Hello! SURPRISE TUESDAY UPDATE TIME! I was going to put off on writing this chapter for a while, but I realized that I know people who need it now. This is for Jess, Rachel, and anyone else in this world who feels like life is too much sometimes to hold on.

Chapter 53: Just Friends

It's been two weeks since Skeeter first found the knife in his old house. He's been up there every day since, even if just for a little while.

Rue walks home with him on this particularly dreary Tuesday.

"At least it's finally warm," Rue says.

"Yeah, but it's so dark…"

"Eh, it'll rain, but that's spring, right?"

He nods, "I guess. I hate the change of seasons."

He takes a tissue out of his bag and blows his nose, "I get these awful colds," he says nasally.

"I know that. You think I'd forget?"

He smiles, "Nah."

They walk up to his room.

"So, about our duet…"

"Yeah, about it…"

"I dunno, I just don't know if I feel comfortable with it yet. You know?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I get it."

They both sit in silence. "So, we're singing as just friends?"

"I mean, it's really hard to b-" she stops herself, "To pretend to be… In love with someone who you never want to lose as your best friend ever!"

He nods, "Yeah. Now, let's get to song-picking."


Later that night, Skeeter calls to Finnick and Annie that he's going on a walk, and sets off through the rain.

Skeeter walks through the dark city until he finds his old house and climbs around the CAUTION tape to get inside.

When he goes back to his bedroom, he takes a second to just sit and think about the day.

About facing Ben in school.

About facing his awful math grade.

About his conversation with Rue.

Now it's for sure. They're just friends.

And, no matter how close of friends, he'll never be content with it.

What a Rothman you are. What a goddamn, no good Rothman.

He grasps the handle of the knife in his hand and his eyes fill with tears.

"Why can't anyone love me? Why can't they see who I really am?"

Who are you? Asks Ben in his head, Oh, I know exactly who you are. You're the son of that drunk who has taken f*cking lives!

The tip of the knife digs into his forearm.

Skeeter's gotten a lot better at it, and he draws squiggles of red across his forearm.

The hand with the knife still shakes but not quite as badly.

He pulls up his sweatshirt and looks at his stomach. He traces over it some more with his knife and just watches the red spill from it.

Tears drip on to it and it stings, but Skeeter doesn't care.

He walks over to his old window and looks down on the city.

Night lamps turn on, the rain still pours down. Cars fly by and he watches them. The noise and lights calm him.

Then he sees a figure in her blue rainjacket crossing the street in the rain.

'God, no.'

Rue.

Just the sight of her makes him feel upset, especially the sight of her coming to the house.

As quickly as he can, Skeeter runs the blade all the way across his stomach, letting one last miserable, pained, strained cry escape his lips as it digs into his abdomen.

He watches dreadfully as Rue enters the house.

He can hear her footsteps coming up the stairs as he pulls his sleeves down and bleeds into his black hoody.

"How did I know to find you here?"

"This is my home, Rue." He turns away from her, blinking tears from his eyes and patting his cuts.

"Aren't you hot?" she changes the subject.

"No." It's the most that he can say.

"You're pale, Skeeter. Are you feeling OK?"

"Just my cold," he lies.

She nods, "You sit there and I'll go get some food for you. It won't be long."

"Whatever."

She frowns, but runs out of the room.

Skeeter flops over on his bed, cuts burning and throbbing.

He lets out a shaky sigh.

'Maybe if I pretend to be asleep, she'll just go away and leave me here.'

He closes his eyes, and soon, Skeeter finds himself drifting off to sleep.

Rue comes back upstairs with a container of soup and some medicine, "Sorry I took so- Skeeter?"

His breaths are long and snuffley.

Rue smiles slightly, 'I can help with that.'

She takes out some Vapo-Rub and flips him over so he's lying on his back.

She unscrews the lid and lifts up his hoody.

Skeeter wakes up to her scream, and is automatically there to hold her as she cries.

"Rue! Are you OK?"

She wails uncontrollably, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF, SKEETER HOFFSTEADER-ODAIR?"

Her outburst, and language, startles him, "I-I don't-" he notices the blood on her finger and is scared to death that it's not hers.

"I-I-I-I can't believe you," she cries, "You seemed to be so happy!"

"I'm good at that." His expression is still as blank as it's been all evening long.

"Why?" she squeezes tears out of her eyes and whimpers, looking into his eyes, "Tell me why."

He looks away from her, "It's none of your business."

She twists his neck back with both of her hands and forces him to look at her, "Tell me WHY."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because you have people on this earth who love you," she says through tears, in a high squeaky voice.

He shakes his head and she lets go.

"WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME, SKEETER?"

"I'm not talking to anyone," he turns his back to her and stares at the wall.

"Please, Skeeter. I'm your best friend, I deserve to know!"

The words make him angry. He stares at the wall and doesn't say a word, squeezing more tears from his eyes.

"SKEETER, TALK TO ME."

"Fine. Isn't it wonderful weather we're having?"

"There are so many people who look up to you, Skeeter. Everywhere you look, there are people that love you!"

"Right. And they might say that, but look where I am now."

"Skeeter, please listen to me."

"Oh, I'm listening. I've been listening for the past 10 years."

"You're an extremely admirable and courageous person, Skeeter, and you have friends everywhere you look!"

"I wish."

"Why-"

He's sick of her questions , whirling around to face her and screaming, "BECAUSE I'M A GODDAMN, NO GOOD, MOTHERFUCKING ROTHMAN! AND IT'S ALL I'LL EVER BE!"

Rue cries, "Who told you that?"

"No one."

"WHO told you that?" she asks him again, forcing him to look at her.

"Ben."

She takes a second to process it, "Why would you believe him?"

"Because it's the TRUTH. Reality's a BITCH, Rue."

She's hurt, "You really think people actually think that about you?"

"I know. Why else would nobody love me?"

She tries to think of something to say when he gets up and walks to the window.

"Look down on it Rue. Just look at it. One more jump and I'm gone forever."

"That's it. I'm calling Theo-"

"What the hell do you think Theo's going to do? He's INJURED, remember?"

"I'll call Finnick. He'll come over here and we can rid you of all these lies you believe."

"You won't have time. Pick up that cell phone and I jump."

She just stares at him, "You're not serious."

He glares at her, "Why can't you just let me be? This world would be so much better without me, all I am is a burden to everyone that has to deal with me-"

"SKEETER, LISTEN TO ME!" She cries so hard spots blur her vision.

"WHAT?" he screams at her, "What lie are you going to tell me now?"

"I love you."

"No, you don't."

"YES, I DO."

He rolls his eyes, "Don't play games with me."

"Then I won't. I love you."

He just looks at her.

She lunges toward him, grabs him by the hood and pulls him off the window ledge.

She slams the window shut and sighs. "Sorry, but I had to do it."

"Why? Why can't you just be like everyone else?"

"I already told you, and I'll tell you again. Skeeter Hoffsteader-Rothman-Odair. I love you."

He crawls over to where she sits on the floor, "Yeah, yeah. We're best friends, or whatever. I know."

She blinks a tear out of her eye, and they both look at each other.

No, no. This is too crummy a place for a first kiss. You can't do that to Rue.

Instead, she does it to him.

They both stay silent, long after the kiss is over.

"There are so many people that love you, Skeeter."

He nods, "I suppose there are."

She stands up, "Come on." She puts a hand out to him.

"Where are we going?"

She shrugs, "Wherever you want. You do need to get something on those cuts, though."

"That can wait."

He kisses her again.

"Thank you, Rue. Who knows where I'd be now if-"

"We don't have to talk about it now."

They walk out of the house together, and Skeeter vows to never return, now that Rue is finally his and he is hers.