Problem! Somehow all but the first entry (which had already been checked off) on my list of Uchibi giftfics I owe was deleted. I had Arashi's request written down elsewhere, as well as the fact I had one giftfic request for an action scene. However, I'm missing the name of the person who requested that last one and I'm not sure if there are any more? So if I owe you a giftfic, please PM me.

The review 1400 giftfic went to firehedgehog, who requested Takato from Digimon Tamers, btw. I rec that show hard, btw.


"Kai!" Naruto said, Being Helpful in a very Chuunin-like way (he was doing what the old man told him to do, so he'd better be getting the promotion at this rate – although being a genin kage would be hilarious, just rubbing it in how certain people had tried and failed to hold him back), and the pulse of chakra broke the illusion holding Orochimaru.

The snake sannin's fingers twitched a few times, strangling air that remained obstinately empty. Orochimaru may have made a sad little noise, but there weren't any witnesses he'd have to kill.

No Danzo? No Danzo.

Life was crueler than he was sometimes. Clearly he was going to have to step up his game.

First, to go find his new accountant. As for the Uchiha…


Grateful smile on her face, Sakura was allowed into Sasuke's private Hokage Suite at the hospital.

"Invasion?" Sasuke asked, sitting up in bed, flanked by protective medic-nin.

"Sand and Sound – Orochimaru's here!" Inner Sakura hit Outer Sakura over the head – no fangirling, not right now.

Aww.

"He ran off though," she reported sadly. "Most of the enemy ninja have by this point." Bye-bye potential test subjects… not that she was going to test most of her theories on enemies when there were perfectly good students from civilian families desperate for any unfair advantage the clans didn't have a monopoly on.

"The children?" Sasuke's gaze twitched towards a window, but there was a seal plastered across it less than a second later. They weren't letting a patient escape when there were still enemy nin out there.

Tsunade was right outside – this was an opportunity to observe her, study her techniques, take pictures… only the ones who really liked Sasuke would still be here with that going on. Sakura kept her distance even though she was the next Uchiha Clan Lady and Sasuke's Future Bride.

Especially because she was Sasuke's future first and possibly only actual wife. The surrogates weren't going to get bed privileges if she had anything to say about it.

Although having a live-in obstetrician was tempting, she'd have Sasuke. Once they were married, the two of them would do lots of playing medic-nin.

"They're with the Hokage," she reassured him as a swarm of clones tumbled in the door.

"Sasuke, you're awake!" one of the Naruto's called, overjoyed.

The insistent shhes left him blinking, wondering when the medic nin had been replaced by the dreaded librarians. So much of the information in Konoha's books was restricted, and ninja, information dangled just out of their reach…

Breaking into the secure collections was a compulsion for most of Konoha's forces, so what were the librarians to do? Killing every ninja who tried it would get them in trouble with the Hokage: trained ninja didn't grow on trees.

(Sakura didn't know that Hashirama and Tobirama were exceptions, but that was neither here nor there.)

The trick was to non-fatally startle ninja so they realized what they were doing and their will to live had a chance to kick in and overrule their curiosity. Which killed the cat, although then kinjutsu brought it back... Sakura had gotten more than one bruise on her hand thanks to the mousetraps and fled the library, face blushing. Up until that point she'd thought that it wouldn't really hurt, the administration understood that it was a ninja library and honestly a lot of the books if you couldn't get past the security measures on them than you shouldn't be reading them, but books… And she knew that the librarian-nin had their eyes on her (anyone who could see underneath the underneath could recognize a fellow bookworm), so she'd considered going into the field. It was a nice career for a ninja planning to stay in Konoha, raise children, and it would teach her a lot about keeping inquisitive children out of places they shouldn't be. The librarians wouldn't let a fellow bookworm get seriously maimed by a trap…

The Uchiha library was much less tempting to a bookworm. Jutsu yes, all of the yes, but picture books weren't really her thing, thank you very much.


Tenzo Yamato bowed politely to the First Hokage, giving him a view of the carefully trimmed tree on the top of his head. Why hadn't he used his wood jutsu powers to shrink it down to a low bush, low enough to the ground (or the scalp) the leaves could be hidden in his hair? Hashirama didn't ask why he hadn't tried that, because in case he had failed to think of it then he deserved to look absolutely ridiculous. Honestly, it took a lot of work to ensure the new village had such careful means of teaching and preparing child ninja for the world, so if Tenzo hadn't taken advantage of an opportunity for an education most of Hashirama's generation (or at least their parents) had happily killed for given the opportunity to display their loyalty to Konoha…

"Your student Orochimaru," Hashirama said thoughtfully. So there were two men who'd wanted to have his wood chakra babies enough to resort to strange techniques.

Not surprising at all, really, given how powerful he was and how many ninja families threw people at him hoping for offspring that would inherit his unique powers. Clan children were born into a dangerous world, a responsible parent tried to make sure they had an utterly broken skillset, the better to ensure that other people got broken by the life of a ninja.

"And you had no idea he was up to something like this?" he asked Sarutobi. Really, the man's own student and he hadn't seen something that must have made Orochimaru that excited?

"He was considered for the position of Fourth Hokage," Sarutobi said. "He changed when he was passed over. But not that much."

"And he's still alive?" Tobirama asked.

"Almost certainly," the current (despite his best efforts) Hokage said, after giving Konoha an assessing glance, noting the current level of explosions (nothing dramatic enough for a kage-level ninja being pushed to the edge).

Tobirama suggested, "Make him Hokage. Problem solved."

"After he experimented with your brother's DNA, on Konoha citizens," which could have torn apart the village as clans took exception, leaving Orochimaru with nothing to be Hokage of except some babies in need of diaper changes. Even kage needed minions.

"Oh," Tobirama realized. "Evil enough that no one would care if he had a control seal put on him to make him do the job," that was what things like the Caged Bird Seal were really for, "but too dumb to do the job properly. Using a puppet can be more work than just doing it yourself."

Sarutobi nodded sadly. He went from having students he could brag about, to being the god of sensei as well as the god of shinobi (turning Jiraiya into a lethal ninja. Jiraiya), to his students not doing anything that he could take credit for… in public. He might have deliberately caused some people to get the impression that some of the incidents in Jiraiya's books were based on true stories about his sensei, but he certainly wasn't going to take credit for Tsunade's current condition. Or take on her creditors, as much as he wished that he could call on her services as often as they did.

Naruto taking advantage of his friends' jutsu to get her to remain in Konoha long enough to train him was one of those Chuunin-like ninja qualities that were why he was going to get promoted or Sarutobi was going to disappear a minion. He had thought of offering her enough alcohol to stay drunk, but she'd said there wasn't enough alcohol in the world and he hadn't had access to otherworldly alcohol back then.

When the three of them self-destructed, there went his dreams of living vicariously through his students. At least he could still live vicariously through the characters of his student Jiraiya's novels.