The Diego Diaries: Campin' (dd4 51)

-0-Moments later

:That was hot: Optimus said as he sank into his chair. He looked at Ratchet, then grinned. :Good but hot:

Ratchet snorted, then handed out more skewers. :I think you blow on it, Optimus, to put out the flames before you put it into your mouth:

:Now you tell me: he said with a grin.

Smores were made and ingested as Prowl sat with a smirk and the Cybertronian version of a wine spritzer. Ratchet was knocking back high grade he was sharing with a slightly singed Ironhide. :Where were we? Ghosts. Oh year … that planet, Sandstorm: he prompted.

Sandstorm thought a moment, then glanced at Hot Rod. :You were there. You were going to project monsters or something from the tech in a building nearby to scare off the 'Cons so we could escape. All of a sudden ugly alien things appeared. They started coming toward us and my sensors detected a strange mass. I could see them but I knew if they came near me that they would pass right through:

:I remember that. I remember saying this looks like ghosts: Optimus said with a grin.

Everyone looked at him, then grinned. He was so cute drunk.

:I was looking all over the place in the command center of the building while the battle was going on: Hot Rod said as he remembered.

:What happened?: Smokey said as he leaned in closer to the big mech in a most worshipful manner.

Ratchet glanced at Dev and Smokescreen who were watching without expression which meant usually that they were not happy. He looked at Smokey who looked at Hot Rod with expectation. Roddy was pleased and slid his arm around Smokey's shoulders.

:I came out and the 'Cons were gone. Everyone turned to congratulate me for supplying the ghosts but I had to tell them that I never found the machinery that could do that in the complex. It was too messed up inside:

:Then it wasn't you. It actually was real ghosts?: Smokey asked with amazement.

Hot Rod nodded. :Yep:

:I remember seeing ghosts at the Sea of Rust on Cybertron once: Ratchet said. :We were on bivouac with the Guard doing our requirement. There were warehouses at the north side … you know … it was where the energon was shipped to be transported to refineries:

Everyone nodded including Smokey.

:We were camped out along the shore where the trail leads into the swamps around the sea. There were lots of crystalline plants along the shore side so we pitched tents there. It was really dark and I was standing sentinel because I drew the short straw. When I turned to look up the slope I saw shadows moving around the shipping stacked at the warehouses. It was so weird I called to my commander. He came out and we watched them:

:What happened?: Jessie Landon asked. :I would have jumped out of my skin if I saw shadow people:

:I nearly did. I've seen them before in the Jumble. Shadows and white lights. We stood a while watching. Other mechs joined us. Then some of them thought we should go investigate: Ratchet said.

:You didn't did you? My genitors told me to never mess with them: Ironhide said with a slight frown.

Alor and Blackjack nodded.

:We got up our nerve, then headed their way. We went into a huge warehouse, then paused near the door. We could hear laughter in the back but sensors indicated that there was no one there: Ratchet replied. :We turned around and ran for it:

:Wise move: Wheeljack said. :It could have been anyone's ghost. Not all of them have good or benign intentions:

:I don't believe in ghosts:

Everyone looked down at Epps. Ratchet grinned. :There are two types of individuals in this world Sargent Epps. Those who have seen a ghost and those who have yet to see one:

:I don't want to see anything like that: Epps said emphatically.

:If I go before you do, I will come back and haunt you: Lonnie Epps said with a grin.

Laughter and insults met that, then everyone turned back to the fire. "Tell us about the Autobot Scouts, Atar: Springer asked just to be ornery.

Everyone looked at Ironhide who rather shriveled under the scrutiny. He looked at Prowl. :Tell them, Prowl:

Prowl looked at Ironhide with alarm. :Me? Why me?:

:Because you are second in command and I'm delegating. So … talk: Ironhide said with a grin.

Molten optics greeted that, then Prowl looked at the smirking multitudes. :I haven't got a clue: He sat back with a smirk.

Riotous laughter greeted that. Will Lennox grinned himself. :I was a boy scout. I think I can remember the creed thing too … we are supposed to be thrifty, clean, reverent … uh …:

:You aren't supposed to cross against the lights, take bribes, eat pickles and pick your nose: -Wheeljack

:Or masturbate: -Ratchet with a grin

Pause for internet searches followed by a riot of OMG! WFT!? EWWWWWW!

:I hear you can't look down at the urinal, double dip or cheat on your taxes: Smokescreen said with a smirk.

:Urinals … collective peeing. I thought I heard it all: -Wheeljack

:Sickenin' isn't it. Human anatomy is sort of sick all around: -Jazz trying to provoke

:It is!: Ironhide taking the bait

:Uh, we're down here!: Niall Graham interjecting with a grin

All optics look downward.

:I don't get human anatomy. You remind me of water balloons. One false step and you pop: -Hot Rod being ornery

:How did we go from ghost stories to urinals and water balloons?: Aisha asked with a laugh.

:That's because we're interestin': -a very hammered Sandstorm who just emptied a high grade bottle by himself

:Is that what it is?: Ratchet replying with a snort. :You might want to roll Sandy to his tent. Zip his sleeping bag up to the top of his helm when you do:

Smokescreen snorted, then took Sandstorm's bottle. Hot Rod grabbed one side while Smokescreen grabbed the other. Tugging the sagging mech between them, they walked off into the darkness to tuck him in.

:That is one hammered mech: Glenn Morshower said with a laugh.

:It's part of his charm: Ratchet said to riotous laughter

:What's the drill for tomorrow, Ratchet?: Cindy Teasdale asked from somewhere down around his ankle.

Ratchet looked down, then grinned. :Well, there's breakfast: He was buried in catcalls and abuse, much of it from a smirking winger across from him. :Frag all of you: he replied. :Then I suppose we divide up into groups and go around the valley floor with the infants so they can explore or some such slag. Then we eat lunch and maybe head back:

:Good. I could use a shower already: Knockout said before he was crushed under the scorn of the nation.

Breakdown grinned. Ratchet smirked. Knockout glowered.

:I hope to be sober by tomorrow: Prime said helpfully. He was gifted with riotous laughter.

:We had dinner, fireworks, booze and ghost stories. I would say this was a winner: Terradive ventured.

:They're all winners when you're with me: Sideswipe said before getting noogies on his helm from Sunstreaker.

:How about you, Cliffjumper? What did you learn from this, your first camping trip as an Autobot Scout?: Roto asked with a grin.

:FRAG THAT! I'VE HAD BETTER TIMES WITH THE 'CONS!: Cliffjumper displaying the vaunted mini-con ability to carry a grudge even when they were the fraggers who were wrong.

:Aww. You wanna arm wrestle?: Hot Rod said as he and Smokescreen sat down again.

"YOU DON'T THINK I CAN BEST YOU?!: -Cliffjumper commenting on the possibilities of revisiting Bee's tent once more

Hot Rod thought a moment, then nodded. "Nope."

Cliff jumped up spoiling for a slagging (his own) as he challenged the big mech to a brawl. Hot Rod stared at him a moment, then noted the expectant look on Smokey's face. It was show time. He stood, flexed his wings provocatively for the youngling sitting beside him, then walked to the rock. :After you: he said gesturing.

:FRAG YOU!: Cliff said as he knelt. Roddy knelt, then they gripped.

:One … two … three … GO!: Jazz said.

Roddy go-ed. Cliff barely got set when he found himself flying over Hot Rod's shoulder. He hit the ground, then cartwheeled down the slope ending in the middle of Bee and First Aid's tent. Roddy stood staring down into the darkness, then glanced at Smokey who grinned back at him worshipfully.

He was going to get laid tonight.

Ratchet looked down slope at the stillness that was Bee's tent. :You might want to see if he's still alive before you frag First Aid, Bee. I don't see anything moving in there:

Slurs and agreement met that. Then Optimus stood slightly tipsily. "I think I'm going to turn in. What about you slaggers?:

Prowl stood taking Prime's arm. :I'll help you: They turned heading for their tent disappearing inside. They didn't come out again.

The others sat chatting and laughing until the humans gathered to fly back to the city. When they lifted off, Ratchet turned to Ironhide. :You ready to turn in too?:

:Turn into what?: Ironhide said with a (for him) seductive waggle of his optical ridges.

Ratchet snorted, then grinned. :Put it in your pocket, Only One. You might hurt yourself:

They turned heading back up the trail to turn in, the rest of the group finally breaking up. All over the valles beyond campfires could be seen dotting the darkness. Laughter and chat drifted up on the thin atmosphere and it was pleasant. It was happy. They entered their tent, grappled with sleeping bags, they lay down side-by-side as along the wall their infants were deep in recharge. When it was all done, they relaxed happily.

It was quiet.

Then Spot jumped on the middle of them, walking around in a circle, then lay down with a thump.

"Frag. That hurt," Ironhide said from the middle of his sleeping bag.

"Better you than me, Only One," Ratchet said with a laugh.

-0-Nearby all around them

"What do you want to do with him, Aid?" Bee asked as First Aid checked the blotto mini-con lying crumpled up in the middle of their tent.

Aid stood with a worried expression. "We need to make him comfortable."

Bee nodded, then left for a moment. He returned with Cliff's sleeping bag. Inflating it, he helped Cliff into it, then zipped it up. Aid frowned at Bee. "That's rather mean."

"I think its funny," Bee said with a laugh.

Aid smirked slightly. "It is, isn't it."

They turned and tucked in, fragging around and laughing together as the night moved onward toward day. Cliffjumper tucked into his sleeping bag helm first didn't have a care in the world. He slept on too, his feet sticking out of the spot where his helm should have been.

Mini-cons. You can't trust them. Any of them.

-0-In a nerd yurt

They stood in their round tent setting up sleeping bags.

"You were pretty wonderful, Percy to stick up for me like that," Wheeljack said as the big red mech worked out the math of inserting himself into a sleeping bag.

Percy glanced at Wheeljack. "You are my bond. You are wonderful. Of course I will stick up for you."

Wheeljack grinned. "It was lucky you didn't have to show him what it means to slag a Wrecker."

Percy grinned slightly. "Truer words never spoken."

-0-Close by

"That Ratchet … I don't know why he can't cook. I tried to teach him and you would think a doctor could manage food," Ravel fretted as he zipped his father into his bag.

"Don't worry, Ravel. You did your best," Appa Ratchet said with a wink at Tie Down.

Tie Down just grinned.

-0-Cybertron ground zero

Prowl looked at Prime who was already recharging in his sleeping bag. He grinned, then peeked out. Ratchet was standing in the doorway of his tent watching the stars for a moment. "Psst."

Ratchet glanced his way.

Prowl grinned. "Good night, loser."

Ratchet grinned back. "Good night, whiner."

With that, Prowl walked back inside to recharge.

Ratchet grinned, then did the same.

Quiet fell over the camp site at last.

-0-June 7, 2014 edited June 29, 2014

NOTES:

Double dipping: dipping a chip, taking a bite, then dipping it again. EWW.

Hammered: Drunk out of your skull

The Rust Sea, also known as the Sea of Rust, is an area of unstable planetary matter and molecular flux located along Cybertron's equator, stretching from Tyrest to Polynex to the Tagan Heights and Altihex. It constantly emits a collection of corrosive, yet relatively harmless gasses. It too is home to various forms of plant life by the time of the Beast Era. It is Cybertron's most prominent sea, the only other one known being the Mithril Sea. (There are images at tf wiki and its actually a sea of liquid with marshy areas around its sides.) The Hydrax Plateau rises out of the center of it. Cybertron's primary spaceport is located here, where planetary visitors must check in first. TF wiki