A/N: Hello again! How is everyone? I hope, you had a nice week and an even nicer weekend. Real life is keeping me busy, but I will try to post as often as possible, and we (me and my writing partner) are happy you're still enjoying the "ride" :-)
Thanks for the comments and enjoy Chapter 54!
xoxoxo
Alex Karev POV:
Alex walked to his and Lewis' apartment still feeling on the bad side of terrible. His whole body felt drained and his mind felt like it was trying to do a hundred different things at once.
Alex knew Mark had a right to be angry, furious even, but the way he talked to Alex, the way his eyes had seemed to stare straight through Alex and tear into the guilt and shame that the man had reminded Alex, for just a moment, of his own father.
The harsh words and forceful tone was one Alex hadn't heard in years.
Alex wanted to forget it, just see Lewis and hold him. Wanted to be able to block out the world for as long as he possibly could and maybe even a little longer.
Walking into his apartment he saw Lewis sitting in front of the television quickly switching channels. It was obvious the man wasn't concentrating on anything he was watching and just needed a distraction.
"You finally made it home, I see," Lewis said, his voice angry and thin "almost thought you forgot you had one."
"What?" Alex asked confused.
Turning off the television Lewis stood up "Have you checked your phone in the past 5 hours?"
"No, I-"
"Of course not, Alex, because if you had you would have seen I've been calling you."
Alex took out his phone and saw that he had 9 missed calls and 3 voicemails.
Shit!
"I'm sorry, baby" Alex said as he walked over towards Lewis. "Something came up and I couldn't avoid it."
"Something like what?"
Alex knew he needed to be honest, but how could he tell Lewis that Mark was playing emotional warfare with Alex? Either it would make Lewis feel bad that Alex was put in that situation or angry with Mark for doing it in the first place.
Neither one of those had a good outcome.
"Mark's first surgery is tomorrow and he's really nervous so we've been going over the procedure extensively" Alex said "I didn't have my phone on me"
"You can't just..." Lewis tried to say and Alex could see the emotions overcome him as Lewis hitched his breath.
Alex finally got it. He finally understood Lewis' anger and desperate need to know exactly where Alex was at.
Grabbing Lewis' hand he pulled the man close and gave him a kiss "I'm not going anywhere" he whispered "I'm always going to come back home to you."
Resting his forehead against Alex's own Lewis took a deep breath "It's just that Jackson is gone and I don't think I can lose another person I love."
"You're not going to lose me" Alex told him "and you're not going to lose Jackson either. He will be back. I promise."
Jackson's departure was taking its toll on everyone, but most of the attention had been focused on Mark. He was the one who was in love with Jackson and he was the one who had been kept out of the man's downfall, but seeing how hard this was on Lewis Alex remembered that Mark wasn't the only one who was finding it hard to deal with.
Despite their bad history one look in Lewis' eyes and there was no doubt that he loved his brother and his absence was felt heavily every moment of every day.
They were a broken family, but they were still family and if anyone got that it was Alex.
"I know it's late" Lewis said as he eased his way out of Alex' hold "but I can make you something to eat"
"I'm not hungry" Alex said "I just want to get a shower and then lay in bed with you"
"We can do that" Lewis told with a smile "and I'm sorry for how I acted. I know I can trust you"
"We can trust each other" Alex corrected.
"Yeah" and Lewis gave him a kiss "why don't you get that shower and I'll meet you in bed?"
"Sounds good" and making his way to the bathroom Alex turned to look at Lewis "I love you"
"I love you too" Lewis told him.
After his shower where Alex got the chance to wash the day away and change into a comfortable pair of pyjama pants and a white t-shirt with socks to match he almost felt like a new man.
Walking into the bedroom he saw that Lewis had changed into his own pair of night clothes and was watching television. Crawling in next to him Alex manoeuvred to where he lay with his head on Lewis' chest as the man sat upright. Putting an arm around Alex Lewis kissed the top of his head and pulled him closer.
After the tense filled day he had, and was sure to have tomorrow, Alex just wanted to enjoy this. The quiet of being with someone he loved and staving off the inevitable.
He wanted to stay awake and make the night last, but the moment he felt the steady rise and fall of Lewis' chest he was out before he was even aware.
Alex had awoken rested and still in the same position he had fallen asleep in. His head on Lewis' chest and his hand wrapped around the man's waist.
Once the two men showered and ate breakfast they headed off to the hospital together. Alex didn't want to let Lewis go, but he knew he couldn't avoid Mark forever so steeling himself he made his way to the Plastics department after getting a kiss from Lewis and a promise to meet for lunch.
Once Alex had reached Mark's office he saw the man going over Sandra Morrissey's file.
"Dr. Sloan"
"Alex" Mark said with a smile "good morning"
"Good Morning"
Something about Mark had seemed artificially happy. As if he was trying to force himself to smile and pretend that he was a lot more joyous than he actually was.
"Is everything fine?" Alex asked.
"Of course it is, why wouldn't it be?"
"No reason."
"Did you do what I asked you to do last night?"
"Asked me to do?"
"Asking Lewis about Michael."
"I told you, Dr. Sloan, I can't do that and even if I did nothing would come of it."
"That's disappointing." Mark said "Go and prep Mrs. Morrissey."
"Dr Sloa-"
"I said go" Mark repeated as he gave that same cold look to Alex that he had after he dropped Alex off.
Turning around he felt those same nauseous feelings from the previous day return. He had been too lost in his thoughts to hear April calling him until the woman grabbed his shoulder to stop him.
"Hey Alex" she smiled "I thought you were trying to ignore me there"
"No" Alex told her "of course not it's just... Sloan's surgery"
"You okay?" she asked, cocking her head to the side and looking at Alex with worry.
"I'm fine" Alex tried to smile, but the effort seemed weak even to him. He wasn't fine, nowhere near it and April knew.
She always knew when it came to him.
"You think you can fool me that easily?" she asked and put a comforting hand on his arm "what is it?"
Her concern gave him an unexpected sense of comfort. The same that Lewis had been able to give him the night before.
"It's just Sloan" Alex told her "he's nervous about this surgery and when he's nervous he's not the easiest person to be around"
"I thought Mark's surgery wasn't for a couple more days?"
"He decided it's best to do one that was smaller before jumping into the Jamison case. That's going to be extensive."
"Makes sense and I'm sorry that Mark seems to be having a hard time dealing with it all." April said sympathetically "It sucks that Jackson can't be here, but I keep hearing how he came down with something and had to take some time off. I keep trying to call him, but he texted me and said that it's best I stay away for now. He doesn't want to get me sick so close to giving birth. You know Jackson, always the worry wart."
Alex managed not to react at finding out she didn't know the truth about Jackson "You heard from him?"
"Of course" she laughed "haven't you?"
"Me and Jackson haven't been on speaking terms for a while, but if you hear from him again tell him I hope he's okay"
"Oh Alex" she said as she pulled him into a hug "I wish you two would work this out."
Once he was pulled close to her he smelled the shampoo that she was always fond of and just for a moment Alex let himself get lost.
Let himself remember a time when he was happy with her and he and Jackson had been best friends. Back before all three were nothing more than strangers to one another.
But that was a lifetime ago. April was about to usher in new life, Alex was with Lewis, and Jackson was gone. Getting dragged back into old memories would do nothing.
Once April let go Alex nodded his head "We'll get past it" he told her "I'll make sure of it"
"I'm glad to hear that." she said "Look, my ultrasound is in a few days and if you would like to come I would love to have you there, you can even bring Lewis if you'd like. There probably wouldn't even be an ultrasound without him."
The request shocked Alex "You'd let me... you'd let us?"
"Of course" she smiled "both of you have helped me reach this stage."
"I'd love too" Alex said with a grin and for the first time since seeing Mark that morning it had been a real one.
"Great" April responded "now good luck with that surgery I'll be in the gallery and I know you and Mark will kick ass."
"Thank you, April"
"Anytime" and with a wink she headed towards her next location.
He was still watching her go when he heard Mark yell his name "Alex, pre-ops!"
"Right away" Alex told him and made his way towards Mrs. Morrissey's room.
April had already made it a good morning and Alex was determined to make the rest of the day good as well.
Mark Sloan POV:
Mark was more than glad that Addison was there for him the whole evening. That she was listening to him without judging, even though she did tell him that she thought what he did to Alex was wrong. And deep down Mark knew that himself. He just couldn't change anything about it, even if he wanted to.
The pain of losing Jackson was still too fresh and the thought of possibly never seeing him again killed him. More than anything else. He would forever ask himself where he had gone to or if he was still alive.
When he woke up the next morning he felt like he had been hit by a bus. On an important day like this.
He had his first surgery since the plane crash. The first surgery he would perform.
Fortunately not the big surgery he had planned with Jackson. That would still take a couple more days, but it was also important enough to make him really nervous. He didn't want to mess this up. His patient was relying on him.
Owen had told him, that he could ask for someone else, if he felt like he wasn't ready, but Mark knew that it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't bring him Jackson back if he didn't do the surgery and sooner or later he would have to get back on the horse. Why not sooner then?
Physically, he was ready... emotionally, not so much, but he could do that. He just had to.
Once Mark arrived at the hospital he immediately made his way to his office to look into Brenda Jamison's file again. He was just in the middle of it when Alex entered his office and he gave him a smile, hoping it would look at least a little bit self-confident, even though Mark felt everything but that.
He had wanted to keep their conversation only job-wise, but somehow he couldn't get Holt out of his head, so the words slipped out before he could do anything about it.
"Did you do what I asked you to do last night?"
Hearing that Alex hadn't talked to Lewis really disappointed him. And pissed him off more than it should. He knew he should be more understanding with Alex and he had promised Addison to try to be nicer to him, but he just hated it when things didn't go the way he wanted them to.
So he did the only thing he could to not make things any worse. He sent him away. To take care of his patient. He had to perform a surgery soon after all.
Once Alex was gone, Mark let out a sigh, burying his head in his hands. He took a few deep breathes, hoping, to get his anger under control. He just had to. He needed Alex in there. If he messed up, Alex needed to step in, even though Mark truly hoped he wouldn't.
He knew plastics wasn't Alex' speciality anymore and he had decided to do a Peds fellowship, but until Jackson was back he needed him. But if Jackson wasn't coming back, Hunt and he had to find another solution, because he couldn't keep him forever. But for now it was good this way.
He grabbed his mobile phone and stared at the display for a couple of seconds, maybe minutes, before he decided to try again. To write another message to Jackson. He didn't know if Jackson even got any of the ones he had already left, but he just wasn't ready to let go of him. Not yet at least.
Even though it would sound silly would he tell it to anyone else, but somehow he still felt the connection to Jackson and through his mobile phone it was a little bit like he could let Jackson be a part of his life, even if he wasn't there in person.
Hey Jackson, me again...
He started typing and his fingers literally flew over the display of his mobile phone.
...I'm about to have my first surgery... nothing all too big, nothing all too spectacular, but I'm pretty damn nervous. What if my hands start shaking? What if I forget how to do anything? I'm really, really terrified, and I wish you could be here, but I need to do this surgery, or I won't be able to perform the big surgery in three days. I hope, you're okay, wherever you are. I'm thinking about you all the time wondering where you are and if I ever see you again. I miss you. Bye, Mark
Mark sent the message without over-thinking it too much and put his phone in his pocket, before he got up from his chair and grabbed his lab coat that was hanging over the backrest, putting it on finally.
He made his way to the plastics section, only to find Alex talking to Kepner, looking pretty busy, but also really happy. Happier than Mark had seen him the past two days.
The baby bump was already pretty visible underneath the blue scrubs she was wearing and Mark couldn't help but remember the time Callie was pregnant with Sofia, even though Callie didn't make it much further in her pregnancy than April was now because of the accident.
It was obvious that Alex still loved the woman and Mark really didn't understand how he could choose Lewis instead of her to be with. A guy who was probably still hung up on his ex and had done terrible things.
Kepner on the other hand, despite being annoying sometimes, had a really good heart and seemed to still really care for Alex. After all he had done to her.
He shook himself out of his thoughts and made his way towards the two.
April was already moving away from Alex when Mark was close enough to be able to shout at him.
"Alex, pre-ops!"
Judging by Alex' reaction, he had literally forgotten about them, even though it was the one thing Mark sent him out to do. A sigh left Mark's lips. He could of course call Alex on it, but he decided not to. To let it go. He didn't want to fight with him before the surgery after all, and he didn't want to go into that surgery with a bad feeling in his stomach.
He made his way to the locker room to get his scrubs and slipped into them, before he put on his surgical cap and made his way to the wash room next to the OR.
He had just entered the room when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and pulled it out. He almost forgot that he had to put it off anyways, so it was good that the incoming message reminded him of it.
He opened the message and froze when he recognized Jackson as the sender.
His heart started beating faster immediately and he stared at his phone for a couple of seconds before he finally opened the message.
"Mark, I know you can do this surgery and you will kick ass in the OR. Because I know you and I believe in you. You're gonna be awesome and you'll see that you'll be as good as new in no time. You're going to be great, because you're Mark Sloan. It's gonna be fine, so stop doubting yourself, because I don't doubt you either. And don't worry about me, I'm fine. Good luck for the surgery."
Mark let out a relieved sigh.
It hurt quite a bit that there was no "I love you" or anything like that. Mark had hoped for something that would mean Jackson was willing to come back, but the message sounded nothing like he planned to, but at least he was okay. He was not laying in some gutter about to die there.
Mark pressed his phone to his chest and closed his eyes for a moment.
"Thank you!" he whispered to no one in particular. "Thank god, he's okay..."
He probably would have stood there a while longer, if he hadn't heard the door opening and when he looked next to him he saw Alex starting to wash his hands to get ready for surgery.
"You okay?" Alex asked, and Mark couldn't help the smile that was crossing his lips.
"More than okay, thanks..." he replied, looking at the younger guy.
"I'm sorry, I've been so... mean to you, but you have to understand I'm under a lot of pressure right now..."
"It's okay, don't worry" Alex interrupted him, but Mark shook his head.
"No, it's not. You miss Jackson, too. You're hurting too, and I shouldn't put it all on you... you think we can leave that behind for now and really work as a team in there?"
"Of course." Alex said with a smile and Mark let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding.
"Good..."
He probably should tell Alex about the message from Jackson, but somehow he couldn't. Someone that was something he wanted to keep to himself for now, even though he knew it wasn't fair, because like he just said: Alex and the others were hurting, too. Alex and the others missed Jackson, too. But if Jackson wanted to contact Alex, he would have done it, so for now that would stay Mark's secret. Something he and Jackson shared and only them.
Sasha Mills POV:
Sasha had felt honoured that Dr. Sloan had come to her and asked her to help him and Dr. Karev in his first surgery.
Normally an honour like that would be given to the head nurse, who would be Eli, but she had seen the tension between the two men and while she didn't know the reason she did know it made her sad.
Jackson being gone was having an effect on the entire hospital and it showed itself in the way the staff fractured just a little bit more with each passing day.
"Hey Eli" Sasha said as she walked around the nurse's station and gave him a light bump on the hips. She got a chuckle out of Eli and turning towards her Eli gave her a warm smile.
"Hey Sasha" He responded "how are you doing this morning?"
"Good" she said as she grabbed her name tag and put it on "I have that surgery with Sloan and Karev soon so I've been preparing myself"
"You're going to be awesome" Eli told her "and it looks as if it's going to be a packed house"
"I do love putting on a show" she laughed and ran a hand through her hair to shake it.
"I don't doubt it for a minute" Eli chuckled.
"Tell me you will be in the gallery" Sasha asked "I don't think I could take it being nothing but white coats up there"
"Where else would I be?" Eli asked and if Sasha looked hard enough she could almost see something that looked like a sparkle in his eyes.
"I knew you'd always have my back" Sasha said "now I better get to the O.R. before I start making Sloan regret his decision"
After saying goodbye to Eli she rushed to the O.R. and since this surgery was a relatively small one only a tech was there setting things up. He went by the name Brian and although she didn't know the guy well she did know he was one of the better techs which made her happy. Sasha really wanted everything to go well for Mark.
Once Mark and Alex entered Sasha did a quick job of gloving both men "All set, Dr. Sloan"
"Mark, please" the surgeon corrected.
"Mark, of course" she told him and once he walked over to the table she gave a quick look at Alex and both looked confused.
Something had changed the man's attitude and whatever it was Sasha and Alex wouldn't argue with it.
The surgery was a simple breast lift. Something that Sasha was sure Dr. Sloan could do in his sleep and would help him get his feet wet before the three found themselves back in this same room 3 days from now in a surgery that would be a lot more complicated.
Turning her head she took a quick look at the gallery and she indeed saw a packed house. Derek, Callie, that new doc Montgomery, April, Lewis, Arizona and lastly Eli.
Sasha couldn't help but notice that Callie and Arizona were sitting far away from one another and while Callie leaned into Derek Arizona seemed to do something similar with Eli.
It was so uncommon for the two women not to sit close together for Sasha not to notice. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Eli wave at her and returning it with a smile. Seeing the man made her mood lighter.
Before she turned around she could see Arizona whisper something in Eli's ear that seemed to make the man blush.
"Are you ready, Sasha?" Alex asked gently and turning her attention back to the task at hand she nodded.
"Locked and loaded."
Standing beside Mark she heard the man take a deep breath and ask for a scalpel.
Closing his eyes Mark seemed to be concentrating on something for a moment before he made the first incision and the entire O.R. remained quiet.
"Perfect as always" Sasha said and looking over towards her she could see Mark smile underneath his mask.
30 minutes into the surgery and Mark had asked Alex a question that made Sasha's ears perk up.
"So?" Mark asked "What happened after Lewis' meeting the next morning?"
Snapping his head up Alex looked like a deer caught in headlights "Excuse me?"
"You said that Lewis persuaded Jackson to talk to him the morning after the club"
Alex gave a quick look at Sasha "I-I don't think this appropriate O.R. talk"
"I'll decide what's appropriate talk in my O.R.!" Mark told Alex sharply.
Bowing his head Alex started to suction "He wouldn't talk to me" Alex said.
"That hasn't seemed to stop you before" Mark responded " and something tells me him telling you that wouldn't stop you then either"
Sasha could see Alex's hand starting to shake and taking a brief glimpse at Mark the man's eyes held something that reminded her of cold steel.
"We argued" Alex told him "I tried to help and he didn't want any of it"
"I don't want vagueness, Karev!" Mark said "What did you say to him?"
With each command from Mark Sasha could see Alex grow more and more "We...um…"
"Now, Karev!" and then she saw Alex jump and it looked like fear.
"I invited him out for a drink, just the two of us, but he said he hated being around me" Alex said "he brought up April and I..."
"You what, Karev?" Mark asked.
"I lost it" Alex told him shamefully.
"You attacked him you mean" Mark said.
Sasha had no idea what was going on, but all she did know was that it was something dealing with Jackson's absence and it was making her incredibly uncomfortable.
"Dr Sloan" Sasha said "I mean Mark. How does it feel to be cutting again?"
Slowly taking his eyes off Alex he turned to Sasha "I was a little nervous and not everyone who I would like to be here is actually here, but it feels good."
Sasha could see Alex's head go even further down and her heart went out to the man. She didn't know what part Alex had played in Jackson leaving the hospital, but surely it didn't deserve this sense of treatment from Mark.
"I for one always knew you'd come back" Sasha told him "it's in your blood"
The compliments seemed to rid Mark of his growing anger and looking over at Alex Mark apologized "I'm sorry, Karev" he said "that was uncalled for"
"It's okay" Alex told him, but his voice was small and it told Sasha this wasn't the first time he was on the bad side of Mark's words and he probably believed it wasn't going to be the last.
The three remained quiet for the remaining time of the surgery and after Alex closed up Mark thanked him and Sasha before exiting the O.R. and scrubbing out.
"You okay, Alex?" Sasha asked gently.
"Yeah" he smiled weakly "I'm sure he was just having first surgery jitters"
"That's still not an excuse" Sasha told him and she could see her words touched him.
"Thank you, Sasha" Alex responded "that means a lot"
Once Alex scrubbed out and Sasha helped Brian clear the O.R. she walked out to be greeted by a smiling Eli.
"I knew you would do amazing" Eli said.
"Thank you, Eli" she said, but her mind was distracted.
"You good?" Eli asked
"Oh, yes" she smiled "It was just more tense then I thought it would be"
"Tense?"
"I just don't think Mark is dealing with losing Dr. Avery as well as he likes us to believe".
"What happened in there?" Eli sounded concerned, probably more concerned than he should be and now Sasha knew she was just on the outside of something major.
"Why did Jackson leave?"
Eli looked startled "I keep hearing these really gross rumours about drugs, but I didn't believe it" Sasha hated to think that all that water cooler talk may have actually had some legs to stand on.
"It's complicated" Eli told her
"So, it's true" she said morosely.
"Mark is having a hard time dealing with this" Eli told her "he just needs the right way to channel it in the right direction"
"Oh, he's found a way to channel it, but it's nowhere near the right direction" Sasha told Eli "I think I should see how he's doing" and she began to walk away before she felt Eli lightly grab her shoulder.
"It's probably best if you avoid the fray"
"Too late" Sasha said to Eli "I've just seen a horrible case of collateral damage" and making her way towards Mark's office she took a deep breath and tried to put on her brightest smile.
Mark Sloan POV:
Mark seriously hadn't planned for the surgery to go down like that. Especially not with the talk to Alex. He had wanted to compose himself. He had meant what he had said beforehand, that he wanted to have a good surgery and everything, and over all, it had been a success.
But again he had let his feelings get the best of him. Especially with Alex standing right in front of him. He knew with what he had said he had just twisted the knife in Alex' heart a couple of times and made everything so much worse for the guy.
Mark felt almost sorry for him. Almost. After all he knew so far he had played a big part in Jackson disappearing on him. Disappearing on all of them.
The hardest part was still not knowing where Jackson was and if he ever came back, but at least Mark knew now he was okay. That was a start.
He was glad when the surgery was over and he could scrub out, though, because he just needed to be alone for a couple of minutes to calm himself down again.
If it wasn't for nurse Sasha Mills, Mark would have probably started attacking Alex again. Things most likely would have gotten ugly again, so it was kind of a good thing that she had been in there with them and Mark was glad that he had asked for her. Okay, literally he had asked for anyone but Eli, preferably someone who had already worked in plastics, so Owen had recommended her and it had been a good choice.
For the big surgery in three days, though, he would probably need Eli. And Sasha. Both of them. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Eli belonged to the group of people that had betrayed him so badly, but he knew it for a fact.
Slowly, he made his way towards his office, closing the door and sinking down on his couch, laying down and placing his head on the arm-rest.
He had done it. He had operated again and everything had gone down pretty well. Mark knew beforehand that he was still able to do it, he had just been afraid that something could happen with his hands or that he forgot any step he had to make, but in this case Alex would have called him on it.
Making this surgery a success relieved him, and it gave him hope. Hope that he could pull off this big surgery in three days, too. He had done it before. It wasn't the first time he did a procedure like that; it just had been a while. And last time Jackson was with him. Or rather, he was with Jackson. It had been one of Jackson's first solo surgeries and he had just been there to observe, but Jackson had been awesome, so he wasn't even needed at all.
A knock on the door pulled Mark out of his thoughts and so he sat up and looked towards it.
"Come in!" he said, hoping it was no one he didn't want to see, and was surprised when Nurse Sasha entered the room.
"Hey Sasha!" Mark said with a smile on his face. "How are you doing?"
"Good... good, thank you..." Sasha replied, and she seemed slightly nervous.
"You did a great job there in the OR... I am glad I chose you. Doctor Hunt recommended you to be good in the plastics department, and he was right." Mark complimented her, noticing the slight blush on her cheeks.
"Thank you again, Doctor Sloan," Sasha gave back, when Mark interrupted her.
"What did I tell you before? It's Mark!" Mark smiled.
Why was it always so difficult for others to call him by his first name? When he had offered it to Lewis, Mark remembered, he had needed a couple of reminders, too, before he actually called him Mark.
"Yeah, right, sorry..." Sasha apologized and moved closer towards Mark, pointing to the couch.
"Can I sit down with you for a moment?"
Raising an eyebrow, Mark nodded. "Sure..." He said, waving welcoming. "Be my guest..."
Sasha sat down next to him and looked at her fingers, remaining silent for a moment, until Mark couldn't take it any longer.
"What is it? I'm sure you're not just here to find out how it is to sit on a black leather couch, right?"
A small chuckle left Sasha's lips. "No..." she grinned, looking at him.
"It's just... I couldn't overhear the conversation between you and Alex... Doctor Karev... in the OR..."
"So?" Mark asked, cocking his head to the side.
"Look... I know this is none of my business at all, but I can imagine how hard the absence of Jackson... Doctor Avery must be for all of you..." Sasha said, putting a consoling hand on his shoulder. "And if you need someone to talk... anyone... I'm here... I'm a good listener... and I can listen without even commenting..."
Now it was on Mark to chuckle. "Really? Because I made the experience that women always throw in their two cents..." He found it quite cute and adorable how worried she seemed to be about him, even though he kind of suspected that it was not only him she was worried about but also Alex.
"You haven't tried me... yet..." Sasha smiled. "I'm really not here to judge, but I think it's difficult for all of us... and maybe it's just me, but I think with Jackson being gone the whole hospital lost something..."
She leaned back, staring at the ceiling.
"Everyone here loves Jackson, and of course we all miss him... me too... so I can't even begin to imagine how his absence must affect you... you're his boyfriend after all..."
Mark felt a sharp pain in his heart. "Ex-boyfriend..."
"You know what I think?" Sasha turned to look at Mark again.
Curiously, Mark looked back at her.
"What?"
"That it's not that simple... I mean, even though you were broken up, I watched you two..." Sasha explained.
Mark raised an eyebrow. "Watched us?"
"Not... not on purpose... that sounds like I'm some stalker-bitch, sorry..." Sasha stammered. "I was standing in the hallway when Jackson came out of his office one day, and then there was Sofia who was running towards him..." A smile caressed her lips again. "Your daughter really likes him, huh?"
Mark nodded immediately. "Yes... yes she does, and even if she probably doesn't understand it: she asks for him every day, and it's... it's just so hard to tell her that Jackson won't come... that he isn't here..." he said, biting his lower lip. This was really one of the hardest parts. To have Sofia calling Jackson's name with him not being there.
"I can imagine that..." Sasha replied. "Long Story short... when you came to get Sofia I saw the way you look at each other, and I knew, no matter what happened between you two, there is still so much love..."
Gently, Sasha grabbed on of Mark's hands.
"In that moment I really wished someone would look at me like that... Look at me the way Jackson looked at you... I don't think you should give up hope..."
Even though she probably didn't know, Sasha's words meant a lot to Mark and they were like balm for his soul. It felt good to hear something like that from another person. From an outstanding person, who barely knew them.
"I don't even know if he's ever coming back..."
"He will... I know it..." Sasha said with so much confidence in her voice that Mark really tended to believe her.
"How?" he asked nevertheless.
"Because I just know..." Sasha smiled and then she got up.
"I know this situation is horrible for you, but like I offered before... if you need someone to talk, I'm here..."
Mark got up, too, smiling at her, and it was a real smile. "Thank you, Sasha..."
"You're welcome... and... try to be nicer to Karev, okay? I know he can be an asshole sometimes, but he's hurting, too..."
On other circumstances, Mark would probably be mad at her for saying something like that, but somehow he wasn't.
"I'll try..." Mark promised and Sasha nodded.
"That's all I'm asking... I don't know what exactly happened and I don't wanna know, but... to put him through everything again does more harm than good, to both of you." Sasha said, touching Mark's arm again.
"I'll go and see how Mrs. Morrissey's doing... I thought you did an awesome job in there, too, by the way..."
Mark grinned. "Thanks... I guess it's like riding a bike... you don't forget it..."
He watched Sasha leave his office and grabbed his mobile phone out of his pocket once she was gone, before he sat down at his desk and started reading Jackson's message, over and over and over again. He hoped there was any clue inside of it as to where Jackson could have gone, but there wasn't, so he just hoped to hear from him again at some point. That Jackson would at least keep him updated about him being okay. It wasn't much, but it was something.
