Don't Own Oregairu

Chapter 49: Beneath bubbles

She wore glasses.

After much indecision, he had given into the urge and traversed the threshold of this bold venture and when he finally peeked his head through the entrance that led into her bathroom, it was the first thing his rotten dead fish eyes saw; a set of glass spectacles sitting sweetly on her nose.

For some reason, the image struck an endearing note and a swift sense of déjà vu. He thought there would be other kinds of stirring moving across his skin and making him take a couple more steps to her side, but he was happy leaning against the door frame and trying to affect an air of nonchalance.

He never saw a woman at such an ethereal level of peace and he never expected his first experience of such a tranquil resonance to follow after a chance meeting with her.

Everything was superimposed; the dim light illuminating the tiles and floor, the exotic candles adding a dream-like mysticism and enchantment into the macabre, the various aromas, intoxicating most of his senses.

He could not avert his gaze from the carefully crafted candescence.

A small, knowing sound of wavering water and floating foam, splashing and spilling and flowing, made him acutely aware of the female occupant and her recent proclivities. She was a constant curse on his existential existence and he was contemplating an explanation for his lapse of judgment.

"You stayed."

"I did."

Haruno looked into his eyes; doubt, distrust, disbelief- all and nothing, nothing yet everything-were reflected back from his gauging gaze.

Hachiman kept his shoulders straight, his arms remained unmoving, his posture defensive. He seemed prepared for anything out of the ordinary to happen any second now.

"And you came in."

"…I was only worried."

Evasive, cagey, shifty; all in all, he looked like everything except for a normal guy, who would walk in on a girl taking a bubble bath, obviously completely naked, in her empty apartment.

Luckily for him, Haruno took not a lot of offense at his lack of excitement at seeing her in this submerged state of exposed desires.

A smile spoke volumes for either of them.

"Worried I would kill myself in the bath tub, eh, Hikigaya-kun?" She removed a stray, wet hair from splaying against the skin of her forehead and gently tucked it behind her right earlobe; an action more reminiscent of her younger sister, Yukino.

He bristled, witnessing the twisted familiarity and her lips curled involuntarily in a sickly, sweet smile. "They show in movies and shows how the love interest of the hero; the stupid girlfriend or the naïve wife, commits suicide by slicing her wrists and dying in the bathtub. The water slowly turns a dark, dreadful shade of red, from the blood flowing through her cut vein and leaves a horrific imagery for the hero to discover at the climax of the show or movie. And then, the hero, overcome by grief and guilt, takes some drastic measures, to set things right- Kill some stooges, blows stuff up and get the bad guy; the big, bad villain!" She scoffed, her hands coming up and gently pushing away a large cluster of pink coloured bubbles. Moving them away made many things visible; many, many things. Beautiful, naked things.

"I thought taking a bath would relax you, Har-" Hachiman stopped abruptly from saying her name.

Haruno had switched back to addressing him by his last name again, throwing the honorific 'kun' for good measure. Had there been another change in their status quo within a few moments? He had kept her waiting for only ten minutes.

Was he late? Was he in trouble?

He kept most of his queries to himself. Asking her would not be a healthy idea at the moment. She was not being herself and he was simply confused.

"You can continue calling me, Haruno, for the time being." She offered casually, holding his gaze until he gave a curt nod in understanding.

She did not blink and he found it only a tad disturbing. "Me, calling you by your last name shouldn't have been a problem to you as well. I thought you preferred to keep everything between us as less friendly as possible. I am only being considerate of your misplaced demands and playing my part as the good hostess and keeping my guest entertained."

His brows furrowed at her lack of craftiness in phrasing her every word. She was giving him a lot of leeway; way too many places to dig holes in her narrative, almost begging him to furnish a scathing counter to her statement.

'Did all your guests, gets to see you bath naked?' Was in the fore front of his mind, but instead he showed care in confronting her, by not asking such a bold question without proper provocation. Her insults didn't register much; he heard worse for her younger sister on a daily basis.

"I think-" He was thinking and coming up blank; a stupid Haruno was an unimaginable thought. But then again, did she want him to insult her?

"Don't think," Haruno replied coolly, "Just do." She raised both her arms, grabbed a bunch of bubbles floating away from her and brought them closer to her slick, wet body.

"People waste a lot of time thinking and plotting and scheming; looking at the bigger picture, planning for the long run. They get lost even before the half way mark. Some get abandoned, those out of favours, get punished for their failures and many simply vanish from our memories. It happens to everyone. It will happen to everyone. Still, we try to go out of our way to be miserable." After she was satisfied with her seemingly useless action, she placed one of her hands gently on the outer edge of her tub and slid a little lower, submerging herself further into this small piece of bubbly paradise.

"We forget about the simple pleasures in life." She took her hand away from the edge of the tub. "A bath for instance." A few bubbles were crushed on the way back.

She wanted him to hold her hand; he didn't - another misunderstanding.

He shook his head, "I cannot do that Haruno-san." he told her.

A small regret flashed in his eyes. "I always think; call it my curse, my monster or whatever. I leave many things unsaid and suffer silently. I say to myself it wasn't meant to be and find it easy to just walk away."

He lowered his head, refusing to meet her eyes, "Your sister once said, I don't change because it requires effort and hardship that I am unwilling to undertake." He curled his fingers into a tight fist and squeezed until he felt the nails digging into his skin. "After the Kyoto trip, she changed her mind and said I simply cannot change. This time around she gave me no explanation, no reason. Just said it like a centuries old saying-'You cannot change, Hikigaya-kun'."

A dry chuckle came out from his constricted throat. He coughed painfully and raised his head. She looked at his eyes anew; clear, concise, crisp. Perhaps, she was the only one who saw him like this. "Your sister was wrong on both counts, Haruno." No honorific, she was pleased. "It's not that I don't change; I have been through enough hardship growing up and I don't shy away from giving my all- effort and everything-when it's needed and the thing I am doing feels right."

He took a breath and uncurled his finger from making a useless fist. "And simply saying I cannot change is just idiotic. I didn't expect that from her of all people and it just shows how little I know about her."

Taking two small steps to his immediate left, he found himself standing at the foot of the bath tub. "I know even less about you, Haruno-san." It was the least precarious position for holding a meaningful conversation with a completely naked girl which didn't digress down the slippery slope of her toned thighs. "Even then, I know you wouldn't have said anything like that."

He chose very unwisely; less bubbles on this end. Her long, slender legs were visible now. He should move away. "I sometime think you are crazy." He didn't move an inch from his position. "But I know for sure that you are not stupid."

Haruno raised one of her legs from the lukewarm water. A series of bubbles burst together in tandem. Dripping droplets, shimmering soaps suds, gave away to a fresh mile of smooth skin; legs for days is an understatement.

She saw him staring at her foot; his control crumbling. "Always knew you were a leg man." She was scrunching up all her toes in a hypnotic manner, especially her big toe, which she wiggled in a come-hither gesture, moving backward and forward in an alluring manner. "Love my legs, don't you?" He seemed to watch her from afar, dead fish eyes half-lidded; only desire.

Finally. After all this time, finally, Haruno was able to get a fix on his emotion. Earlier, she had to deal in a series of threes. Now, there was only one.

In the end, he was not hard to understand. She only had to get naked and take a bubble bath to make him come undone and do something completely stupid. Love was for children; lust is a much vicious motivator. In the end, like always, her mother was really right.

'He's just another Hayama.' Haruno thought ruefully, 'Hikigaya Hachiman is Hayama Hayato 2.0.'

She sunk lower into the tub; her head was the only thing remaining afloat on the surface now. Bubbles were everywhere- bursting, never lasting, a passing fancy, a white lie, a drop of water. Pointless. Meaningless. Another nail in the coffin. Another spoilt bubble bath.

"I want a foot rub." Haruno said aloud. Her voice was hard and commanding, eyes dark and cold. She wanted him to literally kneel onto his knees and just show her, how low he could stoop for the promise of a night that he would never get to spend with her. "There are several bottles of massage oils in that upper cabinet." In essence, she wanted him to show her, how wrong she was in thinking he was any different than the others. He could simply use his perverted imaginations and take things from there; didn't even need to say the words out loud- seemed like he understood everything now.

Hachiman looked at her foot in solemn silence.

The moment of truth; he bent his body forward, lowering his dominant arm and gently cupped the succulent, moist arch of her right foot. Haruno wiggled her toes again, mocking him. She should have seen his eyes then instead; her second mistake of the day.

"Another time, Yukinoshita-san." Hachiman said coolly. "I just came in to say good bye." The dim lights of the bathroom cast a small patch of shadow on his face, making his features invisible at the moment. Haruno felt the skin of her soles tingle in frustration. No! No! No! He wouldn't dare; he did.

With a small gentle nudge, Hachiman pushed her foot away and it dropped almost limply into the bathwater, creating a small, ominous splash of damnation.

The scented candles crackled noiselessly nearby; flames danced, wax melted and wicks burned.

The bubble they were living in just popped.

"What-" Haruno growled. "-are you doing!" She was livid. "What. The. Hell. Hachiman." Anger rang loudly in her voice. "You-"

"Yes. Me." Hachiman looked at her in defiance. "You know the funny thing Yukinoshita-san," he was mocking her now. "I would have given you a great foot massage." Enjoyment was slipping into his voice, "Ebina. Shizuka-sensei. Komachi. Saki." Each name was spoken succinctly; three of them were addressed by their first names and one of them was his homeroom teacher.

"They all enjoyed themselves." Holding up his right hand, palm outwards, stretching and curling all five fingers, he made his point crystal clear. "And I did too." A cruel smile rested on his lips, "But you, Yukinoshita-san are not like them. You are different." He folded his arms across his chest. "Do you know why?"

Haruno was silent. She didn't say a word. The bubbles drifted lazily in the surface, untouched.

"Answer me or I leave."

An ultimatum was given.

"…Leave"

A warning was levied in exchange.

"So, we can repeat this charade all over again." Hachiman snorted, "Not gonna happen. You were saying earlier how we should stop thinking so much and just do something instead, right? Well, I think, now's the time to take your own advice."

Resignation rang aloud in silence, "Say it, Haruno."

"…I don't trust you."

The truth hung over them like a fresh corpse.

Hikigaya Hachiman took a few steps back and leaned against the tiles. Yukinoshita Haruno pulled her knees together and brought them closer to her chest, holding them tightly between her folded arms.

A few droplets of water, cascading down from her raven tresses, could be heard in the permeating silence, as it created several new rings on the water surface of her momentarily forgotten bubble bath.

"I finally know where Yukino-chan went wrong." An eerie, tragic voice resonated from inside her vocal chords.

Haruno closed her eyes and recounted their misery. "She said you don't change; that's surely false. You change every time I see you. You just don't let anyone see the change and make yourself forget the changes that have taken place, like a reset button." She shook her head, flinging water droplets everywhere, "No that's wrong. Life doesn't have a reset button and despite your many attempts to seclude yourself from society, you clearly have a life outside of your immediate surroundings."

She narrowed her eyes. "The service club is a prime example. You have Yukino-chan, Gahama-chan and many more people around you. Like I said, despite everything you are not alone even though you are a loner."

A soft sprinkle of water was heard from the tap she opened. "No reset for you" She smiled a fake smile, "A snooze button perhaps; that seems more to your liking." She rubbed her hands in the streaming water from the tap, "Basically, you pretend not to change and think you are fooling yourself, when in reality you are just fooling everyone else. You know what happened. You even accept it. You just don't think it's helpful for being who you are."

She gathered the water from the tap in both her cupped palms. "In conclusion, you keep lying to yourself" Raising her cupped palms, containing the fresh water from the tap, she slightly bent her neck downwards and splashed her face.

Water was the only thing covering her entire face now; a clean, transparent mask made of water. "It's not that you don't change and it not really that you can't change. The former is a proof of only the belligerence of the accuser and the latter is an insult to the person she is accusing. It's not a matter of whether Hikigaya Hachiman, can or cannot change. Neither is it about whether he does or does not change." The water flowed freely down her beautiful face and it seemed like for the first time, she was truly showing him, her true self; washing away everything and anything which had something to do with the last name- Yukinoshita.

"It only comes down to whether he will or will not change." The water was cathartic; the effect was spiritual and meant to be enlightening. Speaking to him in third person was also significant in essence.

Omitting his name, even the 'I' said everything.

"…will not." Hachiman told her regretfully, missing the almost spiteful word 'change' on purpose.

Haruno allowed all the droplets to rescind from her face; any moment now, any moment, another mask would set upon her visage and she would return to being just a 'Yukinoshita'.

She wanted to be anything but her. Beg. Please.

"I want to change, Hachiman." Haruno plead in a fervent voice. "I am tired of being a new Yukinoshita Haruno, every other day of the week, for every other third person I meet in my fifth dimensional life." The water stirred around her. "I want to be just another ordinary girl, leading just another normal life." Bubbles moved away, dispirited. "I feel like I am drowning, but I never reach the bottom of the ocean." She felt herself shaking from head to toe. "I don't know how I begin and when I end. My mother's image, my father's vision, my sister's nemesis; I feel like a collection of reflections in a kaleidoscope." The bath water felt cold; it was not though. "I feel…I don't feel anything sometimes; more than sometimes. And I hate it. I hate it! And I hate myself!"

Haruno was damaged. "Help me." A broken shell of a lost woman. "Help me, please." The girl deprived of a normal childhood, made to wear a mask and participate in a masquerade throughout her life, forced into crafting multiple personalities and made to wear them like costumes on every gathering and gala and party, with everyone and anyone, constantly asked into wearing and taking them off, day in, day out, night in, night out, did many things in her multifaceted life.

But she never cried.

Right now, she felt a stinging irritation, in her eyelids.

…And then she felt a warm, soothing hand gently patting the top of her soaking head, brushing over her wet scalp and moving away soggy, stray strands behind her right earlobe. A finger, accidently, brushed against the spot behind her ear and she felt a tingle of light in her dim surrounding.

"…Hachiman."

More of a question than anything else.

"What do you need, Haruno?"

Not even a question, despite appearance.

"I need you."

Beneath bubbles, one brew, one bloomed.

/

A/N:

Okay, first off, sorry for the delay but it was a pretty big chapter. (3200+ words) Also, this was not the chapter I was hoping to write, but I ran into a very good argument. More than a few people said that Hachiman, heading inside the bathroom would be too OOC and I can't help but agree with them. Normally, he would leave. So, despite the votes, I wrote this chapter. It's a best of both options, I think…No I don't.

But now, for the next chapter, I want to stop tiptoeing over the issue. A majority of the reviewers think that Hachiman should just man up and I agree with them too. Now the only question is about the OOC-ness of the characters. So without further ado:

Here are the options for the next chapter:

Option one: Haruno act out of character. (Sexual teasing.)

Option two: Hachiman acts out of character. (Only a hint of lime.)

Please, pick one.

Hope everyone enjoyed reading this chapter.

Leave lots and lots of reviews, follow and fave.

Won't betray your dreams.

/

P.S- Got a new cover for the story.