Charles leaves Emma Stone's office feeling more sick and dejected than ever.
Her candid words and true insights paint a bleak picture of the future, confirming his own fears.
Erik is mad to think that Charles will ever go back to the loving and carefree life they had. He will push Charles, further and further though, until he will realize this eventually, and that will spell the end of them if Charles can't get them out. Whatever hell he thinks he is living now will be nothing compared to that day.
In a daze, he goes to retrieve Jean and Pietro who are playing in Emma's waiting room. Logan is waiting outside, ready to bring them back to the apartment, back to Erik and the questions he will surely have.
Charles fights it, but he can feel himself unravelling as he walks them down the stairs. He feels like he can literally see his clock ticking away, his time running out. He is willing to give everything, lose everything, but it seems like that just won't be enough to stop or even slow down this gradual downfall.
Even if Emma doesn't tell Erik about her insights and just lets the whole thing play out naturally -which she probably will to keep herself away from Erik's wrath - the collapse is coming, nearing like a wall of storm clouds.
Charles gets into Logan's car silently, mind reeling.
He sits entirely still while, physically, he still feels like he is about to have a heart attack. Pointless, all of it, his mind keeps screaming. What's the point of even fighting. He has no time, no means to find a way out, no way of saving them. No one to support him. Emma Stone sees but doesn't care. Logan might or might not care just a bit, but certainly not enough to risk his own life, not that that would be enough anyway...
"Breathe, damnit."
Logan's warning voice, sounding dull as though he is hearing it through cotton, makes him aware that he is not breathing right, falling apart in the car once again, comepletely pathetic. He drags in a shaky breath, tries to pull himself together somehow, for the kids, but it's no use. Emma's words have hit him hard, reminding him of the sheer hopelessness of his situation.
Breathe, yes.
But his lungs won't inflate. His body feels like it's not getting enough blood flow, tingling numbly.
The kids are busy settling in to watch their cartoons in the back seat, thankfully distracted.
"I can't- I have to-" he whispers, choking, struggling to open his seatbelt, to get out of the car car again, so he can fall apart outside, unseen.
"Don't. Stay sitting," Logan says, his tone enough like Erik's that Charles freezes instinctively. "I don't want to have to explain to your fiance why you passed out and hit your head on concrete," Logan says, stilled dulled.
Charles doesn't answer because he is using all of his focus to stare at a spot on the windshield, counting and fighting for oxygen. He balls his hands into fists, burying them in his lap. They won't stop shaking, just like his pulse won't stop racing, even though he has to stop, has to calm down-
Logan's distracts him, talking on. "That book you always used to carry around with you," he says, out of context, "'Bout Darwin. You were telling the little ones something about mammals."
Charles manages to blink distractedly, confused. What?
"The ma-"
"Yes," Logan insists, "Their...orders or something. Tell me again."
Charles wants to look at him, to see if he is joking, or crazy, or- But he can't lose that point he is staring at without losing it, can't think straight-
Logan makes an impatient noise and Charles startles and simply starts talking.
"M- monotrema...Marsupials, Insectivora...Chiroptera, Lagomorpha, Rodentia, Carnivora, Artiodactyla, Perisodactyla, Edentata, Cetacea, Probocidae, Primates."
"Right," Logan says, "What else?"
Charles inhales, greedily dragging in the oxygen.
"Monotrema. Best example, the platypus. Characterized by being the only mammal that still lays eggs..." Without thinking further he begins counting down the well-known facts he's told the children before, "...Chiroptera. Bats. The name means flying hand...Lagomorpha. Rabbits. Different from Rodentia because of their ever-growing teeth..."
It takes him until, "Cetacea. Dolphins. Characterized by their torpedo-shaped bodies," to understand what Logan is doing. By then it's already working.
He goes through the whole list twice before he can start to breathe more slowly again.
By the third time, he has collected himself enough to realize that Logan is already driving and that they aren't on the usual route anymore.
He swallows, nerves fluttering. "Where are we going?"
Logan just shrugs. "The park. Figure you might not wanna go straight home."
Charles does turn to stare at the man then. The unexpected information fills him with relief and tension at the same time.
What?
Of course he doesn't want to go home, no, but he doesn't understand, and then there's-
"Erik-"
"He has an appointment," Logan says without hesitation, "He won't be home before six."
Charles cannot help that relief wins out for a long moment then, physically streaming through him. The thought of not having to see the man yet, to be given some more respite-
"So? The park. Do you want to go to the park?"
Logan's question catches him by surprise.
He was already dealing with the new information, but it takes him frighteningly long to realize that Logan is asking him to make a decision.
He can't remember the last time someone did that.
"Yes."
He's said it before he has even fully thought about it. It's just instinct taking over, pushing away suspicion and reason alike.
It's stupid. For all he knows Logan is no better than Erik or Victor, and he should be nervous about the man wanting to make this unexpected side trip, taking them away unscheduled...
All of that is in his head, even as he says yes. Facts.
And yet...he is feeling a strange calm caused by Logan, a sense of-
He doesn't know what it is. The way Logan looked at him in the ware house maybe. The way he tries to calm him when he wouldn't have to. Asking him a question like he is a person-
Charles can't think about how feeling this way probably makes him the most naive and gullible person ever. All he can think about is that he doesn't have to go home yet.
Logan pulls the car off the highway.
xxx
Tbc...obviously. Sorry if this seems repetetive. I know it seems like it's been a long time but Charles really hasn't been in the situation for too long yet and he is still trying to figure out how to cope. By repressing his emotions mostly so far, which, combined with a lack of sleep will cause him to snap like this at the smallest stressor. He just needs to sleep more :) And not be around mobsters.
Don't be to hard on me when it comes to the biology stuff. That is literally all I remember learning in High School bio. It'll have to do :)
