December 1998- February 1999
Chandler still felt bad about what Rachel had told him during Thanksgiving. That prank had been meant as a joke, he had been upset at the time but little did he know what had been really going on in Rachel's life back then. Little did he know that twelve years after that prank, Rachel would become his best friend. At the time, he has considered her an annoyance but now knowing all he knew, he felt like crap. He wanted so badly to make it up to her so he did some research, asked his old buddy Tyler some questions, borrowed Phoebe's cab and soon they were parked in front of a moderate two story home in Long Island. Rachel in the passenger seat,
"Where are we?" Rachel asked.
"We're at a house," Chandler said.
"Whose house?" Rachel asked.
"Nancy's house," Chandler. "You remember her, don't you?"
"Yeah, why?" Rachel asked.
"I feel bad...really bad. I still feel horrible about what I did to you, Rach with that prank and everything...well, late revenge is better than no revenge at all," Chandler grinned.
"Oh, oh...Chandler, we're too old," Rachel said, shaking her head, getting what Chandler was asking of her.
"You okayed the bug scones?"
"That was different...Emily was a raging bitch."
"And?"
"What if Nancy's changed? I changed...wait, how did you find her house? Did you tell Tyler about..." Rachel said, not really being able to complete the sentence.
"No, no...I didn't."
"I forgive you, Chandler. I mean, how would you have known? I know you meant it to be funny and under different circumstances it would have been. I really do forgive you and I'm so glad we're friends now...and I hope you forgive me too."
"I do. Okay, are you sure...I have a box in back," Chandler said, nodding towards the back seat. Rachel peered in back and saw a cardboard box. She got out of the car and slid in back, looking at the contents. He had packed silly string, balloons filled with what looked like whipped cream and a large jar of peanut butter. Watching her, she looked like she was contemplating something. She opened the plastic partition that separated the front and backseats.
"We're too old for this, right?" Rachel asked.
"Right."
"I mean, you're gonna be thirty next year...and I'm going into the last year of my twenties."
"Uh-huh," Chandler said. Rachel let out a sigh as she looked back at the box.
"Although, we are still technically in our twenties."
"Right," Chandler said, grinning at her "And she was really mean. I mean, she called Monica, Monicow and she was just vicious to her at that game...oh, and the fact that Nancy would tell complete strangers that you were a hermaphrodite who had an abortion. She seemed like a bitch."
"She was mean...but has the time passed?" Rachel asked.
"That's up to you...I mean, if Shane were still alive and I met him, I'd probably wanna do something to him."
"I can't believe Joey was friends with a guy like that," Rachel said.
"I get the feeling Shane was afraid of him."
"Of Joey?"
"Yep."
"Tribbiani?"
"Yep."
"How?"
"I don't know," Chandler said.
Rachel let out a sigh as she picked up a big can of silly string and shook it. Chandler watched as she stepped out of the car and took aim, pressing the button, spraying the car in one long green strand. She reached back in the car and grabbed some balloons, throwing one after the other. Chandler watched her, she seemed rather possessed as tears began streaming down her face. He wondered if he should join in or stop her, but decided not too. Soon, the box was empty except for the jar of peanut butter and the many empty cans of silly string. Rachel got into the front seat, she was breathing heavily as she wiped the tears from her face.
"Now what?" Rachel said, staring straight ahead as Chandler pulled up a couple feet.
"You okay?"
"That was cathartic. She was really mean."
"Why were you her friend?" Chandler asked.
"We were frenemies," Rachel said.
"I still don't understand what that means."
"I was friends with her because you saw only a little bit of what it was like for someone who wasn't her friend," Rachel said, looking at him.
"Oh," Chandler said, getting it, remembering how hurt Monica had looked back then.
"You are such a guy. Look, okay, Phoebe and Monica, I love. They're my best friends, I would do anything for them and they're good people. But sometimes we girls have friends that...well it's not that we like them but that it's just easier to be nice to them. It's like how you were with Kip, Gandalf and Ross. Kip and Gandalf were your frenemies."
"I liked Kip and Gandalf."
"Who did you like the best?"
"Ross. Alright, you made you point."
"Why are we still here?" Rachel said.
"We're waiting."
"For?"
"According to Tyler, I know something else about Nancy. Now, I wanna help Monica get her revenge."
Rachel nodded as they waited and continued to wait until the front door to the house opened. Out walked a tall, older looking gentleman who stepped out and looked at the car. Rachel and Chandler were watching as the man screamed inside the house. Out walked a very heavy set woman who looked bigger than Monica had ever looked. She had platinum blonde curly hair and was wearing giant zebra print coat.
"I think we found the two hundred and forty pounds Monica lost," Rachel muttered. "That's Nancy?"
"Yeah. Hold on, take a picture," Chandler said, handing Rachel a camera. She grinned and shook her head.
"No. Come with me...take the camera and come with me...follow my lead," Rachel said. Chandler looked at her and watched as Rachel got out of the car. Chandler followed suit, getting out of the car and walking towards her. She grabbed Chandler's hand and looked around.
"Honey, don't you think this would be an amazing neighborhood to raise a family," Rachel said, loudly. Chandler looked a little confused at first, wondering what she was doing but soon got it.
"Yeah, I could totally see raising a family here," Chandler said.
Chandler watched in sheer amazement as Rachel kept looking around until her eyes landed right on Nancy. She let out a gasp.
"Oh, oh...I-what a small world, Nancy Branson?" Rachel said. Nancy who was still staring at her car looked over towards Rachel. Chandler actually began to feel scared with how Rachel was acting. It was definitely the old Rachel, back in full force.
"Do I know you?" Nancy asked, looking at them with disgust.
"Uh, it's Rachel...from Lincoln High. Such a small world. We were just looking at neighborhoods. Oh, this is my husband-"
"Joey Tribbiani," Chandler said, immediately. Rachel shot him a look.
"Joey. My husband, Joey," Rachel said, looking around and then noticing Nancy's car, "oh, dear what happened to you car?" She brought her hand to her mouth as if stunned.
"Nothing, just neighborhood kids...nothing," Nancy said.
"Oh...so what have you been up to?" Rachel asked.
"Married. That's my husband, Walter," Nancy said, motioning to the man now in the process of picking the stuff off Nancy's car. He looked about eighty with wrinkled skin and graying hair.
"My, my...he's old."
"Well, he's rich so he'll die soon. Can you say, inheritance."
"Awww, nothing like true love," Chandler said.
"I know, right?" Nancy said, "what have you been doing Rachel? Last I heard, you ran out on your wedding."
"I did."
"His name was, Harry?"
"Barry."
"Oh, yes...and he's now married to your best friend, Mindy. That had to sting," Nancy said.
"Thank goodness I have better friends now...and I met Joey and he's just...amazing. Never been happier."
"Oh...do you still hang out with Monicow?" Nancy asked.
Chandler opened his mouth to say something but as he stepped forward, Rachel immediately grabbed his arm and pulled him back. She shot him a 'do not say a word' look. He bit his lip as Rachel turned back to Nancy.
"Oh, no, no...I haven't talked to her since college. I have no clue where she is. I did hear a rumor that she's lost a bunch a weight and she's dating some guy who's dad is a drag queen," Rachel let out a snort as Chandler turned to look at her.
"Really, you heard that rumor?" Chandler asked.
"What a loser," Nancy said.
"Really...hey, Nancy, sweetie...this is gonna sound so weird, but Joey honey, can you take a picture of Nancy and I? For old times sake."
"Oh. Rach, I don't know," Nancy said.
"You look beautiful," Rachel said.
"I'll take the pictures," Chandler said as Rachel immediately posed with Nancy and Chandler began snapping away. He took picture after picture, even taking pictures of the car and Nancy's husband. When the two finally returned to the car, Rachel had a huge grin on her face as Chandler stared.
"I have never been more terrified of you in my life," Chandler said.
"Thank you. Hey, I may have changed but honestly, the bitch never dies...by the way, Joey Tribbiani?" Rachel asked.
"Oh, please...you heard Monica is dating a guy whose dad is a drag queen?"
"I have heard that rumor. Oh, come on...can you please admit it?"
"No, but I think we should get these pictures developed."
"I agree. I can't wait to show Mon...she's gonna be so happy that Nancy's fat," Rachel said.
"Really?"
"Have Phoebe, Monica and I taught you nothing? It's a girl thing. Trust me, Monica will be ecstatic."
Chandler laughed, deciding not to press further. Instead, he drove off headed to the nearest photo shop to get the pictures developed. It had gone perfectly, according to plan. They had gotten revenge.
When Chandler and Rachel walked back into Central Perk, Monica was sitting on the orange couch, drinking coffee and reading. They exchanged looks and they walked towards her, Chandler pulling the newly developed photos out of his jacket pocket as they walked towards Monica. Chandler dropped the photos on Monica's lap. She looked up as Rachel and Chandler sat on either side of her.
"Where the hell have you two been? I was about to start getting worried," Monica said as she picked up the photos.
"Look at the photos," Rachel said.
Monica did. As she looked through each one, her mouth dropped as she recognized the girl in the photos. She looked back and forth between Chandler and Rachel who were both grinning.
"Nancy's fat?" Monica asked.
"Huge," Rachel said. "She's bigger than you ever were."
"Oh, oh I'm so happy," Monica squealed as she and Rachel hugged. Chandler looked on, a little confused.
"I knew you'd be happy. Chandler doesn't get it," Rachel said.
"I know. He's a boy...wait, wait...her car...what did you two do? How did you even find her house?" Monica asked.
"I know people," Chandler said.
"Wow...scary. You two really are scary," Monica said.
"I keep saying...we should've been better friends at camp," Chandler said.
"You filled her bed with peanut butter," Monica said.
"'Cause Rachel dropped a girl's toothbrush in the toilet." Chandler said.
"What?" Monica asked, looking over at Rachel.
"No, I didn't. I never did that...who said I did that?" Rachel asked.
"Lizzie said you did," Chandler said.
"Oh...ohhh...okay, Chandler...alright, I gotta come clean, I know you liked that girl but she was a bitch," Rachel said.
"She wasn't," Chandler argued. "She was very nice to me."
"'Cause she loved you...I didn't drop a toothbrush in the toilet. Lizzie did and told the girl whose toothbrush it was that I did it...she put all the blame on me and then she told you 'cause she knew you'd do something because she hated me and you liked her," Rachel said.
"You know, I hated her too," Monica said. "First, she let you get away with way too much crap and second...she was the one that made that comment that I got you hooked on drugs."
"She was upset," Chandler said.
"And you told her I was bulimic," Monica said.
"You told her that?" Rachel asked. Chandler began to feel a bit defensive of Lizzie. He opened his mouth and shut it again, not quite sure what to say.
"Wait...I-what-how do you know I told her that?" Chandler asked.
"You just admitted it," Monica grinned, "and...and when we were staying at your house, helping you through your first set of withdrawals, every time I went to the bathroom, she was around and we were talking one night about you and she said you said it...and I didn't wanna believe it."
"I was on drugs," Chandler said.
"I don't care," Monica replied.
"I apologize and...wait, Rach, you really didn't drop someone's toothbrush in the toilet?" Chandler asked.
"No. I never did that. Lizzie hated me."
"You were mean," Chandler said.
"I understand that...but I didn't do anything to anyone's toothbrush," Rachel said.
"You really were an ass when you were younger," Monica said looking at Chandler as she gently patting his leg.
"I know, I know," Chandler said. "But I hope I'm not now."
"No, you're good," Monica said before looking back at the pictures, "I can't believe she's fat."
Rachel laughed as she and Monica continued glancing through them. Chandler smiled as he watched them. He would never get why that made Rachel and Monica happy, but he didn't care. He was glad he was able to help get some sort of revenge on Nancy. Although, his mind kept drifting back to Lizzie. He really had liked her but he did wonder if Monica and Rachel had a point? It didn't really matter too much now though. Chandler liked where he was at that moment and wanted to be no where else.
He never thought he'd see her again. Janice had been a part of his past. Janice also thought he was in Yemen, but it was Ross who briefly brought Janice back into their lives. It was Ross who had spilled the beans and told Janice that Chandler had actually never gone to Yemen. He had contemplated calling her when he found out what had gone on between her and Ross, but he wasn't sure how to start that conversation although he should have known that she'd find a way to track him down. It was the middle of January now and Chandler was hard at work in his office. He had gotten a basketball hoop for the door of his office and he was trying desperately to make a shot using rolled up socks. He was sitting in his chair and tossing the socks into into the hoop. He had almost gotten one in when he was interrupted by the buzzing sound and his assistant telling him that Janice was there to see him. He reluctantly let her in and soon she was sitting across from him, a smirk on her face.
"How was Yemen?" Janice asked.
"How was Ross?" Chandler asked.
"You lied to me, Chandler Bing."
"I didn't lie...I did actually go to Yemen."
"For work."
"Well...no."
"So you went to Yemen to avoid me."
"See, that just sounds mean," Chandler said.
"It was mean."
"I'm sorry."
"I thought you liked me. Didn't you at one point? Or was I wrong about that too?" Janice asked.
"No, no...you weren't wrong. I did like you."
"So then why did you do that?" Janice asked.
"I don't know."
"You look good...and healthy," Janice said.
"Yeah..." Chandler said, wondering if he should tell her but thinking maybe he should, "I-I actually...when we were going out, I was taking pills. A lot of them...not because of you or anything. I just was...and actually I've been clean...it'll be two years next month."
Janice nodded, "I had figured something was wrong. I'm glad you're healthy and I'm sorry I cheated on you...I was going through a lot."
"Me too. Maybe I should have come clean about the pills and I am sorry about Yemen."
"How much did it cost?" Janice asked. "To go to Yemen."
"Twenty one hundred to go, twenty one hundred to come back."
"Was it worth it?" Janice asked.
"No...and what is this about a one night stand with Ross?" Chandler asked.
"He's obnoxious...he complains about everything. It was driving me crazy," Janice said which made Chandler laugh a little, "but okay, Chandler...two out of three. What'll it take to get Joey?"
"A lobotomy."
"Really?" Janice asked.
"Or you could just wrap yourself in sandwiches...wish you wouldn't though," Chandler said.
"I won't. So are you dating anyone new?" Janice asked.
Chandler smiled, thinking of Monica. He could tell Janice. He wanted to tell someone.
"Monica. I'm dating Monica," Chandler said.
"Really? Wow...actually, I can see that."
"Don't tell anyone...we're trying to keep in secret."
"I won't. Look, Chandler...I know you and I have had a weird relationship and I am willing to accept that this is it, but I'd like to be friends if you'd let me?" Janice asked.
"I can handle that. Hey, you know we did have some really good times."
"We did...and I'm not that bad, Chandler."
"I know. I acted like an ass...but I did pay for it, literally."
Janice looked at him and laughed. He had felt bad how things had ended with Janice. He thought of Kathy, Janice and Lizzie. He had done so much wrong in those relationships. Sure, they had all cheated on him but he wasn't so innocent either and he did like all three of those women, loved them even regardless of what his friends thought. They had been so right at the time, but maybe now those girls had prepped him, prepped him enough for the only one he really wanted.
It had to happen sometime. They all had to find out. Rachel and Phoebe had found out it seemed and now they were pressuring Monica and Chandler to giving in and admitting that they were indeed a couple. Chandler kept getting more and more uncomfortable. Phoebe was flirting with him, trying to get him to break and Chandler was trying desperately not to give in. Whenever Phoebe and Rachel raised the stakes, Monica and Chandler raised them even higher and soon they found themselves locked in an awkward embrace with Monica in the bathroom, waiting. This was all just too much. Sure, Monica knew what was happening but he felt like he was cheating on Monica, cheating on her with Phoebe. Phoebe also seemed uncomfortable as well. They used to share kisses and intimate moments all the time when Phoebe first moved in but this was different. Now, he had a girlfriend and Phoebe was very aware of it and he immediately broke, not caring anymore about the game. He loudly declared his love for Monica, declaring it in front of Rachel, Joey and Phoebe. Monica emerged from the bathroom, grinning as she told him that she loved him.
It was thrilling for him, an amazing night indeed although he had some explaining to do to Phoebe. He knew she probably felt he lied to her again and also he owed her money. As soon as he found out that Phoebe knew, he had withdrawn two hundred bucks and when she decided to go home that night, he walked her out and as they stood outside the building, Chandler pulled out his wallet ans handed her the money.
"Thanks," Phoebe said.
"Don't tell Monica please...Joey got his money and you're getting yours," Chandler said.
"You lied to me again. Why did you hide it?"
Chandler knew that was coming. He knew she would be mad and hoped that maybe she wouldn't be too angry.
"Because...because...you saw all the drama that happened when Ross and Rachel got together. I don't want that and neither does she and this is all so new and...nine months. I made it nine months. That's shocking and...and I'm happy."
"So you were dating during Thanksgiving? That's why you were so upset," Phoebe said.
"Well, one of many...I hate that holiday."
"You're happy?" Phoebe asked. Chandler took a moment to think that over. His heart fluttered, his stomach in knots.
"Yeah. Scared. I mean, I so don't want to fuck this up. I got Monica. I finally got her."
"I wanna be angry at you for deceiving me again...but I can't. You won't fuck this up."
"I'm me."
"You made it nine months."
"Don't let me mess this up, Phoebe. Please. I don't wanna mess this up. I don't wanna...I don't wanna end up like Kip," Chandler said as the happiness that was in his eyes turned into a look of terror. He felt Phoebe was the only one he could express this too. She'd understand.
"First...you were able to get through the first nine months on your own. Second...you will never be Kip. When are you going to get this?" Phoebe asked.
"It's a good thing. G-d, I'm scared. I love her. I-I got Monica. I got everything and I'm looking forward to your 'I Told You So' song...I am going to marry her."
"I know. You're not going to screw this up."
Chandler nodded as a cab pulled up to the curb. Chandler open the door for her as she gave him a hug.
"And Pheebs...it was fun playing with you tonight. Even though it was weird. I do miss playing with you."
"I miss playing with you too. Lunch tomorrow? At our place?"
"Perfect. I'll see you then...and then FAO Schwartz? I really need to get a new toy plane or helicopter...to fly at Joey's head. He so flew it into a tree on purpose."
Phoebe laughed at that, "pizza and FAO Schwartz? Oh, Chandler you know the way the way to my heart. I'll see you tomorrow."
Chandler watched as Phoebe's cab drove off. He proceeded to do his happy dance in front of the building. He felt elated, almost refreshed and renewed. Sure, he was short now four hundred bucks but he meant it what he said. He would marry Monica...one day.
Early the next morning, Monica was still asleep in Chandler's arms when he gently woke her up. Without saying much, the two walked out of the apartment and up to the roof where they sat side by side and watched the sunrise together. Monica placed her head on his shoulder as she drifted in and out of sleep. He held her tight.
"I'm lucky," Monica said, her voice hoarse, weighed down by tiredness. "I never thought I'd be so lucky," she looked at him, "I'm in love with my best friend."
"Me too. I'm happy...so happy. It's weird. Really weird...but G-d, I love you."
Monica kissed him as she placed her head her head back down. They continued to watch as New York soon began a new day and it was definitely brand new for them, a new route where there was definitely no turning back.
