Hey, guys! This is a bonus chapter I wrote in honor of it being Christmas and all. I always had an idea for a scene like this, but I didn't know where to place it during the actual story. I mostly just wanted to write about Jacqueline and Finn again, so I figured I might as well post it. Definitely not my best work, but, you know, it has a beginning, middle, and end, so that's gotta count for something. It may leave some ends untied but it was just something I was working on. (I just read Hamlet and his soliloquies where he beats up on himself may or may not have inspired my writing of Finn. Fair warning.)
Please review! It would be an awesome Christmas present.
Bonus Chapter:
"Tony, Finn — I think it's great you guys have something to bond over, even if it is what name is best to give your seraph blade, but it would be much appreciated if you would please shut up. I'm trying to watch the movie over here."
Vanessa glared at the two boys, whose animated conversation was still continuing pleasurably. They didn't seem to have heard her. Rather than try to interrupt again, she took the remote control and rather aggressively pressed the pause button.
The boys took a few more seconds before they noticed. Tony's eyes were the first to finally rest on the screen. "Hey, alright, the movie's over!" he exclaimed, jumping up from his seat.
Vanessa groaned, throwing a piece of popcorn at him, annoyed.
Not surprisingly, with his quick reflexes, he caught it and popped it into his mouth. Then, noticing the expression on Vanessa's face, quickly sat back down. "Oh. You just paused it." He was visibly disappointed.
"Last night I watched some game with ice and skates and sticks the whole night—"
"It's called a hockey game, Ness—"
"—so I think you can sit for two hours and watch Pride and Prejudice with me!"
Tony nodded, a little glumly, and promptly sat back down. Jacqueline was sympathetic. She liked the movie, of course, but she wasn't as into it as Vanessa was. She glanced over at Finn, who mouthed the word "sorry" to her with a mischievous little grin.
She rolled her eyes in response but smiled back. These moments were what she had missed most, the moments she thought she'd never have again. She'd never thought about them before, about how a brief exchange of smiles and laughs with Finn was something she so desperately wanted and needed. These moments had always seemed insignificant to her because she'd thought she'd never have them again.
But she had them, and by the Angel, they felt good. She felt good.
Jacqueline thought Pride and Prejudice was an amazing movie, even if Tony thought otherwise. She loved the way Elizabeth and Darcy, the two main characters, fell in love. They weren't perfect; they were flawed people, but they learned from their mistakes. They both brought out the best in each other. With the help of each other, they became better people.
It reminded her of another love story that she knew very well, she thought with a wry grin.
The final scene made her heart melt. The handsome Darcy, coming through the countryside, the sun shining down on him early in the morning. Meeting Elizabeth in the middle of a field, professing his love for her... She loved it all. Nothing could ever compare to her and Finn's first kiss, of course, but this was a close second.
She and Vanessa ooh-ed and ahh-ed in all the right places, swooning over the final scene. To his credit, Tony tried to look like he wasn't bored out of his mind. Finn, though, looked a little uncomfortable. He was fidgeting, staring at his hands and not at the movie. Every so often, he ran his fingers through his hair, and she knew he was nervous about something.
She kept shooting glances at him, wondering what was on his mind. And right as the movie ended, she turned her head toward him. "Hey, Finn—"
"I'm going to go," Finn said suddenly, cutting her off. "Uh, I'll see you guys later." And he strode out of the room, leaving the other three teenagers behind.
—•—
Finn looked at himself in the training room's mirror, sighing. He didn't know what to think. Something about that movie had made him feel weird. Wasn't he supposed to be happy? Jacqueline was back, and he had just spent an afternoon with her and his two closest friends.
He ran a hand through his hair before he could stop himself. By the Angel, he needed to get over that nervous habit.
That guy in the movie, whatever his name had been, had been so sure of himself. Darcy. He was strong and broad and able to redeem himself and capable of anything... And here he was, at what was supposed to be a time when he was immeasurably happy, and all he felt was unsure. What was wrong with him?
He stared at himself in the mirror. He did not feel strong and he did not look broad, not like whoever that guy in the movie was. He was too thin for his height, too gangly and not enough muscle. He looked like a child's drawing of stick figures, not someone capable of killing demons.
He was not capable of saving anyone, let alone himself. He hadn't saved Jacqueline from the vampires, and when his parents were his age, they had saved basically the entire world.
He stepped away from the mirror. He was being ridiculous. He was letting his thoughts run away from him, which usually never happened.
Sighing quietly, Finn turned away from his reflection. He tapped his fingers on the side of his leg, feeling like he had too much energy all pent up inside him. He needed some sort of release, to make him get rid of all this anxiety he'd been feeling.
He needed to train. Something, anything was better than feeling like he was about to explode.
He angrily grabbed a handful of the swords hanging against the wall and threw them onto the ground. The echoing clanging sound that filled the room did nothing to ease his nerves.
Jacqueline's voice suddenly filled the room. "Is everything okay?" he heard her call out.
"Uh, yeah... just a second," he responded, quickly shoving the swords back onto the wall where they had hung before.
Jacqueline entered before he could replace each sword in its correct spot, and he stood there rather sheepishly in front of her, a small smile on his face and a pile of at least five swords at his feet.
"Aren't you supposed to be a Shadowhunter?" Jacqueline teased him, picking up a sword to help him out. "All grace, all perfect reflexes? You people never drop anything."
He paused, holding the sword above its hook on the wall but too upset to set it down. He knew she was teasing, but that was the kind of comment that really made him feel angry with himself. He had felt wrong, lately, like he hadn't been able to do anything right or be anything right. The idea of him not being a good Shadowhunter, that part of him that felt like it went into his very being and yet he sometimes wished he didn't have, was one he couldn't handle at the moment.
He didn't know what to say. He wouldn't yell at her — that wasn't fair to her — but he wanted to yell in general. "I was going to train!" he blurted out, a little more loudly than he had intended. "I mean, uh, yeah. I'm going to train. If you want to practice with me. You and your angel blood will have to let up on me though, okay?" He tried to sound normal; he really tried. But he could hear the edge of anxiety in his tone and knew he wasn't fooling anyone, least of all himself.
"I'll do my best." Jacqueline smiled back at him, but he still felt like she could see right through him. She had a knack for that.
Finn tossed her one of the blunt-edged practice swords, and she caught it deftly, twirling it around with a smirk. "I'm ready for you, Herondale," she said, pointing it at him.
He held his up in response and tried to smile convincingly. "En garde."
They parried with the swords. Finn hated how tense he was; this wasn't relieving his nerves like he wanted. He still felt too high-strung, like all his energy was just barely contained within his body. He needed to go for a run or something, to sprint down the city blocks until his lungs felt like they would burst.
He and Jacqueline had been training a lot together lately, and he liked that they pushed each other to be better. Even if he had told her to go easy on him, they both knew he didn't really mean it. Neither of them were going to back down, because they both wanted to improve. She usually beat him, but there were a few times when Finn could win one of their mock-battles.
She was winning now — she had already lightly tapped his arm and his chest with the tip of the sword. He had gotten a few touches in too, but she was clearly beating him. He still felt like he was going to be torn apart at any moment.
All of a sudden, she swept his legs out from underneath him, and he was lying on the ground, his sword a few feet away from him.
"I totally didn't mean to do that," she teased him.
"Sure you didn't." Finn rolled his eyes, but somehow, her joking around with him made him feel at least a little closer to normal. He held out his hand. "Help me up, will you?"
The moment she reached for his hand, he pulled her down on top of him. Their noses were almost touching. "You left yourself open for that one," he pointed out.
"I suppose I did," she whispered with a grin, her pale blue eyes gazing into his green ones.
Using some sort of strength and gracefulness he didn't know he had, he rolled over and suddenly he was the one on top. (He also knew that there was no way in hell he'd ever be able to pull off a maneuver like that again.) His arms were on either side of her torso but he pushed himself up so he could see her better. By the Angel, she was stunning. There were girls who knew they were beautiful and they knew how to work it to their advantage. But then there were girls like Jack who had no idea. If he only knew how to say the words to tell her. But he couldn't translate what was going on in his mind to what words came from his lips.
It made him so nervous to look at her, like when he'd first met her. He couldn't believe that he was really here, with someone who was so lovely and perfect. The curve of her collarbone, the tilt to her eyes, the shape of her lips. All of it was inviting him in, and there was no way he would be able to stop himself. She was teasing him and she didn't even know it.
Jacqueline's eyes met his, and she grinned, a little bit mischievously. "What?" she asked, not moving away.
"You're just..." He swallowed, trying to say something so he didn't look like a complete idiot in front of her. "You're so beautiful. I'm usually better with words, you know? And I wish... I wish I could say what I wanted to say better."
Although it had been a few weeks since she had returned to the Institute, Finn had spent about as much time with Jacqueline as possible, as if he could somehow make up for all the time he'd missed last year. Still, during most of that time, Finn was usually the one who initiated any sort of physical affection — always asking her if what he was doing was okay, of course. She had seemed sort of shy, but Finn was careful that he never did more than she wanted. He tried not to seem too clingy, but he craved her like no one else.
But today was different.
She tugged slightly at the collar of his shirt, pulling him on top of her. She kissed him first, and Finn felt himself relax as he kissed her back. This was right and good and he didn't care that they were sort of tangled together on the practice mats, because she was here and that was all that mattered.
As an artist, he'd always thought of people as different kinds of colors. Jacqueline was gold — a brilliant, glowing gold whose shine put the sun to shame.
He was so in love with her, this golden girl, and he hated himself for not having realized it sooner.
After a few moments, they pulled away from each other and sat up, sitting cross legged and facing each other. She gazed at him, looking pensive and even confused.
"Finn?" Jacqueline asked him. "Are you... okay?"
"Yeah," Finn lied. "I'm fine. Definitely."
She didn't respond right away, like she wanted time to contemplate her response. "I... I don't want to push you, to bother you, but Finn, you seem a little... out-of-sorts." She took his hand, and Finn felt a rush of happiness that she wanted to be as close to him as he wanted to be to her.
"I'm just tired, that's all," he said.
"You know you can talk to me, right?" she asked him gently.
He made some sort of noise that was a mixture between a sigh and a groan. He didn't want to tell anyone what he'd been feeling because he himself didn't really know what he was feeling. "Yeah, I know." He stood up, taking a few steps away from her. He couldn't look at her when he talked, and he didn't know why. "Just, watching that movie, you know? Something about it made me — I don't know — feel weird or something. That's all."
She didn't say anything, and he knew that she was expecting him to continue. But he couldn't do it. For what felt like the hundredth time today, he didn't know what to say. "Jack, I'm sorry, but I, I just can't right now. I know you're trying to help. But I, I don't know what's wrong right now, and I can't talk to you about it. I'm sorry."
"You sure?" Jacqueline looked a little sad, and he hated that he was making her feel that way.
He nodded. She reluctantly stood up, and stood up on her tiptoes to lightly press her lips to his cheek. "I love you," she said quietly, and she turned to go out of the training room.
"You deserve so much better!" The words were loud and echoed in the noiseless room. He didn't realize how true his words were until he said them.
"Oh, Finn..." Jacqueline turned away from the door and was at his side again in almost an instant.
"I'm sorry I yelled," he replied quietly, unable to meet her gaze. "And I love you, so much. But I'm a Shadowhunter, and not a very good one, and you're so perfect—"
"Hey, now, hold on a second," she said sternly. "Don't go calling anyone perfect. I'm not being down on myself. But I'm a normal person, with flaws. I can list them for you, if you like—"
"No, you don't have to—"
"It takes me forever to trust someone. I'm still nervous around people that I care about. I'm not particularly witty or charming. I still can't forgive Kristal even now that I know her whole story. My hair and skin are practically the same shade of white which is really bizarre to most people—"
"I like your hair—"
"And that's not me trying to get attention or whatever. But Finn, you need to understand that I'm not perfect, and that's okay. People shouldn't be perfect."
"Jack, you're literally an angel, and I'm, well, just... me."
"You're just you? Okay, then." Jacqueline tugged at his wrist and made him sit down on the floor again. "If you're just you, then you're 'just' smart, and brave, and kinder than anyone I've ever met. You're 'just' strong and capable and determined. You're 'just' an amazing artist and Shadowhunter. And, also, you're—" she ducked her head, a little shyly, grinning as she laughed to herself, "—ridiculously hot, so much so that it's sort of unfair to the rest of the male population."
Finn couldn't help but smile. She was so wonderful, no matter what things she considered flaws. He couldn't believe that someone could say such kind things about him, even if he didn't feel like they were true. "I— I don't know what to say. Uh, thank you, Jack—"
She burst out laughing, this sweet little sound that had Finn laughing too. "What?" Finn asked her, laughing as much as she was.
"I've never seen you at a loss for words!" she exclaimed, still laughing. Her tone grew a little more serious, but she still grinned. "I love you. And I think you're awesome, and so does everyone else. Really. You don't have to be your parents, or Darcy, or whoever. You just have to be you. Because the 'you' I know is pretty amazing."
He leaned in and kissed her, cupping his hands around her cheeks. She wove her hands into his hair, and he felt her smiling against his lips. By the Angel, he loved when she did that.
When they broke apart, she said, "Before I came to the Institute, I was convinced that I was worthless. After living in the orphanage and then living on the streets, I thought no one cared about me. And there were times when I hated myself. But then I came here, and you and Vanessa and Tony and everyone made me realize that people aren't all awful, that I deserved kindness. And I worked and I trained and I learned and now I'm here. And I've grown to love myself."
"But I made you think you were worthless too," Finn pointed out. "When we were fighting, after I kissed you and got drunk. I've done horrible things to you."
"I never gave you a chance to explain," Jacqueline reminded him. "I assumed the worst in you without ever giving you a second chance. Neither of us handled that situation right." She squeezed his hand gently. "After that night in Pandemonium, I didn't know why you saved my life. And you helped me realize how important I was, how I was deserving of my own life. You helped me so much; I hope you know that."
"I think I do, yeah," he replied. "It's just hard, being surrounded by so many extraordinary people."
"But you're one of those extraordinary people, Finn."
"You're really inflating my ego with all these compliments, you know," Finn teased her.
Jacqueline smiled, a smile that touched her whole face. "Good. I'm glad."
"I'll work on it, okay?" he said, more seriously. "To think of myself the way you think of me."
She hugged him. "I'm so happy I'm here with you," she whispered into his ear. "I never thought I could have this again."
"Me either," he said quietly, loving the feeling of her arms around him. "Thank you. For everything."
"Never forget how amazing you are, okay?"
And Finn nodded, knowing that with her by his side, he could do anything.
So, yeah, not my best work. I hope you enjoyed it though! (I didn't kill anyone off, so that should've been nice!) Please leave your thoughts in a review, good and bad! I missed writing about these two and I miss my awesome reviewers.
If I'm struck by inspiration, I'll write other bonus chapters. But as of right now, I've got nothing.
Hope everyone has a lovely 2017. You have all my love.
Love always,
- Mimi
