Chapter Fifty-One: Car Radio

I ponder of something terrifying 'cause this time there's no sound to hide behind
I find over the course of our human existence one thing consists of consistence
And it's that we're all battling fear Oh dear, I don't know if we know why we're here
Oh my, too deep please stop thinking. I liked it better when my car had sound
There are things we can do but from the things that work there are only two
And from the two that we choose to do, peace will win and fear will lose
There's faith and there's sleep, we need to pick one please because
Faith is to be awake and to be awake is for us to think
And for us to think is to be alive and I will try with every rhyme
To come across like I am dying to let you know you need to try to think
~Twenty One Pilots

Nilly had always been good at acting — or deceiving, which ever term was preferred. There was no way in hell that she could sleep. She knew that, but Elena didn't. Nilin let Elena think she was fast asleep though, just to give her one less thing to worry about.

Now she just laid there, her eyes scanning the ceiling. Her stomach was still churning over all of it; Christian, Damon, everything.

She tried to grasp some reasoning for her and Damon's actions, but it kept slipping through her fingers. Both sides had a fault that tampered with a solid answer to who had been wrong and who had been right. She was right, though… right?

Yes, Nilin was sure of it.

It was her choice and her future that was being threatened. She never let anyone screw with that before, so why now? Well, why now? Nilin secretly knew the answer to that, though she didn't want to admit it to herself. There were new factors to consider that weren't there in the past. She had to weigh every option, outcome and consequence because it didn't only affect her anymore.

Again, Nilin felt the roll of nausea in her stomach. This caused her to turn over, laying on her side and clutching her stomach. She forced her eyes shut, blocking out the thought of puking. She declined to dinner when Elena came asking. Elena understood of course, and said that she would handle everything else. For that, Nilly was grateful, she didn't want to leave the bed.

The bed was warm and safe, everything outside the bed not so much.

Unfortunately, an hour or two later she had to leave. Elena was calling her from downstairs. It was time to go back to Mystic Falls . Nilin dragged herself downstairs knowingly. No one was going to let her out of their sights. She'd have to journey the car ride back with a companion. She hoped it would be Elena, even Stefan. Not once did she think Damon would offer, let alone put up a fight.

Once she got downstairs, she saw Mildred standing there to say goodbye. The old woman wrapped her arms around Nilin instantly. Mil might be old be she had some strength in her, Nilin almost couldn't breath in her bear hug. She placed a tender kiss on Nilly's cheek. "I love you, peaches. No matter what." Mildred smiled. "I'll keep this place safe and sound for you. And when you're ready, you can come back anytime. Got it?"

"Of course, Mil," Nilin said hugging her again. "I love you too, and thank you for everything you've done for me over the years. I wouldn't have made it without you."

Mil just smiled as she walked Nilin to the garage door. Nilly stopped in the doorway when she saw who was leaning against her dad's car. She turned to Mildred.

"He insisted he'd drive you back. Said he was the only one qualified enough to do it. Elena and Stefan tried to argue back, guess they lost," she explained.

"Yeah, there's no winning an argument when it's with that man." Nilin muttered before she said her last goodbyes to Mildred. Without saying a word, Nilin walked past Damon and slid into the backseat of the car.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Elena asked through the open window as she stood in the garage.

"I'm fine, I swear." Nilly replied as she leaned her head back on the seat. She could go an entire car ride without talking. It wouldn't be that hard.

Elena gave her a tight smile and squeezed her hand before the window abruptly rolled up. Nilly just glared at her unwelcomed driver. She caught a glimpse of his smirk in the rearview window and huffed. Using her arm as a pillow, she scooted down on the seat, pulled her legs up and closed her eyes.

This was going to be an extremely long, quiet car ride. God, she hated the quiet. As the car began to move, Nilin put her earphones in, turning the volume up loudly. She must have zoned out to the music as her fake slumber quickly transformed into a real one.

It's a switch flipped

It's a pill tipped back,
It's moon eclipsed
And I can tell you that when the lights come on
I'll be ready for this
It's in your bloodstream

A collision of atoms

That happens before your eyes

It's marathon run or a mountain

You scale without thinking of size.


He was silently burning in his own personal hell. That's exactly what this was. The tension in the car was thick, the air filled with her scent which was intoxicating to him and he was sitting there in the silence, forced to hear her heartbeat while she was she curled up in the backseat.

He stole a look in the rearview mirror at Nilin. She was laying across the back seat, her eyes shut. He noticed her clenched hands and found himself wishing he could see into her head again. Damon let out an inner groan realizing how much of a fucking gluten for punishment he really was. Clearly, he was one. He did search for a cold hearted bitch blindly for a hundred years, just to get in too deep with a girl who looks exactly like her. That's why he was sitting in this car right now instead of his idiot brother or Elena. He's the only one that could keep Nilin safe.

Damon focused back on the tail lights in front of him. They had just started driving and already he was thinking like this. He still hadn't cooled off completely yet and the few douses of alcohol that were intended to help seemed to be doing just the opposite. Damon wasn't one for squirming, but right now that's what he was doing. He glanced at the backseat again, and froze.

Nilin's eyes were open, she was staring at him. Her hair fell over her cheek slightly, as she peered up at him from her make shift bunk in the back of the car. He was consumed by the crystal blue of her eyes before she jerked her head away and turned on her back. He sighed and turned back to the road, gripping the steering wheel.

How'd this end up with her hating him, again? He wasn't the one at fault. He was keeping her alive, he was keeping his promise. She was too thick headed to see that. They had both lost their cool and they both had said things that they shouldn't have, but how the hell did this turn on him? He'd let her hate him though, it was easier for him and at least she was alive to do it.
He heard her sigh in the backseat, a low whine of a breath, and it caused his eyes to slide to the rear view mirror again. She was sitting up now, she must have been fidgeting around because her hair was sticking up in different directions. Damon tried to hold back his smile.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," he chimed.

She didn't look at him. "I wasn't sleeping," she mumbled.

He smirked. "I know." Damon retorted.

"You don't know anything," she said under her breath. Just a whisper but it seemed like Nilin had forgotten that she was in a car with a vampire.

"What was that?' he asked, a grin pulling at his lips. She just huffed and looked out the window. The car grew silent again, the only sound was her breathing.

"So is this going to be what it's like now, one word answers and snotty remarks?" he asked in pure attempt to end the tension.

"Yep," was all she replied.

"Well, then this is going to suck," he determined, getting another 'yep' of agreement from Nilin. His patience was getting short lived. This whole avoidance was ridiculous and poorly played out on her part. "That's it," he said as he turned the steering wheel sharply, causing the car to veer off the road and come to a stop on the shoulder.

"Damon!" Nilin gasped, her body lurching at the quick stop. Well at least he was able to arouse some sort of reaction from her. "Damon, this isn't funny!"

"No, you're right, it's not," he said back to her, pivoting around in his seat to face her. Her hands were clenched like her jaw and she was fuming.

"You can't just stop the car here, Stefan and Elena are going to think something happened," she explained, even though he was in no mood for her reasoning.

"They'll live," he blew it off. "Right now, you're going to listen to what I have to say. Got it," he demanded, catching her eye. She was about to protest.

"But-"

"No buts," he order and her mouth shout again. "Remember that time I found you curled up on your floor?" he asked, his voice as steady as his stare. Her cheeks flushed and her head ducked down as if she had just been hit in the stomach. That was good, that meant there was emotion attached with the memory.

"Yeah," she mumbled.

"And you remember when you apologized for being a burden?" he pressed on. Her eyes were still cast down as she gave a like nod.

"I remember," she whispered.

"Do you remember what I said to you?" he asked, his voice softening. She was silent for a while. He heard a quick hitch of her breath as he waited for an answer. "Do you?" he pushed.

"Yeah," she nodded, looking up at him finally. "Yeah, I remember." He continued to stare at her, his features expressionless. He wasn't satisfied with that answer. She sighed and tucked her hair behind her ears. "You told me to never think of myself that way, that- that I wasn't," she choked out.

"Good," was all he said, and turned back around to face the steering wheel. "Just remember that."

"Wait, wait. That's-that's it?" she gaped in the back seat, scooting forward.

"Yup," he grinned.

"Well, then it's my turn. You have to listen to me now," she demanded.

"No, I don't." Damon retorted.

"But I heard you out." Nilin reasoned, crossing her arms over her chest. He gave a long languid sigh as the darkened highway began to pass around them again.

"Fine," he granted, but suddenly Nilin was silent. He checked back at her, she had her elbows on her knees, perched at the edge of the backseat. Her head was down, hair falling over her shoulder.

"Thank you," she whispered finally. His eyebrows peaked up. "You saved me again, today and I want to thank you."

"Well, that wasn't expected."

"Yeah, but you need to understand Damon, my choice has been taken from me before, by people I had once put my trust in. I'm terrified that that's going to happen again. If I want to cut my hair, I should. If I want to jump off a bridge, I should. If I wanted to walk out of that garage this evening, I should have."

Damon looked back at her, her head was still down, her knee bouncing up and down. He couldn't see her eyes, but he knew by the hitch in her voice that they were watering.

"I understand that Nilin, but-"

"I wouldn't have done it though," she cut in. "Left, that is. I couldn't. I'm too much of a coward," Nilin rambled along. "I'm not brave enough so even though I had the thought in my head, there was a good chance that nothing would transpire from it," she took in a breath. "I just… I'm really scared."

Damon understood, he'd seen the fear in her eyes for a while now. She's never said it so clearly to him before, though. He focused on the road again as Nilin slid back in the seat.

"You don't have to be though, you're safe with me." Damon said, trying to slow her erratic heartbeat that he heard hammering in his ears.

"See that's the thing," Nilin frowned. "I'm not safe with you. Not when you cause feelings to bubble up in me. I made a promise that I wouldn't let history repeat itself, Damon."

Damon was lost for words, it was a rare moment for him. He kept his eyes on the road and his hands at 10 and 2. "How do you think I feel?" he spoke finally. "Even though everyone hates to admit it, you're Katherine's double Nilin. Granted, other than the looks, you are nothing like the bitch, but still."

"Damon…" she went to say but he cut her off.

"Just realize what you're saying when you talk about history repeating itself. I might as well be jumping right back to 1864," he told her, looking at the road.

She was quiet again, but this time Damon couldn't bring himself to look back at her. "I didn't really think about this that much until tonight. Until Christian showed up," she said quietly. "I never put what you and I are in perspective. And now I see that we're dangerous, Damon. We're a hurricane and a volcano."

"So?" was all he answered. He knew she was right, they were both impulsive, unpredictable beings. It was in their nature.

"Aren't you scared?" she whispered.

"Nope," he said, sending a smirk to the back seat. He could see Nilin smile back through the rearview mirror. Then, all of a sudden, she was climbing over the console and slipping into the passenger seat next to him. "What are you-?"

"Talk to me about something else, please? Anything else." Nilin asked, straightening herself out. Damon couldn't help but shake his head and smile at her.


By the time the four of them crossed Mystic Fall lines it was somewhere between late night and early morning. Nilly wasn't a hundred percent sure though, she had dozed off at one point. Only to be woken up by someone laying her in the cool softness of her bed.

In her still dozed state she stretched out on the bed, running her hand over her comforter, and opened her eyes wider. She looked towards her window to find Damon, with one shoe on the sill, about to leave. "Thought you were a heavier sleeper," he murmured, stepping back into the room and shutting the window.

"Sorry," she sighed, pulling herself up. She yawned, running her fingers though her hair in attempts to get it out of her face. Reaching for her feet, she struggled to unlace her converse. Her fumbling fingers were replaced by strong cool ones as Damon came over and sat on the edge of the bed. He took her foot in his lap and untied each of her shoes.

Nilin drowsily leaned back on her hands. "Thank you," she smiled. They had talked for most of the car ride. He did what she asked and took her mind off of everything that had happened before. Nilly found it almost reassuring how they were able to talk each other off the cliff.

Still, there seemed to be cautiousness between the two of them since their blow out in Mildred's kitchen.

"Can I apologize?" she asked suddenly as Damon laid her other foot back on the bed. She crossed her legs under her, resting back on the headboard.

Damon slid next to her. "For?" his eyebrow raised.

"I took some low blows today, or yesterday… what ever day it is," she said, rubbing her eyes. The bed vibrated slightly with Damon's silent laughter.

"Mine were lower," he joked.

Nilin smiled. "So we've reached a mutual forgiveness?" she asked, turning her head to look at him.

"For now," he smirked. Even in the faint light she could see the glisten of his teeth.

"For now," Nilin agreed as she slipped her feet under the sheets. She shimmed into bed, laying her head on the pillow. Lying down, she took in the scent of her room as it mingled with Damon's closeness. She scrunched her pillow and turned over so she could peer up at him. He watched her silently, a smile still on his lips, but this one was softer.

"I know you were only trying to help," she whispered with hooded eyes. "I'll just have to get used to people looking out for me, I guess."

His smiled widened. "I'll just have to act like less of vampire, I guess," he retorted.

"I didn't mean that, I was just angry," she sighed. "That's a part of you though. I've seen it and now I just have to accept it."

He was quiet next to her, still leaning on her headboard. A strange look was on his face, as if he was somewhat speechless. "I can do it though. I mean, I already have in some ways," she further explained, trying to reassure him. A fear came over her that he might leave and she quickly grasped his hand, tangling their fingers. "I can do it," she said again, nodding her head once at him as he met her eyes.

Damon unclasped his hands from hers, and she let him. His fingers came down and brushed against her cheek bone, sending electricity down her spine. "And I'll have to accept your martyred stubbornness," he countered.

"Oh, however will you do it," she rolled her eyes with a slight chuckle. Damon smirked, leaning towards her.

"It's going to very, very, very hard," he breathed, inches from her face. Nilin froze in her bed, her last breath lingering between them before his lips brushed hers. It was just long enough to make her lips tingle before he pulled away. She made a sound of annoyance in the back of her throat, which caused him to laugh.

"You suck," she mumbled under her breath, flipping on her back. His laughter grew.

"Goodnight, Nilin." Damon just smirked as he slid off her bed. She felt his lips press to her cheek and then he was gone, through her now open window.

Nilly laid there for a moment, unable to help the giddiness she felt. And for that single moment she thought that everything would be okay.

Little did she realize how wrong she truly was.


Author's Notes:
Hey guys! Happy Friday! Here's Chapter 51 :D I hope you like it! I wanna thank all the new Followers and your reviews. You guys are amazing! I'll see you on Monday, have a fabulous weekend!

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