Entry 75

My dad was right. Mom was upset. Dad was evacuated to a GA Star Destroyer medical bay. My Uncle Luke and Aunt Mara gave Mom and my brother a lift to the ship aboard the Jade Shadow. My dad was still in the bacta tank when they got on board. Mom stayed by Dad's side and cried. This wasn't my dad's first dip in the bacta, but he never lost a limb before. I think this is tough for mom because usually dad is patched up and in working order before he comes home to see her. I think she was able to not think about the danger and live in a state of denial…but not this time. Dad would be in the tank for at least a week.

My Uncle Luke tried to comfort my mother and reassured her that once his cybernetic limb was created he would be as good as new.

She then turned to me and asked me what happened. I told her about the young boy and the thermal detonator.

"I tried to contain the blast using the Force…but I wasn't strong enough." Then for the first time since the incident I started to tear up and I started to wonder if I was the one to blame for my father's injury. If I had studied harder at the Academy could I have pulled off the containment of the blast like my father did earlier?

My Master must have sensed my change in mood and came up and put her arm around my shoulder and led me out of the medical ward.

"This is not your fault, Talon," she told me.

"I know," I said but it came out sounding anything but sincere.

My Aunt Mara frowned. "I don't think there is any apprentice at the Academy who could have done what you did. Without your help half the platoon, including your father and yourself would be dead."

I shook my head wondering if I should have done something different. "Maybe I should have used the Force to throw it away or I could have taken the lightsaber to chop it up…maybe I could have disabled it."

Her hand gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Don't beat yourself up with 'what-ifs'. If you threw the detonator somewhere…where would it have landed? Even if you shot it straight into the air the shrapnel could have come raining down on the civilian population. Also you didn't know when it would explode. As for chopping it up with the lightsaber…that might have worked but once again you didn't know how much time you had and the saber might have triggered the explosion anyway. You did the best thing under the circumstances. The fact that a thermal detonator exploded five centimeters from your father and he only lost a foot is a testimonial to your ability with the Force."

"I guess," I mumbled, not at all convinced. "I should have sensed the danger, though."

"Talon, I believe you didn't sense danger from the boy because he didn't know what he was throwing at you. The enemy used and endangered a child in order to outwit your Force senses. There was no evil intent coming from the child and therefore you didn't pick up the danger until you saw the detonator. I'd hate to say it, but I have seen this done before in other conflicts. Using children this way is a war crime and reprehensible. Luckily, your actions probably saved the youngling." My Aunt Mara gazed at me with a soft smile. "I'm proud of you. You did a wonderful job. Don't ever think otherwise."

She patted me on the shoulder and then went back to the medical ward. I didn't go back right away. It broke my heart to see my mother crying and my dad floating around in a bacta tank.

I sat down in the waiting room area and unclipped my lightsaber and stared at it for a long time. I constructed it when I was around twelve or thirteen years of age. I remember how excited I was to have my own lightsaber. I dreamt of the heroic feats and adventures I would have on missions. Never in my life did I think I would have to use it on my own father.

I turned the weapon over in my hands and wondered if this was going to be my life from now on. How many times will I see war, death, destruction and my mother crying beside a bacta tank?

The life of a Jedi is not as glamorous as the holo-shows make it out to be.