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Birthday Flowers

Peter was sitting at his desk in his room, flipping through a textbook as he took notes when there was a voice from his doorway. "Wow...what kind of teenager does schoolwork on a Sunday?"

The question startled a smile out of Peter, who had been focusing so hard that he hadn't quite heard the man approach. Of course, his senses hadn't gone off...he trusted Rhodey absolutely. "I have finals next week." He explained, gesturing to his Chemistry textbook. Honestly, he'd just been trying not to think too much about the fact that he was alone now...well, okay, not alone. Not really. He had the team. Happy. He'd texted Ned and had plans to go over there the next day. He'd go to decathlon practice. Wednesday...it would happen. He'd survive it somehow. And then it would be over and he could focus on finals.

Rhodey leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, and he smiled a little as if he'd seen right through him. "Yeah? Some of us are going to be training down in the gym if you want to join us." That perked Peter up a little. He had been trying to lose himself in homework, not wanting to risk texting Tony so soon and seeming too needy...or the two of them coming back. He had a feeling that Pepper would do it...that she would somehow push the meeting back again. But he couldn't be the reason that Tony missed even more work.

"Um...yeah. Sure." He jumped up, glad to have an even better distraction than homework which he'd been struggling to focus on. "I mean...if you're sure..."

"I'm sure, kid," Rhodey told him with a grin. "Cap told me to come find you...figured you might like to do some training with the Avengers since you're going to be one."

He looked down at himself, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. "Should I wear my suit or…" Rhodey shook his head.

"You're fine as you are, kid. Come on, before Cap starts without us." So he did, hurrying after Rhodey as they made their way to the elevator, picking at the hem of his shirt nervously. Rhodey smirked, batting his hand away from his shirt. "Relax, Pete. It's not a mission...we're just doing some sparring." He tried...tried to smile and relax. Putting a hand on his shoulder, Rhodey squeezed, a thumb rubbing over his collarbone soothingly. And then they were in the gym.

Steve, Sam, Natasha, and Clint were all in the room, and Rhodey took a seat on the sidelines, Peter moving to stand by his side. They were all in nicer workout clothes than him, but no one seemed to have a problem with his presence. In fact, Steve, Sam, and Natasha all gave him quick smiles before turning back to Steve who had apparently been waiting for them to arrive. Clint didn't look at him...but Peter told himself not to worry about that.

"Alright. Let's get started. We're going to be working on close range hand to hand today. Natasha, you and Sam pair up. Rhodey, you're with me. Clint, you're with Peter."

Honestly, Peter would have rather been with anyone else. Anyone. It wasn't that he didn't like Clint...he'd gotten him a birthday present and he'd been nice at his party, but Peter kept remembering how Clint had reacted to finding out who he really was...and Tony's part in it. And yeah, ever since, everyone had been cordial. But he was still wary, and given the way Clint glanced at him before turning back to Steve, he thought the feeling might be mutual.

Peter gave Rhodey a hand up, then followed the man to the center of the room where mats were laid out with large gaps between them. Plenty of space for sparring. Clint moved to the one in the middle and Peter followed, standing across from the man who was staring at him with an unreadable expression. He thought the others might be watching...keeping an eye out to see how this went. But Peter was more nervous about accidentally hurting the other man. It was something he'd been working on with patrols, and it seemed like he was mostly in control...but he knew how dangerous a slip up could be.

Almost expressionless, the older man put up his fists, and Peter did the same, his stomach turning. He didn't want to fight Clint. Didn't want to spar with him. Honestly, he was wishing that he could go back upstairs. Do some homework...text Ned. Ned would think it was pretty awesome that he got to spar with the actual Avengers, but it was significantly less cool with Clint looking at him like that...like he didn't want Peter there...or like he couldn't figure out why Peter was there. Shaking that thought off, Peter focused on Clint who stepped forward, feigning left, then swinging with his right.

Peter's senses went off a second before the punch landed and he ducked, bringing his own fist up and swinging at Clint's jaw. The archer pulled back, Peter's swing missing by only a fraction of an inch. Clint landed a blow on his shoulder that barely phased him, and, hooking a foot behind Clint's knee and pulling. The man stumbled, and Peter could have finished him...could have easily landed a blow to Clint's jaw and knocked him out. Instead, he struck him in the shoulder, barely tapping him and then jumping back when Clint swung at him again, this time letting Clint knock him off his feet.

The man stared down at him, shaking his head and finally holding out a hand. "C'mon, kid." He ordered gruffly. Peter took the hand, letting him pull him to his feet. "I know you fight better than that, otherwise you'd be dead by now. C'mon. Fight. For real."

"I don't want to hurt you," Peter admitted, voice small. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Rhodey pausing in his match with Steve to watch him. Clint's eyes softened a fraction.

"You aren't going to hurt me. Come on, Spider-kid." He put his fists up. "Show me what you've got."

He hesitated, then nodded, putting his own hands up. And this time, he tried. He focused. He pulled his punches, but not quite as much. He ducked and swung and had had Clint on the ground in less than three minutes.

This time, Clint grinned at him. Just a little.

They went five more rounds, and Peter won four out of five, knocking Clint down onto the mat nearly every time. Every time, Clint's eyes creased a little more at the edges, lips turning up. Every time, Peter held out a hand and Clint took it, and Rhodey seemed to be watching them less and less.

Peter matched up with Steve for the rest of the session, and finally, he felt like he could let go just a little. Ease up on his tightly controlled strength and spar for real. Although he guessed, it was good to practice holding back...good to practice restraint. But it was a lot more fun to spar when he didn't have to worry about that. So he let himself relax a bit as he fought Steve, and he could tell that Steve was doing the same, his punches hitting a little harder as they fought.

They fought for longer than anyone else. Steve was better than him, but Peter's senses gave him an edge. In the end, Peter felt himself getting tired, his head swimming just a little as he dodged one punch but the second one got him, sending him sprawling, jaw aching. Bringing a hand up to his jaw and flinching, Peter blinked away the stars that had appeared in his vision, then glanced up at Steve who was staring down at him, wide-eyed.

"Pete? You okay?" Rhodey all but demanded, moving over to stand beside the mat. He nodded, rubbing his jaw and smiling a little.

"Yeah...I'm fine."

"Thought you'd dodge that one, kid," Steve told him, seeming to shake himself out of a stupor as he held out a hand. Peter took it, well aware of the tight look on Clint's face. "You sure you're okay."

"Yeah." He opened his mouth and closed it, working his jaw around and making sure that nothing was broken. "I'm good."

"Well, now that you've broken the little spider, how about we call it a day?" Natasha suggested, moving forward and throwing her arm around Peter's shoulder. "And next time, you can train with me. How about that?" Peter smiled, nodding as Natasha led him forward. The others fell in line, following Peter and Natasha to the elevator.

When they reached the common room on the floor below the penthouse where Peter lived with Tony, he was pushed toward the same barstool he'd spent the early morning in, and a glass of water was pushed toward him as Loki entered the room, lifting an eyebrow. "Did I not find you in this exact position this morning?"

"Hey, Loki." Peter smiled a little, draining the glass. Loki nodded his own greeting, taking a seat beside him. In the kitchen, Steve had started on dinner, Natasha making smoothies while Clint kept an eye on Peter and Loki from where he stood by the refrigerator.

They all ate dinner together, Peter excusing himself as soon as it was made apparent that no one wanted him to do the dishes. He could feel their eyes on him...could almost hear the offer to stay on that floor instead with all of them. He left before any of them could voice it, making sure to grab his phone this time as he stepped into the elevator, thanking them for dinner, then went up to his own floor. To his own room. Rhodey called that he'd be up soon, and Peter lifted a hand in acknowledgment.

Where he finished his homework, he finally grabbed his phone, but just as he was about to text Tony, it rang. He immediately touched the 'accept' button, Tony's face filling the screen. "Hey, Pete. How's it going?" Tony asked. In the background, he could sort of see Pepper who looked to be walking around the plane, and he wondered how Tony had managed to get cell service from an airplane which was most likely crossing the ocean.

"Hey. It's okay. How are you?" He asked, feeling a little awkward. Tony was smiling though, looking perfectly at ease.

"Fine. Ready to be off this damn plane."

"At least it's not coach." Tony gave a dramatic shudder.

"You've got that right, kid. What have you been up to?"

"Um...mostly just homework. I went downstairs and sparred with the team!" Tony lifted an eyebrow.

"Yeah? How did that go?"

"It was...uh...it was fine. I beat Clint and Steve." The man snorted and Peter had to smile a little.

"Yeah? Next time get someone to record that."

"Natasha said she'd spar with me next time."

Tony lifted his eyebrows. "Make sure Bruce is in the room for that. And tell the other spider that if she breaks my kid, I'm going to have words with her."

"She wouldn't break me." Tony's expression didn't change and Peter hesitated. "Would she?"

"How about that homework, kid? How's studying for finals going?" Peter let the subject change pass and told Tony all about the finals he was getting ready for. Tony listened, occasionally putting his two cents in or insisting that Peter would be fine. By the end of the conversation, Peter felt a little lighter. Tony was fine and he was going to be fine and everything would be….

Fine.

The next day he woke up and threw on the first clothes he could find, throwing his books and homework into his bag, then hurried out of his room, somewhat surprised to find Rhodey already in the kitchen with breakfast ready. Eggs. Bacon. Sausage. "Oh…" He murmured, glancing up to find the man at the table. "Uh...morning."

"Morning, Pete. You hungry?"

"Sure...but...you don't have to...I mean, you probably have somewhere to be."

"Nope. Don't need to be at work until 9." He gestured for Peter to sit and he did, immediately digging into the food in front of him. "Are you patrolling after school?" He nodded. "Dinner's at six with the team. Try not to be late."

"With...the team?"

"Yeah. The team. Steve. Clint. Sam...heard of them?" Peter laughed a little.

"Yeah, I've heard of them I just...didn't know we'd all be eating together."

"Just for the week. I don't know if I'll be back in time, but Tony left strict orders to make sure you were home by dinner. It was about the only rule he had, other than 'no patrolling without telling anyone.'"

"That's it?" He asked.

"He said you knew the rest of the rules. Something about the 'self-preservation rules' or something." He waved a hand. "You've got my number if you need anything, right?" Peter nodded, stuffing the food in his face and glancing at his wrist. "Chew, kid, you've got some time."

His first day away from Tony went...well, not too bad. It probably could have been worse. School was fine, just as he'd expected. Ned invited him over the next day to binge Game of Thrones since Tony didn't have HBO and Peter hadn't asked him to unlock it. He texted Rhodey from school to make sure it was okay, and the man agreed without hesitation. He texted Tony while he was at school, and the man answered when he could, but Peter knew that he was busy. Decathlon practice was fine too. MJ was a great captain. Then patrols, which went fine. Almost boring. Then dinner with the team. Then more homework.

Day two was basically the same, minus decathlon practice and plus Game of Thrones. He and Ned binged the last few episodes of the season, trading fan theories and arguing over who the best ruler would be...and also who would die next. (Peter's money was on Bran, who he hated, but Ned wasn't so sure.) He ate dinner with his friend and his family, then took the subway home. Rhodey had waited up for him and offered to watch TV or a movie, but Peter begged off, feeling guilty as he went to do homework.

He missed Tony. And Pepper. But mostly Tony. And yes, he'd been able to video chat with him and they texted all the time. Sometimes Pepper texted him too, and the three of them had a group chat where Peter updated them on school and Tony complained about the meetings while Pepper tried her best to keep them both on track. Tuesday night, after hanging out with Ned and avoiding the team, he stayed up longer than he should have texting Tony and asking him all about his meetings, wishing he could video chat with him or even just explain why he was dreading the next day so much. But he never did, and eventually, Tony told him to go to bed.

And then it was Wednesday.

He woke up in a crappy mood, stomach tight and sick, head pounding from what he had to assume was stress. The year before, he'd gotten May flowers for her birthday. A card that he'd written a long, surprisingly sappy message in. And a gift card to a coffee shop she loved...he'd saved his allowance for a month to get her enough for a couple of coffees. She'd hugged him for a long time, tears dripping into his hair. "I love you, baby. So much."

He'd dreamed of that moment the night before. And it hadn't turned into a nightmare, surprisingly. Just when it had started to hurt...when it had become too painful, everything had turned green...a warm, green mist covering everything, and then he and May had been hugging again, and he'd been nothing but happy...until he'd woken up. And he'd known that he would never get to hug her again. He could never buy her another birthday gift...he'd never see her smile at him again. Not really.

And as he stared at the ceiling, he felt that knowledge in his chest...in his stomach. For a moment, he thought he might throw up, but instead, he swallowed hard, hit snooze on his alarm, and curled up in his bed under his blanket on the top bunk. He felt safer up there somehow, forehead pressed against the cool wall, back to the door, knees against his chest. He wanted Tony. Tony couldn't make this better, but just his presence would make it more bearable. He might not know what to say, but he'd hold Peter close, his hand on the back of Peter's head. Keeping him safe. Safe from what, he didn't know. But safe.

"Peter, if you do not get up now, you will be late for school," Friday informed him, her voice grating on his ears and making his head pound even more. Picking up his phone, he realized he must have fallen back asleep because he only had about ten minutes before he had to leave. There was a text on his phone from Tony and he opened it while he climbed out of bed.

"Hey, Pete. I know today's a rough day for you. Call me when you can." He stared at the message for a moment before Friday's voice came back.

"Colonel Rhodes asked me to tell you that you are going to be late if you do not hurry."

He squashed the urge to snap at her and grabbed a pair of jeans and random t-shirt...it turned out to have the Avengers on it, but he didn't much care. Throwing his backpack over his shoulder, he shuffled down the hall and toward the elevator, not stopping when Rhodey called out to him. "Hey, Pete! Come eat something really quick!'

"Not hungry." He muttered, stepping into the elevator and feeling a little bad for being rude. But he couldn't...physically felt like he couldn't.

"Peter!" Rhodey called, but Peter let the elevator doors shut, resolving to apologize later when his head didn't feel like it wasn't going to split open. Happy didn't try to talk to him...he must have seen on Peter's face that he couldn't take it. It wasn't until he dropped him off at school that the man finally spoke.

"If you need to go home, just call." Peter gave a quick not, then hurried into the school, keeping his head down. Ned found him quickly, putting out a hand for their handshake. Peter gave a weak smile, going through the motions of their long, somewhat complicated handshake, ignoring the looks it always got.

"You sure you're okay to be here today?" Ned asked, and Peter gave a shrug.

"I'm fine." He lied around the pounding in his head and the sick feeling in his stomach.

Ned pursed his lips like he didn't believe him but, blessedly, he changed the subject back to Game of Thrones, and Peter managed to distract himself with talking to Ned and trying to pay attention in class. MJ handed him an apple in first period and he devoured it, taking huge bites and finishing it in under a minute. He hadn't realized how hungry he was. When he finished the apple, she handed him a granola bar that he ate just as quickly, muttering a thanks over his shoulder.

Then it was second period. English. He was tired, and his head was pounding, and the year before he'd gotten her flowers...and now she was dead.

He hadn't even been to her grave.

That thought, more than any of the others, had him raising his hand in the middle of class, telling the teacher that he felt sick and asking if he could go to the nurse. Ignoring the look MJ gave him, he threw his backpack over his shoulder and hurried out of the class, but instead of going to the nurse, he headed straight for the closest exit, knowing that he was probably going to get in trouble for this. That he was probably going to worry Rhodey and possibly Tony if they were able to reach him. But at the moment, he didn't care. He couldn't stand it...couldn't be in that school anymore. Pulling out his phone, he turned it off, then started walking.

He only made one stop. Then, bouquet in one hand, water bottle in the other, he kept walking the several miles to the cemetery. Thankfully it was a warm day since he'd forgotten to grab a jacket that morning. He walked, head down, backpack to light to really notice. He was kind of hungry, but he didn't stop, just carried the flowers he'd bought with one of the twenties that Tony had given him. He was kind of surprised at how expensive flowers were, but he guessed it didn't matter.

Peter liked to think that May would like them.

It was hard to find her grave. It wasn't like they were in alphabetical order, and there were plenty of newer headstones. He'd only been to visit Ben's gave once, so that didn't help either. He'd never thought much of visiting graves...he didn't believe that Ben was there anymore, not really, and he felt the same about May. But it was all he had, so he walked the path until he found the familiar headstone. Ben Parker. And then, right beside him, an even newer one. The headstone matched Ben's for the most part. There was a stone vase between them that looked new...he didn't remember it from his one visit to Ben's grave. But he was glad for it regardless.

Peter took the flowers and placed them gently into the vase, careful to arrange them so that none of the petals were smashed. He filled he vase with water, and the plant food that had come with the bouquet, and then he stepped back, staring at them. And then at the headstone. Her name. Her birthday. The day she died...and underneath were the words that Tony must have chosen. 'Beloved aunt and mother.'

Those words were what finally undid him, and he knelt in the dirt, covering his face with his hands, chest too tight for air. Against his neck, the dagger charm was warm...warmer than it should have been. He gripped it, hunched over so far that his forehead nearly touched the dirt. It hurt. It hurt just as much as it had when he'd first lost her in some ways. Because that's what she had been. His mother. Not in name, and not biologically, but that's what she'd been to him ever since he'd been a little kid.

"I miss you." He whispered, one hand pressed into the dirt that covered her corpse. He didn't know what he believed about an afterlife, but she had been Catholic...she'd believed in heaven. And he wanted to. He wanted to believe that her soul was safe, that she was happy somewhere. That in some way, she still lived. Because she was gone from his world. Gone from his life. Fisting a hand in the dirt, he tried to breathe through that pain that filled his chest.

He could have called Tony. He probably should have called Tony, but he'd turned his phone off and he was pretty sure he was already in at least some trouble. He figured he might as well stay for a while. Hands in the dirt, tears dripping down his cheeks and onto the ground by his fingers, he gripped the warm charm and closed his eyes fighting to breathe through it.

He'd given her flowers the year before...and he'd given her flowers this year too. Even if she wasn't there anymore. Even if she'd never see them.

And then there were footsteps. It wasn't like he'd thought the graveyard would be deserted...even though it kind of was. But he was more surprised when the footsteps stopped right behind him. And then a cold hand was on his back, someone kneeling beside him. "Is it a tracker?" He whispered, voice hoarse from crying.

"What, child?"

"The necklace." Peter released the charm and brought his other hand down to support himself, both hands covered in loose dirt where the grass had barely begun to grow. "Is it a tracker?"

"It is many things." Loki murmured, the steady hand remaining on his back. "The colonel is quite upset...apparently your school called. Stark put him as your second emergency contact." Peter didn't speak. "I told them that I would find you and return you to the tower. I did not say when." Peter felt himself smiling, just a little. Sitting up, he turned and buried his head in Loki's shoulder, knowing very well that this wasn't Tony...that Loki might not want to hold him like Tony would.

But Loki did it anyway. The man wrapped an arm around Peter's shoulders, pulling him close. "It's her birthday," Peter whispered. "I never visited her grave...and it's her birthday."

"Would that upset her?" The genuine curiosity surprised Peter, but he didn't look up. "That fact that you were in too much pain to visit the place where her body rests...would that upset her?"

Peter blinked, then shook his head. "No...she'd understand." Loki nodded. "She believed in heaven." He went on, needing to say the words. "I think...I hope that she's in heaven." Loki put a hand on the back of Peter's neck, squeezing gently, his cold fingers grounding Peter to the moment...to the fact that he was kneeling in a graveyard, being held by Loki, who had somehow become a good friend of his, and the fact that, if he thought about it, he believed his own words. He believed that May would have understood...he believed that May forgave him and that she still loved him...that she was somehow, some way, still with him.

"Would you like to return to the tower?" Loki asked, making no move to stand. Peter realized then that man wouldn't…that Loki would wait for him to be ready. He hesitated, not liking the idea of going back if he was going to get yelled at.

"Am I in trouble?"

"I am sure that the colonel will forgive you once he sees you're safe." He smiled a bit, then hesitated.

"Is Rhodey mad?"

"I doubt the man who thinks of himself as your favorite uncle could be angry with you for long." Peter smiled a little, then pulled himself to his feet, reaching out a hand for Loki who took it, then wrapped an arm around him, the weight of it comforting. "Come along, child. It is a long walk back to the tower. And perhaps text your father. He was threatening to come home in his armor if no one could find you."

Thank you for reading!