Deepest apologies for the wait. I struggled for a long time with this rule and then I ended up working 12 hour days all summer long, preventing me from writing as much as I wanted. Enjoy!
Rule #51: I will not go to meals dressed as Choda Boy.
So, I know the film Mean Girls has nothing to do with this rule but it inspired this in some weird roundabout way. Apparently Halloween is the one day a girl can dress up like a slut and no one can say anything about it. I didn't have a clue about that rule until I saw the movie. Who knew?
Of course, the movie is American but it didn't occur to me until after this incident that this supposed rule might be strictly American. Damn Americans…
I swear, they are half the reason why I get into trouble.
Actually, make that three-fourths. One of my grandparents was American. So half of it is the culture and a quarter of it is genetics, which probably explains a lot.
So for Halloween my fifth year, I wanted to dress like a slut but I didn't want to dress like a traditional slut with lingerie and animal ears. That would be too boring. I wanted something exotic, something that wasn't well-known. I had nothing.
So I asked my dad.
"Daddy, what's the most perverted thing you can think of to dress up as?"
By this point in my life, my parents had just stopped questioning why I asked certain questions. Confusing, but ultimately a smart move on their part.
"Choda Boy," my dad answered after a few minutes. I knew that probably wasn't the first thing he had come up with (it certainly wasn't the first thing that crossed my mind) but it certainly wasn't a well-known thing. It worked and that's all I needed. It certainly was better than my idea of a unicorn.
And yes, unicorns can be perverted. Trust me.
After all, an animal has to be perverted if it has a dildo on it's head.
Apparently my dad had similar thoughts because that was the first thing I noticed when I saw a picture of Choda Boy. A unicorn!
So, at the end of the summer, I snuck a dildo out of my mum's drawer in preparation of Halloween. She wouldn't notice it missing. She had two spares.
You know the best thing about wizard hats? The big pointy ones? It covers the dildo you're wearing on your head. It let me do the big reveal in the Great Hall without getting in trouble on the way down. It certainly added flair to the ensemble.
It looked like the normal Halloween feast when I arrived. The occasional muggleborn student was dressed in costume and everyone was naïve and happy. There were a couple of confused looks when I arrived due to the fact that it seemed I wasn't in my normal costume. I was one of the few students that insisted on dressing up, despite not being muggleborn. To see me in robes and a hat was strange to the professors and other students. Professor Snape immediately looked suspicious but didn't have the chance to approach me. I was too fast for him.
Upon entering the Great Hall, I approached the Gryffindor table and climbed on top, knocking over plates and goblets. Professor Snape cringed before looking murderous.
"My fellow students!" I called. "It is time for the great costume reveal!" Gryffindors were trying to pull me off of their table but I refused to leave. Some of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws looked amused and intrigued. The Slytherins were just pretending that I didn't exist, which was a part of their everyday routine.
"Get down!" someone hissed. I ignored them and began pulling off my robe.
"My fellow students!" I said loudly. "I. Am." I whipped off my robe and tossed my hat in the air.
"Choda Boy!"
There was a stunned silence for a few seconds. I am proud to say that I am among the few students that can make the whole of Hogwarts utterly speechless.
Then came the reactions. The students were in an uproar, pointing and laughing or just plain blushing. The teachers looked scandalized and furious. If I thought Professor Snape was murderous before, it was nothing compared to what it was now.
I'm not sure exactly who said it first, but the teachers were in complete agreement on their reactions. Nearly everyone shouted out the same word. Even some of the students.
"Detention!"
Review if you got a laugh!
