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Thomas stood on the doorstep of Downton and looked into the dark long after the police car had left his sight. He felt he should have waited, for no doubt they would be back with their notebooks and their questions and everything he told them would be a lie; that was the easy part. The hard part would be telling Victoria the truth; that Alex had lied about Jimmy. Thomas had no coat, only his fingerless gloves gave him any warmth, and that wasn't much. He clenched his hands into fists and staggered out a breath he forgot he had been holding. "Damn!" He cried sharply to himself, the hooting of an owl in the far distance made him feel his loneliness that he did not want to stray from.
The first train would be in the morning, the nine o'clock, but he could have walked out into the dark right then and waited at the station all night, he would think about how wrong he was, ridding all thoughts of the past from his mind and just overwhelm himself in his wrongness; the way he had treated Jimmy, his beliefs, his foolish conviction which made Jimmy leave, made him believe something terrible about himself that wasn't true…
But Alex was right…
He was. For all his false talk of honesty in the past he learned all too late that there are some cases where fear governs even the most noble hearts and seals them into silence, and Thomas knew in his own lower class notorious heart that he would have been scared into silence, and his anger was not because there was another lie, but because it was Jimmy, and Victoria…. Victoria loved this man, he loved her, he wanted to marry her if he was found innocent- would this news break her heart? He had to tell her, she had to know, but he did not need to tell her, for when he returned to his room, grief weighing down his steps like stone upon the wood, the housemaid was there waiting for him. She had snuck into his room to ask him what it was that he had to tell her that Alex could not tell her himself, she could not wait until morning to hear it, she would not sleep until she did. She was sat on his bed, but his tear stained sheets only relieved him, as he could see by the freshly opened letters in her hands that he did not need to tell her anything, she had read it all for herself.
All she uttered was; "I don't understand, Thomas, how could he lie about this?" Thomas could not answer her. He went over to the bed and sat beside her, wrapping his arm about her and pulled her into his chest. She did not sob and moan, but sniffed and discretely wiped her eyes, her emotions thrown off balance by the fact the man she loved had gone- perhaps never to be seen again- and the liar he had become in her heart.
Thomas had no words to comfort her, he was never any good at it, but there was nothing now left for him to say. He could not say that what she read was a lie, not when Alex's hand and his mouth had told her that there was only truth there, and the letter to him gave all his reasons for why he committed such a crime of betrayal, excuses Thomas could not defend, not when his memory was still so sore from hearing them first hand. He waited for the girl to speak, the moon had moved from outside the window and it glowed into view by the time the blonde spoke. "He wasn't going to say good bye to me, was he? You made him do it, didn't you?"
"No one can force Alex to do anything he doesn't want to." Thomas said truthfully.
"It's funny… he told me that if he was pardoned then he would come back for me and ask me to marry him… but now… the things he's made me think about Jimmy, the way I cast him out, turned against my own brother because of it, it makes all the happiness I felt then grow cold and wither…. But still I cannot say I do not love him. How can that be, Thomas? How, when he has wronged us all?"
"He was perfect to us for so long, it would be unreasonable to think he had no flaws at all."
"I'm surprised you defend him." Victoria said without opposition.
"I do not." Thomas said sharply, "But I forgave him all he did in the past, all the lies he told to save himself. This was just another one, but it's one too many."
"Because it's Jimmy, because it's personal this time." Victoria grasped at the words Thomas was trying to find in himself, but buried out of his reach through fear of revisiting that which he believed was gone. "What are you going to do?" The girl asked, "Now you know Jimmy never did those things?"
"He did blackmail Alex, he threatened him, he tried to seduce him against his will…" Thomas began, "But I suppose like Alex I can forgive him that, I didn't treat him well. I know that and I'm ashamed. I was so set against him that I was ready to believe that he would do that to Alex; that he would try and rape him…" He trailed off, hardly knowing what it was he was trying to say, there was no conclusion there.
"So, what are you doing to do?" The girl asked again.
"I have to see him. He needs to know the truth and I can't do it over the telephone."
"No, of course. I'm sure Mr Carson will let you take the day with an errand of this importance."
"I'll have to wake him anyway, the police will be back with questions and I'll need to tell him that his first footman has gone." Thomas gently squeezed the girl's shoulders and stood from the bed, deciding that he should make the arrangements at that moment, Victoria understanding this and rose with her tired legs supporting, uneasily, her troubled form. "Will you be all right?"
"Yes," Victoria sighed, knowing that 'no' wasn't an actual answer she could practically give, "I will be. I'll feel better when Jimmy knows the truth, and he comes home to Downton, and to us."
To me? Thomas thought in wonderment.
"Do you think now there's only one footman; that you might ask him to return to Downton?" The girl may have offered the thought before, but had not considered whether it had occurred to Thomas himself and if it was an option, but it seemed fitting enough to the under butler in compensation for all the youth had suffered, and Thomas nodded in agreement that he would definitely consider it should Jimmy express interest. "If you like I'll call Luke in the morning, ask him to meet you at the station, I assume you don't know where he lives?"
"Would you mind?" Thomas asked, not relishing the idea of traipsing all over London to find Luke's house.
"Of course not. I'll make sure he doesn't tell Jimmy you're coming, have it be a surprise."
"I don't think he'd feel that way, he might think I'm there to burn him at the stake." Thomas supposed. He had heard too much from Victoria's rendition of Luke's letters about how much Jimmy believed everyone hated him now to think a visit from Thomas would be a positive thing.
Victoria gave a small smile and nodded that she would call Luke, but at a more reasonable hour so as not to wake him, and returned to her room, to prepare herself for her most convincing performance to date; of a woman secretly in love with an English footman who had done no wrong and who would be waiting downstairs in the servants' hall for her the next morning.
Thomas told Mr Carson everything, and the butler, deeply uncomfortable talking to the openly homosexual man in his night robe alone in his bedroom in the middle of the night, took Mr Barrow down to his office from where Alex had called the police not long before, and listened carefully to what the under butler said. He heard how Thomas had woken in the night and, while coming down for a drink, caught Alex telephoning the police from Mr Carson's office, he then demanded an explanation, where he also revealed that he lied about his altercation with Jimmy; that in fact Alex had initiated the 'fight' and made them all believe (including Jimmy) that Jimmy provoked him, to protect his job and, with it, his assumed identity.
Mr Carson was shocked- actually, gobsmacked- actually, mortified that he had eating with a Count, had been living with a Count, had scolded and given orders to a Count… oh, and a fugitive. By the end he needed to sit down. He agreed that Jimmy was innocent of what he had been previously accused (the butler knowing nothing about his liaison with Rose nor his unsavoury behaviour towards Alex) and should be given a chance to reapply for his old position, and that the truth would be appropriately heard in person by Mr Barrow in London that very day, and since the under butler was genuinely shaken by the entire affair Mr Carson felt a day off would be acceptable… just this once.
After Mr Carson had composed himself he returned to get dressed so he could meet the police when they arrive, determined that they should not bother His Lordship until the morning. Thomas went back to his own room and packed a few things for the next day. He collected his money and readied his clothes so he could leave for about seven-thirty, and found that he was terribly nervous, if not excited.
"I never liked him, I always knew there were something funny about him." Was Ivy's contribution when Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson had explained everything to the staff the next morning following the brief police visit to the house to follow up on Alex's confession.
"Oh did you now?" Mrs Patmore said, folding her arms, everyone giving that ceremonious roll of their eyes at Ivy's attempt at making out that she was always indifferent to Alex-the-convict. "Maybe you could have told the rest of us?"
"The matter has been dealt with now, so if we could please not talk about it." Mr Carson said, he had already had enough of the whole thing, and the idea of harbouring a fugitive who was also an aristocrat was just too much for his heart to stand.
"But there were a killer down here! Among us for months. A count!" Alfred exclaimed hysterically against Mr Carson's orders, "You can't tell us you didn't know anything." He directed at Victoria, who had remained seated silently with her head down during Mr Carson's speech.
"Excuse me?" She said quietly, raising her head to face such a flagrant accusation, having had quite enough herself of the whole affair.
"Alfred, that's enough." Mrs Hughes warned the assistant cook who could see was upsetting the young housemaid.
"But we're all thinking the same thing, Mrs Hughes." The rest of the staff rubbed some part of their heads or necks to distance themselves from Alfred's claim on their thoughts, but not refuting it either.
"If Victoria knew anything the police would have had something more to say to her in lieu of punishment. We're just lucky His Lordship wasn't in trouble for harbouring a fugitive." The housekeeper responded.
"But he didn't know about it."
"No, I'm pleased to say he didn't." Mr Carson added, "If he did he would have made that scoundrel turn himself in to the police." He crossed his hands behind his back in restraint of his obverse judgement of the Comte de Chagny.
"At least he did what was right in the end." The all-good Anna defended the absent fugitive in Victoria's stead. The ladies' maid daring to put her hand on the housemaid's in comfort.
"Still, dishonouring his name in that way…"
"They are often more flawed than the rest of us, Mr Carson." Mrs Hughes cut the butler off, noting the wince of the housemaid at every defamation of Alex's character, but Mr Carson was on a conservative indicted roll.
"I'll pretend I never heard that remark, Mrs Hughes."
"I'm surprised though; that you never figured it out," O'Brien said to Victoria, never minding the welling of the poor girl's eyes. "The time you spent with him, and we know how smart you are. There were plenty of signs come to think of it, his French, his gentlemanly manner… All lies."
"That's enough, Miss O'Brien." Anna said, Victoria sealing her lips with her teeth otherwise an outburst would break down her emotional dam.
"What? I feel bad for the poor girl, him using her like that to cover himself." O'Brien continued… mindfully, despite Thomas' absence as no doubt this torment was meant for him also.
"Be silent." Mr Bates spoke up to support his wife that the ladies' maid was treading on a fast fading line.
"I'm sorry if she fell for him, but that's just the way it is. You know that don't you? He only used you." She continued on nonetheless, intent on speaking until Victoria had been pushed to the point of losing all control and either had to leave the room or snap, the girl choosing the former, covering her mouth to stop herself from moaning as she ran outside.
"Must you be so unkind to her?" Mr Bates said to O'Brien, just as the girl was out of earshot, for like the rest of the staff he knew what he had seen between the girl and 'the Count' and it was hard to believe Miss O'Brien's account even when it seemed to be the case.
"I'm being honest, Mr Bates, we've been short of that lately."
"Where is Mr Barrow?" Anna whispered to her husband, the under butler's absence having only just been noticed by her.
"He's going to London on some mystery mission." Mr Bates said, being in the know as a member of the most senior staff in the household, "I couldn't get Mrs Hughes to say more."
Since everyone was gathered in the servants' hall, Victoria felt quite safe crying in the corridors downstairs, but the meeting had soon begun to disperse and Ivy came up unexpectedly behind the distraught maid. "Go on, gloat, I know you want to." Victoria whimpered when Ivy stopped beside her.
"No, actually I wanted to tell you that… Miss O'Brien's wrong; Alex didn't use you."
"What?" Victoria blinked her tears clear to make sure Ivy wasn't concealing any laughter at this cruel joke she must have been playing, for why else would she say such things?
"I told him how I felt about him, and he… he told me that he loved you; madly. That he wanted to marry you. He didn't have to tell me those things, and I believe he meant them."
In spite of everything Ivy's words chiselled a smile into Victoria's features, and her cheeks reddened harder than before with the flattery of a long desired truth, but; "It doesn't matter now, but I thank you, Ivy, thank you."
It didn't change anything, he still lied to her, she understood why, but it was a lot to forgive, and Victoria couldn't fall for anything, if Alex was found guilty of his father's murder she wouldn't go down with him, and if he was innocent, then it would only matter should he return, which the housemaid held a private cause to doubt, because now he was gone there was another picture painted of him that she didn't recognise and refused to until he returned and had made reparations with Jimmy. Alex, like with Thomas, had said one thing that was right, she had forgotten him, and if he returned then they would start anew, and her love for him now was irrelevant.
She was jolted from her spell bound state by Mr Carson who was trying to get into his office, the girl not realising she had chosen to stand directly outside it, she stood aside and when the butler made to enter she saw the telephone on his desk and immediately remembered her errand for Thomas; "Mr Carson… might I use your telephone?"
Thomas was putting on his coat and adjusting his pocket watch, the one Alex got him remained locked away in its box in his bed side drawer, he held this new unused pocket watch in his hand, its silver surface glittering all the more brightly as Thomas knew that Jimmy had given it to him. It was no longer dull, it was no longer tainted, he was proud to wear it, and would be proud to let Jimmy see him wear it. A smile adorned his hopeful face that he might have peace at last, but the sound of the door clicking shut behind him brought his attention uneasily around, and he saw Victoria there, frozen against the door, and it frightened Thomas.
"Vic… what is it?"
"You can't go, Thomas." She said, fear held her firmly away from Thomas, because she knew only too well what her words meant.
"Why not?" The under butler stepped towards her, him mistaking her fear for defiance that her body should act as a shield to prevent him from leaving his room.
"Jimmy's gone."
"What?" He took back his previous step, the world went silent except for the sound of breaking glass shattering his mind into tiny pieces, and he suddenly felt sick.
"He's left." The maid said again, brought to further tears by Thomas' reaction on top of everything else that had happened that day. "He's gone and Luke doesn't know where."
"What? Why?"
"I think it's because of this." Thomas did not see that Victoria had been holding a newspaper in her hands and she handed it to him. Thomas took it warily that something of such significance; to make the front page of a newspaper, could have such an effect on Jimmy, and when he read the headline, nothing stopped him falling to the floor in a sitting position, his back up against the bottom of his bed, Victoria running immediately to his side.
"The Duke's dead?" Thomas stuttered, "Dead?"
His hands shook so much that Victoria took the paper and summarised the article for him since he was unable to read the rest for himself. "An intruder entered his home in Eaton Place and shot him… robbery gone wrong they're saying."
She said this with such presence of knowledge beyond what 'they' said that Thomas had to ask; "What do you mean? It wasn't actually what 'they' were saying? What has this got to do with Jimmy?"
"Jimmy was the intruder, Thomas. He saw the Duke in Eaton Square, so stole Luke's service gun and broke in. He held the butler hostage and barged in on the Duke seducing a boy. Words were exchanged, the Duke drew a gun, but the other boy attacked him and the gun went off. Jimmy didn't kill the Duke, but he was there." Victoria said quickly, before she could forget exactly what it was Luke had said on the telephone and got herself all confused about the details.
It was a miracle Thomas had stayed silent. There were so many questions but he couldn't interrupt. Why did Jimmy break in? Why take a gun? Why didn't he stay away from the Duke? Did he mean to kill him? But he kept them to himself, as his questions were not what mattered. He sighed, with relief that Jimmy was safe and not a fugitive, and also he could accept the truth of the paper's story; the Duke was gone, to a place from which he could never return. However, of course there was more, and past his relief and joy there was worry and guilt that if Jimmy had left he could never make up for what he had done, and Jimmy would never know the truth, and Thomas would never forgive himself. "So Jimmy left London?"
"Yes, and he took the boy from the Duke's house with him." Thomas nodded, not imagining Jimmy capable of looking after anyone other than himself, and he wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a concern that he wasn't travelling alone, incognito. That peace Thomas hoped for was fading from him fast, but Victoria assured him that all was not lost, and his peace was only to be put on hold, because Jimmy promised to write to Luke when he had settled and he would let Victoria know of his location as soon as he had it. "I'm sorry, Thomas." She said, feeling his disappointment, and brushed some strands of falling hair back away from his eyes with her fingers, and he relaxed his head into her touch, needing that small comfort she provided, too full of pride to ask for more.
The Duke may have been dead, Thomas' fear was gone, but he was not at peace, he would never be, not until he had seen Jimmy, until then he would be bound in hell, burning with the fires of his regret.
"Not as sorry as I am." He said.
