"Darren...I've a question for you."
Leaning forward on the bar, taking a sip of scotch, Darren raised an eyebrow. "Huh? What's up, man?"
Seto stared solemnly at the glass of iced tea in front of him and sighed. "When...when your son, Isaac...when he was dying...was there a point that...you knew?"
A sharp intake of breath.
Seto turned his eyes to his left, unflinching, unfeeling...empty.
"...Hell of a question, there, Seto. Uh...damn."
"Never mind," Seto said, turning back to his drink. "Just...forget it."
Darren had a feeling that it showed a particularly important part of Seto's personality when no apology came. It was odd, when he thought about it, that such a thing didn't bother him.
"Nah, it's all right...been a while since then. I guess...well, I'm pretty sure he knew after a little while...slipping in and out of consciousness so often like he did...prob'ly knew before any of us."
"Do you...think it hurt him...to know that?"
"I dunno...I like to think it didn't. I like to think that...that it's easier to die than to watch someone else die...but...but I guess it's a toss-up."
Seto picked up his glass, studied his reflection, and downed it in one quick pull.
"When did you know?"
Darren leaned back on his stool and sighed deeply as he thought about the question. "I guess...it was after...a couple weeks of no change. He wasn't getting any better...the damage was too severe. Even the doctors didn't know how he held on so long..."
"Did you let your family know about your...certainty?"
Darren barked a humorless laugh. "Jen would 'a beat me to hell...Can't let something like that out. She 'n Katie held out hope to the very end. I think they half-expected him to just...wake up at the funeral, askin' for a sandwich and a Pepsi 'cuz he hadn't been able to eat well in so long."
Noting the vice-like grip Seto had on his empty glass, Darren added, "I know where your mind's goin' with this...Mokuba's a lot better off than Isaac was. Trust me on that. Not to understate what happened to your brother, but...the damage done to him wasn't fatal. He'll wake up."
"When you knew that your son was dying...would you have believed anyone who told you otherwise...?"
"No. I wouldn't have. But there's no sign that Mokuba's case is even remotely similar. He is getting better."
Seto gave the officer a strange look.
"I talked to his doctor," Darren explained. "Mokuba was my case...'s my duty to know how he ends up."
Both knew that wasn't the reason, but neither commented on it. Seto simply called for the bartender to refill his drink.
On later consideration, Darren wouldn't be able to pinpoint a reason for what he said next...but he said it.
"...Got a tattoo after he died." He reached around and rubbed just below his neck, between his shoulder blades. "An 'I' between two wings...'n his birthday and...the day he left."
Seto looked at him silently.
"Outta respect," Darren continued slowly. "But...also...a reminder. A branding, maybe. Of my greatest success...and my greatest failure."
He chuckled. "I didn't raise Katie. She was a Mama's girl from the day she was born. I know she loves me, but...I got nothing to do with how she ended up. We just...don't click."
"You know...Mokuba and I aren'tâ"
"Oh, come off it, Seto. I've seen you two on TV. Kid never leaves your side. I know signs, my friend. Can't dupe me like that. You don't inspire a bond like that by bein' distant."
"...I did," Seto murmured. "You can tell me I'm wrong all you want, Darren, but...there's no real reason for Mokuba's loyalty. I was as distant from him as I could get. I ignored him. Let my staff do everything. He was a reminder of my past weakness, I thought then...and I never wanted to see him again. I sometimes contemplated having him killed."
"I don't believe that."
"Because you know me as I am...not as I was. You know me to be standoffish...I haven't changed so fundamentally as to make you think everything you've heard about me to be a vicious lie. You see the truth in many articles about me and how I act. But I still love Mokuba, and you're confident in that assertion. So am I. Now. But before...before...I realized how stupid I was...I was literally a completely different person."
"That kind of change isn't possible."
"Darren...I was crazy. Not just figuratively. I was literally insane. I don't know how it...left. But it did. Something in me...some part of me...actually wanted Mokuba dead. That part of me would be cheering now...would be immensely relieved...were it still there."
Darren frowned. "Seto, come on. That's impossible. Something like that doesn't just...manifest itself."
"You're right. It was there from the beginning. I resented him on some level...when I was young...for stealing my childhood away from me...from stealing my mother away from me. That part grew as I did...until it became actual hatred."
"You're being way too hard on yourself."
"No. I'm not. I am dead. Cold. Serious. I know myself, all right? I've done enough self-analysis as to drive anyone else completely mad. I hated Mokuba when I was younger."
"I don't believe it."
"Fine. Don't. It's the truth."
"Seto, hatred doesn't just flip around to what you feel for him now. It might simmer and shift to indifference...but not to love. There's not a fine line between the two. There's a Great Wall of China with guards posted every hundred feet between love and hate."
Seto smirked. "You got that from that medical drama everyone's been raving about."
"Well, it's a good line. Besides, you bring Doctor House to mind."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"Most wouldn't."
"Because most people don't relate to the man. I've watched that show a few times. Mokuba loves it. I don't just see myself in him. He is me."
"Well, then?"
"Doesn't mean I agree with every line they give him. And despite whether or not your theory is true, it bears no relevance. I hated him. Sure as I hated my father. He portrayed weakness."
"Mokuba's far from weak."
"I know that now. I realized that as soon as I realized my hatred was baseless. Not that it wasn't there...but that there was no reason for it."
"I still don't believe you."
"Still doesn't change the truth."
"So what happened? You had a sudden epiphany and boom! You loved him?"
"It was a gradual process. Not sudden. You were talking about your daughter."
The suddenness with which Seto changed the subject made Darren come up short. He let it drop.
"Yeah...well, Isaac was different. He was my boy. Doubtless. Worshipped me, I'd almost say. Always so proud when he told people his dad was a cop. A protector of the innocent. An officer of the law. He'd always ask for stories about my job...he loved coming down to the department to visit me."
He closed his eyes.
"...He was so proud of me...and yet...when he needed me most, I couldn't save him. Stupid goddamn accident...he was in my car with me...pulled someone over for swerving. Jack-off pulled a gun. Still don't know why Isaac got out of the car, but...he did. Fuckin' bastard shot him. Didn't even bother aiming for me. Nothing like that. Just aimed 'n shot."
Seto turned away, taking a slow drink.
"You think people are bein' poetic 'n stupid when they use that line, 'A part of me died.' But..."
There was a silence.
"...Mokuba almost got shot because of me..." Seto murmured softly, distantly, after a while. "We were at a convention...year ago. Some drunk started screaming at me...I guess I'd fired a member of his family. When he took out a pistol...Mokuba jumped in front of me. Idiot was too wasted to shoot straight...missed by a mile. But...Mokuba was willing to put himself in mortal danger...for me."
"Doesn't surprise me."
"Sure as hell surprised me," Seto said. "I asked him later what in hell possessed him to do that. He looked at me like I'd hit him. He said, 'I love you, Seto. I don't want you to die.' And that was it. All the reason he needed to risk killing himself."
"That's all the reason anyone needs," Darren said. "You wanna tell me you wouldn't take a bullet for him? What would possess you to do something like that?"
"...He's my responsibility."
"Bullshit. You'd do it because you love him. I've read reports, and I've got a pretty good lie detector in my head. I read that story about that psychopath president from Industrial Illusions. You literally threatened suicide to get at that prick. Why? For Mokuba, right? You wanna tell me you'd be willing to kill yourself for a chance to help him because he's your 'responsibility?' I think not."
"I didn't think that story was released."
"You prob'ly don't look in the right places. Tabloids are chock-full of bullshit stories, but every once in a while...I read up on you, you know. Every story I could find. It's my way. I get to know the people I work with. Best way to figure out a guy like you, in the spotlight like you are, is read about you. From a variety of sources. I took what I learned about you that first night and weighed it against what I read."
"So you feel that you know me well..."
"Well enough to know your 'responsibility' line was crap. First off, you wouldn't be worked up enough to actually come with me to a bar for a drink if Mokuba were just a responsibility."
"Are you so sure?"
"Sure as I'm ever gonna be. You might be upset, if that were true, based solely on the fact that you failed to keep him from what happened. You think it's your fault he's in a coma. But that belief comes from the fact that he's not just a responsibility. You blame yourself because he's important to you, and you refuse to say that he had any part in what happened â not to say he did, mind. You also refuse to shift the blame to who deserves it because you want to blame yourself. It gives you a target. And you need that target because you love your brother, and you're hurt and angry at what happened to him. Since Kaine and Franks are dead, you target yourself. You can beat yourself up as long as you feel like."
"Is that right...?"
"Yes. And that's also why you told me you hated him. You don't want to admit anything else. You did some terrible things to him when you were younger, from how you talk about it. And you don't want to admit that you felt anything but hatred for him because to admit otherwise would mean you did those things despite caring for him. Saying you hated him turns your past self into an entirely separate entity that you can vent your anger on. Because you hate what you did to him. To call yourself an entirely separate person is to give yourself another target. Problem is, the one who suffers from your venting is still you."
"The only way I could have done what I did was if I hated him."
"I don't think so. Mature as you may have been at that age, every child is influenced by the person who takes on the mantle of parent. Whoever that is. Children have a natural need to be accepted. Why do you think peer pressure is such a prominent issue? And if that child's parent is a certain way, the child will mimic that, hoping for acceptance. Your stepfather was the only parent you had, because your real parents died when you were so young. You saw how he acted, and whether you were conscious of it or not, mimicked his behavior in hopes of him looking at you one day, patting you on the head and saying, 'Good job.'"
"You think so."
"I do. I've read about Mokuba, too. He acted like that as well. Because you did. You're his hero, Seto. His idol. I've seen how he talks about you. Interviews and stuff like that. He was looking for acceptance from you, so he started acting like you."
"And you figure what, then? What changed?"
"Yugi Motou came onto the scene."
"Oh, you think so, huh? You think Motou is what changed us both?"
"No. He changed Mokuba. Look, I've thought this out. Some kind of confrontation happened between your brother and Yugi. Right?"
"Yes."
"And that confrontation ended up with Mokuba on the losing end."
"Right."
"And when that happened, you turned your back on him. Right?"
"...Yes."
"Much as you hated Yugi, you respected him, right?"
"Yes."
"Well, there you go. Mokuba saw that, saw that respect. So, since he was still a child and still easily influenced, he started acting like Yugi."
"You're sounding like Dr. Phil."
"Heh. Maybe. But think about it. Didn't he?"
"...Yes."
"And that, I think, is what changed you. You realized that Mokuba was starting to act like your rival, starting to like him. You perceived that as a threat. Maybe not necessarily because you cared all that much for the kid yet, but because your rival was taking something away from you."
"So you think I started taking on Motou's traits to try to win Mokuba back."
"Maybe. Or maybe you just started showing Mokuba that you do accept him. That you do respect him. And that is what got him to come back to you."
"...You think you're smart, don't you?"
Darren chuckled. "Yeah, I like to fantasize sometimes. But answer me this, Seto. How close am I?"
"...I wouldn't know. But...if I had to give an answer right now...I'd say you're likely close."
"And so we come to now. There's no doubt that you've earned his trust. You say there's no reason for his loyalty? 'Course there is. You've finally hit on who you really are. You've stopped letting your stepfather affect you in a negative way. Parts of him, like maybe his business mannerisms, stayed with you because they work. But other parts of him have left. You've let others influence you enough. You're you now. Not someone's son, or someone's student. You. And now you've got two children under your wing who respect the hell out of you. That oughtta count for something."
"...Perhaps."
"Aw, c'mon, there's no 'perhaps' about it," Darren said, elbowing him. "Admit it! I'm right! I'm right, aren't I?"
"...Perhaps."
Darren chuckled. "You were in a coma at some point, right?"
"...That was random."
"Not really. Weren't you?"
"I was."
"And what did Mokuba do?"
"Waited. Got kidnapped."
Seto looked down at the necklace he wore. Lifting it, he added, "...Made me this."
"Uh-huh. Did he give up hope?"
"...Probably not."
"He held out for you to wake up. He knew you'd wake up."
"You don't know that."
"I'm probably right, though."
"...Probably."
"He believed in you. Believed in your strength."
Seto raised an eyebrow. "...Probably."
Darren held out his hands. "Well? Now it's your turn. Believe in him. He'll wake up. Let the idea that he won't take over you, and it'll probably happen."
"I'm starting to respect you, Darren. Don't start with the religious psycho-babble now."
"Nothing to do with my religion. Trust me. You believe it...you give the idea credence. You give it a chance. Don't. Tell Fate to fuck off. The hell does it know?"
"Considering you are religious...Christian, I believe, it's rather surprising that you would say such a thing."
"I'm only Christian as far as they're concerned. I go to church because it gives me a chance to clear my head. I believe in God. I don't believe He's exactly as the Bible says. I pay attention to Christian principles because I believe in them, not because some old guy in a dress told me they were law. I'm not a lemming. I just happen to agree with a lot of what they say...not the way they say it."
Seto raised an eyebrow. "...Really."
"I've heard it told that, as the commandments were originally written, 'Thou shalt not kill' is 'Thou shalt not murder.' And whether or not that's true doesn't matter. Point is, if there's a chance for that error, there's a chance for ten thousand more. I'm not stupid enough to say I know how God thinks. For all I know, God doesn't think. We don't know that God is as we are. I've never met Him."
Seto chuckled. "That's...the most intelligent take on Christianity that I've ever heard. Apparently my instincts told me the truth."
"Instincts? What did they tell you?"
"That you weren't a waste of my time. Every other person with any religion that I've ever seen, ever talked to, has been completely insane. Shoving their beliefs in my face because they know they're right. Hell, other atheists I've met only decided to say that because it would piss off their parents. As far as I'm concerned, being an atheist not only means you don't believe in a god, but also don't care. They like throwing it around like a badge. 'Look at me; I'm different.' Idiots."
"We're not all stupid. There's a handful of people who are worth talking to. Not many...I've been a cop long enough to know that. But there're a few."
Seto smiled slightly. "Yes...it seems there are."
Darren grinned and lifted his glass.
Clink.
As Seto walked up to his porch, just before he would open the door and end up giving Noa the shock of his life, he remembered that particular night.
It was a sudden thing.
But as he looked down at his brother, who was bouncing with excitement, he smiled.
And when he walked in, and Noa fainted, Henry looked at him oddly. After the initial shock of actually seeing someone there, who obviously knew his wife, wore off, he said, "How long has he been like this?"
"...Few months," Seto said.
"How long have you...been trying to contact Sasha?"
"Few months."
"Why...would you go to so much trouble? I mean...not to find her...but...to do this? Why would you...?"
"I did it because Mokuba asked me."
Sasha, barely able to speak, said, "That...that's...all?"
"Yes."
"B-But...this...this had to...had to have...why would you...just so...?"
Seto ruffled his brother's hair. "Because I love him. That's all the reason anyone needs."
In the back of his mind, he heard,
Every child is influenced by the person who takes on the mantle of parent. Whoever that is.
He chuckled.
I guess I'm not as much of an adult as I thought I was...
It's official. As of yesterday, I am no longer a teenager.
Twenty years old, people. Apparently I need to start making something of myself.
Not before I finish this, though. I'm not giving up fanfiction for a good, long time, I think. Besides, this tale has been going on far too long for me to stop, no matter what my family says. Writing this isn't a waste of time.
Anyway, I'm sorry about how long this took to get out. I couldn't hit on the right scenes. I finally scrapped my original idea and went for the 'discussion over drinks' idea. As to how Seto got into a bar at seventeen...he's Seto. He can do anything.
In case anyone doesn't know, Doctor House, who Darren likened Seto to, is the titular character in the medical drama, "House, M.D." Anyone who hasn't watched it...do it. Now. If you like my rendition of Seto even a little, you should love the guy. I know I did.
