Chapter Fifty Five

Bella

I had no idea what had happened after closing my eyes for the last time. I knew I was dying, I knew I was in Jasper's arms the only place I would ever want to be and I felt his strength, his emotions flood into me. His sorrow and frustration, his guilt, were terrible and almost made me choke but instead I held on to them as the final feelings of my long and mostly fruitless life. It seemed so unfair to die just when I finally found my true love but at least we had shared some time together, strange times admittedly but I remembered the feel of his cool hard body against mine as I fell asleep and when I woke up.

Although we had never consummated our relationship I felt closer to him than any other, even my father. I wondered what Avon would have made of Jasper, I thought he would have approved, even blessed our union but instead he would have nothing left of his daughter or his wife. I knew my mother would have loved Jasper, there was nothing to dislike about him, not even his steadfast devotion to his wedding vows.

Few women are as lucky as Alice Cullen had been. I envied her all the experiences she had shared with him, those that I would never know. I was so very tired and cold but as I slipped away from my thoughts and memories I felt a warm thread attach itself to my soul and concentrated on it unraveling as I fell further and further into the blackness of death until there was nothing but the blackness of infinite space and the tiny warm thread wrapped around my finger now, slipping ever closer to the edge and I knew if I lost it then I was lost for ever.

Something changed suddenly, the darkness began to lift and I felt a tug as if the thread were tightening, a voice whispered in my ear that I could come back if I really wanted to, the choice was mine. I could pull myself back to the world I was leaving or let the thread slip from my finger and dissolve. There was no thinking about it, I wanted, I needed to be back with Jasper and I crooked my finger pulling the thread tight and started to fight my way back.

I was going to live and damn Alice Cullen, I would have my mate. Jasper was mine not hers and I was willing to fight for him now as I could not before. Suddenly I heard a soft thumping and knew it was my heart, had I really been that close to losing everything? Then my lungs expanded and I felt the air rush back into my body, I had made my choice, I was coming back and I knew the thing that had saved me was Jasper's love, that warm thread had been him holding on to the dying flickers of my soul, refusing to let go and lose hope.

It was some time before I understood I was still in his arms although I didn't think we were in the ambulance any longer. Where were we? Did it matter? We were together and nothing else mattered. I tried to open my eyes but I was so weak I couldn't even manage that but then I heard his smooth southern accent.

"She will recover completely won't she Carlisle?"

"I think so, Bella seems determined to stay with us, with you Jasper. She just needs time to recover and the blood transfusion will help, she already looks a little more pink. Why don't you let her sleep and you go and hunt? Its hard for you with the scent of human blood so strong. I'll watch her or Rose will, hell I think everyone wants to be in here sitting with her."

"No, I can't leave her until she opens her eyes and knows I was with her through it all."

"Very well but you'll be no good to her if you collapse yourself, just remember that."

"As soon as she's awake I'll go hunt but not before."

I smiled inwardly, he was as stubborn as me! Our life was going to be interesting to say the least, at least we had a life to look forward to. I wanted to be his wife but that wasn't going to be possible, Alice would never grant him a divorce and I wouldn't marry him without one but we would be together as mates which was as good, I had him for eternity but I would have liked to be Mrs. Whitlock. Still Alice had not taken his name and I wondered why when Cullen wasn't her real name in any case. Still I wasn't going to waste time puzzling over her foibles.

Jasper

I lay with Bella in my arms on the bed, very much like all those nights we had spent together, her asleep and me watching her beautiful face. The feel of her almost naked body so close to me had driven me crazy but not for much longer. This time I was going to do everything right, I would make Bella my wife and take her to bed for the first time on our wedding night. There was one problem but I was sure Jenks could help me out with that.

Once Bella was awake and I knew she would be OK then I would leave her long enough to make my plans and then I vowed I would stay by her side, I would protect and love her for eternity, my Bella. I leaned down and kissed her forehead which I was relieved to note felt warmer and was a pale pink again instead of the ashen gray it had become when I thought she was lost to me.

The others looked in from time to time elated Bella had made it and enraged by Alice's actions. Already word had gone out to all our friends and their friends to look for Alice and report her whereabouts immediately. So far there wasn't a sign of her but I didn't think we'd seen or heard the last of my wife, not by a long shot. For now the girl, the woman in my arms was all I was interested in. I left the search to the others knowing neither Peter, Garrett, nor Darius would give up until they watched her burn on a pyre of their own construction. Rose looked in again and came to sit the other side of the bed.

I was awakened from my reverie by Bella moving in my arms. She groaned a little then at last opened her eyes to look up into my face.

"This must be heaven."

I laughed and stroked her cheek,

"Sorry, just Earth but I am glad to see you awake again. I was a little worried there for a while."

"Help me sit up please."

"Are you sure? That wound is still healing and you've had a really rough time of it."

"I need to sit up please."

"Let me help you Bella"

Bella

I looked at Rosalie coldly, she may be helping me now but I still remembered the treatment I received from her before and she may be happy to forget all about it but I couldn't, nor did I want to. I may be more human than vampire but I had the latter's temper when provoked and all the Cullens had provoked me beyond simple forgiveness.

"Are you? I would have thought you'd have been ready to throw a party if I died. My survival must have come as something of a blow to you all."

She threw Jasper an imploring look but to his credit he just ignored it.

"I know I wasn't very friendly to you before Bella and I apologize but you have to see it from my point of view. Remember I was..."

I cut her off at this point,

"No I don't. I came to your house to help Jasper and I was the one put in the most difficult position. I should have been able to expect help and friendship under those circumstances, in fact I did, but I was sorely disappointed. Now if you don't mind I'm very tired and I'd like to sleep."

She looked like she wanted to continue the discussion but I just closed my eyes and a few seconds later heard Jasper,

"I think you'd better leave Rose and tell the others that its going to take a lot to earn Bella's trust if indeed you ever can."