December 29, 2011

Logan and Rory drove to Harford with Lori in the backseat.

"Well, what was your first birthday like?" Rory asked Logan. They'd been arguing all week if the party Emily was throwing her great-granddaughter was really necessary. Logan's argument was that he'd had a big shebang and didn't even remember it, but the pictures were cute. Rory's said that she and her mom had been living in a shed, and Rory had seized the cupcake Lorelai had gotten her and smashed it in her face. She didn't remember it either, but that seemed way more low-key and fitting for a one-year-old, who, by all accounts, wouldn't remember her first birthday either.

"Doesn't matter," Logan answered.

"Because you don't remember it," Rory said, smug.

"No, because your grandmother is throwing this thing, we're going, end of story. She hasn't been fully herself since your grandfather died, the least we can do is bring the birthday girl. There will be cake," he said in a sing-song voice to try and entice Rory. "Plus, it'll be nice to have the whole family together after the year we've had."

"Fine, you're right," Rory said. "But let's not let it go to Daddy's head," she said, turning to Lori to appeal to her for support.

Lori registered no response other than to giggle and point at Logan.

Logan laughed as he pulled up to the Gilmore mansion.


Most of the people that were in attendance were Emily's friends, although Emily had extended the invitation to Stars Hollow residents as well. The mix reminded Rory and Logan of their wedding. Lori mostly enjoyed playing with her uncles, who were seven months old, so more like siblings or cousins to her than anything else.

They took lots of pictures, including one of Lori smashing her fist into her sheet cake, and then smearing it on her parents' faces, as they had been right next to her about to blow out the candles when she pulled her little stunt.

The Stars Hollow townspeople clamored over Lori, wanting to hold her and hug her. They claimed they didn't get to see her enough, although one or another neighbor was always over Rory and Logan's house, or offering to babysit, whatever they needed. Rory and Logan couldn't believe they had ever questioned moving to Stars Hollow. It had proved the perfect place to raise their daughter.

Shira enjoyed the opportunity to spend time with her granddaughter. Living in New York, she didn't get to see her as much as she would like, but when she did, she was every bit the doting grandmother Logan hoped she would be. He didn't even think about the fact that Lori had never met Mitchum, that Mitchum didn't even know of Lori's existence. They hadn't spoken in exactly a year as of today, and it hadn't fazed Logan one bit. Especially with how well Colin was doing managing eHPG West.

When most of the guests had left, Logan, Rory, Luke, and Lorelai were gathered around the dining room table. They were staying for Friday night dinner, and Luke took the opportunity of having a steady surface to lean on to help feed the boys. They were making a mess; they had just started on soft baby foods, and Emily didn't even care that there was green and orange gunk flying around. She had relaxed her standards, however infinitesimally, in the wake of Richard's death. They no longer seemed so important.

Emily came into the dining room after directing the remainder of the catering staff that was cleaning up from the party in the kitchen. She surveyed the scene in front of her—her daughter, granddaughter, and great-granddaughter and her grandsons. Her family. The thought of it without Richard there overcame her and she left the room abruptly. Lorelai got up to follow her. Lorelai found her mother on the sofa in the living room, crying.

"Hey, Mom, what's going on?"

Emily looked up at her daughter. "It's not fair! He should have gotten to see this. He should have gotten to meet his grandsons. He should have had more time with Lori."

Lorelai just sat there, unsure of what to say, trying to console her mother. "Mom, it's natural to feel these feelings. Especially on occasions like this, and it being the holiday season."

Emily shook her head. "I don't want to upstage the birthday girl. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown this party, I haven't quite been myself these past couple of months. He was the greatest love of my life, Lorelai. And I don't know who I am without him."

"Mom," Lorelai said, forcing her mother to look at her. "You're you. You're the entertainer, the woman who loves giving parties, and going to DAR functions, and being the best, albeit sometimes overbearing, grandmother and great-grandmother she can be."

"But I always had your father to help me with those things. And without him, I've lost the joy of it."

Lorelai sighed. "Well, you have one really cute great-granddaughter in there and two just as cute grandsons who don't know that. They only know you. You can choose to be the grandparent and great-grandparent they deserve, or you can let Dad passing away make you into a shell of your former self. I don't want that. Do you?"

In the past few months, Emily's family had doted on her. She hadn't expected it. She didn't know what she had been expecting. But she knew she'd been a meddlesome and usually unwelcome presence for most of everyone's lives. What inspired them to take care of her the way they had, she'd never know, but they deserved someone better, more functional, less needy. They had shown her she was capable of weathering this storm, and of going on with her life. She was still here, wasn't she?

"It just feels like they'd only be getting half of what they deserve. You heard Rory's speech at the funeral; he was a special, irreplaceable man."

Lorelai nodded. "That he was. That doesn't mean you can't be just as great."

Rory walked into the room holding Lori. "Someone was asking for their Great Gram-Gram Emily."

Emily quickly dried her tears and reached out to hold Lori. Almost instantly, everything she had been feeling seemed so trivial. Of course she owed it to her family to be as fully present as possible, for whatever time she had left. She had missed so much of this with Rory. She didn't want to miss it again. For their sakes, as well as hers.

Emily bounced Lori on her lap. "Happy birthday, my sweet girl. Thank you for bringing me so much joy. And I hope I can do the same for you."

They went back into the dining room so they could all sing the Happy Birthday song. The look on Emily's face was one of absolutely pure and unadulterated adoration.