The outcome of this story is going to unfold very soon, and very differently than you may have expected. Even differently than you may expect after this chapter. Read on ...

...

54. No contact

Elliot tried not to let on that he didn't like it that Olivia was now working at the Swamp. She called him around noon the next day to tell him about it, and he was just glad she'd had a good night. And when she told him she was going to be a volunteer at the hospital again, he was really proud of her. She was conquering one of the demons from her past and he hoped that more demons would bite the dust soon. They talked a little about ordinary things like how the weather was improving and hopefully spring would be early this year, and Elliot couldn't help feeling that the conversation was a little strained. They wrapped up with their usual 'love you' and 'miss you' but he didn't feel as close to Olivia as he'd like. He thought he'd hidden his dislike of her new job well but they could read each other long distance by now so she must have picked up on it. He made a mental note to call her again that evening before she'd be off to the Swamp again, but when Cragen called him in an hour later on a gang rape, he knew it wasn't going to happen.

The case kept the entire squad busy all weekend long, as they tried to sort out who had actually participated actively in the rape and who had 'just' watched or held the victim down. The girl was so broken that they doubted she would be able to testify, so they worked hard to get all the men to either confess or turn on each other. By Sunday night, Elliot was exhausted mentally but he needed a physical outlet to get the horrifying case out of his system. He decided to go to the gym to work out and take the punching bag on for a few rounds. On his way home he ordered a pizza, which was delivered soon after he got home. He ate slowly, trying to pace himself and calm his body down, and then took a hot shower. When he plopped back down on the couch, his first beer of the weekend in hand, he finally grabbed his phone. He'd received three texts from Olivia, one on Saturday and two on Sunday and he'd replied to only one of them, the first one. He had a missed call from her but there were no new messages. He re-opened her last message, sent on Sunday around 3.30 PM.

'Hey stranger, you ok?'

He opened the message she'd sent earlier on Sunday, at 11.30 AM. Four hours earlier. He could imagine that she would have expected a sign of life during that time.

'Made it home safe and sound again last night. Call me?'

Elliot sighed. He hadn't had time to call her but he could have shot her a text, letting her know about the case. They really did live in different worlds and he didn't know how much longer he'd be able to take it. He checked the time and sighed again. It was almost midnight so she was at the Swamp again. He tried to call her anyway but wasn't surprised that she didn't pick up. Even if she did notice she was being called, it was impossible to have a conversation, let alone a phone conversation, in that hell hole. He left her a voice message, just telling her he was sorry he missed her messages and that he'd try again on Monday. He then sent her a text as well.

'Tough case all weekend, sorry I couldn't call. Text me tomorrow when you're awake? Be safe. xxx El.'

After sending the text, Elliot finished his beer and decided to turn in. He was exhausted and Cragen had told him and Fin they could come in late the next day. He just hoped he'd be able to sleep. The eyes of their gang rape victim still haunted him and in his restless dreams, his case somehow got mixed up with a lot of grinding and innuendo at the Swamp, where Olivia was the center of attention. If anyone ever laid a hand on her ... He woke up with a jolt in the middle of the night and automatically checked his phone. No new messages. As soon as he closed his eyes again, he saw her again. While his memories of the Swamp were a bit foggy, because the only time he'd been there was to get drunk, he did remember how the bartenders, male and female, danced to the deafening music while mixing and pouring drinks, and were challenging customers to drink more by flirting with them. The only reassurance he had was that personnel never ventured out onto the dance floor, so the grinding and touching he'd dreamed about wouldn't happen. Not on the dance floor, at least. He sighed and turned on his other side. He just needed to hear her voice. To know she was okay and that her co-workers were treating her with respect. If this was what his weekends were going to be like, he should make arrangements very soon to go back to Olivia's town to go apartment hunting.

...

Olivia's ears had been ringing all day after her second night at the Swamp. The money was good, and that was the only reason she was working there right now. She wanted to tell Elliot that, but he wasn't answering his phone or her texts. She felt a need to reassure him, while on the other hand, she felt a little rebellious. She was a big girl and she could take care of herself. It was making her so tired to be torn between her need for independence and her need to be with Elliot. Boy, was she needy.

She hadn't heard from Elliot all day and realized that she didn't even know if he was on call this weekend. She felt bad about that. She should know these things. She wasn't really looking forward to her third night at the Swamp, because she'd need to get up early the next morning to go to the hospital. She was a little nervous about that, and actually felt nauseous. Elliot not responding to her texts only made her feel worse. She was relieved when Kathy dropped by unannounced. Her friend was always such a great distraction, and the voice of reason whenever she was starting to freak out. Sharon and Simon were both out and they hung out in the living room together. Olivia was a little jealous when Kathy told her Kyle was already making plans to come to town again. She tried to be happy for her friend, but Kathy knew her too well.

"Liv, if you miss him that much, why'd you come back here at all?"

Olivia sighed. It wasn't easy to explain, especially since she didn't fully understand it herself.

"I sometimes just feel that he deserves better," she said after a few moments.

"Better than what?"

"Than me!" Olivia said, sitting up and gesturing at herself with both hands. "You know what a mess I can be at times Kath. He doesn't need my crap."

Kathy hung her head for a moment, and Olivia already knew what was coming. Why was it so difficult for her to grasp what Kathy kept telling her?

"Elliot doesn't want anything better Liv. He wants your crap. That's what love is, baby. You take the bad with the good. For better or worse isn't just a phrase, people actually do that you know?"

"I don't know Kath ..." she said softly.

"Honey, Dean fucked you over good, but he's just one guy. That doesn't make them all bad, and you know that. You know decent guys, like Nick for instance. Or Rafi at Barba's. Simon even, although for some, the jury is still out on your brother."

Olivia chuckled and tossed a throw pillow at her friend.

"And you know Elliot is one of the good guys, Liv. Deep down, you know it. And I think that is actually what is freaking you out the most."

"What?!"

Kathy nodded, looking past her into the distance, and Olivia knew some kind of universal wisdom was going to come her way next.

"You're just scared to commit yourself to him because you know he's a good guy and you'll be stuck with him forever."

The word forever struck a cord with Olivia and she bit her lip. It wasn't because it scared her but because deep down, it was what she yearned for. It was what she'd dreamed of when she got pregnant with Dean's baby. She'd had this elaborate fantasy about how her life would unfold, and it had been this beautiful, romantic love story. Moving in together, a baby boy, marriage and then a baby girl. A house filled with love and laughter, Dean helping the kids with their school projects and Olivia taking them out shopping for clothes because they were growing up so fast ... That dream has been smashed to pieces in just a few hours and she didn't dare believe it might still happen for her. She had started enjoying life again eventually, but only on a day to day basis. No looking forward too far, no commitment and definitely no pregnancy again. She had learned the hard way that getting pregnant, either intentionally or by accident, was not the way to get her man. He'd have to stay with her because he wanted to, not because he felt he had to.

"I want forever Kath," she finally told her friend. "But I want both of us to be sure."

"There is no such thing as being sure."

Olivia frowned and looked at her friend, hoping that wasn't the end of her statement.

"Honey, you never know what life is going to throw at you. You have to live now," Kathy stressed. "It's not about planning your life out from start to finish. Where's the fun in that anyway? No, it's about making a decision and standing by it. Period."

...

Kathy's words still echoed in Olivia's mind that evening when she headed out to go to work again. She still hadn't heard from Elliot. It wasn't like him to not respond to her messages and it made her restless. She was going to be busy all night and then had to be up early to start her volunteer work at the hospital so there would be no opportunity to talk to Elliot. She just wished he'd at least let her know he was alright. She wondered if it would be too pushy to send another text but decided not to do it. Her last one, asking him if he was okay, was clear enough. She was glad to know that Kathy would be at the hospital too the next morning so they could have their coffee break together. She was really leaning on her friend right now and cherished her brutal honesty. It hurt sometimes but it was what she needed.

She sighed when she walked into the Swamp, struck once again by how dark it was, even with the lights on. The huge rectangular bar and the stools were black, the floor was black, the stage in the back of the room was black and even the walls were mostly black and grey, with bright red figures painted on them. Once the lights would be dimmed and the disco lights were on, it was difficult to find anyone in the crowd. Most of the guests wore black too.

Olivia took off her sweater quickly in the back room where employees could leave their belongings. All the bartenders wore a white V-neck t-shirt with the black Swamp logo on it, and blue jeans, making them the most visible people in the room for obvious reasons. She walked over to the two other bartenders who were already busy getting things ready.

"Help me with these glasses Liv?" Mike Dodds asked her, nodding at a few crates filled with beer glasses that needed to be put underneath the bar.

Mike was the son of the owner, and he usually tended bar on Saturdays, the busiest night of the week. Olivia was surprised to see him again on Sunday.

"Working overtime Mike?" she asked him while they moved all the glasses from the crates to the shelves underneath the bar, stacking them up upside down in neat stacks of four.

"Actually, my dad asked me to keep an eye on the new girl."

He grinned when she looked at him, her eyes a little wide.

"That would be you," Mike added rather redundantly. "And I have to say, it's my pleasure to keep an eye on you. All night long."

Olivia rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Don't get any ideas, Dodds," she huffed, pushing him aside on purpose to place another stack of glasses on the shelf.

She knew who Mike was. He was two years behind her in high school and from what she'd heard he was a loose cannon, always trying to prove he wasn't a daddy's boy. Still, he was working at his father's club now, in charge of supplies, and tending bar from time to time. She'd seen him at the Saloon a few times, showing off his dance moves and hitting on the darker-skinned girls. She didn't think she was his type, but when they both stood up straight and she flexed her shoulders, she saw him checking out her curves quite openly. She shot him her token Benson glare and brushed past him to help another co-worker who was checking which liquor bottles would need replacing before they opened.

"Mike coming on to you?" the girl asked her softly.

Olivia shrugged.

"Don't worry about him Olivia. He's pretty harmless."

"Even if he wasn't, I can take him," Olivia told the girl, who grinned at her.

"I don't doubt it for a minute. Just don't let him get too frisky okay?"

"Trust me, I won't."

...

So, what do you think? Dun dun? Or not? Your thoughts are always appreciated. More soon.