Zane reclined against the headboard of the bed as he changed the television stations without paying attention. He was becoming slightly annoyed with Riley before he made himself relax. Riley never made him wait this long. There must have been something wrong.
Zane adjusted his briefs and walked barefoot into the next room. He squinted his eyes as he saw Riley leaning on the railing of the balcony with his back to the glass sliding door. Zane smiled to himself as he stared at his boyfriend's gorgeous silhouette and gently pushed the door aside.
"It's getting kind of lonely in here." He said softly as he remained in the doorway. Riley didn't answer. He continued to stare off into the distance as Zane walked all the way outside, lightly shivering at the cold. Zane glanced over Riley's muscular back and rested his hands on Riley's waist. "I don't know what's more beautiful. You or the view." Zane whispered, smiling sweetly as he lightly kissed Riley's ear. Riley sniffled and adjusted himself so that his hands could cover his face. He didn't want Zane to see him crying. He had caused enough problems on the trip already. Zane heard Riley holding back tears and looked apologetic. "If it makes you feel any better I'd take you over the snow covered mountains any day." Riley shook his head and turned around, giving up on trying to seem brave. Zane saw the redness in Riley's eyes and the tear stains on his cheeks and rested his hands on Riley's arms.
"What's wrong?" He asked, trying to make eye contact with a stubborn Riley. Riley shook his head and blinked through tears. Zane's concern became increasingly obvious as his face showed all of his worry. "Whoa, whoa…." Zane said softly, as if he were trying to stop Riley's tears with his words "baby, what happened?" Zane was trying to hold back his own tears. He hated seeing Riley upset. If he could, he would take Riley's place in a heartbeat if it meant he didn't have to see him hurting. Riley sniffled again and tried to avoid Zane's concerned eyes.
"My mom…I just got off the phone with her." Zane waited for Riley to continue, afraid that if he rushed him it would upset him even more. Riley smirked sarcastically and began to speak again "looks like I'm an orphan now." Zane wrapped his arms around Riley and rested his lips on his shoulder. Riley felt the goose bumps on his boyfriend's skin and immediately became concerned.
"You cold?" Zane shivered and laughed lightly.
"Well, it is thirty degrees out here." Riley reluctantly released Zane from his grip and let him open the doors to go inside. Riley followed Zane into the bedroom and sat on the bed, hunched over with a sad, pathetic look in his eyes. Zane looked around for his shirt before Riley grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the bed and rested his head on Zane's shoulder.
"I haven't been honest with you about some things." Zane grabbed Riley's hand and inhaled the clean smell of his hair.
"Like what?" Riley tried to stay calm but he immediately blurted out everything. He told Zane all about what happened with Mat at his hotel and the hospital, causing Zane to tense up at the thought. He then told him everything that had happened with his mom from the beginning and let out a deep sigh when his story was finished. Riley lifted his head from Zane's shoulder and was met by Zane's lips, which gave him a soft warm peck on the forehead. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" he asked Riley as he rested his forehead against his. Riley looked down at his hands and Zane's. His eyes fell over the ring on Zane's finger and his breathing became short.
"Anything?" he asked again, his voice lightly shaking.
"Yeah, go ahead." Riley swallowed and felt his mouth becoming dry. His hands became sweaty as he squeezed Zane's hands even tighter. "You okay?" Zane asked softly as he felt Riley's hands begin to shake.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He answered as he lightly cleared his throat. "It's just…you still make me nervous sometimes." Riley glanced at Zane who was lightly blushing and smiling to himself with an amused smirk.
"Really?" He asked, slightly impressed with himself.
"Yeah," Riley said breathily, as he bit his lip out of embarrassment "really really." Zane adjusted his hand in Riley's and let his knee rest against his boyfriend's. Riley pulled his hands away and covered his face. He was severely embarrassed about what he was about to admit.
"No, I can't" Zane began to smile again and he tugged at Riley's arms.
"Hey, come on." He urged. But Riley shook his head and let his hands fall to his sides again "I won't make fun, I promise." Riley looked at Zane's welcoming eyes and took a deep breath before speaking.
"I love you." He said softly as he raised his eyebrow "A lot." Zane shrugged and looked at Riley slightly confused.
"Yeah, I love you too."
"No," Riley said, trying not to seem anxious. "Like, I'm madly in love with you." Zane squirmed on the bed as he nervously anticipated what his boyfriend was about to admit. Riley felt Zane's discomfort and tried a different approach. "Look, we always talk about how we want to stay together for a long time, right?" Zane nodded uneasily and eventually smiled. "Well, have you ever thought about…making it official?" Zane let out a nervous laugh and leaned back on his elbows.
"We are official. What are you talking about?" Riley mirrored Zane and leaned back on his elbows as well. He let his hand rest lightly on Zane's and touched the ring on his finger. They caught each other's eyes and exchanged a look of understanding, which caused Zane to sit upright. "Wait…are you talking about what I think…" Zane's voice trailed off as he saw the seriousness in Riley's eyes. "Riley…" he sighed.
"What?" Riley said becoming slightly defensive "we're always saying that we want to stay together as long as possible." Zane nodded and could see Riley's logic in this. They were always saying that they didn't want to break up, or be with anyone else. And they were always making plans for the future, whether they were concrete or not. "What I was going to say was…I think about it all the time. Even when I'm not with you I'm always imagining what it would be like." Zane could feel his throat closing up: the first sign of tears. He didn't know if they were tears of regret, joy, fear or a mixture of all three. "Can I just ask you something?" Zane nodded slowly and forced out a 'yes' as Riley intertwined his fingers with his. "If I got down on my knees, right now, and asked…what would you say?" Zane huffed and rubbed the back of his neck before folding his hands in his lap with his elbows resting on his knees. Riley waited with a concerned look on his face, hoping that he didn't say too much.
"I'd say no." Zane said without much thought and a heartless shrug. Riley began to stand up and leave but Zane jumped up from the bed and grabbed Riley's arm forcing him to face him. He squeezed both of Riley's hands and stood close to him. "Not because I'm not in love with you and not because it's totally unrealistic….just because now's not a good time. There are way too many things we need to work on." Riley shook his head and hung it in shame.
"I shouldn't have said anything. I knew you'd be weirded out." Zane looked at Riley with sympathy and made a last attempt to get him to understand where he was coming from.
"I think it's my turn to ask you something."
"Fine, shoot."
"If I were to ask you to marry me, right now, you wouldn't say yes would you?" Riley began to speak and than stopped himself before he either told the embarrassing truth or an unconvincing lie. When Zane saw the shame on Riley's face he immediately felt bad. He didn't know that Riley felt that strongly about being engaged. "Riley, it's not that far fetched. And I'll admit I have… thought about it but we're young and seven months isn't long enough to start considering these things."
"Why is everything so technical with you?" Riley said with a scoff as he dropped Zane's hands. "If you keep thinking like that, there will never be a "good time" to do anything.
"Riley, right now, you need to relax and take your mind off of things. I know your having trouble with your mom but…that doesn't mean that you have to-"
"This has nothing to do with that. I've felt this way ever since I fell asleep next to you for the first time. This is about me and you. Nothing else." Zane tapped his foot to fill the short silence and looked Riley directly in the eyes. Riley was pleading Zane with his eyes. Not necessarily to say yes, but to at least consider it as a possibility.
"I'm sorry," Zane finally forced out solemnly as he began to walk away "but, the ring stays on my right hand for now."
