Author's Note: This is the Sebastian ending. If you are a Fenris fan, you might not want to read this. I saw how the story could be split and go in two different directions. I had been toying with a more pro Sebastian ending when I was inspired by a Sharlena who hoped I would end with something unexpected. So I hope this pleases you, Sharlena, and all you who were rooting for Sebastian. Sorry it's so long. This one was the hardest one for me to write. Apparently Fenris didn't like it much. He crashed my computer while I was writing this ending which is why this is so delayed in being posted.

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One year later

Fenris

I sat back in my chair and stared at the fire in my study fireplace thinking over the letter that laid on my desk. It was the twelfth letter from him. He sent one a month since we had left.

I had refused to hide away. Let him come, I thought. Lila had been worried about it, but once I began working for the king, her fear subsided some.

I, thanks to Aveline, was leading a unit made up entirely of elves. Alistair was wanting to continue the work Kallian had started with making the elves full citizens. They even had a spot in the Landsmeet. I had worked hard and within six months my unit was well trained and organized. Alistair had awarded us with a lavish home just outside of Denerim.

Lila had settled in, liking the fact she didn't have to travel far to see her sister. I had hoped she would stay home rather than work like she had been in Kirkwall. But she was determined to continue. Why did she always have to have someone she was helping?

I disapproved of the things she was doing now. Fervently. We had had several fights about it, but had finally decided it best not to discuss it. She was working for the Mage Collective.

She had told me with an angry look that she had worked for them before she had left Ferelden. She explained that they were a self policing guild of mages who wanted to live a free life. They used non magic users like her to enforce their rules and ensure their continued anonymity and safety.

I told her she had done enough to help the mages. The Circles had all risen up against the templars and Chantry, breaking free and taking control. The Chantry was at war with the templars who had broken away as well. The mages were living free. Especially in Ferelden. I told her it was enough. But she had just patted my arm and kissed my cheek.

"I'll be careful." She promised and did as she pleased. It infuriated me, but I had found a way to deal with this little collective.

Our wedding continuing to be postponed was another infuriating thing. Alistair's advisors had decided that since I had become something of an icon due to being the first elven leader of a military unit and Lila was the Champion of Kirkwall, a simple ceremony would never do. He said we were going to be a symbol of unity and the future of Ferelden.

Lila and I had finally told the advisors to do as they wanted and tell us when to show up. I couldn't stand all the fuss, and Lila seemed to be withdrawing from me. Being back here seemed to take a toll on her. Her smile and laugh weren't as ready anymore. We were spending more and more time apart. I feared that if things didn't settle soon we were going to be pulled apart for good.

I heard her come in and quickly stuck the letter in the drawer with the others. She never disturbed my room, saying that every one needed a space of their own. I still locked the drawer just in case. This was the last thing I wanted to fight with her about right now. I was still worried by her willingness to forgive him. Something needed to be done about him, but I wanted to see Lila right now.

I closed up my study and made my way to our room. I found her as she pulled off her damaged armor, favoring one leg and struggling to take off the armor as one arm hung down useless. I rushed to help her and see what was wrong.

"Lila?" I asked worriedly. She gave me a pain filled smile.

"It's not as bad as it looks."

"It looks as if you were beaten severely." I said frowning at her as I sat her down on the bed and finished removing her armor and boots.

"Then it looks like what it is, but you should see the other guys." She smiled slightly as she laid back gingerly. "I need a hot bath."

"And a healer. Give me a moment and I'll send for Anders."

"Don't bother. He's done all he can right now. He needs to rest. I have potions in that chest over there. If you will give me two and help me into the tub, I'll be fine until tomorrow."

"Lila, what happened?" I demanded as I finished undressing her and helped her to the bathing chamber. She sank down into the water and sighed. Her body was black and blue with bruises, wounds, some healed others still open, covering her.

"The Mage's Collective seems to have a mole in it. Supply lines keep being ambushed. Sometimes by bandits, but there's been rumors of a band of templars. Anders and I went along with the supply drop this time. We were ambushed."

"I told you I wanted you to stop working with them! It's going to get you killed one of these days. And you promised you weren't going to be doing anything but organizing from now on." I frowned at her as she closed her eyes and rested her head against the tub edge.

"I wasn't, but with the lines being attacked someone needed to check it out."

"And it had to be you?" I demanded.

She opened her eyes up and watched me for a moment. "Yes." She then closed her eyes back. "Can we not do this right now? I'm exhausted. I don't want to fight with you. I just want to finish bathing, tuck Lea in, and then go to bed."

I relented and gave her a nod. "Why don't I bring you up dinner? We can eat together in the bedroom. I feel like I've not seen you in days."

She opened her eyes and looked at me sadly. "I know. And when we do, we do nothing but fight." She sighed and clasped my hand. "What's happening to us?"

I knelt down and stroked her hair back. "We're just busy trying to find our pace here. We need to make more time for each other. Now that I have some officers trained, why don't I take some time off? You tell your guild you're going to be gone for a while. Kallian and Zevran have been wanting to take us to Soldier's Peak for a while now. Let's go and get away from the crowds."

She looked off into the distance for a moment and then nodded. "It would be nice. I feel like we're not even the same people we were." She looked up at me. "I feel like you don't even like me anymore."

I sat on the tub edge and stroked her cheek. "That's not true at all."

"But you've been so angry with me."

I sighed. "I have been. I don't like you endangering yourself for a needless cause anymore. Wasn't Kirkwall bad enough? Haven't you done enough already? Why do you want to throw your life away?"

She looked as if I had struck her. "It's not a needless cause. And neither was Kirkwall." She leaned forward and moved out of my grasp. "Thanks for the offer of food, but I'm not hungry. I just want to sleep."

I sighed in frustration and ran my hand through my hair. I was tired of fighting too. "As you wish." I said and stalked out of the room and then out of the house. I had some things I needed to figure out anyway.

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Hawke

I wanted to cry as he got up and left. I hated what was happening to us. I just didn't know what to do to fix it. He had changed since we had left Kirkwall. He was guarded and secretive again. I had been shocked by his very vocal anger over my work with my old guild.

I didn't see how it was any different than what I had been doing in Kirkwall. And it wasn't as dangerous now. Mages were free here. Not just free, but safe. The king protected them as well. Gave them full rights. He even had one as an advisor.

Fenris had been mad at me since I had said I had forgiven Sebastian. We hadn't spoken of it since then, but I felt it none the less. I didn't want to be stuck in the past, but it seemed it was going to haunt us.

His comment about Kirkwall was a low blow. He knew I still felt guilty about all that had happened. He knew I hated the war that was being waged between the mages, templars, and Chantry. I felt responsible for it all. I had tried to put it behind me, but I wasn't able to. It kept being thrown back in my face. I wasn't allowed to slip into oblivion here. I wasn't allowed to just be Lila. I was still considered the damn Champion. Ferelden needed me to be.

I hated our life here. I hated living here. I hated still being referred to as the Champion and being used as a political tool. Kallian hated it as well. She often sought refuge in Soldier's Peak that Alistair had award her after naming her Arlessa of Denerim. We had become friends, sharing something no one else could understand, not even our partners. She had been the only thing to keep me sane in this place.

This was supposed to be a fresh start for us, but it wasn't. Well, it was for everyone else. But I was still stuck in a role I hated and had never wanted.

Anders had set up a clinic here that was well funded and staffed. Isabela and he had drifted apart as she returned to the sea, taking Merrill with her. We didn't see them nearly enough. Aveline and Donnic had settled in and quickly rose through the ranks in the guards. Varric had eventually returned to Kirkwall, taking possession of my estate and the Bone Pit. Bethany ran a clinic in Lothering and Keran was a guard there. Fenris had even found his spot. But I was still lost and floundering.

I had sought out my work with the Collective simply because I hoped it would anchor me. I felt useless and trapped. This wasn't what I was supposed to be doing. None of this felt right anymore.

I would never admit it to anyone, but Sebastian's face haunted my dreams. Each time I looked at Lea I saw it. He had looked so broken and defeated as we had left Kirkwall. I wished there was some way I could help him. I felt like there still wasn't any closure to the wound. For either of us really.

Things had come to light recently of all the things he had done to help me through the years I had lived in Kirkwall. Not just me, but Fenris and my family as well. It made it even harder to see him as anything other than a victim in this mess.

He had been the one to convince the Viscount to meet with my mother. He had been the one paying the taxes and such on Fenris' mansion to keep the guards and nobles off of him. He had been the one who had helped ease the transition of Bethany going into the Circle. He had convinced them to treat her as a willing apprentice rather than a dangerous apostate. He was also the one who had forced them not to punish the family as well. He had even paid off Gamlen's debts, repeatedly.

And all through my pregnancy he had taken care of me. We had fought, it was true, but he never failed to see to my needs and wants. Even at great expense to himself.

I shuddered as I thought of it all. The things he and Elthina had done. The things done to him and Elthina, to myself. What a mess I had managed to fall into this time. Four lives twisted and torn up all because of a woman feeling I had stolen her future.

I knew that Sebastian had continued in the mess, pressing harder when things started to unravel with us, but he hadn't meant to hurt me. I just couldn't see him as the villain Fenris wanted me to. Not anymore.

We had fought about him that first night out at sea. Fenris had wanted to come up with a plan for when Sebastian hunted us down. I wanted to let it alone. I hoped and prayed Sebastian would see the truth of the situation and leave us be. Fenris said I was being foolish, but hadn't argued farther once I made him swear he wouldn't kill Sebastian.

It was a year later and still Sebastian hadn't come for us. It wasn't as if he didn't know where we were. Everyone knew where we were. Stupid politics, I grumbled.

There were rumors from Starkhaven. Sebastian was ruling and from the sounds of it, ruling it well. A lot of the fighting had stopped. There were even new rumors that were shocking. He had opened his city state to the mages, allowing them to live freely so long as they registered saying they were mages. I didn't know if it was true, a rumor, or a trap, but maybe he had really heard me. Maybe he had finally found peace about all of this. I hoped it was true. I didn't want him to suffer anymore.

I sighed and stood up as the water grew chilly. I took my time draining the tub and getting dressed. I was fairly certain Fenris had left the house. He nearly always did when we fought, which lately seemed like every time we saw each other.

I made my way through the quiet house to Lea's room. Orana had already put her to bed and was playing a lullaby for her on the lute. I smiled at Orana and quickly laid down next to my daughter who was more toddler than baby anymore. She curled into me, smiling at me sleepily. I knew I was being a coward, but I was going to stay here with her tonight. The only thing Fenris and I agreed on right now was not fighting around Lea. Orana finished the song as Lea drifted to sleep. She whispered goodnight to me and left the room, leaving me alone with the thoughts that plagued me.

Someone was sabotaging the Collective. I had a sinking feeling I knew who it was. I prayed I was wrong, but my gut said I wasn't. I shoved aside the thoughts and looked down at my sleeping daughter. I let her image wash away the pain, anger, and sadness. I drifted to sleep and thankfully didn't dream.

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Fenris

I returned to find Lila missing from the bedroom. I don't know why this surprised me. She had started sleeping in Lea's room more often as our fighting continued. I knew she didn't like to fight with me, but we couldn't seem to find any common ground anymore. It was as if our lives were taking different paths and the more we tried to hold on, the worse things got. Maybe we just needed the break from this life. Maybe we could reconnect at Soldier's Peak.

I had gone and spoken with Zevran about it. He said Kallian was planning on leaving in a week for Soldier's Peak. He was waiting on a group of his men to return from a mission in Orlais so he would be setting out after her. He suggested we send the women up together while we sorted out our men and made the trip after them. It seemed counterproductive to what I was trying to do, but it would take Lila away from the Collective. I had agreed promising to speak with Lila about it tonight. Seemed that was a promise I wasn't going to be able to keep.

I sighed and debated going to Lea's room. She was probably still awake. Lila didn't sleep much anymore. I hesitated torn in indecision, but finally decided that the worst was she asked me to leave. It wasn't any worse than wondering.

I pushed the door open, glad for it's silence. Even though it didn't make a noise, she turned to me. She always knew when I was close by. It used to be a comfort to me, now it was just another annoying habit. She glanced down at Lea and placed a kiss on her head before shifting off the bed and tucking covers around her. She moved slowly through the room to me.

I held my hand out and felt relief as she took it. Maybe she wasn't too angry about the Kirkwall comment. I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her as she shut the door to Lea's room.

She hugged me back and laid her head on my chest. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"I'm sorry for that comment about Kirkwall. I didn't mean it the way it sounded." I whispered back.

She looked up at me, pain clear in her eyes. "I don't want to keep hurting you. I don't know how we got to this point."

"I don't know either." I sighed and lead her down the hall to our room.

"Maybe we just need to start over and pretend earlier never happened." She said as we entered the room. She moved to her vanity and began brushing her hair. "So how was your day?"

I moved to take off my armor. I would humor her. "It was a long day. We had a couple of men come wishing to be tested."

"That's wonderful!" She said smiling at me in the mirror.

"Yes. Seems that elves everywhere have heard about the unit."

"Were they any good?" She asked.

"Surprisingly good for coming from the Amaranthine alienage. You know how the Howe's treated their elves." I answered.

"Not all Howe's are like that. Delilah and Nate are good people." She said turning to look at me.

I frowned at her. Was she really going to start a fight about this? "I am aware of that, Lila." I snapped. She looked down at her hands quickly.

"I'm sorry, Fenris. I didn't mean for that to sound like an accusation." She shook her head. "Maker, we can't even talk about our days without starting a fight."

I moved to her and knelt before her. "Lila, it's not a fight. We're going to be alright."

"Are we?" She asked looking at me.

"Do you still love me?" I asked. We didn't use that word often. Neither of us were very good at the whole emotion thing. Other than anger that is. We were both champions at anger.

She ran her hand through my hair. "Of course I do. I just feel like we're becoming different people. I don't feel like I know you anymore."

"Do you really resent the fact that I am making a name for myself rather than standing in your shadows? Did you want me to stay that bound slave instead?"

She pulled her hands back from me and looked at me sadly. "I can't believe you would even say something like that." She stood up and shoved past me. "All I've ever wanted for you was for you to have a life of your own choosing, Fenris. I wanted you to be happy and find what it was you were looking for. I don't want to be known. This was supposed to be my chance to start over. Our chance to build a new life together."

"And we have." I said standing up to watch her as she paced away from me.

"No, Fenris. You have. I'm still bound by the chains of Kirkwall." She said and leaned against the window, looking out it rather than at me. I could hear the defeat in her voice, but I was too angry to let it go.

"What do you want me to do, Lila? Do you want me to give up my post? Want us to slink off in the middle of the night again? Would running make you happy? Can you only have happiness when your life is chaos and in danger?" I snarled at her.

"You honestly believe that, don't you?" She asked whirling to look at me, eyes bright with unshed tears. Whether they were angry tears or sad tears, I didn't know. "You think I want all that drama? That I like the danger and risk?" She moved forward and glared at me. "I don't! I want peace! I don't want to have to fix everyone's problems! I don't want to be used anymore!" She yelled at me.

"You are still taking risk! You are still fixing other's problems!" I yelled back at her.

"What else am I supposed to do?" She asked taking a step back. "I feel so damned lost and alone. I'm just trying to find a place here."

"You aren't alone. I'm right here." I said moving towards her. "Your place is at my side."

She moved into my arms as I held them out to her. "I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to take risk or have danger around us. I just want peace, Fenris. I want our lives to settle down. I just want it to be like it was before."

"You mean were I was at your beck and call? Where I followed you around like Bandit does?"

"You cannot possibly think that I think like that!" She pulled away from me. "That I would want you to be like that! I love that you've found your place and have a life of your own. I just miss the closeness we had before."

"Is it that, or is it that you aren't my whole world anymore? Maybe you want me to be like Sebastian and cater to your every whim? You be my every thought? Or would you prefer me to be the Sebastian who tried to force you to be someone you didn't want to be?"

"Why are you dragging him into this?"

"You are the one who said you wanted things like they were before." I said and crossed my arms.

"As in how close we were. I don't want you to be anyone but you. Although this you is not really someone I like very much right now. You are being an ass."

"So run back to your crazy prince if you don't like me!"

"Why do you keep bringing him into this?" She snapped looking hurt and confused.

"Because he's haunting everything we do and you don't even want to discuss it. You don't even want to talk about contingencies."

"He hasn't made a move to come after us. Why do you want to continue to harp on this? Fenris, he was being manipulated. Mages used magic and demons to warp him. You of all people should understand what he went through!"

"Meaning because I made a deal with that demon I'm just as bad? Or is it the blood mage who enthralled me that you are referring to?"

"I wasn't meaning it like that. Those weren't your fault either. Can't you see that it wasn't his fault?"

"He didn't have a demon working on him, Lila. Elthina did. Sebastian did it of his own free will." I snapped at her.

"He was being manipulated as well. I don't want to punish him anymore for what happened. He's a victim in it as well."

"You want to protect him."

"It's not him I'm wanting to protect!" She snapped at me.

"Oh, really? What was all the 'swear to me you won't kill him', 'I have to forgive him' crap?"

"It wasn't for him, it was for Lea. He's her father, Fenris! Like it or not, he is. She will have questions about him. I don't want to tell her he died a crazy man at the hands of you!"

"He is not her father! Just because he got you pregnant, doesn't make him her father!" I yelled.

"Fenris, wait! Please, it's not like you're taking it!" She cried and tried to catch me, but I didn't let her. Not this time. I moved to the armoire and turned to look back at her.

"Perhaps we are becoming different people, Lila. Perhaps I don't know you anymore either. What was it you said to Sebastian all the time? Something like, we were in love with an idea, we grew into different people? Is that about right? Maybe we need some space to figure out what we want."

She dropped to her knees and held her hands out to me, but I couldn't back down. "Please don't do this, Fenris. Don't leave me. I want you. I'm sorry. I'll give up the Collective, just don't leave me."

"Kallian is going to Soldier's Peak in a week. She's asked for you to go with her. I think it best if you take Lea and go. Zevran's going to go up later. I'll come with him. We will both have had time to decide what we want because the only thing we can agree on right now is that this isn't it. I'll be staying at the barracks until you leave. Don't come looking for me." I said and quickly tossed things into a pack and left.

I needed time to take care of a problem. Once it was done, things could go back to the way they were before. She would thank me in the end. I would show her the truth of the situation.

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Hawke

I looked up as we exited the tunnels. I felt my mouth fall open at the gorgeous sight of the snow capped keep high upon the hill, mist drifted lazily in the wind, giving way to stunning views of the keep and mountainside. It was so blissfully quiet. I inhaled deeply and glanced over at Kallian who was grinning at me.

"Welcome to my sanctuary of peace and sanity."

"How do you ever leave it?" I asked smiling for the first time since Fenris had walked out on me.

She sighed. "Duty. It's a dirty word." She said scrunching up her nose and motioning me to continue with her as the men with us continued to the keep. Our escorts were Zevran's men. Fenris hadn't even bothered to come and see us off. I shoved aside the painful thought and looked back at my grinning daughter who was staring wide eyed at all the snow and trees.

Orana had panicked at the thought of leaving home again. She hadn't handle mine and Fenris' fight too well. So I had left her behind. Kallian had suggested a sweet elven girl she had grown up with named Nessa to help me with Lea. Nessa and Lea had bonded instantly. I smiled at the girl as she held Lea's hand. Bandit rolled in the snow causing some to slide down to fall at Lea's feet. I crouched down beside her as she bent to touch it.

She looked up at me with eyes wide in wonder. "Mama." She said pointing at the snow.

"I know, little one. It's snow. Isn't it cold?" I said picking some up and letting her poke it in my hand.

She giggled and did a little dance. Maker, I loved this child. I scooped her up and kissed her neck as we began climbing the stairs to the keep. She was too happy looking around to protest my carrying her. Ever since she had learned to walk, she didn't want held anymore.

We were greeted by the family of merchants who made the keep their home, but it wasn't the ordeal that we faced in Denerim. It was more like coming home. I envied Kallian this. We were quickly shown into the keep and settled into our suites.

I spent the afternoon and evening taking care of Lea, giving Nessa the night off as she reconnected with a young man she had a blossoming relationship with. It was nice to be able to focus on Lea. She was so active now it didn't give me time to think about my future or my problems with Fenris. But all too soon she was asleep and I was left alone with questions and doubts.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Kallian asked joining me on my balcony. She handed me a steaming mug of hot chocolate having learned my weakness for the stuff. I sighed before taking a sip.

"He didn't even come to see us off, Kal. He just issued his orders and walked out." I hung my head. "I don't know if I'm madder at him for all of this or myself."

"What do you mean?" She asked climbing up on the railing and watching me as she sipped her own mug.

"I just did as he commanded me to. I even said I would give up the Collective. This last year I've lived it trying to please him. Trying to please the king and advisors. I feel like I'm wearing a mask and costume all the time. I don't know what happened to me." I leaned against the railing and looked over at her. "I'm not the sort of girl who just bows down. So why did when he ordered I jumped to obey?"

"Because you're trying to keep your lives whole. I have a question though. Don't think me rude or trying to cause trouble. I'm your friend and I've seen you struggling. I only want the best for you."

"That didn't sound ominous or anything." I laughed nervously.

"Just hear me out. Why are you the one trying so hard? It seems to me that he's not bending at all to try and make things work."

"He's busy with this new unit and all the responsibility on him. He's not used to being in the spot light and it's been tough."

"Seems to me he's handling all of that just fine. I'm talking about his home life. He's abrupt with you. Gruff and condescending. He finds fault with everything you say. He wasn't like this when you first got here."

"I don't know for sure, but I think he thought things would be different now." I sighed and looked out at the starry sky. "I did too."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I thought I was going to get to just be Lila. I wanted to be a wife and mother. Have a normal life. I thought I would leave behind the mantle of Champion. I didn't know I was going to become a new symbol here. I thought we were going to start over fresh somewhere. Instead he wants to flaunt where we are. I think he wants a fight with Sebastian."

"What did he expect?"

"I think from the way he reacted to my work with the Collective that I would sit by at home. I would be the doll for them to parade about with you when they needed us, but I would stay out of the mage stuff now. Almost like I was going to be a trophy rather than me."

"What are you going to do?" She asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I don't know. I think I have to give up the Collective. They would probably be safer if I did anyway." I said bitterly before I could catch myself. She looked at me sharply.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I chewed my lip for a moment. I didn't want to tell anyone my suspicions, but there was no one I trusted more than Kallian. "I think…he's the one who's been sabotaging the Collective." I whispered. Her eyes widened and she jumped off the railing to stand next to me.

"Are you certain?" She was part of the Collective as well.

"No, but I have a feeling. And there was something in his argument the other night…" I shook my head.

"I really hate feelings. Last one I had about Zev turned out right. I woke up and he was gone. Just a stupid letter and potion to cure the effects of the one he'd drugged me with so I wouldn't wake up before he was too far gone to catch."

"I don't understand why he's acting this way now. I've been taking care of the mages since we met. Well, longer than that, but all the time he's known me I have been. I don't get why it's now an issue."

"Maybe it's just a symptom of a bigger issue." She looked at me sadly. "Maybe it's just something to focus on rather than the fact that the two of you are changing and growing, but not together."

"But I love him." I protested. "He's so good with Lea. And he loves her so much. He has always taken such good care of us."

"Is it good care to make you feel like this? To attack everything you say? Lila, I know that you care about him, but I'm worried about you."

"Fenris would never hurt me."

"I'm not talking physically. I'm talking emotionally." She looked off into the distance. "My mother was a brilliant woman. A lot like you. Strong, independent, strong moral convictions. Always ready to stand up for the underdog."

"Sounds like you." I smiled at her. "She must have been amazing."

"She was. But my father was a different sort of man. He's a good man, don't get me wrong. He really thought he was doing what was best for her, but in the end he crushed her spirit. I think…it's part of why she died."

"What?" I asked turning to look at her worriedly. Kallian rarely spoke of her past.

"He constantly wanted her to change and be safe, more wifely and less daring do-gooder. He pressed and fought with her constantly about all the things she did. She just wanted to make the alienage a little better, but he feared she would be killed. One night they had a huge argument. He made her choose, us or her work. She gave up her work, but it ate at her. Before too long all the love she had for him was gone. She began taking jobs that were too dangerous. Any job offered. Not just ones helping others anymore. She got in over her head and was killed. I think if Father had supported her rather than try and force her, she would still be here. She never would have taken that job if she hadn't been desperate and angry." I squeezed her hand as she wiped tears from her eyes. "You can't change who you are for anyone else. If you do, you will only resent them in the long run."

"That's why you didn't come after Zevran, isn't it?" I asked quietly as we stared out at the night.

"Yes. I knew that he had to do this on his own. I knew if we were ever going to have a chance, then it had to be on our own terms." She looked up at me. "I have no doubt you two care deeply for each other, but I'm afraid that you are both seeing an ideal of the other rather than each other." She caught my hand as I started to pace away. "Please don't be angry, but I have more to say." I nodded to her. "You were both caught up in something horrible and all consuming. Maybe you two clung to each other because you were all the other had. Maybe now that it's over and your both safe to live again, you two aren't compatible anymore."

"I…" I shook my head. I didn't want to even think that. I wasn't going to walk away without trying.

I had shoved Sebastian away the moment things got hard. Granted it had been worse than this. He was drugging me after all. But after everything came to light, I never gave him a chance to explain. I never gave him a chance to see the truth. I just cut him off and forced him out of my life. I wasn't going to do that to Fenris. I was going to try and work it out. I had to. I owed it to him. I owed it to myself.

"I am in no way suggesting you should leave Fenris. Maker forbid! We care a great deal about both of you, but I hate seeing you like this. I just want you to really think about things. I'm here if you need me. I'll even kick his ass with you if you want me to. Besties before testies." She smiled as she elbowed me. I shoved aside the pain of it all and laughed.

"Besties before testies?" I asked.

"Just saying. You're my first friend that isn't a cousin or went through the Blight with me. You're the first person who really knows what I'm going through. No matter what you decide, I'll support you." She squeezed my hand and bid me goodnight, leaving me with much to think on.

-0-

I sat on the ground watching Lea play with Bandit as the two rolled around in the snow. Lea would pile it up on Bandit who would then shake it off, showering her with it. She was giggling nonstop.

The sight of them soothed some of the nagging ache I felt about Fenris' continued absence and silence. We had been here over a month and there had been no word from him. Zevran wrote to Kallian at least once a week. Things were going on with Orlais right now, so he was busy keeping the king appraised of the situation so he hadn't been able to join us. I assumed Fenris was staying for the same reason, but he never sent word one way or the other.

I was shamed to admit it, but I didn't miss him like I thought I would. I had found peace here for this first time since we had left Kirkwall. There was no fighting or arguing. I was able to just be me. I wasn't constantly trying to please anyone else.

I found myself thinking less of him and more of Sebastian. Lea reminded me so much of him lately. Sebastian had the same big laugh she did. Every now and then she would make a face so like him I was shocked that I hadn't realized sooner who her father was. She had his peaceful spirit. At least the peacefulness and joy he had possessed when I had first met him.

My mind was walking a dangerous path lately. Wondering if I had done the right thing about him or not. Should I have listened to him? If I had given him a chance to speak, would he have stopped with the potions? Had they only been the last resort of a man desperate for his child?

I thought of how I would feel if someone hadn't let me know Lea, let another woman raise her as her own. I would have done anything to get her back. Could I fault him for his actions? I had left him no choice really.

I pulled myself away from the thoughts as I heard the sound of someone arriving. I rushed to the gate, leaving Lea and Bandit under the watchful eyes of Nessa. I had hoped it would be Fenris, but it was one of Zevran's men. I moved to Kallian's side as he handed her a letter from Zevran.

"A meeting had been called by the king. All his advisors were called in. Zevran didn't want you to worry about him so he sent a message. He said he would be with you tomorrow or the next day." The man said bowing to her.

"Thank you for that." She glanced at me worriedly before she turned back to him. "Did Captain Freeman send word?"

He glanced at me and away quickly. "No, my lady. There had been no word from him, but the king did summon all his advisors and the heads of the guards to him." I started to walk away when he called out to me. "But Zevran did wish me to pass on some information to you, Mistress Hawke. He said you had been inquiring about Starkhaven and the rumors from there."

"And you have word?" I asked turning back to him.

"I do, Mistress. I am just returned from there. I accompanied Advisor Wynne who was meeting with other Circle representatives and the Prince of Starkhaven." He nodded. "The king feared it might be a trap and asked Zevran to send men to accompany her."

"And was it?" I asked quickly. I had to know how he was doing. What he was really doing.

"No, Mistress. He is sincere in his efforts to make things peaceful in his city-state. He gave us full tours of the Hawke Academy and answered all their questions about Lea's Law."

"Hawke Academy? Lea's Law?" I asked. Kallian clasped my hand as I felt myself grow shaky. She pulled me to the wall and sat me down on it. The man moved with us and waited until she motioned him to continue.

"Yes, Mistress. Lea's Law is a law protecting the mages right to live freely. They sign a register allowing all to know that they are mages, and as such they are protected from the people. It has given them the same rights as the rest of us. It also forbids a mage born child from being taken from their parents. All mages agree to learn to use their powers properly and swear to serve Starkhaven, in exchange they are protected from the templars and angry mobs. The people aren't allowed to persecute them just for being mages anymore. If they are targeted as such, there are stiff penalties now."

"And Hawke Academy?" Kallian asked as I tried to absorb all of this. He had made mages equal. He had created a law to protect them. He had named the law after Lea.

"It's what they've turned the Circle into. He was showing it to the different representatives to bring back to their own Circles for consideration."

"But the Circle there burnt to the ground." I said trying to focus on what the man was saying.

"It had, but it's been rebuilt. Prince Sebastian stripped some nobles of their estates around it. They had plotted against him and his family from the rumors. He took the estates and had the area rebuilt. It is still a tower, but there is more than just the tower now. It's grounds are beautiful. I would say that it rivals the palace with it's beauty."

"And it's a school?" I asked confused by this.

"More than a school. It's a school for mages to learn their skills. It's like the Circles were, but once the students pass their Harrowing, they sign the register and are allowed to live however they choose. It's not just for magic users. It is open to any who wish to learn. The prince said if non mages learned about magics and the mages they would understand that they weren't all to be feared. He said they were all the Maker's children and it was time for the slavery of them to end. He said the Maker said magic wasn't meant to rule men, but that didn't mean that mages should be treated as criminals."

"He said this?" I asked glad I was sitting down. He had heard me.

"He did, Mistress. When he learned that we were from Ferelden he invited us to dine with him. Wynne asked him much about it. He said a woman he cared for deeply had awoken him from his blindness and once he had seen it, he couldn't allow it to continue. He said that he had a daughter who stood a chance of being a mage and he didn't want a world that she couldn't thrive in." The man moved closer to me and looked at me sadly. "He said he had named the law for his daughter and the academy for the woman who had inspired it. He said he owed them more than he could ever make up for, but this was the least he could start with. He asked after the both of you."

"And what did you tell him?" Kallian asked as I stared at the ground willing the tears to stop. He had found the truth. Not only about our situation, but even about the mages. He had created a world that not only made them safe, but embraced them. And he had done it for us.

"We told him that they were doing well. We weren't sure what to say." He answered. "I am sorry that I've upset you, Mistress. Zevran felt it important that you know the truth of it. He said it would ease your mind."

"And it has." I nodded to him. He gave me a relieved smile and spoke with Kallian a bit more before he left.

"Lila?" Kallian called quietly.

"He did all of that for us. He's really changed, Kal. He's found the truth just as I prayed he would." I said looking over at her.

"This is good, isn't it?" She asked.

"It is, but…"

"But?" She asked.

"I have much to think on. Would you tell Nessa that I've gone to my room? If she needs me…"

"I'll let her know. Lila, I'm sure Fenris is just being held up with Alistair." She called as I started away.

"Fenris isn't much on writing letters. Don't worry, Kal. I'm not going to do anything rashly." I promised and forced a smile. I didn't want to think about Fenris' continued silence. It still stung, but not as much as it had at first. Maybe my heart was just toughing up. Or maybe it was a sign that something was seriously wrong with us. I hurried to my room. I had a decision to make.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sebastian

I stared out at the rapidly approaching shoreline. Soon I was going to be with them. I turned back to the severely creased letter in my hand. I had almost given up hope of ever seeing them. My letters had been unanswered for over a year now, but then out of the blue…

'Sebastian,

I have heard the rumors from Starkhaven as well as read your letters. I want to make amends with you as well. I was wrong to keep you from Lea. Please come to Ferelden so we can discuss what happens next.

As you are aware, if you were to dock in Denerim and announce your presence, we would not have the chance to do this privately. I know it's a lot to ask, but would you be willing to secretly enter Ferelden and meet with me outside of Denerim? Bring your guards with you. I wouldn't want you to feel like you were walking into a trap. I just want a chance to meet with you privately. I don't want Lea exposed to the whole of Ferelden like she would be if we tried to do this properly.

If you are willing there is an old cove just north of Denerim that allows a ship to dock next to the shore. It would keep you completely hidden from view of the city. Sail in at night and none will ever have to know that you were here like this. I will be waiting in the forest there. I'll keep watch for your ship. After we have worked this out between us, we can announce your presence.

Thank you so much for understanding. I have missed you, Sebastian. Forgive me for not writing you sooner.

Lila'

I refolded the letter and slipped it back into my pouch. Brendan, the head of my guards, moved to my side. He glanced at me before turning back out to the sea. Evening was approaching. We would drop anchor and wait now.

"I don't like this, sire." He said not looking at me. We had been having this argument since I had first received the letter.

"Lila is many things, Brendan, but she isn't cruel. She would never set me up like this. She's reaching out."

"Why all the secrecy?" He pressed turning to face me.

"She's always hated the people pressing around her. She doesn't like to be known. She's only ever wanted peace and quiet."

"This feels like a trap." He shook his head.

"She would never do that."

"I will obey you, Prince Sebastian. I just worry that your love for her has clouded your judgment."

"I appreciate your concern, Brendan, but it's going to be fine. Trust in the Maker."

He bowed his head to me. "As you wish, sire." He then left me alone with my thoughts of my beloved Lila and Lea. It felt good to call her Lila. She had always been Hawke to me before, but now…now she was Lila.

I was still in love with her. I still desperately wanted that life I had dreamed of with her. But I had seen the truth of everything now. I knew how much I had hurt her. I knew that what I had done was unforgivable, yet she had said she did forgive me. Even when I had persisted in my ways, she had forgiven me. She was a beautiful person who I had wronged greatly. I just wanted the chance to make things right, though I wasn't sure how to go about that.

I wanted to hope that she had written me wanting to be with me, but the letter hadn't really suggested that. What she had said was she was sorry for not letting me see Lea. I would do as much or as little as she wanted. I was so thankful she was giving me this chance to make things up to her. Even if she didn't want me, I would still be able to apologize and see my daughter.

We moved into the cove under the darkness of night and waited for the dawn. Brendan was still angry about the situation, but I had faith that it would work out as it should. Lila would never hurt me. No matter what I had done to her, she had never wanted me hurt.

We moved into the forest and found a clearing. Surely this is where she would want to meet. My men were nervous and tense as the sun rose in the sky. I turned as I heard movement in the trees. My smile fell as Fenris moved out of the shadows.

"See, your Majesty. It is as I told you." He said watching me with a slight smirk.

"I had hoped it wasn't true." King Alistair said stepping out to stand beside him. "I had hoped the man Wynne spoke so highly of wasn't capable of the things Captain Freeman had told me, but seems I was mistaken. Guards, arrest the prince and his men."

"There is a misunderstanding here. I was told to meet Lila Hawke here. She…"

"Lies!" Fenris snarled and moved to me. "My wife would never speak with you."

"Wife?" I asked stunned and took a step back. She had married him? She had deceived me. I felt the grief of it all crush me. I had ruined Lila. Just as she used to say she had ruined me. I had drove her to this. I held my hand out when my men drew their weapons. We were surrounded and in their lands. We had no rights to be here. "Lay down your arms." I turned to Alistair. "I will surrender if you allow my men to leave."

"I'm afraid I can't do that. This is an act of war, Sebastian. Invading my lands is not something I will show leniency on." He turned to his men. "Arrest them. Secure them in Fort Draken while I summon a Landsmeet to decide what to do with them." Alistair looked away from me sadly and then slapped Fenris on the shoulder. "Ferelden is in your debt, Captain Freeman."

"It was a pleasure to serve my king." Fenris said openly smirking at me as Alistair moved off with his personal guards. Fenris slapped the irons on my wrist himself.

"How could she do this to me? I said I would leave them alone, yet she still didn't believe me?" I asked looking at the man who had once been my friend.

"As if we ever even believed a word you said. All of this was just another trap to take them."

"I meant it, Fenris. I am sorry for all that I've put you and them through. I didn't want to see the truth of it, but I have now. I thought…"

He laughed. "You thought what? She was going to choose you now? That she was going to walk away with you? After all you've done to her, she doesn't even want to see you." He shoved me as the others secured and moved my men. "Lets go. We don't want to keep the king waiting."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Hawke

I moved to the gate and stood with Kallian. The guards had alerted us to a group approaching. She rushed to Zevran the moment he entered our sight. They embraced and kissed. It warmed my chilled heart that Fenris' continued silence had effectively put on ice. I glanced around the men with Zevran, no longer hoping to find him. I wasn't disappointed to see him absent. No longer was I hurt. I was just angry.

They whispered animatedly as they moved towards me. Each casting worried glances my way, but I was already resolved to this. I had known that he wasn't going to come. Things were over between us. All that was left was making it official.

"Lila…" Zevran started, but I held up my hand.

"Let me guess, he was held up."

"He has been busy. He and Alistair were going over something."

"Did he send any message?" I asked.

"He asked that you stay here until he sends for you." He looked at Kallian. "I am sorry, Lila."

"Don't be. I am past the point of hurting about this."

"Lila, don't do anything in anger. You can still work this out." Kallian said watching me sadly.

"No, Kal. We can't. He's not willing to bend at all. And this time away from him has shown me that I am not willing to live a half life anymore. Would you mind if I left Lea and Bandit here with Nessa while I go and settle our things?"

"Of course." Kallian said and squeezed my hand.

"Where are you going to go?" Zevran asked.

"For now, probably to Bethany's. Maybe I'll even take us back to Kirkwall. Varric has been inviting us to come and stay."

"You are welcome here or our estate in Denerim." Kallian said and Zevran nodded his agreement.

"He's a fool to treat you as such, but I do believe he loves you." Zevran said.

"I think he loved an idea of me. I am not now, nor will I ever be that docile and dutiful wife he expects me to be."

"Lila…" Kallian started, but I didn't wait to hear them out. Fenris and I had drug this out long enough. It was past time to put a stop to it. He deserved more and so did I.

I packed my things and hurried away from the peaceful retreat from reality, but it was time to return. I glanced back one last time before I made my way through the tunnels. Without the others the trip would only take half a day if I walked. But there was a wonderful surprise waiting at the end of the tunnels. Zevran had left some men there, but more important, they had a horse saddled and ready for me. I wasn't sure if he had signaled them somehow or he just knew me that well, but I wasn't going to dwell on it. Now I could be to Denerim and back in one day.

-0-

When I reached the outskirts of Denerim, I heard whispering. I was hoping to bypass Denerim completely and just go home, but something was happening. I finally managed to find Aveline in the commotion.

"Hawke? What are you doing here?" She asked and looked around nervously. "Fenris said you were staying in Soldier's Peak."

"I was. But I got sick of being on hold while he lived his life." I snapped. She looked at me puzzled, but I waved her off. "What's going on?"

"Hawke, I think it would be best if you just went back to Soldier's Peak. Give Fenris a couple more days and then he'll come so you two can talk."

"Aveline, I swear if you don't tell me what's going on right this minute, I'm going to cause a scene."

She sighed heavily. "And you would too. Fine. We didn't want you to find out like this, but…Sebastian was caught sneaking around Denerim. Fenris had gotten word in that he was up to something and they have been watching for him."

"What? But he's not done anything in over a year! And he set up all that Lea's Law and the academy and…why?"

"Well…it looks like he was going to invade Ferelden. We aren't really sure what he was doing. He's refused to say anything since we've had him in prison." She shook her head. "It's not good, Hawke. We wanted to spare you this."

"Let me see him." I demanded. Why couldn't he just let things alone? Why did he have to come after us now? Just when I had started to really think that maybe he deserved a chance to know Lea.

"Hawke…"

"Aveline, don't argue. I'll just break in if you don't."

"Fine. But you won't have long. If Fenris finds out, he'd rip out all of our hearts."

She lead me to the Fort and told the guards to let me see him. I had worn the hood of my cloak up as we made our way through Denerim. It wouldn't do any of us any good for me to be seen going here. I didn't want anyone to know I was back until I had figured out what was going on. Aveline swore she wouldn't tell anyone and left me alone to make my way to the man who was the father of my child.

-0-

"How could you do this? How could you make Lea's Law and Hawke Academy and still come here like this? Was it all a ruse? Were you planning on tearing apart Ferelden in your hunt for Anders and myself?" I demanded looking at Sebastian as he sat on the cell floor.

He looked up at me sharply. "You are really one to talk about ruses! Sending me that letter, tricking me to come here. Then having your husband arrest me. I suppose if I was being a proper gentleman I would congratulate you on your union, but forgive me for not feeling very gentlemanly right now." He said and stood up.

"Union? Letter? What are you talking about?"

"Your marriage to Fenris. The letter you sent me asking me to come here so we could work out our differences. You told me where to meet you and begged me not to go through the proper channels so we could avoid the fanfare, but really you were just setting me up so it would look like I was invading Ferelden. If you had wanted me dead so badly there were easier ways to go about it." He said and hung his head defeatedly.

"Sebastian, I've not sent you a letter. I was planning on it, but I was waiting until I could end things with Fenris properly before I reached out to you."

"More lies, Lila?" He scoffed. "Brendan warned me, but I would never have believed you capable of these things. I believed in you, Lila. I thought after all my letters to you, you would have realized I was sincere in my apologies. I only wanted to do whatever you wanted so I could make this right for you and Lea."

"Sebastian, I've not had a word from you since that night on the docks of Kirkwall. I don't know what letters you keep talking about."

"You are going to deny my letters? One for each month that you've been gone." He said moving closer to the cell door. He then pulled out a creased paper and shoved it at me. "Here. Maybe this will refresh your memory to the letter you sent me."

I took the paper and read it. I looked up at him shocked. That wasn't my writing. It was Fenris'. "This isn't mine. I didn't write this."

He snatched it back from me. "And I'm supposed to believe that now? What game are you playing Lila? You've already won. They are going to behead me."

"No!" I said and held onto the bars. What had Fenris done?

"Lila, please. This is too hard for me. I thought that maybe we could find a way to be at least friends again. My heart is broken with the knowledge of this all. Please don't make this worse."

"Sebastian, why didn't you give them the letter? Why are you just quietly accepting all of this?" I asked. I had to find so way to spare him from this. I wasn't going to let him be killed because Fenris wouldn't let go of a fight long since over.

He reached out and cupped my cheek, lightly running his thumb over it. "Because no matter what you've done to me, I've done so much worse to you. I love you, Lila. I never want to see you hurt. This letter would be considered treason. It was sent with the purpose of starting a war between our kingdoms. You would be killed if I gave it to them. I would rather die than let that happen." He started to pull back, but I laid my hand over his. He looked at me stunned, but then his eyes softened.

I felt tears run down my cheeks. He loved me. He truly did. So much so that even when he thought I had betrayed him, he was willing to die in my place. Why had I ever believed that he was anything other than a good man? He hadn't wanted to hurt me. He was just afraid. His actions were horrible and wrong, but he loved me. No matter what.

"Don't cry, Lila. I'm at peace with the Maker. I will face my death bravely."

"You aren't going to die, Sebastian. I won't allow it." I placed a kiss on his hand and took a step back. "I swear to you I didn't write that letter and I've never seen the ones you say you wrote. I'll find a way to get you freed. I promise."

"Lila, it was Fenris, wasn't it?" He called stopping me as I went to the door.

I looked back at him sadly. "I can't let this hurt him either. No matter what he's done now, he's always taken care of Lea and me."

"I don't want to see your husband hurt either." He said and swallowed hard.

"Fenris isn't my husband. We were engaged, but we…well, things have been bad between us for a while now. I was coming here to speak with him when I heard the news of your capture."

"Lila?" He called as I started off again. I turned back to look at him. "Would you…want to go with me if I…when I leave? I won't ever pressure you again for anything more than you want, but I would like to get a chance to know you and Lea."

"She deserves to know her father and how much he loves her." I said watching him. Hope bloomed in his eyes. Maker I had made a mess of things, but I was going to make it right. "I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance before now."

"I didn't deserve a chance before."

"We can talk about this later. Right now I have to figure out how to save you without condemning him."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Fenris

I made my way home. Secure in my plans. Sebastian was to be killed tomorrow. I would see him dead and then head to Soldier's Peak. Lila would have calmed down enough by now that she would be willing to do whatever I asked of her. I knew I would need to placate her with my long absence and silence, but we would be wed shortly and all would be in the past. With the threat of Sebastian no longer hanging over our head, we could finally have peace and enjoy this life.

I entered the house and saw Orana standing there wringing her hands nervously. We had gotten closer during this time away from Lila and Lea. I found that I liked the gentle and quiet girl.

"What is it?" I asked moving to her. She glanced up the stairs and then back at me.

"It's Mistress. She's back and angry. I tried to stop her, but she wouldn't listen to me."

"Lila's back? Why would you stop her?" I asked confused.

"She's in your study. She said something about letters. I knew you didn't want her finding them, but I couldn't stop her." She said glancing worriedly up the stairs.

"It's alright, Orana. This isn't your fault." I said and hurried up the stairs. Lila was sitting at my desk, my drawer opened and a stack of letters in her hand. She looked up at me, tears coursing down her cheeks. Her eyes hardened and turned cold as she saw me standing there.

"What happened to we each needed a space of our own?" I demanded hoping to buy myself time to explain before she grew angry enough to not listen.

"Do not even try that with me, Fenris! It might have worked on me a month ago, but not now. Too much time apart gave me clarity."

"It was supposed to, Lila. It was supposed to show you that you missed me. That you missed our life."

"Well, then it backfired on you, Fenris. I discovered how unhappy I've been. How I've been walking on eggshells afraid of upsetting you. Well, no more. I hate it here. I hate being your and Ferelden's pet. I don't want to live like this anymore."

"Lila, calm down. I know I should have sent word sooner, but things have been crazy here." I tried again.

"Yes, I bet it has. It's hard work scheming so much, isn't it?"

"Scheming?" I asked as she waved the letters at me.

"How could you keep these from me? How could you read these and still say he was a threat?"

"He was a threat! You just don't want to see the trap of it all!"

"Trap? You are the one who's trapped him! They are going to kill him, Fenris!" She yelled at me.

"What are you talking about?" I asked feeling my blood go cold. She had seen him. She had to have if she knew about the letters he had written and the one I had sent him.

"Do not play stupid with me! I found out what happened and went to see him. He showed me the letter. He hasn't given it to them because he didn't want me killed for treason. How could you do that!" She yelled at me as she stalked around the desk to me.

"How could I not? He's being trying to worm his way back into our life. You refused to see reason, so I had to take matters into my own hands. How could you go and see him? Why didn't you stay where I told you to?"

"Where you told me to?" She yelled. "I am not your child to be ordered around, Fenris! I went to see him because I was confused. I didn't understand why he would do this after all he's done in Starkhaven. I'm going to assume you know about Lea's Law and the academy."

"I do, but can't you see it's just another trick?" I pleaded with her. I was going to lose her. No, I had already lost her. It should hurt more. I remembered the pain of that thought when I had nearly walked out on her when we had first gotten together. This didn't hurt like that. Mainly I felt anger and irritation. And deep down, I felt relief.

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I hope you don't truly think that way. I hope that you can see that people change, Fenris." She opened her eyes up and they were sad as they watched me. "I hope that you won't let the past dictate you anymore. Not Sebastian or Danarius. You are free, Fenris. Embrace your new life and stop seeking the past to entrap you."

"Lila, you should know that the past never stays in the past."

"It would have this time if you had let it." She moved past me and grabbed a pack that was sitting by the door.

"Where are you going?" I demanded.

"To fix this mess once and for all. I'm sorry it's ending like this, Fenris, but it's for the best. I wish you happiness and health. Don't come looking for us. Let's end this cleanly and try to remember each other with fondness rather than hate."

"You're going back to him! After all of this, you are going to walk back into the arms of that madman!" I yelled at her, seething with anger at the thought of losing to him.

"I am going to go with him. He deserves the chance to get to know Lea. As for going back into his arms…I am still getting over you. No matter how it's ended, I did love you, Fenris." She looked at me over her shoulder then. "A part of me always will. Thank you for all you have done for us." She moved to me and placed a kiss on my cheek. "I'm sorry."

I caught her hand and held it a moment. I knew I could force her to stay. If I begged she would. She didn't want to hurt me either. I could cave just a bit and we could find middle ground, but I didn't want to back down. I didn't want to be someone I wasn't anymore either. I had found my place, and she couldn't be part of it. I had to let her go.

"I'm sorry as well." She smiled a teary smile and nodded.

"Take care of Orana for me." I nodded to her and turned away. I couldn't watch her go. I hung my head as I heard the door shut. Silence filled the house for a while before I heard Orana's quiet steps on the threshold.

"Master?" She asked.

"She's gone, Orana. And I am not your master."

"Are you alright, Ma…Fenris?" She asked. I turned to look at her.

"I will be." I knew it was true now. Lila and I weren't meant for each other. We each wanted something different. I had tried to hold onto her, but she couldn't be who I wanted her to be anymore than she could have been who Sebastian wanted her to be. I did love her and Lea, but we weren't right for each other. Deep down I had always known this.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Hawke

I had fled the house with only what we would most need. I found one of Zevran's men and sent him to Soldier's Peak with a plea for them to bring Lea to me as soon as possible. I then made my way to the palace and bullied my way into getting a meeting with the king.

He motioned me into his study once they announced me. He raised his brow at me and pointed to the seat. "I've never known you to use your status as Champion before."

"Desperate times, your Majesty." I said in way of apology. I didn't take the chair though. I was too worked up to sit.

"I'm going to assume this has something to do with the Prince of Starkhaven." He said after a few moments of watching me.

"It does, sire. I am here to beg you to release him."

He leaned back in his chair and watched me. "And why would I do that?"

"Because he didn't come here to invade Ferelden. He came here after his daughter."

"His daughter?" Alistair asked. We had told no one outside of our group that Lea wasn't Fenris'. I was sure some assumed or had heard the rumors, but we hadn't felt the need to go into it.

"Yes, sire. Lea is his daughter. It is a long and complicated story, but he came here hoping that we could work out our differences. He didn't mean to do things to deceive you."

"Yet he felt the need to sneak into Ferelden."

"He was doing that to protect Lea and myself. He was hoping to avoid making a scene as we worked out or problems. He wanted to keep Lea safe, as did I. Please, sire, I beg you, don't kill him for this. We can avoid war if you release him."

"And what guarentee would I have that he wouldn't just try it again? Or worse, retaliate if your story is true."

"My story is true, sire. And he won't because I am taking our daughter and leaving with him."

Alistair looked at me sadly. "So you and Fenris couldn't work things out?"

"No, sire. I'm afraid we grew into different people." I said feeling uncomfortable discussing this with a man who was a virtual stranger to me.

"I had hoped you two could." He sighed and leaned on his desk for a moment. "If you and Sebastian will sign a peace treaty vowing your aid to Ferelden should we call upon you, and he swears to never return here without announcement or invitation, I will allow him to leave."

I rushed around the desk and hugged him. "We will. Thank you, your Majesty!"

"Speak with the prince first. If he agrees, then I will let you all leave tonight. Will it be possible?"

"It will. I've sent for Lea, sire. I know he will sign it. Thank you for this."

"And you are sure this is what you want, Lila?" He asked stopping me at the door.

"It is, sire."

"Then Maker's blessings on your path."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Sebastian

"You're all acting as if this is a funeral." Lila laughed as she stood facing the group who had come to see her off. I tried to stay back by the gangplank, allowing her this time with her family and friends. I still couldn't believe she was coming back with me.

When she had reappeared in the prison it was as if she had brought the sun with her. Her words to me were a balm to my wounded soul. I hadn't realized the cost of my freedom until she had been forced to sign a treaty as well. She had given me a smile that might have fooled the king and his advisors, but I saw her pain in it.

"Well, you are leaving with the man who vowed to tear apart all of Kirkwall to find us." Anders said eyeing me angrily.

"I was wrong to say that. You have no need to fear me, Anders. Elthina would not want me to kill you to avenge her. She once said death was never justice."

"Sebastian isn't going to hurt us. We will be just fine. You all know me. I always land on my feet." Lila teased and hugged the mage tightly. "Take care of yourself, Anders."

"And you take care of you and my niece. You can always come back. The king only forbid Sebastian from returning."

"I know." Lila answered and turned to Aveline.

"Are you certain about this? You could just move in with us if you need a place to go." Aveline said watching me a moment before looking at Lila.

"I am sure. Sebastian isn't the same man he was when we left Kirkwall."

"I will always support you. Even when I question your decisions." Aveline said and hugged her tightly. She then moved to me. "I am trusting you with my family. Know that there will be no place for you to hide if you hurt either of them. You will wish Fenris had found you before I am done with you."

"I understand, Aveline. I will do my best to ensure their safety and happiness." I vowed. She gave me a sharp nod and moved to stand with her husband.

"I can't believe you're going to leave me." The tiny elven woman who was called the Hero of Ferelden said embracing Lila. Another elven woman and Zevran stood with her holding my daughter. I had held my tongue and stayed back though I longed to hold the tiny beauty who was looking around at everyone with a puzzled look on her little face. Maker she looked like her mother. But there was something of my mother in her as well.

"You can always come and see me. And it's not like it's forever." Lila said as tears came to her eyes.

"All of you are welcome any time. My home is yours." I added.

Lila gave me a small smile before turning back to woman. "I'll miss you so much. Will you please see that Bethany gets these?" She asked handing her a package.

"I will. I'll also have a ship made ready for her when she is ready to come and see you." Zevran said moving to stand next to the woman. He clasped Lila's hand. "If you need anything, Lila, we are only a short trip away."

Lila hugged him tightly. "I know. Thank you. All of you. But don't be sad. This is what I want. Lea will get to know Sebastian, and I will get to start over. Maybe even fix my past mistakes." Lila said looking at me. Lila took Lea from the elven girl and hugged her. "Thank you for taking care of Lea."

"It has been my pleasure, Champion." The girl placed a kiss on Lea's cheek. Lea smiled at her and waved.

"Bye bye." She said with a bright smile.

Lila laughed and placed a kiss on her cheek. "That's right, little one. We're going bye bye."

"Boat." Lea said pointing at the ship behind us.

"We're going to go on the boat." Lila told Lea who beamed at her. She then smiled at me.

"Hi." She said waving at me. I moved forward and everyone tensed except Lila.

"Lea, this is Sebastian." She said giving me an apologetic smile. "We'll find someway to explain it to her later, but it would just confuse her right now." She explained. I nodded and stared into the face of my daughter.

"May I hold you, Lea?" I asked. She paused for a minute studying me, but then held her hands out to me. I took her from Lila and settled her in my arms. I thought my heart would explode as she looked up at me. She ran a hand through my hair and then tugged one of her pigtails.

"Hair. Mine." She said smiling at me.

"We do have similar hair." I nodded to her. She beamed at me and clapped her little hands together.

"Say bye to everyone little one. We need to get going." Lila said moving to us.

"You weren't going to tell me bye?" Fenris asked appearing behind the others. They all parted ways. Lila's hand tightened on my arm a moment, but she forced a smile and moved towards him.

"I wasn't sure you would come." She said quietly. He took her hand watching me as I held Lea.

"I wasn't sure I could." He said turning to face her. He cupped her face in his hand. "Are you sure? You can keep the house if you want to be away from me. You don't have to leave Ferelden."

She stepped back and held his hand in hers. "Yes, I do. I'm going to be alright."

"Lila, I never meant for things to get so bad between us."

"Neither did I. I am happy for you, Fenris. You've found a life that you love. There's just no room for me in it."

"I can make room." He said looking down at her.

"But neither of us would be happy. Let's part now while we can still be friends." She gave him a sad smile.

"May I tell Lea goodbye?" He asked.

"Of course." Lila answered and lead him to us. I didn't want to hand her over, but I had little choice as she reached for him.

"Goodbye, little one. Be good for Mommy." He said hugging her close.

"Luv Fen." Lea said and kissed his cheek.

"And Fen loves you."

Lea pointed at the ship. "Boat." She said happily.

"You're getting to go on the boat." Fenris nodded to her.

"You?" She asked cocking her head to the side and looking at him. A pout was starting.

"Not this time, little one." Fenris said and handed her to Lila. He stroked her head and smiled at her. "No matter what, Lea, I will always love you." He turned to Lila. "Should either of you ever need anything…"

"You too." She said nodding to him.

"I will have the rest of your things crated up and shipped to you." He glanced at me. "I suppose to the palace in Starkhaven."

"If we aren't there, I will leave word with where to send them. Take care of yourself, Fenris. I'm honored to have been part of your life and seeing the man you've become."

"The honor has been mine." He turned to me and the anger was barely contained in his eyes. "Hurt them and I will finish what we started so long ago." He snarled.

"I never wanted to hurt them. I know I have done nothing but that, but I swear I will do everything in my power to see that they are never hurt again. Thank you for taking care of them, Fenris. You did what I could not, and for that I will always be grateful to you. Thank you for giving me this chance now."

"I didn't do it for you." He said glancing at Lila and Lea who were both watching us. Lila looked slightly worried, and Lea was pouting.

Lila moved towards me as Fenris stepped back. He gave her a nod. She looked back at the others one last time before she called for Bandit. He bound to her and looked at me questioningly. "It's alright, Bandit. Sebastian isn't an enemy." She said quietly. She handed Lea back to me and waved to the others as we started up the gangplank.

I held my daughter who blew kisses at all the people left on the dock before snuggling close to me. Lila didn't look back at her friends, she just moved to the front of the ship and stood at the rails. I cast one look back and then moved to the front of the ship after her.

"Are you alright?" I asked. Lea's eyes were growing heavy as she laid her head on my shoulder.

Lila smiled up at me after looking at Lea. "I will be. I should go and put her down for a nap. She missed hers earlier so it's going to be a long night."

"I can do it. If you don't mind, I mean." I said quickly. I wasn't sure how much of a role she was going to let me have with her. She gave me a smile and it eased some of my nerves.

"You are her father, Sebastian. How about we do it together? Then you will know what to do next time." I smiled and nodded. Next time. I liked the sound of that a lot.

-0-

Five Years Later

I took the letter from Bethany and made my way to the gardens. Lila had the children out there as she waited for me. We were going on our afternoon ride when the children went in. Lea for her music lessons, Lucas and Malcolm, our two year old twins named after my grandfather and Lila's father, for their nap.

It had taken two years for us to build back our relationship. Lila had needed time to find a life for herself before she was ready to move onto a new relationship. I had named her my advisor and gave her a separate wing in the palace. There was no one's opinion I valued more than Lila's.

She had proven what I had always thought, she would make an excellent ruler. She was fair and compassionate. She hadn't been raised as a noble so didn't care about the nobilities airs. She put everyone at ease with her friendliness. She saw things from a different point of view and wasn't afraid to challenge anyone who might oppose her. Starkhaven had thrived with her at my side.

We had become friends. Good friends. Slowly learning all about the other. My love for her had grown daily as I learned how truly amazing she was.

I had feared she would never feel the same for me, but one night after we had put Lea to bed, she had kissed me. It was quick and timid. She had looked at me worriedly. I had crushed her to me, kissing her with all the pent up emotions that I had harbored for so long now. We had spent the rest of the night discussing things. By morning we had decided that we were ready to be married.

I used every resource at my disposal to prepare a quick wedding that was fit for a princess. I had worried about Lila taking up that role. Not because I thought she wouldn't do a splendid job, but because I knew how much she hated the title of Champion. She had curled into my side when I had voiced my concern.

"Sebastian, some titles don't have to be a bad thing. Though I would be happy if I didn't have the title, I don't mind it. I'll have you to share the burden with. I promise I will do everything I can to make you proud of me. I will serve Starkhaven as if I was born here." She had vowed looking up at me, worry darkening her eyes. "Unless you don't want this anymore. You don't have to marry me to keep Lea in your life."

I had hugged her tightly and kissed her, hoping to show her how much I wanted her. She melted back into my side and sighed. "I love you, Lila. I, and Starkhaven, will be fortunate to have you as our princess." And we had been.

I paused as I spotted them. Lila was holding a stick in one hand as was Lea. Lila was showing her the proper way to swing it while Malcolm and Lucas cheered them on and dug in the dirt. I moved out to them when Lila spotted me. She gave me a smile and laid the stick down.

"Daddy's here." She said causing all of them to stop what they were doing. Lea dropped her stick and ran for me. My darling daughter was the image of her mother except for her curls that refused to stay contained in the braid she was wearing. I caught her up and swung her around.

"Daddy, can I please learn archery now? Mom says I'm still too young." She pouted.

"No. I said you were too young to do it while your brothers were out here. I told you I would discuss it with your father tonight." Lila said as she moved to us. Malcolm and Lucas clung to my legs.

"We can discuss this tonight, Lea." I said and kissed her cheek. I sat her down and hugged my two dirty boys to me. They left a dirt trail on my white tunic, but I didn't care. I was far too much in love with my family to care. "Have you two been good?" I asked and smiled as Lucas nodded proudly and Malcolm looked away guiltily. Malcolm was far more mischievous than Lucas. Lucas tended to follow him into whatever it was, but it wasn't so willingly.

"There was a slight mishap in the kitchens, but nothing earth shattering." Lila said and kissed their cheeks as she hugged Lea to her. "Look, Ana and Linda are here. Nap time and music." Lila said as the children's tutor and nanny appeared. All three put up a protest, but eventually they were all settled and we were left alone. "Is everything alright?" Lila asked as we moved through the gardens towards the stables.

"Of course." I answered quickly. I didn't want to tell her what Bethany had written me. I didn't want to upset her. But I had also vowed to never keep anything from her again. I would never break my vow to her. She looked at me worriedly and pulled to a stop.

"Sebastian, what is it?"

I sighed. "I had hoped to save this for after the ride, but I suppose it's best to just get it over with." I pulled her to a bench and sat down.

"You're scaring me. What is it?" She asked as I tried to figure out how to tell her.

"I received a letter from Bethany."

"Oh, Maker! She's alright, isn't she? Carver and Keran?" She asked hurriedly, clasping onto my arm. Carver was their four year old son.

"Yes, they're all fine." I hurried to assure her. She took a steady breath and loosened her grip on my arm. "She just sent word that she was afraid would upset you."

"What?" Lila asked looking worried again.

"Fenris has…married." I said and handed her the letter. I wasn't sure how she would take it. They hadn't spoken at all in these five years.

She looked off into the gardens after she had read it. "He married Orana. I…"

"Lila, I'm sorry." I said quietly trying not to feel hurt by her reaction. She had loved him too.

She looked at me and hugged me quickly. "Oh, Sebastian! You think this has upset me?" She laughed and shook her head. "You crazy man! I love you. I wanted Fenris to find happiness. This is good news. It's just a bit of a shock. I told him to take care of Orana, but I never would have thought that they would have ended up together."

"You aren't hurt?" I asked.

She laughed and placed a kiss on my cheek. "Why would I be? I chose you, Sebastian. You are the man I love." Her eyes twinkled with merriment as she stood up. "Take me to our room instead of the stables and I will gladly demonstrate."

"Well, if my princess demands it, who am I to argue?" I said standing up and pulling her into my arms. "I love you, Lila Vael."

"Hmm. That's a very good thing. The Maker did give me to you after all."

"And how very thankful I am for that."

"Take me to our room and show me just how thankful."

"Gladly." I said and lifted her up, hurrying through the castle to our suite. It might have taken some time, but the Maker really had given her to me after all.