When Lightning next lifted her head, hours had passed. She honestly didn't know if she'd slept or not, her body was in such pain, now added to the fact that she'd cramped in every way. Lightning picked herself up, using the doorknob to help. The television rambled, Jihl and Fang still on screen.
"Do you like the name Cordelia?" Jihl asked, so pleased.
"Cordelia's nice," Fang agreed, "I like Rosalind too."
"We'll have plenty, Fang," Jihl assured with that devil's voice, touching and cradling Fang's face. "Don't worry, Baby."
Lightning shut it off. Unplugging her phone, Lightning nearly whipped out the cord and started upstairs, but tripped on the cord she was still winding before she made it even four feet. Lightning failed to catch herself before plummeting forward, jarring her chin on a wooden stair near her feet. "Ahh!" Lightning grabbed her chin and cupped it as fresh tears sprung to her eyes, "Fuck," Lightning struggled to breathe easily at the horrible jolt of pain. She stayed there a minute, cupping her chin, trying to get ahold of herself against the pain.
The momentary physical pain almost turned into a relief, breaking Lightning's mind for just a few seconds from Fang. But then she thought of her again, cursing the pain in her chin, which wouldn't fucking hurt so much if it hadn't been for Fang. It figured just right that she'd leave her with physical and emotional injuries. Lightning swore again and picked herself up to climb the stairs. She crossed the office and bedroom without really noticing them, her body hurt so bad, added to that now her chin as well. Lightning knelt before the tub and started to fill it. She stood again, wincing, and unfortunately caught a glimpse of her cheek in the mirror.
What a fool she'd been. What a goddamn fool, just like one of those girls. Lightning ripped open the cupboard fast so she wouldn't have to see it. She grabbed out her migraine pills, the bottle of painkillers, and her cream. She didn't close the mirror cupboard before she turned away from and stripped. Her body ached as she slowly lowered into the tub. Lightning gasped as the heat sunk in, a startling contrast her skin, but not yet enough to ease the pain. She popped two of each pill and hoped it would help. Lightning tried to relax back against the tub as she grabbed her cream and unscrewed the lid to apply it gently to the side of her face.
Lightning hurt now, like little needles poking into her skin, but she was finally safe from Fang. There was nothing left to cure or awkward healing business with which to attend. Lightning was alone again. It's a relief, she said to herself, closing her eyes as she gently reclined her head and dabbed at her cheek. With no one here, no lie remaining, and no abusive work to return to, she was free to start her life without Fang manipulating her at every turn. It was going to be okay now; she would be fine again.
Lightning's thoughts, in their diligence to find distraction, eventually turned to Serah again. Lightning didn't know how they'd take Fang's return, if she returned immediately to Gran Pulse. Fang had always seemed to like Serah, but that was before Lightning learned how vicious she could truly be. Would Fang try to do something to Serah if she returned to Gran Pulse?
No, that didn't make sense. Fang's grudge was with Lightning over the lie, not Serah. Even if Fang went to use Serah with malicious intent, her family would never allow such a thing to happen. Fang might be rotten, but her family, Sky, Vanille, and Hawke had good intent. At most, if Fang returned with a grudge against Serah, she'd be returned a little early from Gran Pulse instead. Even then, Lightning doubted that chain of action; for Fang to go against Serah with legitimate claim of hate, she'd have to tell her family why or something else about the lie. Lightning didn't know what Fang was capable of anymore, but she wouldn't tell her family that.
Serah would be safe in Gran Pulse for a time. Lightning hoped they wouldn't kick her out. She didn't want Serah exposed to this side of Fang.
Lightning had a lot to tell her sister about. The next phone call, she would. She wasn't going to hide anything from Serah again. Lightning didn't know what would happen from here; it was something she'd discuss with Serah, something they wouldn't know until Fang returned home again, but she felt better in knowing Serah was safe as well. The Yuns weren't bad people, but for a few of them, and Serah would be protected there, perhaps better than Lightning could've given.
Lightning finished creaming her cheek and put the jar back down. Sinking further into the tub, she tried to forget everything.
XXX
"Jihl caught it on tape," Lightning affirmed.
"Shit," Lebreau cursed, looking exactly how Lightning reckoned she had when she'd found out. "All of it?"
"That's what it looks like," Lightning stressed, running a hand through her hair. She was embarrassed, mostly, and ashamed to share any of this, even with Lebreau. It'd be a lot harder when she had to confess to Serah, though, so Lightning had to steel through it. She'd made a lot of mistakes in her life, Fang wasn't the worst. Even if it felt that way right now, her betrayal would fade. Lightning looked forward to the time it wouldn't press on her like this.
"Are you sure?" Lebreau asked again, struggling to wrap her mind around it. Lightning understood. Even with her recent bruises, she'd have never suspected this from Fang either. "It could've been a fake or voice-overlaid or…"
Lightning shook her head. "Fang said things," she explained, "Personal things. Jihl wouldn't have known them. It was just Fang."
"God," Lebreau breathed, "This is just… Are you okay, Light? She didn't hurt you again, did she?"
"Not physically." Lightning said, then in answer to her other question. "I'm going to be fine."
"Light, I'm so sorry." Lebreau sat back in her chair. "I can't believe this… When did Fang get so malicious?"
"She's held a grudge since the lying to her parents, it seems." Lightning said, staring straight, somewhere over Lebreau's shoulder at nothing. "I was stupid not to see it."
"None of this is your fault, Light." Lebreau reprimanded sternly. "You know that, don't you? If anything, I feel awful for forcing you two together like that. It's my fault you— "
"Lebreau, don't." Lightning cut off quickly, "Don't take the blame for this. The malice was Fang's, not yours."
Lebreau didn't say anything for a long moment, then finally, "What are you going to do? Do you need me to stay a few days?"
Lightning shook her head. "I'm going to take my life back. I don't need help."
XXX
Days passed like sludge. Lightning busied herself with things to keep her mind off Fang at all time. She started with a new job search, looking towards her other spectrum with the GC. Still 21 and young, there were plenty of openings ready that'd take in a new soldier to train her how they needed. Lightning marked all the listings and sent out some emails with according phone calls. She wouldn't confirm anything until she'd spoken to Serah again, but she had a pretty firm structure in mind as to letting Serah off with Hawke, Sky, or Vanille. Serah could do what she wanted there, and Lightning wouldn't be with her all the time to break her heart every now and again. Lightning's new position in the GC wouldn't allow for much spare time anyway.
Lightning notified her landlord that she'd be moving on soon, probably after Serah finished her semester of schooling. When those were taken care of, Lightning found other things. She did bills that weren't due for another four months, cleaned every inch of the place, and did her online grocery shopping for the next few weeks. When those duties ran out, she worked out like crazy, confined to the indoor workout room and pool for the bruises still on her cheek. She healed, slowly, physically, but her wandering mind returned again and again to Fang, where she'd grit her teeth and power through something else to keep herself busy.
Sleep was the worst. No matter how disciplined Lightning tried to train her mind to be, it was those long moments of inactivity that stirred her thoughts. She took to knocking herself out fast with sleeping pills, but even that didn't holster her unconscious mind. By Saturday, Lightning's bruises had faded enough that she escaped out of that pithole of memories to the shooting range. She stayed for hours, shooting things.
A number of positions she'd applied for had replied already. Lightning picked through them, ignoring the ones that would take her for her fame or Yun connection. She found a few, but one specifically, under Lieutenant Amodar that might do. Serah still hadn't called yet, and wouldn't until Wednesday. Lightning waited until she'd speak to her first before accepting anything.
Sunday morning, she woke from a disturbing dream of being hugged and comforted in bed by Fang. Lightning showered quickly to cleanse her mind and body from the reminiscent touch left by the dream, training her mind to think only on other things, which turned to her worry of Serah in Gran Pulse. She'd had no premature phone call within the last few days, which Lightning preferred to take as a good sign. If Fang had returned home and said something, no doubt Serah would've managed to get back to the call station and question Fang's sudden retreat.
Although, it did beg the question… had Fang returned to Gran Pulse? Lightning couldn't imagine Serah wouldn't call if Fang had showed up, especially with a woman like Jihl by her side. Though, considering how big a deal it had been when she'd brought Lightning into her home, bringing Jihl to Paddra seemed farfetched at best. Fang hadn't liked the attention the first time she'd come with Lightning, Lightning couldn't imagine she'd risk more by bringing Jihl so soon after herself.
But… did that mean Fang hadn't returned to Gran Pulse? God, was she staying in Cocoon, a place she hated for that witch? All this time, Fang had been so anxious and antsy to get back home for good when Vanille had finished. Just how in love with Jihl would she have to be to forgo that and stay longer in Cocoon? What would Fang even tell her parents about the woman? No, what made the most sense was that Fang would return to Gran Pulse and be with her family. Maybe she was waiting a little longer for that, concocting some excuse about Jihl for when she later returned with the woman.
The mere idea was ridiculous. Fang would never get away without a full explanation behind Jihl. Then again, she could always lie, but she'd hated that most about bringing Lightning to her family. Lightning couldn't believe she'd willingly lie again to them for her own sake this time… would she?
The phone rang. Lightning picked up the second ring. "Lebreau."
"Did you see the papers yet this morning?" Lebreau asked immediately.
"The papers?" Lightning questioned.
"I just caught wind of them," Lebreau agreed, "You should look at them. Jihl's the main feature on them."
Lightning hurried downstairs to grab it. "What about?"
"Apparently, little miss slut hasn't been showing up to work all week," Lebreau said as Lightning grabbed the newspaper tablet and flipped the date forward a bit to the current day. "They managed to keep it quiet in the beginning, maybe they hadn't figured it was anything big, but it's the first I've heard about what's going on upstairs. Looks like someone leaked to the press too, because it's got an inside story about how Cid checked after three days and found her gone. The second boss man quit too!"
"Cid quit?" Lightning scanned the page featuring Cid's demotion from Defense Commander.
"Well, sort of," Lebreau amended, "Looks like he voluntarily asked to step down in rank and transfer. Things are going crazy at PSICOM, Light. There are reporters all over the place there on TV. And nobody knows where Jihl's gone, either. She's completely disappeared off the map. Nobody knows where she went. Nobody that's telling, anyway."
"Jihl's gone?" Lightning asked, reading the same thing herself. She needed a moment to compute.
"Like vapor."
"Serah hasn't called me about Fang returning."
"No?"
"No." Lightning put down the paper and crossed to the TV. "Which makes me think Fang hasn't returned. Serah would've called if she'd shown up."
"You don't think…"
"I don't know," Lightning said, turning on the TV, "But it'd take something damn persuasive to keep Fang in Cocoon."
"Light… "
"Don't start," Lightning warned, not wanting to hear her apologies again for something Lebreau wasn't at fault for. "I'm turning on the TV now."
"Chanel B89," Lebreau informed, "They're playing all the reports about PSICOM there."
"Thanks," Lightning clicked it over.
"I'm watching too," Lebreau alerted as the reporter continued into his duties.
"— a bizarre chain of events, Jihl Nabaat, famed tactical Attack Commander has disappeared under the radar. No one has seen her in days. PSICOM investigating the disappearance have warned Cocoon to keep an eye out for any sightings of suspicious Brell clan members in Cocoon. A previous victim of their kidnappings on three separate occasions, PSICOM is warranting a push into their Gran Pulse settlement to find their missing Commander."
"When did Jihl disappear?" Lightning asked, not having checked the date out.
"The same day you and Fang announced the miscarriage," Lebreau told her seriously, "The day after Maqui hacked in."
"That's not a coincidence," Lightning said harshly. "She was probably planning it with Fang."
"Following Jihl's disappearance, equally famed Lightning Farron quit her bartender position at PSICOM Headquarters. Officials are investigating a link and have grilled into secondary commander Cid Raines. No link was yet found, but the second commanding official promptly stepped down from his position shortly after within the next few days. Chaos is reigning under PSICOM HQ, having lost three of their highest leaders within only a couple of months between each other. GC has taken the matter into outside hands to investigate these claims."
"They might question you."
"It doesn't look like they know anything. Especially if GC's being brought in to investigate. Those factions hate each other enough to never request help."
"Maybe it wasn't requested." Lebreau added mysteriously. "Don't panic if they come. Maqui's documentation on the miscarriage is all legit. Nora even faked the papers going through on a blood test she took from you. No one can draw the link between you and Jihl, except maybe Cid… and Fang."
"And Jihl." Lightning added. "How reassuring."
"You're going to be okay, Light…" Even Lebreau didn't sound sure. "Just don't tell them anything."
"In other news of suspicious PSICOM disappearances, contracted killer Yun Fang has also made a disappearance. Shortly after Lightning Farron's miscarriage, suspected to be one of the reasons for her quitting, Yun Fang appeared at the door to her complex with this bad news…"
The television flashed over to Fang leaving her building, surrounded by a wave of reporters all asking a thousand questions. "Fang! Fang! How's Lightning after the baby?"
"Are you two going to try again?"
"How will you carry through this with Lightning?"
"Where are you going now?"
"Are you both dealing okay?"
"She's crying," Lebreau said softly through the phone, something Lightning could already see. "She looks sad, Light."
"It's an act." Lightning bit off harshly. "She's been lying all this time; a little show for the press would be nothing." Even as she said it, Fang started to speak. Anxiety gripped her heart. Lightning couldn't care less what the mindless public thought of her, but whatever Fang might say was going to hold that cold sting. Lightning wanted to forget her entirely, but she couldn't look away or turn off the TV. She prepared to hate Fang more for whatever she might say.
"There's no baby," Fang mumbled quietly, "I must go. Must leave."
"Is Lightning kicking you out, Fang?"
"She's flinching away from the reporters." Lebreau said.
"She's had practice looking like that when she's been guilting me." Lightning returned evenly, "It's why she looks so convincing. She mastered it first with me."
"No," Fang responded despondently, "No baby. I gotta leave…" Fang shook her head rapidly. "I'm not good for Light. Gotta leave."
"She sounds neurotic."
"Do you mean you're leaving Lightning, Fang?" A male voice asked from the group of reporters recording her with their mini specs.
Fang looked at him and saw his contact lens camera directly, though she still didn't seem wholly focused. "Yes," she said, more clearly than the rambling. "I'm leaving Lightning. She's better without me."
"In her time of need?" Someone else pressed, reaching for Fang's arm. Fang started pushing through the reporters roughly.
"Leave me alone," Fang shoved through.
"But Fang! Your commitment to your Cocoon date drops with the death of the baby?"
"Was it always about the kid like this?"
"You took Lightning on a trip home once; was that only to bless the incoming baby?"
"Fang, Fang!"
Fang shoved through them with her great strength, knocking a few over accidentally. "Get away from me." She didn't stop to help them up, but continued until she broke free of all of them. Hands shaking, she took off at a sprint from those who chased, shouting questions after the retreating Fang.
The screen flashed back to the original reporter. "And there you have it. Neither Fang or Lightning have been heard from since. Lightning is suspected to be holed up in her apartment, while Fang is completely missing in action. Fans of this celebrity couple have speculated she has returned home."
"That's not what I expected…" Lebreau echoed her thoughts. "She looked really affected."
Lightning didn't know what to say herself. She'd have expected a lasting, malicious jibe from Fang. This woman seemed to be in a dozen different pieces. Like breaking up with Lightning had really affected her. Gah, Lightning threw off the thought. "She's manipulative," Lightning said, "She lived with me over two months. She probably knew this was the best way to get at me. Seemingly affected. Faking it all. Even when she left, she was still holding up the charade." Lightning's head started to pulse again, "She's a fucking liar like Jihl."
"Lightning…"
"Don't condescend to me, Lebreau."
"I wasn't."
"You didn't see it," Lightning insisted bitterly, pounding worsening in her head, "She told Jihl fucking everything! She told her about my goddamn parents!"
"Light, I'm on your side," Lebreau interjected quickly. "I believe you more than anybody."
Lightning closed her eyes. She clicked off the TV, still able to hear the announcer's voice through Lebreau's screen. "I'm tired of this," Lightning confessed in a weak moment. "I'm so tired of this, 'Brue. I can't stop thinking about her. I wanna kill her. And I want her back. I want her the way she was so bad..." Lightning cradled her weak, throbbing head. "I hate her so much. Shit."
"I'm coming over."
"No," Lightning cut off quickly, dropping her hand again. "I'm going for a run."
"Light— "
"I won't be back all day." Lightning told quickly. "Don't come by."
"…Okay, Light. Call me tonight."
Lightning hung up. Tossing her phone, she retreated quickly. She needed to clear her head, that was all. She just needed to clear her head. Leaving the room, she went off for a run. Lightning preferred the pain in her legs and the burning in her throat to that other pain. And soon, it swallowed her. Soon, Lightning wasn't thinking again. She wished she could stay that way.
