AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hellooo wonderful, amazing, beautiful people! I bring to you a new chapter AAAAANNNDDDD A NEW STORY! (that is a surprise to celebrate the 1000 reviews hehe) You can find it on the main page next to this update because I uploaded it right before updating this one. I already told you once that I was working on other stories...the funny thing is that this new story was not planned at all! What happend is that I was working on another story that is a little "emotionally demanding" as I'm also writing the last chapters of Light in the Darkest Place, which by the way, are also being hard for me to write. So, one day inspiration hit me and I started writing something completely different from what I was doing...something light and humorous (my first attempt at, let's call it "romantic comedy") because I needed to disconnect from so much drama :/ So, go and read it and tell me what you think of it and if you want me to continue with that story...
By the way...a guest recently asked in the comments section something about how long Alex and Piper had been together. Honestly, I lost track of time in this story, but I promised I was going to try to clarify this matter. I went through all the chapters and did the maths, so here I'll leave a summary of the most important events and an approximation of when they happened:
I think the event that changed the dynamics of their relationship, was when Piper is recovering from her broken ribs from when she fell from the horse when trying to escape, and Alex begins to visit her daily as she recovers. Then one day while they are walking around the castle, Piper lets her know that she wants to stay in the Shadow Lands. According to my math, that happened around day 49, and after that specific moment everything changes because Alex starts to consider the option of being something more with Piper. Alex gives her the horse as a gift, Piper gives her the rose and Alex freaks out and disappears for a couple of days not knowing what to do until she decides to come back and goes to Piper's room in the middle of the night and well…you know what happened that night XD (their first time was around day 52) After that, we know that Piper is pretty upset and distances herself from Alex, but then they reconcile the night Alex invites Piper to have dinner with her, Piper gets a little drunk and kisses Alex when she accompanies her to her room. That night Piper reads the letter from her parents so the next day she spends it sad and on her bed while Alex keeps her company. Then, the day after that, they have a date of sorts…and Alex takes her to their special place and that same night Piper grows some nerves and gets into the bathtub with Alex, and I think that this is officially the beginning of their relationship…at that specific moment, approximately 2 months have passed since Piper's arrival. With the events of the last chapter (chapter 49), I can estimate that roughly 4 months have passed overall, from day one, so they've been together for over two intense months, if you count from the first time they had sex, if you count from the second time which was more official, then they've been together for 2 full months.
CHAPTER L (Alex's POV)
What did I just do? What did I just do? Little by little my mind began to clear itself of the haziness. She had scream Stop! Yet, I was no sure why. She had pushed me away ferociously, throwing me out of the bed and leaving me on the ground writhing in pain at the blow of force she had just used on me. I struggled to get on my feet, heavily stunned. I had barely noticed the metallic taste on my lips so I did not pay attention to it…not until I was able to recompose myself and grasp the scene in front of me once I was barely standing. I saw the thin trails of blood on her neck and her hand held firmly on the spot where I had…bitten her?, only I had not realized how hard I had done it in the mist of ardor along the budding pain ignited within me when she had come undone…
The dark voice within my mind burst out in a rumble of deranged laughter, gloating over the episode. I began walking backwards, to put as much distance as was possible in the room limited by walls, to stay away from her and her gesture of pain as I wiped my mouth with my hands in disgust, wanting to take the taste of her blood out of my mouth as the voice kept laughing and accusing me of hurting her without its help…That I did not expect!...It exclaimed sardonically…You will end up killing her without me having to persuade you…I felt my stomach about to leave my body through my mouth. I kept walking backwards but I could not go much further, since I was forced to come to a halt when my back found a wall; suddenly the vast space of the big room felt so insufficient. I did not think there was a distance big enough to run away from what I had just done; there was no place to hide since I would carry the agonizing remorse with me like a stake stuck in my chest for the rest of my miserable days, that I hoped at that moment to come to an end soon. After what I had just done, I did not deserve a second more in that world where someone like her existed.
I looked up once more to face her, hoping to see a gesture of hatred towards me, the only thing I deserved; I would turn her contempt into my atonement. But of course, I did not discern in her face a single sign of resentment. She could not possibly harbor such feelings in her untainted soul. Her body was tense with fear and shock, but the only thing clear in her eyes above confusion was compassion and absolution…Hate me!...Despise me!...Yell at me!...I wanted to scream at her…What is wrong with you?!...Why do you insist on loving me?!...
"Piper?" Her name came out small, crushed by the weight of all the things I wanted to say but that I restrained myself from saying because there were not enough words to express the pain and shame that consumed me at that moment…"Sorry" I barely whispered since I did not even had the right to tell her that empty word and disappeared, feeling unworthy to share the same air with her, but the world was too small of a place to hide, besides, I could only go as far as the Shadow Lands frontiers allowed me.
I felt the weight of the shame on my shoulders pushing me down to my knees and collapsed on the dampened and infertile dirt somewhere within the confines of my lands, and there I lay motionless, waiting for the passage of the hours to bring some kind of divine punishment that would put an end to my unfortunate existence. But the hours went on and turned into days and nothing happened. I heard the cries of the petitioners calling my name, but I only paid special attention to two very familiar voices. Piper and Nicky had been calling me repeatedly, although as time passed, they called me less frequently; they probably had come to understand that their calls would not help and would not get me back home. Honestly, I did not even know when that would happen, when I would be ready to face them. Shame and remorse were still too recent and I suspected I would never stop feeling terribly bad for what I had done…if not because one day I heard Piper's desperate call, I could have stayed in there for months or years, cocooned into a small hole as if discarded on the ground without moving a single finger , letting myself be devoured by grief. But at her cry for help, my body reacted on its own accord. She had been calling me incessantly for days, but that call was clearly different from the previous one; real fright was clear in her voice…
It did not take me a second to appear in our room, to observe the gruesome scene unfolding in front of my astonished eyes. Someone was attacking her; I did not have time to think who the woman was and I did not give a shit about the attacker as I grabbed her by the hair and I pulled from it with such force that I heard the distinctive crack of her neck before she could even be aware that something was attacking her from behind. I threw her inert body like a rag doll and it landed behind my back, somewhere in the room that I did not bother to look, since my eyes were glued on the red color of the abundant blood that dyed Piper's dress. She was on the floor cornered against the wall and protecting her body with bloody arms…She whined my name again, without realizing that I was already in there with her and that the main danger had already passed…
"Piper!" I threw myself over her covering her with my arms to reassure her "I'm here…I'm here…" She raised her dismayed face of fright to see me…
"Alex…" She voiced taking me in with her fearful eyes and began sobbing in shock, but her body did not seem to come out of its shielding form. I had to force her gently to relax her tense position
"Pipes…I'm right here…" I spoke softly pressing my forehead to her left temple "I need to assess your wounds" I continued explaining her as I disentangled the firm grip of her arms around her head. She nodded entranced, grasping her mind around every word I said to her "Very good…" I encouraged her when sensing her body calm down the slightest bit "Come here…I got you…"
I slid my left arm under her legs to hook it around the back of her knees and my right arm went to her back and I lifted her gently so as not to startle her and cradled her lovingly against my chest to take her to bed, depositing her with great care against the abundant pillows that served as backup to keep her in a slightly seated position. Her whole body trembled like a leaf and from her eyes escaped big tears without emitting sobbing sounds; they came out of her blue pools silently. I began to inspect her body frantically, looking for wounds. She had a large one in her left forearm from which an alarming amount of blood flowed, but that one could be contained…so I scanned her body searching for more important injuries in her torso…
"Pipes…" I said with urgency but I managed to keep a soft tone "I need you to tell me where you've been hurt…" Her clothes were stained with red patches everywhere, and I did not know if that blood belonged to the wound on her arm or if there was something more serious to worry about…
"Just…" She barely said into a sigh "My arm…"
"Are you sure?" I inquired and she nodded slightly.
I immediately ripped off shreds of the sheets, since my clothes were suspiciously dirty from spending days lying on the ground…If I had not left all these days, if I had been here with her…none of this would have happened…The guilt again started to pound into my brain. I discarded those thoughts while attending to her wounds, sure that blaming myself at that precise moment would not be useful to heal her…I would have time to add more guilt to my loaded conscience. I took her arm carefully and turned it over in my hands, studying the wound. It was a ghastly open gash that went from her elbow to her wrist, long and deep. I sensed a blow in my guts at the sight of it. It was unbearable for me to think about her being in pain…
"Alright…" I spoke calmly and soothingly as not to worry her; I was already quite concerned with the loss of blood "It is a considerable wound…I'm not going to lie…" It was big and horrendous, yes; but I was grateful that at least it was on the outer side of the arm. A wound like that on the inside of her forearm would have ruined her veins beyond repair, and not even my vast knowledge in healing would have served to fix the damage. The thought itself made me dreadfully nauseous "But…it is not very serious" I began wrapping her arm with the pieces of cloth that I had just shredded and spoke to her hypnotically locking my eyes with hers "You will be perfectly fine as soon as I finish closing the wound" Her eyes were fixed on my face, rapt in my spelling voice…I was using my special enchanting traits to subdue her disturbed state "Now…I need you to keep the wound pressed…" I searched for her right hand to teach her where she needed to press and resumed instructing her "…while I look for some things in the library to heal you…Can you do that?" I asked her fondly and she nodded with resolve. I smiled despite the situation, overwhelmed by her bravery "Good…I'll be right back I promise…" I leaned down towards her to place a tender kiss on her forehead and went to find what I needed.
I was back in less than ten seconds, with everything I needed in my hands, and I scattered the items on the bed…the utensils to sew the wound, a curative paste of some herbs that would serve as a disinfectant and to relieve pain and inflammation, and clean bandages. I just needed something to clean the wound before closing it. I walked towards the table that held the bottles with the spirits, my eyes falling on the strongest one. On my way there, I came across the inert body of a girl. My insides burned with anger when realizing who it was…What the hell had she been doing there? Had Piper allowed her to serve her again against my wishes? I clenched my jaw and stopped myself from bringing the subject up. It was not the proper moment to reprimand Piper for her mistake. I was going to pass by completely ignoring the body, but I stopped when I heard the slight coughing sound coming from it. She was still alive, hardly, but alive at last; I did not know if Piper was observing the scene, so I turned my head to look towards the bed over my right shoulder…Damn it…I thought when I saw her eyes glued to the moribund girl on the floor; her face was contorted into an appalling grimace.
Without a word, I looked back at the girl and quickly grabbed her by an arm unceremoniously and disappeared from the room with the body, to spare Piper from the horrendous image of someone agonizing right in front of her. In a few seconds, I took her to the pit of the lost souls, and finished her off swiftly without the need to rip out her heart, not wanting to stain my hands with her filthy blood; finally I threw her body into the deep hole that seemed to have no end, and I went back to the room. The array of emotions in Piper's face was impossible to read; she was aghast, scared, in pain, in shock. I got down to work immediately and began to clean the wound as delicately as possible. She was so disturbed that she didn't even deliver a single sound of complaint while I was sewing the gash. Throughout the whole healing process I used my soothing voice, telling her the things I was doing; nevertheless, my hypnotic traits were useless since she seemed to be making a clear effort to avoid locking her eyes with mine…
"We are done" I informed her sweetly when I finished bandaging her arm...What am I supposed to do now? I thought as the silence only grew unnervingly bigger. I had been missing for days after the terrible incident where I had hurt her, and I was not ready to face her. I wanted to get out of there and go back being miserable in a hole in the dirt, but of course I couldn't leave her…she needed my cares and she was truly disturbed with the fresh round of unfortunate events. I pondered about saying anything for a long moment and finally I dared to ask "You feeling better?" I spoke gently, wanting to know if at least her pain was vanishing with the poultice I had applied on the wound. She had her sight lowered, locked on her lap. She inhaled deeply and released a heavy and shaky puff of air as if deflating her chest wholly. I thought she would be ordering her ideas to answer my question, but from her mouth came out an unexpected question…
"What did you do to her?" She asked shyly without diverting her eyes from her lap. I knitted my eyebrows together not understanding the question…
"What?"
"Tiffany…" Her voice was then steady and she finally looked up at me to repeat the question unwaveringly "What did you do to her?" Is she seriously thinking about that damned girl? I thought with hatred.
"Why should it matter to you?" I replied in disbelief "Why are you worried about the wellbeing of a person who was about to kill you?" I retorted through gritted teeth, not giving credit to the reproving allusion behind her question…
"You just said it, Alex…A person…a human being…" Her face was troubled in deep displeasure for my punishment methods. I already knew perfectly well that she did not approve of death as a punishment…
"I will not apologize for saving your life, Piper" I said bitterly, without feeling the slightest remorse for taking that girl's life…
"Will you apologize for having disappeared?" She inquired with sadness, and then I could not look her in the face "For having left me after…" She stopped right away…
"You can say it…" I uttered, arming myself with the courage to fix my sight in her eyes again "After hurting you…" I completed the sentence for her with a sad smile as I saw her eyes gleaming with a fresh round of tears "And no…I will not apologize for that either" Grief was plain in my voice and she showed a shade of confusion before my refusal to apologize. I enlightened her "Not because I'm not utterly sorry and miserable for it, but because not even eternity would be enough to apologize for what I did…" I knew that she would forgive me no matter what, as she always did if I were to ask her for pardon "I won't ask your forgiveness never again, I don't want it" I told her with determination "One way or another, I will always end up disappointing you, since I will never become what you want me to be…" I finished saying, among unreserved sincerity. My words seemed to hurt her more than all the bad things I had done to her, more than the open gash on her arm…
"Alex…" She whined, struggling to keep herself from crying "I don't want you to be more than who you already are…" Regardless of the genuineness of her words, I knew that deep down she felt otherwise. She would never come to terms with my darkest side "I…I love you…" She stated like she wanted to let me know that she accepted me as I was…
"Really?" I questioned her with a sad smile "Even after what I did to that girl…?"
"Especially in spite of what you did to that girl…" I frowned deeply, failing to understand what she meant by especially in spite of…Did that mean that she would love me blindly despite all my faults? "I see right through you Alex…" She stretched her good arm to cup my check with her wobbly hand and spoke to me fondly piercing my whole being with her cerulean gaze "I see the person you are under this…halo…of darkness, and I know that you harbor all the goodness that there is in this world…" She made a long pause intensifying her stare "You didn't kill that girl…darkness did it…" She ended up saying completely in denial. She really thought I was somehow corrupted by darkness, and perhaps the smartest thing would have been to make her believe that's how it was; but how exhausting the task of lying to her had become and I couldn't bear one more lie…
"I killed Sylvie…" I confessed before I could even realize what I was doing. My cheek lost the warm touch of her hand painfully as she dropped it instantly, but I went on talking, wanting to remove the blindfolds from her eyes "And I assure you, darkness didn't do it…I did it…" My voice was a thin thread about to break due to stress. She observed me with the more than familiar gesture of disenchantment only I could evoke in her every time I had failed her, but for the first time, I discerned a hint of loathing in her gaze; her hatred was all I wanted then…however, gratification was rather painful "Do you still feel the same way about me?" I wondered with irony…Look at me for what I really am…Hate me! Don't trust me because I will break your trust over and over again…Fucking hate me!
"Why are you doing this?" Her voice was tinged with unmistakable aching "Are you trying to…hurt me?" She asked me appalled, sickening me because I thought that's exactly what I wanted to do deep down; to dishearten her beyond repair, needing desperately her hate to redeem myself for the things I had done…
"I want you to open your eyes…" I told her in an attempt to teach her the most valuable lesson she had yet to learn from me "I want you to finally realize what I truly am and to understand once and for all that there are things in me that you cannot change, Piper…I don't want you to live with the illusion that one day I'm going to become something better; odds are that I'm going to let you down"
"Then…what do you want me to do?" She asked after a long moment of silence processing all the things I had told her "Do you want me to hate you? Is that it?"
"I don't know…" I admitted mired in sadness "Can you still love me after knowing what I did to Sylvie? After seeing what I did to that girl? After knowing that I do not regret it and that I would do it a thousand times to anyone who dares to hurt you?" I inquired dissecting the answer in her eyes before her silence "That's what I thought…"
"Can we just please…stop talking about this?" She pleaded with broken voice
"Whatever you want…" I granted her gently; she had been through a lot to discuss those matters then
"You know what I want?" She asked out of the blue; I just observed her expression of dejection "I want to get out of here…" I felt something strangling my guts fearing the worst. Maybe I had pushed her too far and made her want to go back to her old home "I just…I can't…" She began to gasp for air in the middle of a sudden burst of sobbing. I immediately approached her, scooting over to sit closer to her…
"Hey…" I could not help the will to touch her and give her the console of my arms, so I leaned towards her and circled her waist with my hands. It did not take her a second to accept my gesture and buried her face in the crook of my neck, where she continued to shed her tears, broken, defeated. I let her cry between my shushing sounds, while the words of repentant got stuck in my tongue, and waited for her cries of desolation to stop, stroking the small space of her lower back with my hand. When her weeping ended, we remained silent, involved in the same position, and only after a while I heard her faint voice close to my ear…
"I need some time to…think…about all…this…about…everything" She struggled to deliver the words and turned her face away from me at last, but she kept her gaze lowered, looking the space between our bodies "I can't stay in here…" She whispered with grief; again the fear of losing her hit me in the center of my empty chest
"I'll…I'll take you home…if that's…what you want" Words were barely audible; the pain in my chest made it impossible to speak. Silence became eternal, agonizing, as she lifted her captivating gaze to erase all my fears with a simple truth…
"I'm home already, Alex…" Something fluttered inside me at her avowal, as I slowly realized that she was not going anywhere "I just can't be in this room…" She explained and began to shift to get out of bed. I stood up to help her…
"Where are you going?" I asked her in puzzlement, once we were standing and facing each other…
"I guess...my old room…" She voiced out. I understood that it was logical that she did not want to be in our room after what had happened, so I agreed immediately to anything she wished…
"Let me…walk you there…" I offered awkwardly, taking her gently by the elbow of her right arm, but she quickly declined, dodging my touch…
"No…I'm fine…" She said, taking a step back away from me as she held her injured arm close to her stomach with her right hand "Maybe you could…" She hesitated to say and ducked her face "…tell Nicky to help me…" Another blow hit me square in the pit of my stomach when it dawned on me that not only she didn't want to be in that room, but also, she didn't want to be with me…she didn't want my company, not even to take her to her old room. I could not deny that her rejection was awfully painful, but what else could I expect from her? Was not that what I wanted just a moment ago? Her contempt? She waited patiently for me to say something, giving my mind time to grasp around what she had meant…
"Alright…" I agreed with difficulty "I'll go find Nicky…"
"Thank you…" She whispered shyly, refusing to look up…
Without words, I went to look for Nicky. She was surprised to see me after so many days, so I had to beg her not to ask any further questions and to take Piper to her former room. I promised her that I would explain everything to her later and told her to look for me in the library, where I waited. She appeared a couple of hours later, opening the door cautiously…
"Alex?" She asked hesitantly, waiting for me to invite her in…
"Come in…" I was sitting in my usual chair in front of the fireplace, mesmerized with the dance of the flames… "How is she?" I asked her without diverting my eyes from the fire…
"I don't know Alex…" She said as I sensed her walking closer to me "I don't think she is fine with everything that happened to her…" Of course it was a stupid question for me to ask
"I guess she told you everything…"
"She did…" She plopped down on the armchair next to me "I'm sorry Alex…"
"She hates me…" I barely uttered
"She doesn't hate you! It's not possible…" Nicky assured me "That girl loves you like I never thought someone could love another person…"
"Then she is a complete fool…or a hopeless masochist" I said with self disdain
"She is neither of those…" I could hear the critical edge in her voice "Is that what you think? That she is out of her mind because she loves you?" I didn't answer "Are you ready to talk?" She inquired after my silence, but, where could I start explaining everything to her? She waited patiently perceiving my willingness to speak…
"I'm dying…Nicky" I decided to speak the truth, without nuances or double meanings. I had to stop pretending everything was fine, I had to stop lying and accept my inexorable doom
"Ohhh Alex…" She breathed out sympathetically "I know you are feeling awfully for everything that has happened…and yes, you've fucked up a big deal but…nobody has ever died of a heartbreak…besides…this is only temporary…Piper just needs some time alone to think about…"
"Nicky stop…" I cut her nonsense chatter off and turned my face to one side to finally look at her. She was expectantly waiting for me to speak. I clenched my jaw inhaling deeply to exhale again the words "I'm dying…" I repeated with firmness counting the seconds while assessing the changes in her face after the words were spoken. Her initial gesture was one of total incomprehension, disbelief. She gaped repeatedly fighting to say something as her face gradually contorted into a mixed grimace of pain and bafflement…
"But that's…" She scoffed bitterly "That can't be true…" She denied fervently and got up to scream out loud to no one in particular "That's impossible!" I remained in my seat waiting for her initial shock to falter "What the hell are you talking about, Alex!?" She then directed her anger at me…
"Calm down…" I tried to appease her
"Calm down!?" She spitted with hatred as her eyes began leaking big tears "Is that why you've been acting so strangely lately?" Precisely that afflicted and raged face was what I had been trying to avoid
"Yes…" I admitted feeling her grief as my own "Please Nicky…let me explain…" I stood up and walked towards her hesitantly, expecting her rejection, but she actually shortened the distance between us and grasped me in an inescapable embrace that I regretted not having shared more in the past "Shhhh…it's alright…everything's going to be alright Nicky…" I spoke softly as she unloaded a powerful burst of tears
"How?" She said with her face buried in my clothes "How is it going to be alright?" She demanded to know between uncontrollable heavy cries, clinging to my clothes
"Take your time…" I continued comforting her until her sobbing trembles came almost to a stop. Little by little she released me and stepped back to wipe her face with her hands brusquely…
"I'm sorry…" She uttered diffidently with embarrassment "I just…I can't…"
"I know…I know…" I took her face between my hands caringly, sure that of having the ability to cry, my face would probably be swollen like hers… "I'm sorry too…" I told her with a sad smile stroking her wet cheeks with my thumbs
"I don't understand…" She kept shaking her head in denial "How is it possible? How are you so sure of it?" I took a deep breath and invited her to take a seat, since explaining everything from the beginning was going to take a long time…
I began telling her about my encounter with the strange creature that lived in the caves, centuries ago, shortly after I had become the warden…I told her about the prophecy, about the end of darkness and how light would be responsible for it. Then I explained to her how I had come to figure out that Piper was the light that I had been dreading for so many years and how everything started going downhill since then. My necessity to kill to replenish my strength, my internal battle with the darkness that kept attempting to encourage me to kill her, threatening, lurking; the attack of the beast in the woods and how Piper had saved Charm with her magic…Of how four days ago I had been so blinded for the sense of strength within me after having replenished my forces that I had not noticed that I was hurting her when I bit her with playful intentions…
"Then…all this time, you've known…" She dared to speak only after listening attentively to the whole story. She had a face of struggle, trying to process all the information I has just given her...
"Yes…"
"You've carried all this on your own?" She reproached me only lightly
"Nicky…I didn't understand very well how it was going to happen or what was going to happen…I still don't understand to be honest…"
"So Piper's magic…harms you…" I nodded "Who is the masochist now?" She retorted with a snort, but she was not meaning it as a joke "You really must love her…" She concluded devastatingly
"Which is why she can't know about this Nicky…" I said with utmost urgency "Whatever happens…she can't ever know that she's responsible of my…" I trailed off and continued "And she can't know about her magic either...she could become a target...magic is highly envied"
"Of course…I understand that Alex but…eventually you'll have to explain to her what's going on with you…" That's what I feared the most, above my own demise "Maybe you can avoid mentioning that it's her fault, but this is something you can't hide"
"I don't think I can do it…" I whispered and she held my hand with hers…
"You don't have to do it now…" She assured me and then stopped as if thinking about something "Maybe you won't have to do it at all…"
"What do you mean?"
"The prophecy says the light would be the end of darkness…that does not mean that you have to die…"
"Nicky…" I told her with wary tone, I did not want her to make up wrong assumptions and harbor false expectations "Darkness is the only thing that nourishes my body…without it, nothing can sustain me…" I explained softly "I belong entirely to it…if the darkness extinguishes, my own being will vanish with it" She pursed her lips stubbornly thinking about something…
"But there's got to be a way!" She got up hastily and began walking in circles, only stopping to talk
"There is not…" I insisted, knowing that Nicky would never accept my reasoning…
"What if we pay a visit to the witch of the cave? Do you think she is still in there?"
"That will no help…I already visited her after realizing that Piper was the light she had spoken to me about…" I explained calmly
"What did she say?" She urged to know
"She told me I had only two options…" I remembered her words and recited them to Nicky "To quench the cause of my weakness…or to surrender…"
"To quench?" Nicky inquired intrigued…
"To kill her…is the only thing that can save me…" I smirked at the cosmic joke "As you will understand, that is not an option, so…I surrendered…" I had found the decision so easy to carry out the moment I had made it, and I would never regret my choice "At least I can say I've lived every second with her to the fullest…" She slowly seemed to be grasping her mind around the reality…
"What about…" She tried to refute, but I knew from the desperation in her voice that she did not have many arguments left "What about the prisoners? You said their deaths bring you relief…they make you stronger…right?"
"Nicky…" I whispered knowing in advance to where she was going...
"Then kill them…! Kill them all if necessary…they don't deserve to be alive anyway…" She shouted with contempt
"You are saying that now because you are angered…but you and I know very well that that's not something you really mean…" I reasoned with her
"You've been doing it for a while…then just keep doing it!" She demanded blinded by frustration
"I can't Nicky! I must stop! The more I kill, relief is greater, yes! But it's becoming more and more brief every time" Just explaining how I felt was exhausting "The more I kill, darkness only gains ground within me, imposing itself above who I really am and I...sometimes...I can't separate my own self from the darkness, the line that separates us becomes blurrier with each death…" And she knew it…she knew it very well because that last month she must have noticed the changes in me…my lack of empathy, my bad temper…"I don't want to lose myself in the darkness to the point of being able to hurt those I want the most…" As it had happened four days ago "If I am to die, I want to still be me…" I realized I had made up my mind even before meditating on the matter…
"If you are asking me to sit idly by while you die…then you don't know me at all…" She spitted each word around a hiss of derision getting closer to me as I watched her from my seat. When she ended saying the last word, she spun around and walked away from me hastily…
"Nicky!" I called her but she did not stop. She closed the door of the library behind her with a deafening thud that almost made the shelves heavies with books rumble…
I did not go after her, knowing that it would be better to give her some time to assimilate the news. I couldn't expect a different reaction from Nicky; I had even expected it to be worse. Alone in the library, late at night, I had the feeling of being living in the past…a past that was not very distant, a past of just a few months ago, when everyone went to sleep and I was left alone with my thoughts in that same chair to observe the blaze in the fireplace. But how much my life had changed since then, because after centuries of following the same routine, I realized that I could no longer endure loneliness, not after having shared the nights with her, even if only accompanied by her gentle and steady breathing, comforted by the sole warmth of her irresponsive body and the soft murmur of her heartbeat…old habits replaced by new ones, and as a creature of habits, I prowled in search of satisfying mine.
I was already standing in front of the familiar door of her old room, anxiously looking to hear any sound that told me she was in there…It did not take me long to register the soft lament and the sniffing noises; she was crying. All the strength within me opposed against my wish to enter and embrace her, but I knew that would be a great violation of her own desire to be alone; I had to respect her wishes, so I stayed immovable on the other side of the door, with my forehead pressed against it and hating all the barriers that stood between us, not only the physical ones…
As the night passed by, her sobbing ceased until fading into the distinctive whisper of her regular breathing. She had finally fallen asleep, perhaps overcome with fatigue and sadness, and only then I dared to trespass without opening the door as to not make any noise. I was close to deliver a grunt of irritation when I noticed the lighting candles on the bedside table. I walked towards the bed, barely touching the floor and knelt on the floor right in front of her: she was lying on her right side. She had never looked so vulnerable. Her face was congested from so much crying and the trail of the tears was still fresh on her cheeks. She was hugging a pillow and her bandaged arm was awkwardly extended over it, as it probably hurt her a lot. But at least her facial gestures lacked the loathing I had seen directed towards me in our last argument. She seemed at peace…I allowed myself to watch her sleep after blowing out the candles and carefully throwing a blanket over her body, since she had fallen asleep with her gown on and had not gotten under the sheets. The soft and dim light of the dawn took me by surprise and I hurried to leave before she woke up, not without first placing the lightest of kisses on her temple and went back to the library. Hours later I received an unexpected visit…for the way of breaking into the room without knocking, I would have thought it was Nicky…
"Lift your ass off that chair and go fix things with Piper…" I did not have to turn around to see who it was. The tough accent of the voice was unequivocal. I exhaled deeply…as if I needed more scolding at that moment…everybody seemed to go against me, or maybe I was the one going against everybody...
"She does not want to see me Red…" I mouthed exasperated, tired...
"I don't care…" She walked around the room to face me and she stood obnoxiously in front of me with a stance that warned me she was not going to stop until I did something "She does not let me in to bring her breakfast…she has barely eaten in days…!" She argued worriedly
"And what am I supposed to do? To shove the food down her throat?" I retorted exhausted and she glared me with a deadly look…
"No, you stupid creature…" She had never dared to talk to me in that way, which was proof enough of how pissed off she was "I want you to go talk to her because you are the only one she is going to let in…" She hissed
"I think you missed the part where I told you that she doesn't want to see me…" I retorted with bitter sarcasm which caused her to roll her eyes and grunt in frustration…
"I think she will highly appreciate seeing you try…" I frowned at her trying to make sense of what she had just said "Besides, don't you have to heal her wounds?" She asked winking at me with complicity, as if splaying the ground for me with the perfect excuse, because no, I did not need to check on her wounds, at least no yet; with the poultice I had applied on her arm, the bandages could last for at least another day. She began walking away as she continued rambling on "The most I know about sutures I've learned from cooking stuffed animals…" She scoffed at last before leaving the room in her characteristic rushed walking manner…
Encouraged with the encounter, I took the medicines and ran after her. She threw me a sided glance with a smirk on her lips as I met her pace at the stairs and on mutual and silent accord we headed to Piper's room. Red stopped and leaned against the wall next to the door and rushed me to knock with a motion of her head…knock knock knock…I did it suddenly discouraged, all my previous bravado gone…
"Red…for the hundredth time…I'm not hungry!" The obstinacy in her voice, that I enjoyed so much, brought an easy smile to my lips. I looked at Red and we shared a gesture of annoyance mixed with amusement. Red cheered me to say something and pointed to her forearm, hinting me to bring the wound up…
"It's me…" I dared to say out loud and waited to hear something from the other side for a couple of seconds "Alex…" I added my name unnecessarily and I felt slightly stupid for doing so; obviously she knew who it was. It was utterly silence inside the room. Red pushed me to go on tapping on my shoulder "I…I…ammm…" I stuttered initially but at last I was able to order my words "I know that you don't want to see anyone right know…especially me…" I acknowledged with sadness "And I honestly want to respect your wishes and give you all the time and the space you need, but ammmm…" I got short of words again "I really need to check on your wounds…change the bandages and so on…" I delivered and waited again for some kind of response…nothing…I began to lose hope. There was not going to be way to get to her, no matter what I said "It's really important Piper…it could get infected and get much worse than it already is…" Come on, come on…I kept repeating in my mind as I heard her insecure steps on the wooden floor. She walked slowly towards the door, until I could see the shadow of her filtering through the door´s slit on the floor. I knew I almost had her "We don't…we don't have to talk at all if that's what you wish…" It could be like when I watched her sleeping at night. We didn't have to interact so that her sole presence would calm my need for her "Please…let me in…" I begged at last and decided that I would stop trying for the moment, but just as I was going to walk away from there in defeat, I heard a soft thud on the door and notice the doorknob tilting ever so slightly. The whole situation was oddly familiar, like returning to the starting point when once I had to fight to earn her trust and win her over…when I had pleaded her through that same door to let me in so that we could talk…
"Fine!" She agreed petulantly and all Red and I could do was contain the laughter, as we both knew deep down that her tenacious stubbornness had a limit, a weak point that I had began to understand that only I could hit…
P.S.: Remember to take a look at the new story, it's called "You and I, unplanned" (I still don't know what to think of the name, honestly I think it sucks hahaha, I've changed it like a hundred times and I haven't been able to find one that I truly like...but I won't change it anymore) Let me know what you think of it ;) and if you want me to continue with it...although you must know that my biggest priority is to finish THIS one ;)
