Disclaimer: I don't own Scandal

AN: So thank you all for your lovely reviews, they truly mean a lot. I know some of you are frustrated with Olivia and so am I. As many of you pointed out she is selfish. This is something that isn't a secret. Her own mother called her out on it. Liv isn't perfect but she's still my girl. She's just torn between doing the right thing and following her heart. And Fitz woke up with her in his arms. Hope Shonda gives us that tonight. There is a TISSUE WARNING but also a flashback with warmness.

Happy Reading


Chapter 50: Walk Away

It hurts my soul, cause I can't let go all these walls are cavin in

I can't stop my sufferin

I hate to show that I've lost control cause I,

I keep goin right back to the one thing that I need Oh, I'm about to break, I can't stop this ache

I'm addicted to your allure, and I'm fiendin' for a cure

Every step I take, leads to one mistake

I keep goin right back to the one thing that I need oh I can't mend this torn state I'm in

Getting nothing in return what did I do to deserve

The pain of this slow burn

And everywhere I turn I keep goin right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from

- Christina Aguilera: Walk Away

Olivia walked into Mel's study and closed the door. She made her way to his desk and sat on the ledge, watching him work. He was sitting behind his desk, red ink pen in one hand, a stack of papers in another. It didn't matter how advanced technology became, he'd always prefer pen and paper when initial going over a person's work. He looked up from his papers and leaned over to kiss her cheek. Things were nowhere close to being what they once were but they had to start somewhere.

"Hi," Olivia greeted, running her fingers through his hair in an attempt to make it less unruly.

"Hello. You're home early," he commented as he glanced at the clock.

"It wasn't a busy day."

"I thought every day was a busy day?"

"Let me rephrase that. In the world of crisis management, it wasn't a busy day," she gave a soft smile. "I started dinner. Salmon, roasted asparagus, brown rice."

"Sounds good to me," he replied. "So what is all of this about," he questioned, pulling up a file she'd sent to him earlier on his iPad.

"Those are the names and credentials of the best marriage counselors in the DMV area. The ones that are highlighted are my most preferred," she rolled down the document.

"Marriage counseling," he leaned back in his chair to get a better read of her face.

"Yes. I told you I was willing to make things work so this is me trying," she reaches out to stroke his cheek, as his golden eyes softened slighthly. "It's a step in the right direction. I broke us..."

"We aren't broken, Olivia," he corrected her. He didn't think they were broken. Bruised but not broken, not yet.

"Fine, damaged, hurt even. Whatever term you want to use, I'm the cause of it. It's only right for me to be the one to take the initiative, to show you that I am committed," her thumb stroked his upper cheek as she titled her head.

"This can't be easy for you. Knowing you'll have to share certain aspects of our life, of your life , with a stranger. That speaks volumns," he reached to give her other hand a light squeeze.

Olivia didn't know how this would work out. She was a private person, one who detested people know anything about the personal details of her life. However, it was evident to her just how deeply she'd wounded Mel. He was so caring and loving and sweet; it literally killed her to know she'd caused such pain in his life. If marriage counseling was what had to be done to see his smile truly reach his eyes again, she'd do it.

"Mel...Husky," her voice came softly as she spoke his nickname. He pressed his face into her palm, nuzzling it slightly to live up to his nickname. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jaanu, and thank you. Thank you for this. Thank you for trying," he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly.


"Knock, knock," called Olivia.

Fitz had been released from the hospital. Fitz and some key note staff members were at Camp David preparing for Fitz's return to The West Wing. His doctors had cleared him to return to work. After a brief press conference and several candid photos of him strolling the grounds with his children and other family members, they'd petitioned for his reinstatement. Public opinion polls showed the American people were ready to see Fitz finish out his last year in stride. It was just a matter of when.

Since the day he'd awoken with her in his arms, Olivia's mind kept returning to the days of their affair. She was thankful he claimed not to have heard her tearful bedside confession; however, it didn't stave off those reoccurring emotions.

Being at Camp David with Fitz in a professional capacity bringing back old memories. She'd find her mind drifting to the nights they spent together after strategizing and working on speeches.

Olivia led Fitz to small area in front of the fire he had prepared. He sat down on the floor before leaning back against the couch and pulling her down to him.

"You're way too good to me, Livi," he stated softly before she kissed him gently. They shared chocolate mousse and wine, enjoying the sweetness of the chocolate and richness of the dessert.

"It's because you're good to me. At least when you aren't withholding dessert" she responded as Fitz teased her by refusing to give her another spoonful of mousse. Olivia giggled and grabbed his thigh to lift herself up, giving Fitz an eye full of her bosom, as she moaned once she tasted the dessert. She leaned back into him as he handed her one of the glasses of wine she had poured earlier. They slowly drank their wine as they cuddled together by the fire, discussing the most mundane topics.

Fitz took the empty wine glasses, placing both on the end table next to the couch. Olivia felt her body tingle with anticipation as his arms wrapped around her, and his lips found the crook of her neck. His kisses started out slow and lips moved to hers, lingering to deepen the kiss. Their breaths became labored as hands roamed and teeth nipped.

"I've waited to do this all day. Do you know how much self control I've had to exert all day "

"I do," she whispered against his lips, her hands tugging on his dark curls.

Fitz moaned and pulling Olivia's legs to his sides so she was straddling him . His hands snuck past the hem of shirt. His touch felt like fire and felt as she was melting against wasn't quite sure how he ended up hovering above her, showering her collarbone with kisses. Her hands roamed down from his hair to his back before pushing off his pants as he worked on removing hers as well.

The rest of their clothes were soon discarded as the kisses deepened.

"We work so well together," he breathed against her lips. Her arms wrapped his neck, her lips seeking hers for a moment. Fitz pressed his body closer to hers, close enough that he was able to feel her heart beating. Fitz caressed one of Olivia's cheeks, watching her eyes close for a moment. Once they fluttered open, he kissed her again.

"We do, just about as well as they play together," she nodded and her smile widened.

"We do play well together, Sweet Baby" he nipped at her ear and she giggled.

"Very, very well baby."

Fitz pressed his lips against hers, their playful emotions adding intensity . As her hands returned to the hair at the nape of his neck, his roamed over her hips. Fitz swept them under her backside and slipped inside her slowly.

They groaned in unison, connecting like pieces of a puzzle. Fitz deepened the angle as her thighs widened further. With each thrust lips, hands and teeth continued to seek out flesh, greedy for more. He moaned as Liv's legs wrapped around his calves, her nails digging into his back.

"Fitz," she gasped, arching her back. With her neck exposed, his tongue glided over her pulse.

"You feel so good, Livi," he whispered, thrusting into her harder, his teeth tugging at her lower lobe.

"Livi," he repeated with a smile, pulling her out of her daydream. "HI"

"Hi."

"Where were you," he asked, referring to the daze she was in.

"Nowhere in particular. I just have a lot on my mind," she waved her hand, hoping he wouldn't press the matter."How are you feeling?"

"It's been a good day. It's been nice to be outside and be one with nature. It's really helped me clear my head. Dr. Thoms suggested it. It helps when it comes to coping with the psychological aspect of this all," he shared honestly.

"Still have the nightmares?"

"Some nights. Nights I don't talk to you. If I try to sleep through the night instead."

"Fitz," she sighed. "You know I'm available to talk day or night. "

"I know that and appreciate it but Livi, you have your family to take care of. Our daughter..."

"Josslyn is exactly the reason I'm here."

"What's wrong with Josslyn," his tone hurried and worrisome.

"She's still having nightmares. Plus she's become clingy, almost to the point of throwing tantrums," she revealed with great concern, watching as his facial expression changed.

"Still," he pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh and Olivia heart tore. His expression, the look of guilt and helplessness is exactly why she didn't want to tell him. He had a great deal of guilt about the emotional turmoil the family had been out through, especially his children.

"At first she seemed to be getting better. When she learned you'd be returning to work, things went downhill," Olivia revealed. Josslyn would often wake in the middle of night, terrified Fitz had died. It would only be until Olivia assured her she'd spoken to him, that he was healthy and safe that the young girl would drift back off.

"She's afraid I'm going to get shot again, which is understandable. What are we going to do?"

"A therapist. We don't want this to manifest."

"I hate this, Liv. She's a little kid whose only worry should be not getting in trouble for playing outside too long, not whether her dad is going to get shot again," he sighed as Olivia sat next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Liv, how bad are the nightmares," he asked, looking down at her. Olivia inhaled deeply and shook her head. The anguish on her face was one he hadn't seen since Josslyn was fighting for her life. "Livi?"

"Unimaginable," she croaked out, her bottom lip quivering. "Our baby girl, Fitz. She's slowly fading away. In just a matter of days she did a 180."

"I'll ask Dr. Thoms for recommendations. I don't know why we didn't consider this sooner."

"Our daughter is like me I suppose. She internalizes situations," Olivia reasoned.

"Until we find someone, do you think she could talk to someone at the church?"

"It couldn't hurt," Olivia agreed.

"Do you think she can stay here with me tonight? Jerry was already planning to come and I'm sure I can convince Karen to come also."

"I want to say yes," Olivia met his gaze briefly before casting her eyes away, "but I'm worried Fitz. You're still having nightmares. I'd hate for you to have one and it exacerbates things as far as Josslyn is concerned. I'd hate for this to further hurt Josslyn or you. I know you'd never forgive yourself if you thought you hurt her any way. I only want what's best for the both of you."

"Josslyn has really been leaning on Karen. If she agrees to come I'd feel better."

"She's just been through so many changes this year: Dad's heart attack, Jessica's death, my divorce, and now the shooting. I want to get her back into a routine. To show her I'm not going anywhere. "

"She'll get better. We just have to get her some help."

"Livi, what are you holding back? Clearly something is weighing on your mind."

"Mel and I start marriage counseling next week," she confessed meeting his piercing gaze.

"Marriage counseling? I didn't know the two of you were having issues. You always seem so put together."

"I've been distant. It's better to start now before we hit rock bottom."

"Good. Mel is good for you, Livi. You're a lucky woman and he's an even luckier man. You both love another. It's subtle but it's there. I see it when you're together or even when you speak of him. There's something in your voice. Don't lose that. I like seeing you happy," he kissed her forehead. As close as they'd been the last few months, Fitz still respected the fact that she was married. While they often invaded the other's personal space, Fitz would never cross that line. He'd made his choice long ago to be her friend, and he had no intentions of changing it.

"I'm trying," she looked away from his piercing eyes. "You know I'm not the most sharing person when it comes to my personal life," she joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"I know you aren't. It's all a part of your charm. Everything will work out for you. You'll make it happen. Don't overthink it."

"I'll try and the same for you. The only way you'll get better is if you don't overthink the situation. I know you, Fitz," she said firmly. "You take things to heart. I know this shooting has taken its toll on you, but you aren't to blame," she softened her voice.

"Eight years ago, this country was on the brink of collapsing. We were a nation divided, now look at this country. From foreign policy to tackling poverty and obesity. You did that. The retention rate and college graduation rate is on a steady rise. You did that. Our economy has been an a steady trend upward since then end of your first term. You did that. Don't let this make you second guess all you've set forth and accomplished. I know it's difficult to see right now but in a few years when you reflect, you'll see it was all worth it."

"Was it truly worth it? I got to live my dream but at the cost of those around me. For starters, I choose this job over you," he admitted truthfully and Olivia stared wide eyed, searching for words. "Don't say a thing because we both know it's true. I took the easy way out and chose to run a for a second term. I didn't fight for you because it was less messy. I still got to keep my dream job and have you in my life. That falls on me. And my kids, my children," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I dragged Karen & Jerry away from their friends, and during their most formative years they were in the spotlight of the American people. You can only have so much normalcy when your dad is president. Then there's Jossie and knowing one day she'll read those horrible comments. The fact that she thinks she's a test tube baby," he paused to shake his head. "Not to mention, the trauma all of them are experiencing due to my shooting. That's something which will never leave them. So was it truly worth it, Liv?"

"Yes,yes it has been. You have changed the world they live in. You've helped to make it a better world. They'll have situations which will stay with you forever, like your shooting, but they'll make it through all of it because of your love and support. You're an excellent leader but you're a true Poppa Bear. You love those kids with your whole heart," she extended her hand to touch his face. Her fingers gently stroking his cheek.

"You Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III are everything I knew you'd be. You're the man I campaigned for, the man I voted for but you're also the man I've always cared for and loved. You're a loyal friend and tremendous father. You're idealistic, optimistic, and always searching for what's best for others. You have the biggest heart Fitz. Those qualities made you the perfect man for this job. Those qualities are the reason why I am proud to call you the father of my child and my friend. I don't want you to ever doubt that. You're going to make it through this, Fitz. We...we're all going to make it through this"

She studied his face, his eyes glossy from her words. Her thumb moved in a circular motion, and Fitz leaned into her touch. Olivia reached up and kissed her lips to his forehead. She ran a hand over his curls and he held onto her dear life. She was the only thing keeping him sane most days. It was the little gestures, the truthfully heartfelt speeches, and moments of much needed silence that made everything seem possible.

"Thank you, Livi. I love you. I don't know where I'd be without you."

"You're welcome. I love you too, Fitz. I'm never going to leave your side," she promised as she kissed his forehead again.


When Josslyn's piercing scream sounded throughout the cabin, Fitz jumped up immediately, leaving his journal discarded on the floor. He rushed to her quickly. She was sitting up in bed, her face reddening as a stream of hot tears flowed from her eyes.

"Oh Josslyn," Fitz scooped her up into his lap, wrapping an arm around her securely.

"Daddy," she bellowed, clutching onto his shirt.

"Dad," he looked up to see Jerry and Karen in the doorway, clearly concerned.

"I'm here, HoneyBee.I'm here," he cooed, rubbed small circles on her back as her tears stained his shirt.

"Don't die. Don't leave me like Aunt Jess left Chloe,"she pleaded. "Please, Daddy, please."

Karen buried her face in her brother's shoulders, trying to suppress her tears. Kerry wrapped his arms around her and nodded to their dad.

"Come on, Kare," Jerry choked out, swallowing his own tears as tears burned him like hot lava. Fitz closed his eyes and sighed heavily.

"Oh Josslyn, I'm here. I'm safe. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you for a long time if I can help it," he swore, rocking her tiny body, waiting for her tears to subside.

"Please don't die. Don't leave me . Please," she repeated, and Fitz's heart clinched together in pain. He hadn't been prepared. He'd heard the pain Olivia's words but nothing compared to seeing their little girl so terrified. To feel as her heart race and her shook from sobbing until her voice was raspy.

"I love you so much , HoneyBee. I promise that as long as I have a say so, I won't leave you. I'm going to do everything I can to stay with you, okay," he kissed the top of her curly head as she snuggled closer to him and nodded. Fitz continued to rock her until she drifted off to sleep. He held her in the bed, holding on for dear life. Never had something dealing with his children shook him to the core like this did. As he laid there with her, he prayed that God would take away his little girl's pain and restore her innocence.


"Hey you two," Fitz sat in the den where he found Karen resting on her on her brother's shoulder. They had to TV on, watching old cartoons.

"How's Joss," Karen asked as Fitz sat next to her.

"She finally drifted off."

"Does she have those often," Jerry question.

"Unfortunately."

"Liv told me but God, Dad. I didn't know it was that bad," Karen whispered softly, wiping her eyes.

"When you were in the hospital, Josslyn would call us, usually Karen, at night. She'd call crying. Nothing as bad as what happened earlier. Seeing her that way and remembering those calls," Jerry huffed and he looked up as he felt his father squeeze his shoulder.

"She's going to be okay. She's a tough little cookie," Fitz assured, leaning down to kiss Karen's forehead. "So are the both of you. Thank you, thank you for being there for one another when I couldn't be."

"We're a family. It's what we do," Jerry replied nonchalantly and Karen nodded. They'd always look after each other, no questions asked.


"Olivia, can we talk about this now," Mel asked as he slipped a white shirt on, his hair still wet from his shower.

"What is there to talk about, Akmal? The woman basically said our marriage isn't worth saving because of me, and you didn't disagree with her," Olivia answered fiercly, pulled her silky locks into a low bun.

"Olivia, that isn't fair. You didn't even stay in the room long enough to hear the remainder of my comment. You're always running, damn it," he groaned, tugging at his hair.

"Well forgive for not wanting to listen to that woman belittle our relationship and my feelings for you. I'm in the wrong, and I know that. I've accepted it. However, that doesn't give her the right to say you're fighting a losing battle, because I don't love you," she defended her actions. She refused to sit and let some woman who didn't know her, belittle her attempt to save her marriage." I get enough of that from your sister and aunts."

"And I'm sorry for that Olivia. I am. If I knew Armando would mention it to Lisbette, I never would have said anything."

"I want to believe that but you know he isn't the best at keeping secrets from Lisbette. And you know she tells Elena everything," her tone accusatory. "You know I don't care how your family feels about me. Whether they approve or our marriage or not is no skin off my back. However, I'd like to know my children could spend with their family without worrying about them hearing their mother referred to as "a whore who's using you to pass the time." I'm not using you, I'm right where I want to be."

"Are you, Olivia? Is this where you want to be?"

"I can't believe you just asked me that," she shook her head, turning from him briefly. 'If I didn't care about you, our family, or our marriage I would leave. Do you have any idea how easy it would be for me to just up and leave, to run to Fitz," she retorted.

"Of course, go ahead and rub it in my face that he's in love with you. Just add more salt to my wounds," he snided. " You say you could have left, well so could I. Months ago Liv, months. I choose to stay because I love you and don't you forget that."

"I'm stating facts and letting you know the reality of the situation. He's getting divorced; his days as president as numbered. He'd gladly take me and accept the twins with open arms. We had a life a planned out. A life that I could have. All I have to do is say the word. I'm not telling you that to be cruel to simply show you I'm committed. I could save myself of heartache and effort that comes fighting for this so called dead marriage. Am I doing that? No."

"I'm here, I'm trying. I'm not walking away. I'm owning up to my vows. I'm doing my damnest to right my wrongs. I'm putting myself on the line, so don't you ever question my love for you. If I didn't love you, Akmal, I never would have even given this a go. I fight for and protect what I love. If you haven't figured that out yet then maybe you're right. Maybe I'm not where I should be," she ended, meeting her husband's conflicted expression. She walked towards the bedroom door, letting her hand linger on the knob. She turned to look at him one final time. "I'll be back. I need a glass of wine," and with that she made her way to her kitchen to think.


When Fitz returned to office, he was welcomed with open arms. Sally had been true hell on wheels and the safe had never been more grateful to see Fitz. Sally lacked the Fitz's genuine nature of caring for his employees. There were no simple hellos, kind smiles, or inquires about children and summer vacations.

Fitz slipped back into his role effortlessly. He found that working was helping him cope with his shooting. Knowing he was helping others, that he hand control over something was making all the difference. As the days moved along and he watched his children begin to heal, he knew better days were to come. He'd limited his time campaigning for Sally, focusing his attention to Mellie. She'd been a trooper. Sitting with him during the nights he didn't want to bother Olivia but was too shooken to sleep. He knew Mellie would make a fine senator , and that he'd sleep better knowing Sally didn't stand a chance at winning.

As his life slowly began to improve, he watched Olivia struggle. She'd never mention it outright but he could see the fight to save her marriage was taking its toll on her. It broke his heart to see her so worn down and in despair. To the public, she was the same Olivia: saving people by day and tending to her kids and husband at night, but Fitz wasn't fooled. He knew Olivia Carolyn like he knew his favorite book. He could detect her little tells and knew she was meeting the ends of her rope. He only hope she came out of the battle on top. He selfishly wanted her marriage to be over. To finally live the dream life, but he would want to subject her or her children to that pain.

"Want to talk about it," Fitz offered causally as he and Olivia walked the Rose Garden. Josslyn had been with them but when Karen arrived she hurriedly abandoned her parents.

"I'm just thinking," she stopped in her tracks.

"No you aren't. Circles, Livi, circles. You're walking in circles which means something is bothering you. You're worrying," he called her out, tempering his words with a kind smile.

"You've always been good at reading me. I guess that's part of the issue," she sighed.

"Follow me," he tilted his head and she nodded. He was taking them to their spot. The spot that allowed them to be out in the open, yet hidden from all others.

"I love my husband," she shared." And I love you. We all know that, but that isn't my issue."

"It isn't," Fitz titled his head to side to meet her gaze.

"No, my issue is that I don't know how to stop being in love with you. We both know I never fell out of love with you. Did I stop liking you? Most definitely, but my love for you was never dictated by my like for you. That's the issue. I never fell out of love with you. I never allowed myself to fall in love with my husband. The only way I can think of doing that is by cutting all ties with you," she confessed to him sadly.

"Livi, if you..."

"Fitz," she stopped him. "I could never cut you out of my life completely. You've been by my side through so much, too much. For me to wash my hands of you would make me the world's cruelest, most cold hearted, selfish person around."

"Liv," he stared at her as she began to pace.

"I don't want to hurt Mel. At the same time, I don't want to hurt you again. I've hurt you enough to last multiple lifetimes," she stopped pacing to look at him.

"Liv, you have to do what's best for you. I'd missed you and your friendship, but I'll support whatever decision you make. Even if it means I no longer factor into it," he held his hand out and Olivia slipped hers into his.

"That is not an option," she choked out as reads caught in her throat. It hurt her to know he was willing to live on this world without her to ease her pain. It hurt her to know she was stuck between the most loving men a woman could have in her life. "I've never left your side, and I never plan on doing so. Even if I should I won't. I'll never let go; I'll never leave your side, no matter how much it hurts," she promised as her eyes glazed over and her lip quivered.

"Come here, Livi," he pulled her into a warm embrace, his hands rubbing her bare arms.

"I wish I didn't need you. I wish I could be free of you. To let you be free of me," she shared.

"I know, Livi. I know."

She rested her head on his shoulder as her arms wrapped around him tightly, using his as a cocoon. She inhaled his scent, melting further into his warmth. He kissed the top of her head as his fingers danced across her back providing comfort. She pulled back slightly and met his gaze. Fitz brought a hand to her face, and stroked her cheek tenderly. He tilted his headed, until his nose brushed against her. It was wrong, it was forbidden but it felt so right. Both knew they should pull apart but they couldn't. They were stuck together like magnets. Olivia placed a small kiss on his chin, before brushing her nose against his once again. Their gazes were intense, holding conflict and anticipation. She relished in the feel of having his breath grace her lips like a refreshing breeze.

"We can't," she whisper.

"I know," he replied in the same hushed tone.

"I want to but I can't."

"I know, because you're married."

"No, because I can't use you. Not if I have no intentions of ever walking away from you," she corrected and Fitz pressed his forehead against her. There was no need for words. He refused to add more to plate. Instead he uttered the only words he could without ruining the moment.

"One minute?"

"One minute."


AN: So lots has happened there. Old Olitz loving from their pre- Joss days. Almost kisses. Mel & Liv fights. Josslyn breakdowns. The next chapter will be what you've been waiting for. I don't have much to say so you do it for me. Let me know what you think. Also, for all things Walk Away check on my tumblr. The link is on my user profile. Thanks for reading and reviewing. You all are the best.

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