Chapter 52

We're still quiet when we land, and it's a great relief when our ride finally comes to a stop in front of the palace. Echo helps Pinkie out, though she bounces out just fine, and then Discord follows. He holds a taloned hand out to me, and while I want to decline, I know that my dress will in fact make me fall if I don't, so I carefully, awkwardly place my right hoof in his hand, and let him support me down. His smile is so gentle that I almost cry, but I turn away and try not to leap up the steps into the palace. I settle for a long stride that leaves him a little struggling to keep up.

I know I'm being cruel but what more can I do to keep him away? I don't want to hurt him at all but this is the choice I'm left with. A little now or a lot later, and it's no easy decision. When I reach the top of the stairs, I look back, and see that Echo and Pinkie are taking their time up, but Discord is close behind, having given up walking upright for trotting on all fours. Funny, now that he's so small and more or less has to walk like that, he's almost like a pony. If ponies had antlers and talons and fangs. I shake my head and walk inside. The foyer is noisy with ponies greeting each other and the princesses, who stand at the top of another, grander set of stairs that billow out from the second floor landing like a train on a wedding dress. Princess Twilight herself is heading up there now, where the three will hang for a while before getting to the party themselves.

"Oooh, lovely." Discord observes, appearing beside me. Although his appearance is a normal one, rather than his usual popping in and out. His magic has been limited recently, in conjunction with the final stages of the shrinking spell coming into play. It's part of why he can't stand up, too. I side-eye Discord to make sure he's not flirting with me, but it appears he's actually talking about the castle.

"Yeah, it's.. bigger than I imagined."

"Is it? Not too long ago I thought it was rather small but I suppose now that I'm this size it is rather large." His head swivels around, taking in the scope of the place. "I meant how they changed out the decorations though. Usually it's so plain in here, just enormous expanses of white marble and the occasional rug or bouquet."

"And now it's all kinds of colors.." I agree, though this is my first and likely only visit, I can see how even an elaborate building could be considered plain.

"Where first?"

"Well.. I'm going to head to the classical room and see what's going on in there."

"Ah, I see. I suppose that I shall accompany you." He grins. He thinks he's being clever by using my tactic back at me, but he's wrong. I take off at a heavy trot again, heading to the right ballroom, where Fur Elise is playing loudly. This room is crowded in an organized way, but I quickly lose him when I turn tightly around a few groups of ponies and duck behind a table.

Except that when I peer out to try to find an escape route, he spots me and heads over too quickly for me to politely dash out. Still, I more or less hurl myself into the dancers, joining in. I'm no good at this, but I know enough of the basics to travel safely through the moving masses. It's almost fun, hopping from one partner to the next as swiftly and gracefully as possible, navigating the swirling sea of dresses and suits. I have to admit, I get a little lost in it..

Until I land with Discord as a partner. We nearly thud together as our respective partners dip out and away from us.

"Oof, there you are!" He exclaims. "If I'd practiced like that I think I'd have gotten the hang of this sooner, though between you and me, Echo really did try his best at the time."

"Ah, Discord.." I try to pull away, but it's not time to switch partners yet, and we're in the middle of the dance room, surrounded on all sides.

"Oh, what, Copper? Are you going to try to tell me you're no good for me? Me? The god of chaos and disharmony? It should be I concerned for you, my dear, if any of us ought to be worried about the moral well being of the other." Discord says, leading me easily through the dance.

"You don't.. You just don't-"

"Don't what? Don't understand? You're darn right I don't. I can't see why you think you're so bad. Your ancestry? That backwards pegasus honor thing? Psh. I don't want to get that."

"It's more than that, though. I, as an individual, am just… not good."

"Says who?" He whispers, tilting his head.

"Says me and a lot of personal experience dealing with me."

"Like what? What can you have possibly done that's so bad?"

"Well, I was born broken, for one. But if you want stuff that I've chosen, there's lots. I hurt you. I'm selfish. I'm vain. I'm a liar and kind of a thief. I'm no good."

"I'm hearing a lot of nouns and verbs but none of their definitions make any sense, Copper." We twirl a little fast and he draws me close. "You are selfless; you ventured into the Everfree at night to find an impossible cure to an impossible spell. You are genuine; you give back to ponies exactly what you see in them, rather than what you see of them. You speak your mind but never with cruelty and I honestly cannot imagine you so much as shoplifting a pack of your favorite gum."

"You think too highly of me." Is all I can think to say to retort.

"I think just the right height about you. Is it so bad that I care? That you make me care? In my many years of existence, this is the first time I feel real, feel alive, like a person. You are kind and good, to everypony, not just to me, but you still treat me like I'm not… like I'm not who I was. You treat me like the person I'm becoming, the person I want to be."

"That's just the right thing to do.." I mumble, trying to gently pull away. His words are cutting through the barrier I've tried to keep up.

"Then why is it that you pull away so hard? If it's only the right thing to do in your mind, why do you shy from me? I know you aren't scared of me, so what is it?" His talons grip my hooves but I could break out if I really wanted.. but I don't want to.

"I am scared of you. Of.. of hurting you. And I will, I inevitably will, somehow. I know it. It always happens and this time I'm not going to try to be selfish and let it happen. You deserve better than that."

"Then that's a chance I am willing to take, because I don't believe it's true. I see your concerns but I have weighed them with everything else and I have determined that the pros by far outway the cons. Is that so bad?"

For a moment, a beautiful, perfect moment, we are swirling in a field of golden lights and a sea swaying fabric. I feel the light grip of his talons on my hoof, on my back, the way I don't have to think about how or where to step, how at peace I am with myself and everything. I could stay like this, perfectly like this, forever.

"N-no." I spit out, letting him lead me as the dancing picks up again. Maybe, maybe this time could be different..

"See? We're good together, you and I. Why not let it happen? Let us happen..?" He's so happy and I have to say that I am too. Couldn't we just dance like this forever? Would that be so wrong? I relax into the next step with him, swirling through the crowd..

But then my head splits with an agonizing pain and I see through his eyes to another time, another place. All I can see is his face, battered and bruised and cut, horns torn off and bloody. Hands crushed, purple and swollen with injuries. Wings bent at wrong angles, too many angles. His breathing is so harsh and wet that a trickle of blood escapes with every raso of air. He is so broken, the world is so dark and dismal and dead, and it's all my fault.

It's all my fault.

"NO!" I shove him away, stepping back awkwardly on my hind legs, then slipping down to four, still retreating, bumping into stars know how many other ponies. Discord hesitates on two, confused.

"Copper? W-what's wrong?" I can only shake my head, sick with the image of that face torn like confetti made by children. He steps forward and it flashes in my mind again. I step back, screaming.

"NO! STAY BACK!" And then I jolt out, rearing up like a madmare to turn and run away. Somehow I know he doesn't follow me out as I tear open a door to those famous gardens, anything to get away.

I stumble after a short while, exhausted from my sprinting. Luckily, I don't damage my dress, though I do scuff up my hooves and stain my shins with grass marks. I stay put for a bit, huffing and puffing, trying to get my mind together.

That was the second worst vision I've ever had, second only to the visions I won't talk about, the one about Echo, and the one about that monster. And it felt so close, so real, so true. As if it were destined, set in the most perfect stone to happen, one way or another. I can't let any of those three come true, no matter what. Hurt Echo, hurt Discord, that… that hellspawn loose in the world? No. No, never.

Nevertheless, I cry under the weight of these visions. They're terrible and impossible. How could I ever do that, to either of them? How could I so much as allow them to get hurt, let alone do the hurting myself? Gods, no. I couldn't. I won't.

After the warm tears have stopped flowing, I pull myself to my hooves, and decide to clean myself up a bit. I need to pretend to everypony else, at least, that everything's okay. I walk around the castle a bit to find a different entrance, so nopony will notice me, then carefully slink through hallways to find one of the open restrooms on the other side of the building. I can't seem to find them, though, so I just start opening doors and peeking in.

Eventually, I find myself outside again, though on the side of the palace that faces over the majority of the city. There's not much out here, but the view of the city, which seems so quiet, is pretty. The quiet and the dark are interrupted by a couple voices and the piercing light of the inside coming out. I look up to a small balcony, a few floors up, and see that it's Echo and Pinkie. I haven't seen them in so long tonight… I bet I could hide from Discord with them a while, see how they are.

I trot inside and after a few moments of searching, I find their balcony. With a small amount of joy, I trot out to them.

"Oh hey guys! Hey, I hadn't spotted you guys in a while so I got a little worried. What're you doing out here?" I take in the view for a bit, but my focus is ultimately on Echo and Pinkie. They seem a little put out. Were they arguing?

"I was just showing Pinkie this balcony I used to come to as a colt when the Gala was too tiring, just trying to make this night great for her." Echo seems uncomfortable talking about this, so I decide not to ask.

"Aw, that's so sweet of you." A small burst of wind passes through, and I shiver a tiny bit. How haven't they noticed? "You guys are real cute together, but isn't it a bit cold out here? We should head back inside soon."

"Um, no, I think we're fine… I have a blazer on under my jacket; if Pinkie gets cold my jacket and I can keep her warm.. and you know I actually love this temperature."

"Even so, all the party's inside. We wouldn't want everypony else to think we were ditching them." I insist.

"Well, we are on a date Copper, I'm sure they'll understand if we aren't with them for every waking moment. The party still has a few hours left, we're just having some down time is all." Echo says with a small bite to his voice, like I should have realized. And I should have, but I didn't. Oh my stars I cannot believe I interrupted their date and didn't even notice. I can't think of what to say, to begin to apologize. Eventually the awkward silence is broken with a sigh from Pinkie who murmurs to Echo,

"I'm.. I'm gonna let you guys talk this out, okay? I'll be waiting inside." She kisses him on the cheek, then trots past me. I'm numb as Echo seems to reel at me.

"Copper, you are my friend but I want some alone time with Pinkie tonight. I even have a special song to dance to with her later in the request line that Octavia promised to play for us. Pinkie is my marefriend… and tonight is about us."

"I.. I know that." Gods, I'm so dumb. "I just.. I wanted.."

"You want to be dancing with Discord...and he wants that too. Stop denying him because you're scared of rejection. Its no way to live and it's certainly no excuse to hurt him. He's spent three weeks with me in etiquette lessons so he didn't embarrass you at this high end event. Do you know that? He wanted to make sure you two had a great time together as friends per your request even though you both have higher levels of affection than that, and you aren't even spending time with him, you've avoided him since we walked through the door!" I am in shock for a moment, surprised by the bitterness, the accusatory tone. How dare he? I glare, a hint of a snarl on my lips.

"First of all, I'm not scared of 'rejection'. In case you forgot, I've been rejected my whole life, so that's the one thing I'm good at. Second of all, I don't think you understand why I'm doing this. It's for his own good! I'm bad for the ponies I care about, okay? I'm trying to keep my distance so he and everypony else can keep going with their lives!"

"Oh Celestia's Comet… you can't be serious! When have you been 'bad' for ponies! You have saved Discord helped us, done great work and been a great friend. No one's gotten hurt because of you except Discord because you are killing him softly. You don't want to be around him so bad?! Then be a grown mare and cut off relations entirely because it's clear the love you two have is far too deep for a stable friendship. Now I'm going to spend time with the ponies I care about… because that's what you're supposed to do, miss woah is me." Echo starts to stomp away, after Pinkie, but I pounce back in front of him. I haven't had my say yet.

"No, you do not get to just walk away from me. You don't get it, Echo, and I'm not even asking you to. I just wanted some support, and I thought.. I thought you were good enough that I wouldn't be poison to you, like I would be to him. Don't you get it? I want him, but I can't be that selfish because it would ruin him. You.. you're like me, like that, y-you-"

"Like you? No. Copper I am not because I let others know my true feelings about them. I do my best to confront every issue I have… and I am not poisonous.. So if you think you are, then absolutely no, we are not the same. I don't know what kind of pity image you have in your head with me but it can drop because I don't need it! Pinkie loves me and I have wonderful friends and I'm happy!" Echo flares up like a balloon, chest out and head high, righteous but so, so wrong. I feel mute under the words of his assumption.

"That's not what I meant. I meant.. I don't know what I meant, but I don't pity you, Echo. You don't need pity. You're stronger than that. But I get it. I'm just the pathetic, broken pegasus who can't see that nopony needs her opinion. Fine. Go be happy with Pinkie, at your party, with your friends. I can see I'm not one of them. Fine. Fine." I shake my head, and look away. He doesn't say anything. He takes a deep breath, once, then walks past me, back into the palace.

As the door clicks behind him, I fall apart. I feel so small and so terrible, which is as much as I deserve, but I can't seem to feel anything past Echo's dismissal and the terrible images from before. I sink to my knees, letting the cold marble hold me. This night has been horrible and it's probably my fault. Everything is always my fault. I try to look on the bright side, that now maybe they'll both stay away and be safe from me, but I'm.. I'm too selfish to be happy about it. They're safe, but now they hate me. Two of the ponies I love most in the world hate me now, and I can't be happy that they're safe.

"I don't matter, I don't matter." Like a mantra, I try to hold on to that idea. It's okay if I suffer so long as they don't. This is a good thing. But all I feel is cold and sad and gross, with the makeup and the hairdo and the dress.. I tear down my hair, trying not to think about how hard Pilot worked on it..

"Hand me that bobby pin." She points, mouthing the words around other pins and strands of hair.

"Is this necessary?" I ask as I give it to her, trying not to eyeroll at her for not just using her magic.

"Absolutely! Your first Gala, with your boyyyyyyyfriiiiend~" She sings.

"He's not. And I won't go if anypony else tries to imply otherwise." She humphs at that.

"I don't see why you're so stubborn. The guy obviously thinks you're the sun and the moon and everything in between. And he's a god, Copper. A literal god wants to date you."

"So?"

"So? He's a deity, a living incarnation of a mystical force! Who wants to romance you! That's.. That's kind of mind blowing?" She shrugs wildly as she lifts another braid and presses it into place. "And you are going together even if it's under this false pretense of 'friendship', so you've got to look even more stunning than ever." It's my turn to humph. Me? Stunning? Hardly.

"I don't even like parties like this. This, this is your thing."

"Which is why I am going to make you look exactly perfect." She says smugly.

"Okay, but you know what I mean. I don't.. I don't really want to go."

"Ugh, yes you do, you're just psyching yourself out about it. Don't think I've forgotten all those talks we had way back when about ideal dates or whatever. You and I both agreed that a date at a grand party, such as the Grand Galloping Gala, would be incredibly magical." Pilot nods with finality, but I think she doesn't realize I 'agreed' so that she wouldn't think I was nuts. "Anyway, we're done with hair, so on to makeup! It was hard to find a base coat that matched your color, so I mixed one." She pulls out a small, round palette with a touch of pride.

"It's not sparkly, is it?" She blinks, then sighs and puts that one down, and pulls out another.

"I made two. This one is significantly less sparkly, in that it has no sparkles at all. Now, close your eyes." I sigh, and submit. In no time, I feel brush after brush all over my face, and Pilot sort of announces each step, but gets so focused in applying it that she drops off halfway through.

"There. You're perfect. Open your eyes." She whispers. As I open my eyes, I note how heavy my lashes are, how strangely wet my lips seem. But she's right. Even I, with all this.. I could be beautiful.

"You did a wonderful job, Pilot. Thank you."

"Now for the dress." She pulls the silver garment out of the closet, magic keeping it light and flowy even on its hanger. "You're gonna knock 'em dead."

I smile and let her help me into it. I almost look like a princess when it's done.

I make sure to keep the pins, tucked in a pocket of the dress, which I decide to keep on for now. It wouldn't do to walk around naked at a party, even if it is the daily norm. Maybe I can sell it or donate it back to Rarity. I don't really want it. I don't want any part of this night, but if I'm stuck with memories then I think I'm allowed to get rid of the rest.

I sniffle to myself, but I'm all out of tears. I look up at the moon and wish I could just.. sleep it all away. I'm almost tired enough to sleep here, but not quite.

The swing of the door shocks me to my hooves. It's Discord, but he looks pained. But I left, how- how did I still manage to hurt him? Wait.. he's.. surprised and simultaneously grateful to see me.. what?

"Copper, come quick, it's Echo." His voice is a tiny husk of what it normally is.

"W-what?"

"Th-there was a- I don't know what happened- things got out of hand- he- I-" He shakes his head, blank for words. "You need to come, quickly." He holds the door open, and I wordlessly follow him inside, then down to the second ballroom. Everypony is still, crowded by far, but I see up ahead the princesses and an open space, which I assume we're heading to. My stomach starts to drop as I tense with dread.

"Discord?" I whisper, deeply afraid. He says nothing, and I ask, "What's going on?", but he only holds my hoof as we enter the open space. Pinkie and Scootaloo are crying, as are several others that I can't quite focus my eyes on. All three Princesses and even the Prince are working some kind of magic over..

Over..

Over Echo.

"We don't know how or why, yet, but something of a riot broke out and.. and Echo.. it stopped when this happened, when he got- when he fell. He's alive but he's not awake.. S-some doctors are on the way.." Discord explains, but I barely hear him.

This was my vision. The one on the ball that I buried in the yard, because it was too horrible to think about. Echo, broken on the ground. I didn't recognize the place because I'd never been here, but I know it now, in hindsight.

My breathing goes from nonexistent to hyperventilation in a span of two seconds.

"Copper, Copper, shush, it's.. It'll be okay." Discord puts a hand on my face. "They're trying to see if they can heal him, keep him stable in the wait for the doctors, but- but he'll.. He'll be fine." He murmurs, softly.

"I did this."

"What?" Discord looks at me with dumb confusion.

"I did this." I whisper again, and the truth rocks me to the core.

I did this to Echo.