So, I actually really like where this one wound up going. Enjoy it. Trigger warning for talk of hospitalization. Also, please don't come into my reviews of this story asking for updates on another one. I write what I feel inspired to write. I've been trying to update Pretty Woman lately and that inspiration just isn't there. Getting reviews in all caps to update it isn't going to bring on that inspiration and isn't going to get it updated any quicker. Enjoy this story and leave reviews for THIS story. Leave a review on Pretty Woman about updating it. Or PM me. Thank you.
It had been an exhausting week for both Ed and Olivia. Olivia had been dealing with flashbacks of things she couldn't fully recall, she was restless, and even being held did little to help soothe her. Olivia felt vulnerable and was jumping at the slightest unexpected noise or touch, and Ed felt useless, helpless, because he couldn't help his wife feel safe. The last time they'd been intimate was the night she remembered what happened. Olivia sat on their bed lotioning her body. She saw Ed come in and she kissed him gently. "I know this week has been rough," she said, rubbing the last bit of lotion into her arms. "I know it's been my fault and I'm sorry. I'm sorry you aren't sleeping well, I'm sorry I can't have sex, I'm just— I'm sorry."
Ed kissed her temple. "I just wish I could do more to help you," he whispered. "I don't care about sex, about sleep. I just want to make you feel safe."
She looked at him. "That's the thing, Ed. You do," she whispered and took his hand. "You've always made me feel safe. But what he did is so big, so awful, it caused such a seismic shift inside my soul that even being in your arms, even being wrapped in the safety of you isn't stopping the flashbacks. The panic. I need help, Ed. More help than you can give me, more help than I can even give myself." She felt her lip tremble. "And it scares the hell out of me." She looked down at the bed.
He lifted her chin. "Tell me what you need, Olivia."
Olivia met his eyes. "That's the scary part, Ed. I don't know." She broke down in sobs, feeling his arms around her. She sobbed so hard, she ran to the bathroom and threw up. She rinsed her mouth and walked back into bed, falling onto her pillow. "I'm scared," she whispered.
Ed wiped her eyes. "Call Lindstrom. First thing. Please," he begged her. "I can't lose you," he held her tightly and they both cried.
After an hour she fell into a fitful sleep in his arms. She woke up screaming and swinging her fists, accidentally hitting Ed, scurrying away and cowering in the corner of the room, rocking. "No, no, no, no. Please, no."
He got up and slowly walked over to her, the pain from her fist making contact with his cheek taking a backseat to ensuring Olivia was alright. He'd never seen her like this before, and it was scaring the hell out of him. She didn't look like Olivia. She reminded him of Smeagol from the Lord of the Rings movies. He knelt in front of her. "Liv," he spoke in a soft, soothing voice. "Liv, it's me."
Olivia shook her head. "No, no, don't touch me. Please. Please I'll do anything." She hugged her knees to her chest.
Ed stood up and got his phone. It was the middle of the night, but he didn't care, it was an emergency. He dialed and put the phone to his ear, keeping an eye on Olivia. "Dr. Lindstrom? Ed Tucker. Olivia's husband—" he took a deep breath. "She's bad, Doc. She woke up screaming, she hit me on accident and now she's cowering in the corner. I don't know what to do. I'm kind of freaked out." He listened and hung his head. "Yeah. Thanks." He hung up and knelt down again, trying to get this to stop so he didn't need to make the next call. "Liv, baby, look at me. It's me. It's Ed."
Her eyes were frantic. "He's gonna get me. He—" she let out a sob. "Help me." She cried.
He felt the tears well up in his own eyes. "Okay, I'm here. I'm right here. I just called Dr. Lindstrom. I told him what was going on. I need you to come back to me, baby. Otherwise he wants me to send you to the hospital."
Olivia looked at him and shook her head. "I—Help me."
Ed took her hand and she gasped. "Okay, Liv, I gotta call. I need to get you help. Okay?"
She looked at him and nodded, taking his hand, and squeezing. "Thank you," she whispered.
He stood up and called the ambulance to bring Olivia to Bellevue Psych and then he called his mom to stay with the kids. He sat with Olivia. His mom got there before the ambulance and Ed walked Olivia out to the living room. She clung to him. His eyes were filled with tears, fear was overwhelming him.
The ambulance arrived and Ed rode with them to the hospital, staying with her until they forced him to leave. They'd sedated Olivia, and he leaned in and kissed her forehead. He walked out to talk with the doctor, she'd be on a three day hold to get her stabilized and to make sure she wasn't a danger to herself or anyone else. Ed hailed a cab home and sat on the couch with a tumbler of bourbon. He didn't sleep that night. The image of Olivia cowering in the corner was one that would never leave his mind.
The kids woke up around seven and Noah asked where Olivia was. Ed fought the tears. He didn't know how to explain that Olivia's mental state had gotten so bad that she needed to be hospitalized. Olivia would know what to say. "No, last night, Mommy got really really upset. You remember how she told you a while ago that a really mean man hurt her and she was having some trouble dealing with it? That's what happened last night, usually I can pull her out of that place, but I couldn't last night, so she went to the hospital for a couple of days so they can help her."
Noah looked up at him. "Is she gonna die?"
Ed shook his head. "No, buddy. She's gonna be okay. She just needed more help than any of us could give her, and that's okay." His phone rang and he answered it. "Hello?"
Olivia's voice came over the ear piece. "Ed," she let out a breath. "I'm so sorry." She gripped the hospital issue robe she wore. "Some things are a little fuzzy, but I know if I'm here things must have gotten bad."
Ed took a deep breath. "Liv, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to have to bring you there. I couldn't bring you out of the nightmare. I tried. God, I tried. I'd never seen you like that before. It scared the hell out of me."
Olivia wiped her eyes, standing by the nurses station. "Did I hurt you?"
Ed's hand started to shake. "I have a bit of a bruise, but I'm fine, Liv."
Olivia let out a sob. "Oh, Ed. I'm so sorry," she whispered. She bit her lip. "I, uh— I have to go. Something about therapy." She twirled her hair around her finger. "Ed, I— I love you. And I'm so sorry I hurt you."
Ed swallowed hard. "I'm okay. Go, get better. I love you, and I miss you so much already. Noah and Caroline miss you and love you."
Olivia smiled a tearful smile. "Tell them I love them and give them a hug and kiss for me." She took a deep breath. "I miss you. I'll call when I can," she whispered and hung up, going to a group therapy session, followed by individual therapy, lunch, meds. The only thing they gave her was a journal and a pen. So she wrote. She wrote down every emotion, every thought. Metaphors flooded the pages. Page after page of prose and poetry.
Things remained like this for three days. She called Ed every chance she got and stayed on the phone with him as long as they would allow her to. She did get some sleep, but only because the new medications made her tired. She hadn't slept without Ed by her side in just about a year. On the third day, they gave her back the clothes she came in and she sat on her bed, writing, waiting for Ed. She saw him walk in and her face lit up with the first genuine smile she'd smiled in over a week. She launched herself out of bed and ran to his arms, wrapping her arms around him. "Oh, I've missed you," she whispered.
Ed held her tightly and kissed her temple. "I've missed you, too. The kids missed you." He cradled her face I his hands. "I love you more than life itself." He kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't bring you back after that nightmare."
Olivia shook her head. "No, you have nothing to apologize for. I hated being away from you and the kids, but they got me stable. I had a lot of time to work through this. I wrote— a lot." She smiled. "What happened was a culmination of the memory coming back up and me trying to push it down again and working so hard and trying to act like I was okay. I hit my breaking point." She kissed him softly. "I'm okay now. Take me home," she said gently. "Please."
Shortly after Olivia signed discharge papers and was given prescriptions so she could keep taking the meds that worked for her, they were back on the streets. They hailed a cab, filled her meds, and went home. He held the door for her as she walked in. Noah ran over to her and she knelt down and hugged him tight, kissing his forehead. "Are you feeling better, Mommy?"
Olivia nodded. "I am. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye before Ieft. I was kinda scary, I didn't want to scare you, sweet boy. But I'm okay now. I promise."
Ed helped her stand up when she finished her conversation. "You want something to eat?"
She smiled. "As long as it's not hospital food," she kissed him gently. "I'm going to go put my meds away and freshen up. I feel gross." She kissed his cheek, gently running her fingers over his cheek. "I'm so, so sorry, Ed." She kissed his knuckles. "I just need fifteen minutes to take a quick shower."
He kissed her cheek. "I'll make you something to eat. Holler if you need me."
Olivia squeezed his hand. "I always need you." She smiled and walked into their bedroom, putting her meds away. The doctor sent her home with an antidepressant, something for anxiety, and a sleeping pill. She walked into the bathroom and disrobed, starting the shower she quickly washed her hair and her body, getting out of the shower. She heard Ed.
"I'm in the bedroom. I don't want to startle you."
She smiled and walked into their bedroom, wrapped in a towel. "Hey," she walked over to him and caressed his face, kissing him slowly. She pulled away and looked into his eyes. "I missed that." She ran her hands over his chest. "I'm sorry I hit you, and I'm sorry I scared you." She whispered. "And I know how hard it must have been for you to check me into the hospital. But, thank you," she whispered. "As much as I truly hated being away from my family, I know it helped me, and I know that's what I needed. Not the time away from my family part, the days of therapy, the medication monitoring, I needed that in order to get through that realization. Am I still going to have times that are hard? Sure, that's the nature of anxiety and PTSD. But I know what to do for next time. I have medication to help me if I really need it, and I have the most important thing now," she said. "I have the man I love who can wrap me in his arms," she whispered.
He caressed her face. "I'm so sorry I couldn't bring you out of it. I feel like I failed you. I didn't protect you."
Olivia searched his eyes. "Ed, this was my own head. This wasn't something outside. You didn't fail me, and you did protect me. You got me the help I needed. Stop beating yourself up." She kissed him gently. "Ed, I'm not broken."
Ed looked at her. "I know you're not," he whispered and kissed her passionately. He heard her moan and he ran his fingers over her exposed skin. She let her towel fall and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer. He broke the kiss and looked at her body. "You're beautiful," he whispered. "Mom's with the kids, so if we're really quiet," he whispered, kissing her neck.
She closed her eyes and let out a soft moan. "Mm." She felt his hands run over her body. "Ed," she whispered and worked on unbuttoning his pants, pulling his shirt over his head, pushing his pants down. She took her erection in her hand and gently stroked him.
He groaned, his fingers finding her clit, pushing inside of her, hearing her gasp. Ed wrapped his free hand around her waist. "You're so sexy," he whispered.
Olivia looked into his eyes. "Make love to me." She felt hip pick her up and she giggled and laid her on the bed. She looked up at him as he settled on top of her, kissing her passionately. She wrapped her arms around him,!running her palms over his back.
Ed broke the kiss and looked down at her. "You ready?" He saw her nod and he caressed her face and pushed into her they moth let out a moan. "You feel so perfect, Liv," he whispered. His hips started a slow rhythm into hers, thrusting inside of her.
She moaned and her hips met his, thrust for thrust. "Mm, Ed!" She gasped as their hips continued thrusting into each other's. "Oh, right there." She let out a moan, her back arched. "Yeah," she whispered and kissed him. Feeling her muscles start to contract around him. "I'm so close baby," she whispered, her lips next to his ear.
He groaned. "Come on, baby. I'm right there with you," he whispered, his hand moving between him, gently rubbing her clit, watching her mouth fall open, her muscles clenching around him, stilling him. He groaned and felt himself release inside of her. They both moaned. He thrust inside her a couple more times, slipping out of her, kissing her passionately, rolling them both to their sides. He broke the kiss and tucked her hair behind her ears. "I missed that so much. I missed hearing you moan, I missed making you orgasm."
Olivia smiled. "I missed it, too," she whispered, tracing shapes on his chest. "You know what I missed more?"
Ed caressed her face. "What's that?" He asked gently, their eyes meeting.
She took his hand in hers. "This. The after, laying in your arms," she nuzzled against him. "I missed the post coital bliss." She smiled and kissed him, letting out a gentle moan.
He wrapped his arms around her, hearing her stomach grumble. "I think someone's hungry." He chuckled.
Olivia smiled. "I was hungry for something else, first." She blushed. "But we should put clothes on and I should eat and spend some time with our kids."
Ed helped her up and she got dressed in leggings and a t-shirt and a hoodie. "You're beautiful," he whispered. He put his clothes on from earlier. Olivia threw her hair up in a bun, and they walked into the living room together.
Her mother in law came up to her and hugged her tight. "Thank God you're alright." She whispered.
Olivia hugged her mother-in-law back. "I'm okay. Ed did the right thing, taking me to the hospital. He got me the help I needed."
The older woman pulled away and smiled. "I'm glad you have each other."
Olivia smiled and saw her toddler standing at the table and she smiled. "My sweet girl," she whispered and saw her turn around and start to take steps towards her. "That's it, come to mama!" Caroline took four steps, enough to get to Olivia before she fell, into her mother's arms. "Mama is so proud of you!" She whispered, holding her daughter close. Ed sat on the couch, bringing her a sandwich.
Ed smiled. "It's not a gourmet meal, but it's something."
She shook her head, cradling her daughter. "It's perfect. Everything right now, in this moment, is perfect." She gave him a quick kiss on the lips, holding Caroline in her lap as she ate her sandwich.
This was perfect. This was all she needed.
A/N: Okay, so there's that. Tell me what you think. Leave a review (FOR THIS STORY) here or on Twitter (couricshargitay). And I'll see you next chapter.
