She needed one last night to be just a woman in love, nothing more, and Fiyero did not have the heart to deny such desperate neediness from the green Witch that he never could forget, no matter how hard he tried.
--
Chapter Forty-Nine:
She stared at the ceiling because it was easier that way. Easier to not realize what was happening to her. Easier to pretend she was somewhere else. Easier to not remember the family she had left behind.
But it was hard to block out the reality that was her life when the men would hand over dirty bills and push her out the door of cheap rented rooms. She would shuffle down the filthy streets in the cover of darkness until she found somewhere that wasn't too wet or too cold to curl up into a protective ball and find some measure of sleep. When she awoke in the morning she would spend her time in smoke-filled bars and brothels hiding behind the name of a betting parlor as she tried to find another customer – as that is what she thought of them as, just a customer.
She did drugs right before any customer took her away from the bar or brothel because she could not do her job if she was sober. They would take her to some dank room they rented or, if they lived alone, back to their dilapidated shack that they called a home. She did her duty, took her money, than quickly left. Very few words were ever spoken and she did her best not to look the men in the eyes. They disgusted her, all of them, and it took every ounce of her self-control not to kill them on the spot.
She did drugs to do her job even though she knew she was slowly killing the child within her. She couldn't be certain if the small being she carried was Fiyero's or some strange man's who she would never see again. She could not be certain of the timing as she had realized she was pregnant not long after Glinda had kicked her out of the palace. It could be that the last night she had been in the palace had produced the blessing growing within her or the blessing within her was nothing more than a product of one of the filthy men she bedded each night to survive. She simply did not know – and that disgusted her.
One day, nearly five months after being sent to the streets, she heard rumours among the poverty stricken people she was surrounded by that Lady Glinda was to make an announcement from her palace balcony. So she followed the crowds and found herself within the palace gates – as they had been opened to the public for the announcement – and tried to keep herself hidden underneath the hat she had bought with her meager earnings. The hat that was almost identical to the one she had lost within the twisting hallways and many rooms of Kiamo Ko. She didn't dare look up as Glinda stepped onto her balcony for fear of her blonde friend recognizing her.
But the announcement Lady Glinda made caused Elphaba's blood to run cold. It was about her, the green Witch, and how she had succumbed to the sins of the world. It was an announcement that told the people of the Emerald City that anyone caught selling her drugs or buying her time for a night would be imprisoned in Southstairs on the spot. It was an announcement that shattered the way she lived on the street and practically forced her to come back to the palace or starve to death.
She was surprised at the vigor of the anger within her. She was surprised at how much she truly hated Glinda at that very moment. She knew, deep down, that her dear friend, her oldest friend, was only trying to help her but if she was going to heal herself she was going to do it on her terms. But this, this changed everything. This took control away from her life and gave it back to Glinda.
And she simply could not handle that.
So as the crowd left, stunned by what they had been told and murmuring amongst themselves, she stayed. Not because she wanted to but because she needed to – because she found that she could not leave. The palace gates closed behind her and the guards made no attempts at removing her from the private grounds for they knew that this was what Glinda had intended to happen. So they stood back and waited as the blonde public figure disappeared into the palace for a few long minutes before the doors opened and she stood at the top of the stairs. She cleared her throat, to get Elphaba's attention, and the green woman finally looked up from the ground.
"You bitch!" Elphaba spat out. "You send me to the streets and then take away any means of survival I have!"
Glinda's features were soft and her eyes full of sadness. "I am doing what I think is right, for once in my life."
"How shall I make money to eat if no man will touch me for fear of being thrown in Southstairs! I cannot very well change my name and pretend to be someone else – I'm green!"
"I know."
"You're going to kill me!"
"I do not intend to harm you, and I most definitely do not intend to kill you, I simply intend to make your life on the streets as hard as possible in hopes that you will come to your senses sooner rather than later and return here. Return to your home, to your family, to where you belong."
"I was to do that on my own terms!"
"I've lived on your terms for far too long Elphie, and you never got better on your own terms, so now I am enforcing mine."
"You're playing God with my life!"
"I am doing no such thing."
Elphaba frowned and bit her bottom lip to try and distract herself from her anger with pain. She brought her hand up to her face to study the engagement ring she still wore before slowly ascending the steps. She held her hand out to Glinda. "Take it," she whispered but her voice shook with her fury.
"But El–"
"Take it!"
"I don't understa–"
"Take it! Damn it Glinda! Just take the stupid ring!"
Glinda tentatively reached out and slid the ring off of Elphaba's finger. "But why?" she asked. "I don't understand…"
"I'll come back for it one day, when I'm ready. Until then keep it, to remember me by, just in case… well… just in case I never do come back."
"But you will! You have to! For Oz's sake Elphie you're pregnant! Do you think I am an idiot? I can tell, I can see the signs! You're belly has grown and I know it is most definitely not to do with eating too much! You are pregnant and you are killing the child you bear!"
Elphaba's eyes widened and her hand instinctively came up to rest upon her slightly swollen abdomen to feel the child that rested within her. She stared at Glinda in horror, unable to comprehend that her friend could know such a thing, then turned and fled.
She ran as fast as she could, pushing her way through the crowds in the street that still lingered from Glinda's announcement, and darted into the first back alleyway she came upon. She stopped only when she thought she was alone and rested her back against the cold stone wall of some closed bar. She gasped for breath and once again held her hand over her swollen belly as a small part of her still held some motherly instincts towards her possible rape child.
Two months later, in the cover of darkness, the blood came. It rushed from her in a torrent as fierce as the river in Suicide Canal and left her vision blurred and her mind disoriented. She stumbled down the streets in the middle of the night, clutching her stomach in agony, and desperately trying to find either help or somewhere comfortable to lie down and die – for she truly thought that she was going to die. She collapsed to the ground and forced herself to crawl through the terrible pain that seemed to have replaced her blood with acid.
She lost consciousness near the famed yellow brick road. The last image she remembered before the darkness took her was of the cracked bricks and how they seemed so different from when she had been to the Emerald City for the first time in her life – when she had been so very young and naïve and full of so much hope for the world around her. Back then they had been bright and new and freshly washed. Those yellow bricks had seemed like a shiny beacon to her bright new future where she would be loved and adored and would be able to do so much good for those around her.
Now she laid, bleeding and dying, a mere foot away from those dirty and cracked yellow bricks that had once held such promise but now seemed to have been beaten down by life just as she had.
