reminded softly.

"I know I just … I feel like I'm betraying her." He gazed at the tree his throat aching.

"I think the sadder you are, the sadder she will be." She squeezed his hand. "We can remember her together."

Over the next week the Wyverns took long walks during the day escorted by the golems; tracing the pathways Jayden and his mother had explored, spending the nights gazing at the stars. Sometimes even Anora and Cailan would join them. It wouldn't bring her back; but Jayden felt a little closer to her and his heart didn't feel quite so heavy.

xXx

Loghain went with Maric to the cells on the morning he and Teagan were departing Gwaren; his eyes locked on Elouise as chained and gagged she was led through the streets of Gwaren to the ship for her transfer to Fort Draken, Maric's guards flanking her.

Elouise stumbled along shivering in the cold. She glanced around her as people stopped and watched her, their looks icy and filled with anger and hate. She tried to stand up straight; to show they meant nothing to her, but the chains kept her bent and she stumbled at almost every step. She kept her eyes ahead and ignored them all, wondering idly if the voyage to Denerim would afford an opportunity to dispose of the King and his son.

Teagan had taken those remaining down to the dock once Elouise was confined in the ship; Loghain not wishing his children to see her. He finally persuaded Cailan and Alistair that they needed to head onto the ship as Loghain started to disembark, Maric behind him. He moved to the Teyrn and clasped his hand. "If you ever need anything …"

Loghain nodded. "Thank you."

Cailan gently tugged Jayden to one side as Teagan said his goodbyes to Anora and Aelfraud. "I need you to look after Anora for me." He whispered softly.

Jayden's lower lip trembled and he pressed against Cailan trying not to cry. "Please don't go Cailan."

"I wish I could stay; truly I do."

With a sigh Jayden moved back taking a deep breath to steady himself.

"It won't be long before I see you again I promise."

Jayden nodded feeling the ache of his heart expand as Cailan moved to Anora. He shivered and tried to force a smile as Alistair moved to his side. "Will you be staying in Denerim for a while?"

"I don't think so; Bann Teagan is only picking up a present he is having made for Connor." He smiled almost shyly. "He did say when the weather is better, maybe in a month or two we can take a trip to Lothering." He hesitated. "Maybe if … if you still want to go camping in the summer we could go near Lothering and you could meet the Hawke's."

Jayden's smile was genuine. "I'd really like that."

"I guess I better get on board."

Jayden nodded then darted forward and hugged him tightly. "I'm so glad you were here. I know it's been awful but …"

Alistair swallowed the growing lump in his throat. "I'm glad I was here too. Your mom was really special Jay, I'm glad I got to see her again." He reluctantly pulled back and headed onto the ship moving to Teagan's side.

Anora stared at her trembling hands unwilling to admit to herself just how much she would miss Cailan. He had been there for her even when she tried to push him away and her heart felt as though it was torn open.

Cailan gently pulled Anora into his arms; the touch as much for him as for her. "Anora I want you to know I will always be here for you; whatever you need you have only to ask it of me and if it is within my power I swear it will be yours."

Anora met his gaze knowing the only thing she wished from him was his forgiveness and she believed that would be the one thing he could not give her. "Thank you." She whispered. She closed her eyes as he pressed a chaste kiss to her lips and headed onto the ship. Anora kept her gaze locked with Cailan until she could no longer make out his features and still she stood, wondering how she would manage to live a life with him, knowing she had broken her promise to him. She bowed her head; the prickle of guilt moving up her spine, yet if she was to go back, to have that night over again, she knew she would still have taken Nathaniel to her room. Anora sighed, wondering if perhaps she was truly wicked after all. With her cloak wrapped tightly around her; Anora made her way down to the Chantry.

Erlina was never far away and moved to her; walking a step behind her when it became obvious Anora was not returning directly to the estate. The women walked in silence and it was not until they were almost at their destination that Erlina realised Anora wished to visit the Chantry.

As they entered Anora spied Mother Sarah almost relieved when she came directly to her. She smiled as Mother Sarah gently clasped her hands feeling grateful for the touch.

"It is good to see you here my Lady."

"I wanted to light a candle."

"Of course, should you have need of me I will be here." Mother Sarah turned back to her task. She worried at her lip; the rumours of the Teyrna were the spite of a few and would be quashed easily enough, perhaps it was for the best that Jayden had clearly remained silent.

Anora moved to a small alcove and carefully lit a candle at the base of a small statue of Andraste and sat in silent prayer.

Erlina took a seat a little removed from her; watchful, but giving her some privacy.

Anora gazed at the flickering candle; her mind filled with chaotic thoughts. I really thought they would find a cure for you mom. I never imagined … I never imagined having to say goodbye to you. Her fingertips delicately traced over the necklace her mother had given her, it felt as though it pulsed and she wondered what exactly Sandal had done to it. She sighed keeping her gaze fixed on the candle; her lips pressed tightly shut so no words escaped her. I am so selfish; you're gone and yet I keep thinking about Nate. What we did was wrong I know that; but how can something that felt so right be so wrong? I almost wish I hated Cailan and then perhaps I would not care that I betrayed him; but he is a dear friend and I cannot bear the thought that I may yet cause him pain. Carefully wiping away the tears Anora's gaze moved to the statue. But I suppose that isn't really why I came. Mom I need you to understand that I would have promised you anything the day you died; said anything you wanted to hear to give you peace, perhaps that makes me wicked, but making a promise seemed like such a small thing. She lowered her head squeezing her eyes shut. I know you wanted to make things better before you returned to the Maker to ease our lives, but if things could be changed just by wishing them you would not be dead and I would be with Nate and Cailan would be with someone he deserves and who deserves him. I love my brother; but surely you know the promise I made you is not one that can be kept. Even as Queen one day I would not have the power to ensure that Jayden has the freedom to marry out with the nobility; Maker I can hear the Landsmeet now, any good I will do as Queen would be for naught, it would be seen as an abuse of power. Jayden has responsibilities just as I do and just as you and father did when you were granted a position within the nobility, it changed our lives and we have an obligation to our people that we would not have had, had we remained commoners. Jayden will understand mom; he has father's sense of duty. She sighed deeply. I know it isn't what you wanted; but perhaps Jayden will love someone in the nobility and the promise will remain unbroken. I just … I wish we could marry the people we love; but perhaps that is not meant for Jayden and I. Even if I had remained a commoner I would never have been with Nate and I know Cailan loves me so I should be grateful. I will set a good example for my brother so that when his time comes he will accept it. That is the promise I should have made to you, for that is the only one I can keep. Anora slowly rose; her heart feeling somewhat lighter than it had, but the ache remained. I love you mom and I will make you proud of me again.

xXx

Rendon was relieved to be home; while the journey had been uneventful and swifter than they had anticipated he was still relieved to part company with Bryce. He had spent much of the journey deep in thought and still felt slightly shocked at what he was prepared to do to ensure his family's future. He stared at the flames shuddering painfully as he remembered the battle in the Rebellion that had changed him forever. He wrinkled his nose imagining he could smell the blood; could almost hear the clash of steel, the singing of arrows and the screams of the dying. He had been about to die; he had known it the moment reinforcements had shown up for the Orlesians. It was as though his own mortality twisted inside him and he had committed terrible acts in the name of survival; he remembered the river running red with the blood of the men he butchered. He remembered the chevalier standing over him as he collapsed exhausted, saw the sword plummeting towards him and then the chevalier fell back into the water and a young man was helping him to his feet. He recognised him immediately; despite the blood and dirt covering him, Warin had been a childhood friend before his family had been forced to relocate during the occupation. Rendon saw a flash of steel and had wrenched Warin forward; the sword missing him by inches, driving his sword through the chevaliers throat. They had hidden themselves in the mud and reeds of the river amongst the fallen; they floated downstream away from the fighting, leaving comrades who were rounded up and slaughtered. The experience had bonded the two men and when they managed to return to the rebel's camp their escape was not looked upon suspiciously as they had feared. Maric himself had expressed his relief they had survived and Rendon had known then that his survival meant he was destined for great things. The great things he had imagined as the Rebellion ended had not however materialised. He realised now in the wake of so much promise that to meet his destiny and that of the Howe line, he needed to be ruthless as he had then. He shuddered at his own plan; it was a terrible betrayal, but he could not allow a union with Highever and Gwaren, the very thought sickened him. He hardened his resolve; he had to remain true to his family's legacy.

His thoughts turned darker still; Delilah was right of course, Fergus was the heir of Gwaren and with his marriage he would extend his line and if not Fergus than Aedan would likely inherit. He felt almost choked by the bitterness that seemed to swallow him. While his family had lost so much in stature, reputation and wealth, the Couslands had been raised up and while Bryce considered himself a good friend and benevolent Teyrn, Howe despised him more with each passing year. The refusal to consider matches with his own children had been the beginning of the end of whatever friendship there had been between them. Rendon felt betrayed by Bryce; but he was no fool, he would not reveal his hand until he was ready. Bryce would never know the rising hatred towards him until it was too late.

Eamon was becoming a real power in the country and Howe did not intend to have a rival of substantial power against him when he made his move on Highever. Having Loghain turn against Eamon would be child's play, the Arl himself had seen to that by taking an Orlesian bride. Having Loghain turn against Bryce would take more planning, but perhaps secrecy could be the wedge with which he could drive them apart. He glanced up and smiled as Warin entered, gesturing for him to join him at the fire pouring them both some brandy.

"You wished to see me my Lord."

"Yes I require your particular skills."

"Always happy to accommodate you my Lord."

Rendon smiled; he had never doubted Warin's loyalty and he had come to realise he was the only person he actually trusted. He spoke quietly outlining his plan.

Warin listened carefully, he accepted Rendon's more ruthless nature as it mirrored his own. The rebellion had changed them both and if his Lord gained in power and influence then it would only be of benefit to him. Warin smiled. "That is certainly achievable."

xXx

Maric saw Denerim's docks come into sight, he knew Teagan would not be staying and therefore time with his youngest son was running out. He glanced to Cailan who was giving him a pleading look. He sighed, he knew he should wait until next year to discuss this, but after Celia's death time seemed horrifyingly short and perhaps it simply needed to be said. They moved into the relative warmth of Maric's cabin; both Cailan and Alistair wrapping blankets around themselves. Maric settled opposite his sons. "Alistair I wanted to talk to you about something." He smiled as Alistair gazed at him waiting patiently. "I know you have yet to turn fourteen; but next year when you turn fifteen and if you have still shown no signs of magic, I wondered how you would feel about coming to live in Denerim … in the Palace … with your brother and me." Maric closed his mouth; it had sounded a lot more elegant in his mind. He was startled as Alistair seemed to be giving it careful consideration, not quite the response he had hoped for.

Alistair glanced to his brother and then back to his father. "I would like to; but the older I get the more I think I look like Cailan. How do we keep me secret?"

Maric stared at him startled; the earnest look on his face making him feel weak. After everything he had been through Alistair's first thought was not himself, but to protect them. Maric gently cupped Alistair's cheek. "Perhaps what I should have said was how would you feel about being publically acknowledged as my son?"

Alistair hesitated wondering if this was yet another of his dreams. He tried to be grown up about it; but he couldn't seem to speak and when he felt the choked sob rise in his throat he knew he couldn't stop it. He flung himself into his father's arms and sobbed.

Maric felt his mouth go dry; his heart pounding so fiercely he was sure Alistair could hear it. In his imagination Alistair had hugged him and said yes excitedly. Maric tightened his grip on his youngest and looked to Cailan whose alarm and confusion matched his own. "Alistair please speak to me."

Alistair gave a hiccupping sob and buried his face deeper against his father's shoulder shuddering painfully. He felt Cailan's hand on his back; could sense their confusion, but he had no idea how to explain himself. That all of the snatched moments they had shared he had stored carefully in his heart knowing one day it would be over, that he would be alone again and he would only have those memories to hold on to. He felt Maric and Cailan still and realised he must have voiced his thoughts. He forced himself to face his father startled by the tears slipping down his cheeks.

Maric pressed a soft kiss to Alistair's forehead. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to lose you." Alistair whispered. "You and Cailan being my family has been the best thing in my life."

Sighing painfully Maric hugged Alistair as tight to him as he could without hurting him. "You and Cailan are the most precious people in this world to me. I love you both so very much."

Cailan gently hugged his brother and leaned over to whisper in his ear. "I will always be here for you brother, always."

xXx

Upon the ship's arrival in Denerim; Elouise was escorted under heavy guard to Fort Drakon and placed in a cell deep in the bowels of the prison. She endured being stripped; her hair being cut short and being chained by her wrists and ankles to the wall and floor in silence. She realised they were taking no chances in giving her any opportunity to escape; just as they had rendered escape impossible on the ship. She watched curiously as the guards left; surprised when the King entered the cell, unnerved by the fury in his expression.

"Rowan suffered." Maric snarled. "She wasted away from the vibrant, beautiful woman she was to a shadow of herself in the end. You did that to her!"

Elouise met his gaze. "I obeyed my Emperor. Were it not for your watchdog you too would have met your end." She smirked. "He ruined our great Emperor's plans for you; perhaps it is only fair his fate should mirror yours."

Maric's fists clenched. "I will not kill you quickly. You will know suffering as Rowan did, as Celia did." He lowered his face to hers. "You will be denied food; given only enough water to keep you alive and you will feel the pain as your body fails you."

"You are too soft hearted a man to allow such a thing. Let us be honest and put aside your empty threats. You no doubt wish information from me before I am returned to the Empire."

Maric met her gaze; his hatred seeming to pulse beneath his skin. "You took Rowan from me; from our son and from a country that loved her. You killed my best friend's wife. Believe me I offer no empty threat. I will give you their fate as much as I am able, but you will die surrounded by people who are glad of your demise not mourn it. You should have left Ferelden when you took the life of my wife; now you never will." Maric moved to the cell door hesitating and turning back to her, his eyes darkening. "The Empress believes you are already dead so there will be no last minute reprieve." He almost smiled at the alarm in her eyes. "Those with you will also share your fate in case you are interested."

Elouise watched the King leave and glanced around the cell feeling the darkness close in on her. She sat quietly and still; but her soul shuddered, there had only been truth in Maric's eyes and she realised the likelihood was she would never see her homeland again.

xXx

Nathaniel stared in horror; his father had been distant with him since their return to the Arling nearly two months ago and so the summons to the study had taken him by surprise. "Why the Free Marches? Surely if you wish me to squire I can do that just as easily in Ferelden."

Rendon rose and leaned over the desk glaring at his son. "Do you think I would allow there to be a repeat of your dalliance with our future Queen?"

The colour drained from Nathaniel's face as he sank into a seat, each breath a strain on his constricting lungs.

"You would bring disgrace to this family and I cannot allow it. You will go to the Free Marches and you will forget Anora Mac Tir and whatever feelings you may think you have for her. You will not return until you have convinced me you can restrain yourself."

"Father please …"

"Do not think to plead your case with me. I care not if love or lust drove you to her bed that night. All I care about is the consequences of your actions should they be discovered."

"But this is my home!"

"Enough! You have brought this upon yourself. I have secured you a place with Ser Rodolphe Varley your mother's cousin. He is a Chevalier and will teach you well. When you return; I want you capable of ruling this Arling."

Nathaniel realised no amount of pleading would change his father's mind. Head bowed he reluctantly accepted his fate. "When do I leave?"

"A week from now; enough time to say your farewells to your brother and sister and gather what you need."

Forcing himself to stand Nathaniel drew the pain deep into himself. "Is there anything else you wish of me father?"

"I suppose it is too much to ask that you be a better son."

Almost collapsing beneath the brutal blow of his words Nathaniel left the room, tears blinding his vision as he moved towards the one room apart from his own that felt a refuge. He gazed at the weapons that were his family heritage, the many trophies that adorned the room. He bowed his head unable to prevent the tears from falling. "Maker Anora what have we done?" He turned sharply hearing the door open, turning swiftly away as Thomas entered the room.

Thomas hesitated; had he actually seen his brother crying? He and Nathaniel had often been at odds with each other; but in a deep part of himself that he often ignored, Thomas craved his brother's approval. He didn't dare admit to himself that it was his own actions that kept it from him. He inched forward finally reaching his brother and carefully reached out to his arm. "Nate?"

Nathaniel turned startled; Thomas hadn't called him that since being a young child and he had not heard that softness to his voice in many years. Tears slipped down his cheeks at his failure to steer him onto a more compassionate course.

Thomas felt panic and alarm rise within him, holding onto his brother as he broke down. "What happened; what's wrong?"

"Father is sending me to the Free Marches to squire." He managed to choke out.

The world seemed to tilt slightly and Thomas felt a terrible fear constrict his chest. Words began to spill from his lips, a confession that was long past due. "I'm sorry I disappoint you Nate. I know I pushed you away; but I had to don't you see, I needed to know you would always be there for me and now you'll be gone."

"Thomas …"

"I'm not like you Nate; but I am what father needs me to be. If you ever hear anything about father; just know he only ever does anything to make sure we will have a secure future. He does love us in his own way; he never does anything without a reason."

"Thomas I don't understand."

With a sigh Thomas took a step back from his brother. "I know. I do love you Nate; I know you probably won't believe that, but I do."

Nathaniel watched his brother leave the room feeling utterly bewildered; the bitter taste of failure in his mouth.

xXx

Delilah clung to her brother sobbing painfully. "You can't leave!" She gasped.

"Father demands it." Nathaniel whispered barely able to hold back the tears in his eyes.

Turning to her grandmother she moved to her in desperation. "Grandmother you could talk to father, make him change his mind."

"Unfortunately I have no sway over your father where his sons are concerned." Juliana stated softly; her gaze fixed on Nathaniel. "Rodolphe will not tolerate anything less than your best. I suggest you do not get on the wrong side of him. He is his father's son in all respects and he will not tolerate insubordination of any kind. Do your duty Nathaniel; learn from him and when you return you will be ready to rule the Arling."

Nathaniel shuddered painfully; Amaranthine held few happy memories for him and if not for Delilah he would have happily left it behind; but he did not relish the thought of leaving Ferelden, nor being so far from Anora and Thomas's words tormented him.

The day before he was due to leave Nathaniel wrote letters to Fergus and Anora to tell them what was happening, concealing Anora's letter in Fergus's trusting his friend would ensure it was delivered. He secured a messenger himself without going through his father as was the usual protocol. He did not wish his father to see the content of either letter; knowing he would most certainly break the seal and read them. He paid the messenger well and watched until he was out of sight. If he was stopped he would only be bearing a message for Highever.

The following morning Nathaniel stared at his belongings; his life fitted into two packs. Clothes; his bow, a few books his mother had given him and the token from Anora which he wore, concealing it beneath his tunic. His father and Delilah accompanied him to the docks; his goodbye with Thomas had been private, his brother once more closed to him and it had broken his heart. His father barely said a word and Nathaniel wondered if he had accompanied him only to ensure he got on the ship. He held Delilah as she struggled to conceal her tears, promising her he would write often. Nathaniel boarded the ship and remained on deck; watching until Ferelden was a speck on the horizon before he retired to his cabin and surrendered to the searing pain of his heart.

xXx

Rendon held the small portrait of Nathaniel as a boy that he kept in the top drawer of his desk. It was in a simple oval frame, two similar frames held portraits of Delilah and Thomas. His fingertips traced Nathaniel's face; he looked so proud to be having his portrait taken and he remembered how excited his son had been. His lips twitched into a smile remembering how frustrated the artist had been that Nathaniel could barely sit still. He sighed and ran his fingers through his greying hair. "I have been hard on you; perhaps harder than I should have been over the years, but I wanted to give you and your sister and brother opportunities I never had. I wanted the best for you and as the Maker is my witness I will ensure you have it, all of you." He turned his attention to the parchment on his desk, the letter he had written and rewritten a dozen times, crumpled parchment burning in the hearth from discarded efforts. It had to be right and he decided that brevity was best. He called for his squire, a young boy of thirteen years he had recently taken on for the very fact he had no family. Samuel was a farmhand recently orphaned and given to the Chantry. Warin had discovered him after their initial discussion on the Mac Tir's. Everyone had been surprised when the Arl had taken on the boy, but none dared question.

Samuel stared at the parchment and winced. "I … I can't read or write my Lord."

Rendon placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I just want you to copy the shapes, you can do that yes. Take your time, there is no rush."

"Is this a test my Lord?"

"Just relax and do your best."

Samuel wanted to ask why he wanted him to write something he had clearly written, but he remained silent and turned to his task.

Rendon watched in satisfaction as Samuel copied the words without knowing what he was writing or why, the words clear enough despite the roughness of the penmanship.

When the last word was written Samuel yawned loudly, glancing in despair at the scrawled letters. "I'm sorry my Lord."

"No apologies necessary. You did well. Go on now get yourself to bed."

Samuel stifled a yawn. "Thank you my Lord."

Rendon watched him leave and felt his heartbeat quicken as Warin moved after him. He moved back to the desk and ensured the parchment was sealed with a plain seal his grandfather had crafted for sending subtle messages. It would be taken by messenger to Lothering in the morning and passed onto a second messenger who would take it to Redcliffe. Warin would ensure that both messengers were disposed of. The third messenger would take the message to Gwaren having been hired by Warin under an alias. Warin would also dispose of that messenger soon after leaving Gwaren. The third messenger however was to be relatively easily traced back to Redcliffe.

xXx

Samuel wearily followed Warin onto a deserted section of the battlements wondering what he needed to tell him that was so important. He yawned loudly; but forced himself to focus. Warin had saved him from the Chantry; had got him work with the Arl, he never imagined he would ever be a Squire, but Warin had helped him and he owed him.

"Beautiful night."

"Yes it is." Samuel stayed beside the door clutching his hands in agitation, he hated heights.

"Samuel come over here I want to show you something."

"Warin you know I hate heights!"

"Samuel you need to face your fear now come on, get over here."

Steeling himself Samuel moved over to him and glanced out over the fields; startled as they seemed to shimmer silver in the moonlight. "Oh; it's … it's beautiful from up here." He felt the flutter of material against his neck, startled by the warmth of an arm around his throat.

The boy barely struggled before Warin snapped his neck. He carried the body to the edge of the battlements ensuring he wasn't seen and threw him over, barely flinching as Samuel hit the ground below. No-one would question a broken neck from such a fall. He glanced out over the fields and smiled. "You're right Samuel, it is beautiful."

xXx

Author Note: My apologies for the delay and thank you for reading.