"Still a difficult patient, or so I hear." The Herald let only a hint of disapproval creep into his tone. He settled into the chair beside Kyminn's sick bed. That Kyminn sported fewer splints and bandages, along with being able to sit propped up, was an encouraging sign. Less encouraging were the dark circles beneath the Healer's eyes.
A flicker of smile in acknowledgement while bandaged hands vainly plucked at the blanket. "It's not…Randen, I've been down this road before. I don't want to make the same mistake as last time…"
"That's good to know." Blunt.
The flicker again. "I know I have to rest. I know my body can't rely on sleeping drugs, or a healing sleep. I know my mind has to rest naturally for me to recover. I want to sleep. I want to recover. I…I try, Randen, I swear I do. It's just…there are things in my mind…things that…" he trailed off.
"We are going to get you to a Mindhealer." Gentle. Sympathetic.
"I know." Quiet.
Randen released a deep breath. "I spoke with your Healers. At the moment, it's a matter of competing priorities. The closest Mindhealer is back in Haven. You need to be recovered enough from your injuries to make the journey. But the more time spent letting your body recover means…"
"More time for the rest of me to deteriorate." Kyminn interrupted. "I know. I also know that I'm not well enough to judge my mental state right now."
"Precisely. As well as that, your Healers can't stay hear indefinitely either. Their posts are unattended and they're needed."
Kyminn nodded in understanding. "So?"
"So, I'm told that you will be moved sooner, rather than later. The focus on the next few days will be making sure you can manage with your hands. You'll travel by wagon – as cargo, I'm afraid – nothing fancy – and stay at inns, Healing posts or Guard posts. Preferably the last two. A protection detail will accompany you, just in case. Once you get to within a couple of weeks from Haven, you'll be met by a team from Healer's and be handed off to them."
A part of Kyminn wondered if the protection detail was intended to guard from an external threat or to protect Kyminn – or others - from himself. He decided he didn't want to know the answer to that.
"Any questions?" Randen quirked an eyebrow.
Kyminn hesitated. "Has anyone told Cydris?" He wasn't sure what, exactly, he wanted her to know. That he had been hurt certainly. How badly was something else. Her response as a Healer would be different from her response as a spouse. He didn't want to mislead her, but he wasn't sure how to inform the Healer without hurting the spouse.
Randen nodded. "Your Circle got a full report." There was an emphasis on the word 'full'. "I also wrote a personal note to Cydris. I sent it to Tannel and asked him to read it first before he gave it to her."
This time the smile was more genuine. Tannel would make sure that she had whatever she needed. "Thank you."
Randen nodded in acceptance. "Is there anything you need?"
Kyminn glanced around the room hesitantly, his expression awkward. "Actually, yes. I would really like to be able to go outside, if that's possible." He coloured faintly. "I know it's a nuisance since I still can't walk, but honestly Randen, it would feel good to feel the sun on my face."
Randen regarded Kyminn steadily for a moment, assessing. They both knew that the Herald was debating not so much as whether there was an ulterior motive behind the request but whether it posed a risk.
::I'll keep an eye on him. If it looks like he's planning on doing something stupid, I'll make sure it doesn't happen.::
Randen hid the smile that Derris's comment evoked. ::Thank you for offering to babysit.::
Out loud, he said simply, "As long as it's alright with your Healers, I think it's a fine idea."
# # #
The Healers agreed wholeheartedly with the notion, with a few additions.
"We'll arrange it for midafternoon," Chaddick stated. "He'll be tired after the morning session and will sleep at least until the noon meal. We'll do another session afterwards. He doesn't usually nap after that session – although he should. Outside in the shade with the warmth…hopefully that will make him doze off on his own. Maybe," Chaddick shrugged, "maybe the daylight will help with the nightmares."
They found a spot a little way away from the beaten dust of the buildings, under the shade of a spreading birch. Derris and Amlee grazed nearby, silent company while Kyminn was propped up in a padded seat.
Kyminn watched the two Companions, wondering why his hands were suddenly trembling.
"Derris." It was barely a whisper. A plea.
The stallion's head came up, as did Amlee's. After a second, she nodded and stepped back – close, but out of earshot.
Derris flicked an ear in question.
"I…can you…" Kyminn fumbled the words, his eyes fixed on his shaking hands.
Warm, grass scented breath ruffled his hair. Derris's approach had been silent. Blue eyes regarded Kyminn patiently.
"You…Companions can tell…is there evil in me?" The harsh whisper was thick with anguish.
A nose nudged him, hard. Derris locked eyes with Kyminn as the Companion shook his head emphatically. Another nudge, gentler this time, this one reassuring.
"But I can feel it still. I feel…tainted. Whenever I sleep it feels like it's creeping up on me. I feel like my soul is…ugly, full of poison."
Derris pressed his head against Kyminn's chest for another moment before stepping back. The Companion looked away and Kyminn followed the glance. Randen was making his way towards them.
The Herald settled on the ground beside Kyminn. "Derris says you want to talk."
"I…"
"He says you were damaged in the attack."
A wordless cry and Kyminn's eyes filled with tears.
"But you're not evil, Kyminn. He would know."
"But I can feel it, feel something there. Am I going crazy?"
Two heads shook.
"No. You do feel something. You feel the injury done to you. It is like any other injury Kyminn. With the right care, it will heal."
"When I sleep, it feels like the evil is taking over my mind." Tears ran down Kyminn's cheeks. "I wake up afraid that that's who I am, what I've become."
"You have scars, Kyminn." Randen's voice was gentle. "And you always will. Derris says that the evil was done TO you but is not a part OF you. You don't have to be afraid of who you are."
Kyminn buried his face in the Companion's scarred shoulder and wept.
# # #
It would have been nice, Randen reflected, if the conversation had resolved Kyminn's problems. He swung his truncated leg over Derris's back and the Companion rose smoothly as the Herald settled into his seat.
::Give him time, Chosen. He still has a lot of healing to do.::
::I know. I just hoped that this would help.::
Derris glanced back at the Herald. ::It did. Chaddick says the nightmares will likely continue until they get him to a Mindhealer but that he's not obsessing any more.::
::He's still not sleeping:: Randen looked over at Lev and Amlee, who nodded in unison to indicate their readiness. The four of them were overdue to resume their interrupted Circuit.
::Actually he is, somewhat. Not well, I'll grant you, but when he wakes up, he can put what he experienced in perspective now. He'll be alright. You'll see.:: Derris sounded so confident that Randen didn't bother arguing.
# # #
The sky was starting to reflect the darker blues of early autumn by the time Kyminn saw Haven again. The Mindhealer Crathach had met them three weeks before when the Guard had formally turned Kyminn's case over. Crathach had insisted on remaining in place for a full sennight before agreeing that Kyminn was well enough to resume travel. Their trip had been slow, marked by regular sessions of therapy and Healing.
An advantage to the slow journey was that Kyminn's physical injuries had had ample time to heal. While he bore a host of new scars, both visible and not, he was well once again.
Instead of entering the city directly, they skirted the outer walls, circling until they fetched up on the road that paralleled the river. This would be, as Crathach explained, the final phase of Kyminn's recovery.
"You and I both know that the moment you set foot inside the walls, you'll be besieged. 'Just a quick question', or 'Can you let me a hand just for a moment'. Plus the expected well wishers and the unavoidable intrusive questions." Crathach had let that sink in for a moment until Kyminn had nodded in reluctant understanding.
"So?" Kyminn glanced over at the other Healer.
"So, you need a moment to breathe. More importantly, you and Cydris need some time to talk without interruption or distraction. You both need the strength and support of the other and, speaking as your Healer, I'm prescribing a few days of just the two of you."
"Thank you."
# # #
A mere three candlemarks ride from the city, Heron House was a guest house set along the river banks, perfectly positioned on a scenic slope where the Terilee widened and slowed. From the porch of the main inn, or one of the private cottages dotting the grounds, one could watch the sun set over the river and bask in the illusion of perfect seclusion.
"Kyminn!" As Cydris's arms folded around him, Kyminn felt something within him shift and settle. This. This feeling, this was home.
# # #
For four days they seldom left the cottage save for short walks along the sheltered pathways. He told her everything – the journey, the pursuit, Jaek Jacobi.
He watched as she absorbed all that Randen's note hadn't been able to convey. Calmed her prodigious fury at what had been done to him, held her as she grieved over his injuries.
"Never again." Her hands held his in a painful grip. "To hell with all of them. They had no right asking you to take this on. No right to put you to such risk. To put you through all this."
His smile was pained. "Love…they don't bear all the blame…".
"They bear more than enough. They're the Heralds. They're the ones trained for all this, the ones who should have thought this through."
He sighed and nodded, gently tugging until her hands relaxed their clench. "I know. And I don't disagree. But when I step back…it's just sort of an evolution on everything that's happened over the past several years. Bit by bit over time…first just gathering information here and there, then the levy…this and that over time…Love, this was just one more thing. You and I were both committed to finding out what was happening, both knew there was risk."
"But this…" her tone was still truculent, still determined.
"Was more than I bargained for. Was FAR more than I was prepared for. If you're going to cast blame, you have to throw some my way – I was as short-sighted as everyone else."
"But no more." This time, it was a plea.
"No more. I promise. I'm done." He raised their joined hands and kissed hers to seal the promise.
"Is it? Done, I mean?"
"My – our part – is at any rate. A…very senior…Herald met up with us just before we arrived here at Heron House. The Heralds will continue to pursue some final questions, but Group X seems to have unravelled. The…my visitor…confirmed that the amulets we have are now inert. Heralds with various Gifts have examined them and get nothing. The amulets have been destroyed, just in case.
"The funds paid through the Carters Guild came to a dead end, although one of the brokers did have distant ties to Hardorn. He, along with the drayage teams, disappeared before they could be questioned. Reports have them crossing the border twice – once to Rethwellan and once to Hardorn. Obviously, it means no one has any clue of where they actually are. Or who they actually were. Regardless, the Guard and Heralds know to watch for them. I daresay they won't be back."
"What about the Privy Council? And the Heir?" Cydris was troubled.
"The Heralds are responsible for protecting Princess Elspeth. I got the impression that they will be making some changes to their security arrangements, but, understandably, those changes weren't discussed with me. As for the Privy Council…that is very much up to the Heralds. To be honest, I don't think there's much they can do. I have absolutely no proof to offer and there's not nearly enough grounds to line them all up and Truth Spell them."
She nodded once, reluctantly. "What if it's not over? What if Group X shows their hand again?"
"Then, my dear, the Heralds will handle it. This has implications far beyond just our Circle and it's now in the hands of those with the tools to see to it."
"What are we going to do now?" She shifted and curled up beside him.
"You are going to tell me what the children are up do. And then tomorrow or the next day, we are going to go home. You will teach and Heal and I, I will train, and Heal, and maybe teach a little. Who knows, maybe I'll even write another book."
"Home?"
"Home. Together. To stay."
